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HOMIE    J©X3 


THE    FIEESIDE: 


AID   TO   PARENTS. 


Rev.   a.    B.    MUZZEY, 

AOTHOB  OF  "IHB  TOUNQ  MAIDEN,"  "THB  TOCNG  MAN'S  FaiBND,"  ETC. 


BOSTON: 
CROSBY,    NICHOLS,   AND    COMPANY, 

111  Washington  Steeet. 

1854. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  18&4,  by 
A.  B.  MuzzET, 

in  the  Clerk's  OflBce  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of  Maasachusetta 


CAMBRIDGE: 

STEREOTYPED    AND    PRINTED    BT 

METCALF     AND     COMPANY, 

PBINTEKS  TO  THE  UNTVERBITT. 


PREFACE. 


The  present  volume  has  been  prepared  from 
a  deep  sense  of  the  importance  of  its  subject, 
and  in  the  belief  that  no  work  of  the  kind  is 
now  before  the  public.  The  writer  has  encoun- 
tered 4ifficulties,  which  have  doubtless  kept  back 
others,  and  which,  had  they  been  all  foreseen, 
might  have  deterred  him  from  the  undertaking. 

In  the  first  place,  it  is  not  easy  to  find  the 
proper  limits  of  so  vast  a  field  as  that  of  pa- 
rental education.  We  might  well  entitle  a  com- 
plete work  on  this  subject,  "  A  World-Dis- 
course," or  "  A  Universal  Guide."  For  all 
topics  are  pertinent  to  it  which  relate  either  to 
the  powers  of  our  nature  or  to  the  history  of 
their  development.  The  whole  theory  of  men- 
tal, moral,  and  spiritual  influences  is  involved 
at  every  stage  of  the  treatise.  The  entire  cir- 
cuit of  experimental  and  practical  life  should  be 
taken  in   the  course  it  pursues.     It  should  em- 


IV  PREFACE. 

brace  comprehensive  principles,  and  these  must 
be  carried  out  and   illustrated  with  minuteness. 

The  book,  being  intended  for  all  classes  of 
parents,  the  educated  no  less  than  the  illiterate, 
ought  to  contain  broad  views,  expressed  with  a 
pure  taste  ;  but,  at  the  same  time,  all  subtilties 
must  be  avoided,  the  thoughts  must  be  obvi- 
ous, the  style  plain,  and  the  illustrations  fa- 
miliar. Much  may  be  well  left  to  be  supplied 
by  the  imaginative  reader,  and  yet  for  the  un- 
learned everything  should  be  fully  written  out. 

Amid  these  and  other  complex  difficulties,  all 
I  have  dared  to  anticipate  is  moderate  success. 
If  for  any  reason  the  attempt  shall  prove,  a  fail- 
ure, it  is  hoped  the  obstacles  which  stood  in 
the  way  of  the  writer  will  serve  to  mitigate 
any  strictures  to  which  he  might  otherwise  be 
reasonably  subject. 

The  title  of  this  volume  is  "An  Aid  to 
Parents."  In  whatever  other  respects  it  has 
failed,  I  trust  none  will  have  cause  to  say  it 
is  untrue  to  its  title.  I  have  earnestly  desired 
to  do  something  to  impress  parents  with  a  sense 
of  their  duties  to  their  children  as  Christians. 
The  claims  of  literature,  patriotism,  science,  and 
art,  and  of  the  manifold  industrial  pursuits,  on 
the  attention  of  the  young,  should  never  be  for- 
gotten by  the  parent.      But  to  have  taken  up 


these  topics  would  have  extended  this  work  to 
an  inordinate  length.  I  have,  therefore,  confined 
myself,  for  the  most  part,  to  the  single  point 
of  moral  and  religious  education.  If  anything 
has  been  done  to  enlighten  and  to  quicken  par- 
ents in  this  regard,  my  main  object  is  accom- 
plished. 

The  work  has  grown  constantly  in  my  hands, 
and  the  reader  will  notice  occasional  repetitions 
of  the  same  thought  in  various  chapters.  The 
different  connections  in  which  they  occur  will, 
it  is  hoped,  excuse  them  in  part.  Perhaps 
"  line  upon  line  "  was  indispensable  to  fix  the 
great  principles  of  the  writer  in  the  mind. 

Many  parents  will  probably  be  disheartened 
by  the  great  requisitions  which  this  volume 
makes  upon  them.  Let  such  consider,  how- 
ever, what  a  work  they  perform  if  they  are 
but  faithful  parents.  We  may  fail  in  our  as- 
pirations for  wealth,  honor,  and  power,  but  if 
we  do  our  duty  to  our  children,  all  ether  losses 
and  disappointments  are  made  up  to  us.  To 
bring  up  a  family  well  is  an  object  sufficient  to 
compensate  for  any  labor  and  anxieties,  and  to 
gratify  any  reasonable  ambition.  We  see  the 
mother  become  pale,  while  her  daughters  are 
full  of  bloom,  and  the  father  emaciated  in  pro- 
portion as  the  sons  grow  in  stature  and  vigor. 


VI  PREFACE. 

But  let  them  not  regret  the  change  ;  true,  they 
must  part  with  the  energy  of  former  days,  but 
it  is  absorbed  by  those  in  whom  and  for  whom 
they  now  live.  Let  every  parent,  ^then,  say, 
with  a  pious  content,  I  must  decrease,  but  these 
shall  increase. 

The  position  of  our  parents  in  this  age  is 
such,  all  thoughtful  observers  must  perceive,  as 
to  call  for  the  utterance  of  a  clear  and  loud 
voice  on  the  parental  duties.  Authority  has 
nearly  passed  away  from  the  fireside,  and  in- 
fluence and  moral  suasion  have  as  yet  but  im- 
perfectly supplied  its  place.  In  this  state  of 
things,  the  conscientious  parent  is  troubled,  and 
is  looking  anxiously  for  light  on  the  means 
and  methods  of  fulfilling  his  task.  If  a  single 
ray  shall  be  thrown  on  his  path  by  the  perusal 
of  this  volume,  the  prayer  of  the  writer  will 
be^Emswered,  and  his  labor  not  unrewarded. 

Cambridge,  December  1,  1849. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

HOME. ITS   ASSOCIATIONS. ITS    INFLITENCES. 

PAGB 

Memories  of  home.  —  Honored  by  Jesus.  —  A  Divine  institu- 
tion. —  Its  ties  universal ;  permanent.  —  Exert  a  moral  and 
spiritual  influence.  —  Restore  to  virtue.  —  Nurture  liberal- 
ity, spirituality.  —  Parental  influence.  —  The  mother's  pow- 
er ;  the  father's.  —  The  mother  and  daughter.  —  Brothers 
and  sisters.  —  Remark  of  Lamartine.  —  Home  promotes 
sincerity.  —  Its  enjoyments.  —  A  foretaste  of  heaven.  —  In- 
fluence of  its  events.  —  Leaving  home.  —  The  final  parting. 

—  Sacredness  of  home.  —  The  spirit  of  Christ  needed.  — 
Privileges  and  dangers  of  home.  —  Why  are  these  ties 
formed  ?  —  Reunion  above. 1 

CHAPTER   II. 

THE  PARENT. HIS  OFFICE  NOT  TRANSFEKABLE. 

Educational  means  of  the  age.  —  What  more  can  we  need  1  — 
A  prevailing  error.  —  None  can  take  the  parent's  place.  — 
Testimony  of  J.  Q.  Adams.  —  Little  now  said  to  parents. 

—  Their  work  begins  in  the  cradle. —  Physical  care.  —  Men- 
tal culture.  —  Moral  and  religious  training.  —  "  No  place 
like  home."  —  Memory  of  our  parents'  sacrifices.  —  Substi- 
tutes for  home.  —  Reform  schools.  —  The  State  can  only 
imitate  the  parent.  —  Error  of  sending  a  child  from  home. 

—  Irreverence  of  children.  —  "  Liberty  and  Equality."  — 
Home  must  sustain  the  Sunday  school.  —  The  parent  can 
trust  ao  agent  in  his  stead- 26 


Vm  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER   III. 

THE    STEP-MOTHER. 

Difficulties  of  the  step-mother.  —  The  child  needs  a  mother's 
love.  — No  natural  fountain  in  the  step-mother.  —  No  nat- 
ural love  for  this  parent.  —  Interference  of  connections.  — 
The  husband's  love  greatest.  —  Different  treatment  of  her 
own  and  her  husband's  children.  —  She  must  resolve  and 
pray  and  strive  to  be  just 41 

CHAPTER  IV. 

SCHOOL   EDUCATION. 

Decisive  influence  of  the  school-room.  —  Duties  of  the  parent. 

—  First,  to  form  a  clear  idea  of  the  object  of  the  school.  — 
Moral  above  intellectual  culture. —  Secondly,  importance  of 
your  part ;  what  you  can  do.  —  Thirdly,  home  discipline.  — 
Lady  Jane  Grey.  —  Imitate  the  mother  of  Increase  Mather. 

.  —  Fourthly,  send  your  children  regularly  to  school,  and  punc- 
tually.—  Fifthly,  converse  with  them  about  the  school. — 
Excessive  application  to  be  shunned.  —  Sixthly,  aid  them  in 
their  studies.  —  Seventhly,  attend  examinations ;  visit  school 
at  other  times.  —  Eighthly,  encourage  liberal  vacations  and 
holidays,  for  the  sake  of  health,  moral  improvement,  and  op- 
portunities to  leave  home. — Ninthly,  join  domestic  to  school 
education.  —  Tenthly,  teach  that  education  is  never  "  fin- 
ished."— Keep  up  an  interest  in  mental  improvement.        .    48 

CHAPTER   V. 

TEACHING   INSUFFICIENT. TRAINING   ESSENTIAL. 

Most  parents  have  some  system  of  education.  —  Not  a  few  in- 
struct alone.  —  Training  must  be  added.  —  We  train  for 
business,  trades,  &c.  —  Importance  of  habit.  —  The  Danes 
had  their  wealth  buried  at  their  death.  —  Self-help  essential. 

—  Good  principles  fixed  only  by  practice.  —  Truthfulness, 
how  insured.  —  Remark  of  Dr.  Johnson.  —  Habit  of  exag- 
geration.—Must  we  tell  the  truth  always?— Fear  leads 
to  untruth.  —  Anecdote  of  an  African  mother.  —  Profane 
speaking.  —  Asseverations  to  be  avoided.  —  Little  acts  es- 
tablish habits.  —  Reply  of  Plato.  —  Good  manners  at  home. 

—  Paul  a  model  of  courtesy. — Nervous  fears  contagious.  — 


CONTENTS.  IX 

Practice  of  Montaigne.  —  Importance  of  industry.  —  Re- 
mark of  Carlyle.  —  Idleness  and  vice.  —  Knowledge  and 
character,  their  difference.  —  The  conduct  and  the  heart  of 
the  parent  train  his  children.  —  Training  essential  to  obe- 
dience.       .........  64 

CHAPTER   VI. 

OBEDIENCE. 

The  foundation  of  government,  law,  and  piety.  —  Obedience 
should  be  taught  early.  —  Children  like  to  be  command- 
ed. —  The  parent  must  be  obeyed.  —  The  Scriptures  en- 
join obedience  to  parents. —  So  does  Providence.  —  God  a 
model  to  the  parent.  —  Obedience  required  by  parental  su- 
periority. —  The  basis  of  a  good  character.  —  Warning  of 
Hophni  and  Phineas.  —  Even  harsh  commands  may  do 
good.  —  Obedience  does  not  weaken  a  child's  love.  —  The 
parent  must  beware  of  anger.  —  Indulgence  destroys  love 
and  gratitude.  —  We  begin  to  govern  our  children  too  late. 

—  Children  should  not  object  and  argue  against  their  par- 
ents. —  We  give  thanks  for  the  authority  of  our  own  par- 
ents. —  When  we  should  allow  our  commands  to  be  dis- 
cussed, and  when  require  implicit  obedience.       .        .        .82 

CHAPTER  VII. 

CORPORAL    PUNISHMENT. 

How  shall  obedience  be  secured  ?  —  The  rod  sometimes  safe- 
ly laid  aside.  —  Its  use  a  violation  of  a  law  of  nature.  —  The 
errors  of  the  past  may  make  it  necessary.  —  The  animals 
governed  by  kindness.  —  Whipping  to  save  trouble  and 
time.  —  Early  care  supersedes  the  rod.  —  Forbear  threaten- 
ing. —  Never  punish  before  others.  —  Take  right  methods. 

—  Watch  opportunities.  —  Keep  away  temptations.  —  Al- 
low for  childhood.  —  Good  dispositions,  but  little  self-re- 
straint.—  Disobedience  growing  in  this  country.  —  The  par- 
ent to  be  reinstated  in  authority.  —  Voices  from  homes  of 
woe,  and  from  prison-walls.       ri<    i    '        •        •        •        .96 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

SELF-GOVERNMENT. 

The  prophet  Samuel ;  the  influence  of  his  mother.  —  Her  gov- 


CONTENTS. 

eminent  led  him  to  se//^govemment.  —  "  Each  man  a  dra- 
ma."—  Activity  of  childhood.  —  Turn  it  inward.  —  Remark 
of  Novalis  on  the  will.  —  Seek  power  over  the  child's  will. 
—  Train  to  self-restraint,  and  to  a  control  of  desires.  — Il- 
lustration of  Dr.  Bushnell.  —  Desires  the  spring  of  happi- 
ness and  of  a  balanced  character.  —  Washington  a  model  of 
self-controL .108 


CHAPTER  IX. 

MORAI.   COURAGE.  SELF-SACEIFICE. 

Moral  courage  the  need  of  this  age.  —  "  Do  right  because  it 
is  right."  —  Some  children  taught  retaliation.  —  Franklin 
when  a  boy.  —  Self-possession  in  danger.  —  Lesson  of  the 
ancient  Mexicans.  —  Inspire  to  self-help.  —  The  sailor-boy 
to  be  imitated.  —  Duty  not  always  pleasure.  —  Hard  to 
make  children  do  for  tliemselves.  —  Self-sacrifice,  inculcat- 
ed by  Herbert.  —  The  little  girl  with  her  sick  mother.  — 
Two  courses  before  the  parent :  First,  to  deny  himself  and 
deny  his  children ;  Secondly,  to  leave  them  imrestrained, 
and  their  characters  unformed.  —  Leave  them  not  to  make 
up  for  your  neglect 117 

CHAPTER  X. 

MOTIVES    TO    BE   ADDRESSED. 

Subtlety  of  human  motives.  —  "  The  child  is  father  of  the 
man. '  —  Beware  of  "  the  little  foxes."  —  Scale  of  motives. 

—  Appetite  and  sense  the  lowest.  —  Hope ;  elevate  and  en- 
courage it.  —  Fear  ;  shun  its  excess.  —  Lord  Bvron.  — 
Shame;  servitude  of  fashion.  —  The  traveller  in  New  Mex- 
ico. —  The  love  of  gain.  —  Children  should  lay  up  to  give 
away.  —  Hiring  children  to  do  right.  —  The  love  of  appro- 
bation. —  Praise  more  than  you  blame.  —  Reward  not 
merely  according  to  your  own  mood.  —  The  father  and  the 
load  of  wood.  —  "  What  did  my  child  mean  by  this  act  ?  "     126 

CHAPTER  XI. 

MOTIVES  TO  BE  ADDRESSED. CONTINUED. 

Family  opinion.  —  Love  to  the  parent.  —  Disinterestedness. 

—  I<ove  to  animals.  —  Example  of  a  divine.  —  Desire  of 
superiority.  —  Love  of  improvement.  —  Conscientiousness. 


CONTENTS.  XI 

—  Confession  of  faults.  —  Enlighten  conscience.  —  "I  know 
I  am  right."  —  The  fox  among  the  grapes.  —  Different  dis- 
positions, how  to  be  treated.  —  Learn  to  touch  every  note. 

—  Complexity  of  motives.  —  The  approbation  of  God  the 
highest  motive 139 

CHAPTER  XII. 

SYMPATHY   WITH   CHILDHOOD. 

Jesus  a  friend  to  children.  —  "We  forbid  their  approach.  —  To 
teach  a  child,  gain  the  spirit  of  a  child.  —  Adaptation  and  sym- 
pathy of  Paul.  —  Stoop  to  the  child.  —  Error  of  the  Pil- 
grims.—  A  gathering  of  children  in  London;  another  in 
Boston.  —  "  Discern,  follow,  lead."  —  Those  we  love,  we 
imitate.  —  Vice  contagious.  —  Coldness  between  father  and 
son.  —  Love  must  sweeten  instruction. —  The  trials  of  child- 
hood. —  Place  confidence  in  your  children.  —  Allow  for 
faults.  —  Be  a  child,  and  you  are  happy.  —  Keep  yourself 
young. .151 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

RECREATIONS,    BOOKS,    COMPANIONS,    OCCUPATION. 

A  child's  sports  not  trifles.  —  Children  must  have  amusements. 

—  Join  in  their  sports,  and  they  will  love  and  obey  you.  — 
The  muster  on  the  Daguerreotype-plate.  —  Memories  of  a 
pleasant  home.  —  Direct  your  child's  reading  by  sympathy. 

—  Children  forced  to  read  the  Bible.  —  Dr.  Johnson's  ex- 
perience of  Sunday.  —  Value  of  a  taste  for  good  books.  — 
Seldom  acquired  late  in  life.  —  Encourage  your  child  to 
read  to  you  the  books  he  likes.  —  Influence  the  companion- 
ships of  the  young.  —  Excite  and  restrain  their  choice  of 
friends  wisely.  —  Choice  of  occupation,  when  to  be  dictated 
by  the  parent  —  Two  points  :  First,  no  employment  to  be 
chosen  which  has  in-esistible  temptations  ;  Secondly,  every 
one  must  have  some  occupation 162 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

RELIGIOUS   EDUCATION.. 

Religion  the  sun  of  moral  education.  —  The  child  led  natural- 
ly to  God.  —  Receives  Him  as  a  Witness ;  as  a  moral  Judge ; 
as  a  Father.  —  Cherish  in  him  a  love  of  Nature. — Remark  of 


XU  CONTENTS. 

Paley.  —  Happiness  of  a  love  of  Nature ;  a  moral  safe- 
guard. —  Fonns  and  institutions  of  religidn.  —  Should  lit- 
tle children  be  taken  to  church  ?  —  The  Sunday  school  de- 
pends on  the  parent.  —  Testimony  of  Dr.  Bigelow.  —  What 
fathers  and  mothers  can  do  for  the  Sunday  school.  —  Why 
does  this  institution  sometimes  fail  ?  —  How  shall  a  child 
spend  the  Sabbath  ?  —  Reminiscence  of  repeating  hymns 
in  concert.  —  Value  of  good  hymns.  —  Blend  the  idea  of 
God  with  every  event. 1 73 

CHAPTER   XV. 

RELIGIOUS   EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

Death,  wrong  views  of  it.  —  The  true  view  of  it.  —  Two  caus- 
es of  the  terrors  of  death :  First,  a  sense  of  unfitness  for 
the  future  world;  Secondly,  injudicious  education.  —  Ex- 
amples given  by  Miss  Hamilton,  one  of  gloomy,  another 
of  cheerful,  views  of  death.  —  Explain  what  children  see  at 
fanerals.  —  Cemeteries  adorned  now.  —  Be  minute  in  relig- 
ious instruction.  —  How  children  should  be  taught  to  pray. 

—  Make  the  Bible  your  model.  —  Anecdote  of  the  French 
Quaker.  —  Awaken  a  love  of  the  Bible.  —  Doctrinal  in- 
struction. —  Inculcate  charity  and  philanthropy.  —  Piety 
the  central  figure  in  life's  picture.  —  Be  pious  yourself; 
then  life  or  death  will  be  well  for  you  and  your  children.     .  186 

CHAPTER    XVI. 

DOMESTIC    WORSHIP. 

The  antiquity  of  family  prayer.  —  Its  advantages.  —  Morn- 
ing and  evening  call  for  it  —  Equal  wants  of  the  family.  — 
Promotes  a  Christian  spirit.  —  Diminishes  envy,  and  self- 
ishness in  general.  —  Interrupts  our  earthliness.  —  Sets  up  a 
pure  standard  in  the  family.  —  Impresses  the  young  favor- 
ably. —  Consistent  with  other  parental  ofiices.  —  Prepares 
for  the  day  of  trouble  and  bereavement.  —  Makes  religion 
seem  a  reality.  —  Teaches  us  that  we  are  only  pilgrims  here. 

—  A  prayerless  family  an  aflFecting  spectacle.      .        .        .  199 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

OBJECTIONS    TO    FAMILY   PRAYER. 
"  It  is  properly  only  for  professors  of  religion."  —  "  My  life 


CaNTENTS.  XIU 

would  not  correspond  to  this  act."  —  Mixed  character  of  the 
family.  —  Different  sects  in  it.  —  "I  cannot  find  time  for 
it."  —  Inability  to  perform  the  service. —  Fear  of  criticism. 

—  Natural  diffidence.  —  A  form  recommended.  —  Shall  the 
torch  of  fireside  devotion  expire  in  our  hands  1  —  Christian- 
ity a  social  religion.  —  The  father  under  the  highest  obliga- 
tions to  the  family.  —  Fix  the  time  when  you  will  set  up  an 
altar  to  God 213 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

THE    BIBLE. SINGING. 

"  The  neglected  Bible."  —  Restore  the  reading  of  this  book. 

—  Read  it  in  turn  at  family  worship.  —  Let  children  select 
passages.  —  Bitter  recollections  of  reading  the  Bible  in 
course.  —  Methods  to  make  it  interesting.  —  Baptism  and 
the  Lord's  Supper.  —  Singing  as  a  part  of  domestic  wor- 
ship. —  Music  as  a  means  of  happiness  ;  an  aid  in  mental 
culture.  —  Bad  taste  of  "  Negro  ^Melodies."  —  Preoccupy 
the  mind  with  good  songs.  —  Vocal  music  aids  parental 
discipline.  —  Family  music  binds  to  the  fireside.  —  Is  a 
means  of  making  others  happy.  —  Prepares  for  singing  in 
the  Sunday  school,  and  at  church.  —  Congregational  sing- 
ing. —  Singing  a  healthful  exercise 224 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

REASONABLE   EXPECTATIONS. 

Expect  little  and  yon  will  gain  much.  —  Too  great  expecta- 
tions, their  evils.  —  The  boy  not  a  man.  —  Restlessness  a 
good  thing  in  children.  —  Give  it  scope  by  occupation.  — 
Do  not  expect  gravity  in  childhood.  —  Love  of  authority 
not  an  evil.  —  Good  manners  in  private  insure  propriety  in 
company.  —  How  to  make  children  grateful,  —  Speak  of 
your  own  services.  —  Teach  the  young  to  express  thanks. 

—  Gratitude  to  man  awakens  piety  to  God.  —  The  child 
must  learn  by  experience.  —  How  to  foster  a  benevolent  dis- 
position. —  Warn  against  ridicule  and  mimicry.  —  Avoid 
scolding.  —  Destroy  the  appetite  for  contention,  &c.  —  A 
Tiint  from  military  tactics.  —  Patience  and  deliberation  es- 
sential.   236 


Xir  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION. 

"  Education  a  trite  subject."  —  Do  we  know  everything  per- 
taining to  it  ?  —  Two  classes  of  means,  direct  and  indirect. 

—  We  understand  the  former,  but  not  the  latter.  —  Indirect 
means  the  most  powerful. —  Incidental  education;  illustrat- 
ed in  Nicoll,  Chatterton,  and  Linnaeus.  —  One  event  may 
decide  our  whole  fortune.  —  Too  little  thought  of  inciden- 
tal culture.  —  Its  great  fountain  is  liame.  —  Effect  of  com- 
mon conversation.  —  What  subjects  predominate  ?  —  Con- 
verse like  Jesus.  —  Power  of  example,  seen  in  a  tribe  of  In- 
dians. —  An  agent  mightier  than  teachers  and  books.  — 
No  Jesuitry  can  deceive  a  child.  —  Be  what  you  would  ap- 
pear. —  Direct  education  important  in  its  place.  —  Actions 
more  potent  than  words 250 

CHAPTER  XXI. 

INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

Amazing  progress  in  the  first  six  years.  —  The  true  mode  of 
moral  education.  —  Evil  of  parental  partialities ;  seen  in 
Isaac  and  Jacob.  —  Importance  of  agreement  in  education 
between  parents.  —  Indirect  influence  of  applying  coarse 
epithets  to  parents  or  to  children.  —  Observation.  —  "  Eyes 
and  no  Eves,  or  the  Art  of  Seeing." — Advice  of  Mon- 
taigne—  beware  of  personal  peculiarities.  —  The  child's 
mind  a  stereotj7)e-plate. —  Watchfulness  good  for  the  par- 
ent. —  Law  of  the  Puritans.  —  Parental  retribution.    .        .  264 

CHAPTER   XXII. 

INDIRECT    INFLUENCE    OF    THE    MOTHER. 

Testimony  of  Ami6  Martin.  —  Two  points  require  the  moth- 
er's special  attention. — First,  health  ;  the  elder  daughters. 

—  Dangers  of  this  age.  —  Secondly,  the  culture  of  common 
sense.  —  Daughters  need  strong  minds.  —  Cultivate  a  taste 
for  the  fine  arts.  —  Power  of  the  voice  over  children  —  Ex- 
ample of  a  patient  mother.  —  Love  for  the  sick  and  the  de- 
formed  • 276 


CONTENTS.  XV 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 

PARENTAL   ANXIETIES. 

Anxieties  relative  to  the  body,  the  mind,  and  the  character.  — 
God  a  sovereign  with  our  children.  —  Family  ambition.  — 
What  the  parent  can  decide.  —  Principles  and  habits  con- 
trollable. —  Companionships.  —  Cowper's  view.  —  "  Guard- 
ed exposure  "  recommended.  —  Religious  instruction.  — 
Increase  of  juvenile  crime.  —  How  save  our  children  from 
the  prison.  —  Migratory  spirit  of  the  young.  —  An  evil  of 
college  life. —  Home  influence  needed  at  all  ages.  —  "  Hope 
on,  hope  ever."  —  Comfort  amid  fears.  —  Absorption  in  our 
children.  —  The  dying  mother's  prayer.  —  Be  anxious  to  do 
your  own  duty.  —  "  Guard  thy  heart's  album."     .        .        .  289 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

EDUCATE   JOINTLY   FOR   BOTH   WORLDS. 

We  separate  the  two  worlds.  —  The  New  Testament  unites 
them.  —  Care  of  the  body.  —  A  great  principle  stated.  — 
Physical  regimen ;  exercise,  bathing,  pure  air,  &c.  —  Train 
the  young  to  be  children  first.  —  The  minister  who  died 
young.  —  How  to  join  earth  and  heaven.  —  Make  the  dead 
your  child's  teachers.  —  What  truth  to  be  the  corner-stone. 
—  The  world  within.  —  Reliance  on  family  wealth  and  dis- 
tinction. —  The  boy  needs  a  root  in  himself —  How  can  we 
find  time  to  do  so  much  ?  —  Shoals  and  rocks.  —  No  conflict 
of  duties.  —  Our  ambitious  aspirations ;  what  though  we 
fail  in  them  ?  ^  The  gold  sacrificed  for  the  dross.  —  Time 
saved  by  beginning  right;  labor  saved.  —  The  trouble  of 
an  obedient  and  a  disobedient  child.  —  How  to  escape  anx- 
ieties. —  Progress  the  great  thing.  —  The  final  parting.       .  305 


THE   EIEESIDE. 


CHAPTER  I. 

HOME. ITS   ASSOCIATIONS.  ITS    INFLUENCES. 

'  Home,  —  what  associations  cluster  around  that 
brief  word  !  Whether  we  contemplate  the  origin, 
the  peculiar  nature,  or  the  duration  of  its  bonds,  how 
dehghtful  is  the  theme  !  It  was  there  our  unsoiled 
spirits  first  waked  to  a  vital  consciousness.  It  was 
there  a  mother's  love  once  watched  our  slightest 
movement  and  our  every  wish,  and  a  father's  care 
and  counsels  were  early  and  ever  around  us.  There, 
too,  it  was,  that  from  cradled  helplessness  we  ad- 
vanced through  childhood's  happy  hours  and  youth's 
unclouded  hopes.  And  when  the  sad  day  came  to  try 
our  hearts  with  unknown  scenes  and  anxious  toils,  it 
was  home,  its  honored  forms,  its  fraternal  ties,  its 
dear  remembrances,  from  which,  "  with  lingering 
steps  and  slow,  we  took  our  way." 

But  more  than  this,  it  is  there  Christianity  erects 
her  throne.     The  Saviour  of  the  world,  as  he  hung 
upon  the   cross,  amid   bodily  agonies   and   mental 
1 


3  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

pangs,  with  a  sublime  forgetfulness  of  himself,  thought 
of  his  mother's  wants,  and  in  words  brief — for  his 
sufferings  permitted  him  no  lengthened  speech  — 
he  committed  that  mother  to  the  care  of  his  beloved 
disciple.  Henceforth  the  tender  tie  to  her,  severed 
by  his  ovm  departure,  is  to  be  renewed  between 
these  two  individuals.  In  the  act  itself,  and  in  the 
selection  for  this  office  of  the  affectionate  John,  Je- 
sus exhibited,  what  he  has  been  singularly  charged 
with  lacking,  the  strongest  regard  for  the  domestic 
relations.  He  taught  the  great  lesson,  that  they  who 
would  be  his  true  disciples  must  "  be  careful  to  show 
piety  at  home."  His  whole  life,  indeed,  by  its  ten- 
der and  holy  affections,  its  meek  and  quiet  virtues, 
the  love  he  bore  to  Martha,  Mary,  and  Lazarus,  the 
raising  of  the  widow's  son,  and  by  how  many  other 
similar  incidents,  manifests  a  constant  respect  for  the 
fireside  virtues.  It  has  been  remarked,  that  "  Jesus 
began  every  great  section  of  his  life  with  some  do- 
mestic scene."  His  advent  occurred  amid  the  genial 
influences  of  home.  The  gentle  Joseph  and  Mary, 
a  father  and  a  mother,  brethren  and  sisters,  all  were 
there.  His  first  miracle  was  blessed  by  his  mother's 
presence  ;  and  Bethany,  and  Nain,  and  how  many 
other  hallowed  spots,  bore  witness  to  the  home- 
born,  humanizing  nature  of  his  religion. 

For  many  reasons,  it  will  be  found  we  can  hardly 
attach  too  great  importance  to  .our  home. 

Consider,  first,  that  it  is  a  Divine  institution  ;  its 


HOME.  d 

relations  were  established  by  God  himself.  It  was 
he  who  pronounced  it  not  good  for  man  to  be  alone, 
and  gave  him  a  companion,  and  ordained  through 
these  two  all  the  families  of  the  earth.  The  world 
is  filled  with  other  institutions,  embracing  the  inter- 
ests of  religion,  of  government,  of  society,  and  of 
country.  But  these  are  nearly  all  human  institu- 
tions ;  few,  if  any  of  them,  can  be  said  to  have  been 
positively  and  directly  established  from  above.  They 
differ  in  this  respect  entirely  from  our  domestic  rela- 
tions, and  they  are  so  far  of  secondary  importance. 

Then,  too,  the  ties  of  home  are  universal.  God 
evidently  intended  that  they  should  be  respected  by, 
and  formed  between,  all  his  children.  INIany  of  them 
are  altogether  involuntary,  and  the  others,  wherever 
the  race  have  been  civilized,  are  voluntarily  estab- 
lished. Think  of  the  millions  of  homes  embraced 
in  this  single  country.  What  a  multitude  of  protect- 
ing roofs  invite  the  weary,  as  each  nightfall  returns, 
to  gather  beneath  them  for  repose  !  How  many 
doors  are  opened  with  the  breath  of  every  morning, 
to  send  forth  a  tide  of  living  souls,  that  swells  and 
sweeps  onward,  each  passing  year,  with  a  rapidity 
we  can  scarcely  measure  !  What  influences  are 
here  !  What  a  sway,  for  the  weal  or  \^i•oe  of  indi- 
viduals and  of  the  nation,  must  these  domestic  ties 
every  day  and  every  hour  exert  ! 

Yet  more,  the  relations  of  home  are  permanent. 
All  others  on  earth  do,  or  may,  change  ;  we  can  form 


THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 


and  we  can  dissolve  the  partnerships  of  gain,  of  hon- 
or, of  pleasure,  and  to  some  extent  we  can  modify 
our  friendships.  But  the  bonds  of  the  fireside  are, 
for  the  most  part,  indissoluble.  So  long  as  we  live, 
so  long  do  we  continue  husbands  and  wives,  fathers 
and  mothers,  sons  and  daughters,  brethren  and  sis- 
ters. Days  may  come  of  temporary  alienation  and 
coldness.  Some,  indeed,  may  never  join  us  in  the 
happy  family  meeting  ;  but  the  bond  still  holds  be- 
tween these  and  ourselves,  as  between  us  who  do 
meet.  Be  our  lot  one  of  affluence  or  of  need,  rise 
we  to  distinction  or  sink  we  to  obscurity,  nay,  what 
is  far  more  affecting,  possess  we  such  virtues  and 
graces  as  to  command  the  respect  and  win  the  love 
of  all  around  us,  and  excite  a  just  pride  in  our  char- 
acters, or  yield  we  to  temptation,  and  bring  we  on 
ourselves  a  name  that  shall  pierce  like  an  arrow  our 
tenderest  relative,  the  bond  still  holds  between  us. 
Together  we  are  to  divide  Heaven's  bright  gifts,  and 
to  taste  each  bitter  cup  our  Father  may  send  us  ;  and 
together,  with  inextinguishable  sympathies,  "  if  one 
member  suffer,  shall  all  the  members  suffer  with  it, 
and  if  one  member  be  honored,  all  the  members  re- 
joice with  it."  Though  lands  separate,  or  oceans  roll 
between  us,  and  we  never  more  look  on  the  face  of 
each  other,  the  same  bond  still  unites  us.  How  mo- 
jpentoys  is  the  unchangeableness  of  these  ties  !  What 
an  interest  and  what  importance  does  it  give  to  them  ! 
Nor  is  it  the  permanence  alone  of  our  domestic 


HOME.  O 

relations  which  clothes  them  with  consequence. 
They  exert,  in  their  legitimate  tendency,  a  deep 
moral  and  spiritual  influence.  A  Christian  home 
tends  to  preserve  and  to  increase  the  purity  of  all  its 
inmates  ;  they  act  and  react  upon  each  other  for 
good.  Those  who  constitute  the  united  head  of  a 
family  are  intrusted  not  only  with  the  happiness,  but 
the  character,  of  each  other.  They  cannot  be  faith- 
ful to  their  position,  without  becoming  mutual  helpers 
in  the  great  work  of  personal  virtue.  Let  either 
have  a  high  moral  standard,  and  rise  steadily  toward 
it,  the  other  also  will  advance  in  the  same  direction. 
Who  has  not  seen  the  power,  the  almost  divine  pow- 
er, of  goodness  illustrated  in  some  family  where  the 
"  believing  wife  sanctified  the  unbelieving  husband  "  ? 
Here  are  two  individuals,  who  stand  pledged,  through 
all  the  changing  periods  and  circumstances  of  life,  to 
love,  honor,  and  aid  one  another.  What  tenderness 
and  confidence,  what  watchfulness  and  self-sacrifice, 
are  involved  in  that  pledge  !  Can  there  be  a  more 
perfect  seminary  than  this  for  moral  and  spiritual  cul- 
ture .''  If  the  vow  be  paid,  if  these  two  hearts  do 
thus  beat  in  unison,  then  will  they  surely  attain  the 
fulness  of  the  Gospel  stature.  Here,  within  this 
consecrated  bond,  will  Christian  charity,  a  spirit 
of  unaffected  kindness,  that  precious  disposition 
which  knows  not  envy,  reeentment,  pride,  nor  any 
malign  quality  whatever,  be  gained  and  matured. 
In  this,  the  only  connection  of  its  kind  upon  earth. 


6  THE    CHEISTU.:^    PARENT. 

does  man  most  directly  learn  that  only  true  greatness, 
to  live  out  of  himself,  to  forget  in  a  measure  his  own 
contracted  indulgences  in  rejoicing  with  another,  — to 
control  each  selfish  grief,  and  to  enlarge  each  disin- 
terested feeling.  And  here,  as  with  the  revolving 
years  come  the  changes  of  life,  —  as  trouble,  sickness, 
bereavement,  and  sorrows,  wave  after  wave,  break 
on  these  hearts,  — there  is  awakened  a  growing  spirit 
of  submission  to  Providence,  and  of  prayer,  and  of  a 
holy,  ever-deepening  trust. 

There  are  no  agencies  on  earth  so  powerful  for 
the  preservation  and  growth  of  our  moral  energies  as 
those  of  home.  And  when  we  have  gone  astray  in 
the  world,  we  cannot  return  to  our  fireside  without 
hearing  voices  that  call  us  to  repent.  Where  is  it 
that  the  wanderer  usually  feels  first  a  disposition  to 
break  off  his  vices  .''  Can  the  erring  father  reflect 
on  his  example,  and  look  on  his  sons,  and  still  con- 
tinue in  iniquity  ?  There  is  an  eloquence  in  the 
tones  of  a  gentle  wife  which  must  penetrate  the  heart 
of  her  fallen  husband.  There  is  a  power  in  the  very 
countenance  of  a  good  mother  which  must  melt  that 
son  who  comes  home  reeling  from  the  haunts  of  dis- 
sipation, from  the  abode  of  licentiousness,  or  from 
the  gaming-table  and  the  cup. 

The  fireside  is  the  natural  nursery  of  liberal  souls, 
and  of  an  enlarged,  actife  excellence.  They  who 
cherish  that  spirit  of  disinterestedness  to  which  its 
relations  constantly  incite  them  will  find  their  moral 


HOME. 


sympathies  extending  more  and  more,  and  their  dis- 
position to  social  usefulness  daily  strengthened. 
Where  are  we  to  look  for  the  genuine  patriot,  or  the 
sincere  philanthropist,  except  aAiong  those  true  to 
the  calls  and  claims  of  home  ?  He  that  is  faithful 
in  that  which  is  least  is  most  likely  to  be  faithful  in 
the  greatest  of  his  duties.  Name  to  me  a  family 
among  whose  members  the  law  of  kindness  prevails, 
where  husband  and  wife  have  no  strifes  but  in  gener- 
osities to  each  other,  and  where  the  brothers  and 
sisters  are  emulous  to  render  services  to  one  another, 
and  the  children  leap  to  wait  round  the  father  and 
mother,  and  I  will  go  there  with  confidence  for  Sun- 
day-school teachers,  for  almoners  to  the  poor,  and 
for  young  missionaries  of  the  cross. 

Yes,  there  is  a  direct  spiritual  influence  going  forth 
from  a  pure  fireside.  There  may  be  exceptions,  yet 
scarcely  can  one  be  entirely  faithful  at  home  and  yet 
uninterested  in  the  great  theme  of  religion.  Point 
me  to  a  true  mother  ;  that  mother  is  constrained  to 
teach  her  child  that  he  has  a  Father  in  heaven.  Did 
she  refuse  this  office,  we  should  look  that  the  very 
beams  from  the  walls  would  cry  out  on  her  sin.  The 
first  prayer  we  learned  was  caught  from  our  mother's 
lips.  Blessings  on  her  memory  !  for,  if  we  love  God 
now,  it  was  perhaps  that  very  prayer  which  first 
raised  our  hearts  toward  him.  And  if  there  be  one 
of  our  childhood's  circle  now  immersed  in  guilt,  the 
dew  of  heaven  in  those  infant  prayers  may  yet  fall  on 


8  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

his  sin-scorched  spirit  and  save  him.  How  often 
would  the  penitent  one  fain  seek  out  a  dear  mother's 
dust,  and  pour  out  his  swelling  sorrows  in  the  fervent 
strain,  — 

"  O,  come,  whilst  here  I  press 
My  brow  upon  thy  grave,  —  and  in  those  mild 
And  thrilling  tones  of  tenderness, 
Bless,  bless  thy  child  ! 

"  Yes,  bless  thy  weeping  child. 
And  o'er  thy  urn,  —  Religion's  holiest  shrine, — 
O,  give  its  spirit  undefiled 
To  blend  with  thine  !  " 

Home  derives  its  chief  importance  from  the  deci- 
sive influence  exerted  on  the  child  by  the  parent. 
Both  father  and  mother  leave  their  impress  more 
or  less  distinct  on  the  character  of  their  offspring. 
But  of  these,  that  of  the  latter  is  always  deepest  and 
most  permanent.  It  has  been  observed  of  our  Sav- 
iour, that  "  we  hear  nothing  of  his  reputed  father  after 
his  childhood,  while  his  mother  is  prominently  put 
forward."  This  is  a  significant  fact  ;  it  is  true  to 
human  nature  in  all  ages  ;  for,  however  dear  may  be 
the  father,  or  however  important  his  services,  the 
love  of  the  mother  is  usually  the  stronger,  and  her 
assiduities  the  more  unwearied.  "  Her  influence," 
it  has  been  beautifully  said,  "  like  some  concentrated 
perfume,  penetrates  with  potent  but  invisible  agency 
every  nook  of  home,  pervading  where  the  coarser 
authority  of  the  father  could  never  reach  ;  it  begins 


HOME.  y 

with  the  first  breath  we  draw,  with  the  first  light  we 
see.  On  her  were  fixed  our  first  affections,  from  her 
we  received  the  first  food,  on  her  lap  spoke  the  first 
word,  and  thought  the  first  thought.  Under  her 
rule  it  was  that  we  enjoyed  what  now  appears  to  have 
been  the  only  period  of  unalloyed  happiness,  and 
from  underneath  her  warm  and  sheltering  wing  were 
taken  to  the  first  taste  of  anxiety  and  toil,  and  trans- 
ferred to  the  comparatively  stern  control  of  the  fa- 
ther. The  father  may  instruct,  but  the  mother  instils  ; 
the  fathO"  may  command  our  reason,  but  the  mother 
compels  Our  instinct  ;  the  father  may  finish,  but  the 
mother  ncust  begin.  The  empire  of  the  father  is  over 
the  head  i  of  the  mother,  over  the  heart.  Supposing 
the  degree  of  piety  the  same,  the  woman  always  ex- 
hibits it  b  a  more  engaging  view  than  the  man.  It 
seems  in  hpr  more  innate  and  less  earthly  ;  some  of  the 
sweetest  Gospel  graces  are  hers  almost  by  inheritance. 
AngeHc  neekness,  faithful  affection,  enduring  pa- 
tience, unct)mplaining  resignation,  having  free  play  by 
her  retirement  from  the  passion-stirring  and  tumult- 
uous scenes  of  life,  grow  up  in  her  to  most  enviable 
ripeness." 

Who,  th«n,  can  over-estimate  a  mother's  influ- 
ence ?  Foi  what  high  offices  is  she  qualified  by  her 
constitution,  her  temperament,  her  condition,  her 
character  !  A.nd  what  destinies  are  committed  to  her 
care  !  She  irst  forms  her  child's  conscience  ;  nay, 
with  such  a  rtlying  spirit  are  the  questions  even  in 


10  THE    CHEISTIAI^    PARENT. 

prattling  infancy  put  to  her,  —  "  Mother,  is  this 
right  ?  is  this  wrong  ?  "  —  that  it  is  hardly  too  much 
to  say  of  this  parent,  "  She  is  the  child's  con- 
science." Of  how  many  pure  affections  and  enno- 
bling virtues  is  she  at  once  the  direct  teacher  and  the 
daily  model  !  If  true  to  her  station,  she  is  a  living 
transcript  of  the  wise  man's  image  of  "  a  v^irtuous 
woman,"  —  a  combination  of  industry  and  discretion, 
and  of  kindness  and  piety,  which  the  influence  of  the 
Gospel  alone  can  produce.  There  is  a  trust  in  her 
hands,  than  which  earth  does  not  present  one  more 
sacred  or  responsible.  She  is  the  instructress  of  in- 
fant immortals  ;  to  her  is  confided  the  ca'e  of  that 
portion  of  man's  nature  before  which  the  lody  sinks 
to  insignificance,  and  to  which,  as  a  head-spring  of 
life,  not  even  the  intellect,  with  its  angel  capacities 
and  its  highest  soarings,  can  be  justly  compared.  It 
is  her  part  to  train  the  affections  in  their  eirhest  bud- 
dings and  at  their  most  decisive  period.  How  many 
of  the  wise  and  good  owe  the  germs  of  all  that  they  are 
to  a  mother's  fostering  spirit!  How  much  of  deep 
sensibility,  of  gentle  virtue,  of  martyr-like  adherence 
to  truth  and  right,  might  be  traced  to  mxtemal  fidel- 
ity !  I  sometimes,  indeed,  doubt  whether  one,  blessed 
by  a  good  mother  in  his  early  days,  will  prove  ultimate- 
ly and  hopelessly  recreant.  Happy  is  she  who  walks 
before  her  sons  and  daughters  in  true  uprightness. 
Thrice  blessed  is  that  parent  whose  love  is  guided 
by  wisdom,  whose  authority  is  blended  with  forbear- 


HOME.  11 

ance,  whose  even  discipline  shows  that  passion  does 
not  irritate  or  harden,  nor  indulgence  spoil,  the  ob- 
jects in  her  charge  ;  but  that,  in  oneness  of  mind 
with  her  favored  companioiVr-she  directs  these  tender 
hearts  through  filial  obedience  on  earth  up  to  the  love 
of  their  Supreme  Parent  in  heaven. 

This  effect  will  be  at  once  anticipated  where 
the  father  is  an  image  of  our  Divine  Parent.  His 
character  then  helps  the  child  to  understand  that  of 
God.  He  is  the  principal  in  the  great  school  of  do- 
mestic piety.  Just  in  all  his  commands,  kind  in  his 
every  act,  never  sparing  himself  where  the  happi- 
ness, and  especially  where  the  virtue,  of  his  child  is 
concerned,  —  commending  cordially  all  that  deserves 
approbation,  and  reproving  always  in  evident  sorrow 
and  not  with  anger,  —  how  easy  is  it  to  win  a  child 
blessed  with  such  an  earthly  father  to  love  his  Father 
in  heaven  !  .  Our  Saviour  directs  us  to  address  God 
by  this  title,  and  it  is  from  this  relation  we  derive  our 
clearest  and  most  delightful  views  of  the  Divine  char- 
acter. The  head  of  a  pious  and  well-ordered  family 
affords  a  beautiful  counterpart  of  the  God  of  all  fam- 
ilies ;  he  is  in  the  likeness  of  our  Divine  Guardian, 
the  object  of  an  affection  which  is  chastened  by  a 
becoming  reverence.  The  exercise  of  these  senti- 
ments toward  him  is  a  discipline  for  that  mingled  love 
and  adoration  due  to  the  great  Protector  of  man. 
That  son  who  bestows  on  this  earthly  benefactor  his 
rightful  tribute  of  respect,  obedience,  and  trust,  is  made 


12  THE    CHRISTIAN   PAEENT. 

meet  thereby  for  that  holier  fear,  that  full  and  sacred 
homage,  and  all  those  childlike  returns,  we  owe  to  the 
Sustainer  of  our  lives.  And  that  father  who,  by  his 
faithful  instructions  and  kind,  though  firm,  training, 
copies  his  own  great  Master  above,  shows  forth  in 
celestial  colors  the  beauty  and  power  of  the  Christian 
faith.  His  children  are  indeed  "  arrows  in  the 
hand  of  the  mighty  "  ;  they  are  "  olive-plants  round 
about  his  table."  And  on  him  shall,  the  blessing  at 
last  be  pronounced,  —  "  Well  done,  good  and  faith- 
ful servant ;  thou  hast  been  faithful  over  a  few  things, 
be  thou  ruler  over  many  things." 

As  we  said  of  the  mother,  so  must  we  now  say  of 
the  father  ;  it  is  fearful  to  contemplate  his  influence. 
His  words  and  his  ways  do  something  every  passing 
day,  either  to  bless  or  to  blight  the  tender  germs  on 
which  they  fall.  To  be  a  good  father,  —  how  much 
is  implied  in  it !  To  educate  a  son  wisely  and  well,  to 
encourage  and  call  forth  all  that  is  purest  in  him,  and 
to  check  in  the  very  bud  whatever  seems  wrong  in 
his  tendencies,^  to  establish  his  principles,  to  watch 
against  and  prevent  corrupt  communications,  to  in- 
spire love,  and  at  the  same  time  to  secure  obedience 
and  command  respect,  —  how  arduous  is  the  task  ! 
and  yet,  to  fail  in  it,  what  bitterness  is  there  in  the 
thought ! 

It  is  not  easy  to  exaggerate  the  influence  of  a  true 
mother  over  a  devoted  daughter.  As  the  little  one 
advances  from  the  helplessness  of  the  cradle,  through 


HOME.  13 

her  dependent  girlhood,  the  affection  of  this  trusted 
one  toward  her  assumes  a  new,  and,  if  possible,  a 
more  beautiful  form,  until  at  length  the  mother 
sees  before  herself  the  ripened  fruit  of  her  toils,  the 
companion  her  own  hand  has  raised  up.  Grateful  to 
her  inmost  heart  must  be  this  treasure,  and  delightful 
to  every  eye  is  the  spectacle  of  a  true  mother  and  a 
devoted  daughter.  On  the  one  side  we  see  wisdom 
and  a  self-denying  love  ;  on  the  other,  unlimited  con- 
fidence leaning  upon  parental  counsel,  as  the  vine 
winds  its  tendrils  about  its  ever-trusted  support. 

Consider,  now,  the  tie  between  brothers  and  sis- 
ters. Dependent  alike  on  parental  care,  their  rela- 
tion 1  is  suited  to  call  forth  the  deep  and  unselfish 
affections  of  our  nature.  If  they  owe  their  virtue  in 
common  to  a  father's  admonitions  and  encourage- 
ments and  to  a  mother's  gentler  assistances,  there  is 
much  of  this  good  which  they  can  bestow  on  each 
other.  The  elder  can  aid  in  how  many  ways  the 
younger,  the  more  prudent  the  thoughtless,  the  ad- 
vanced the  tender  and  inexperienced  !  To  what  ex- 
alted deeds  and  worthy  attainments  does  one  bright 
example  sometimes  incite  others  of  the  same  family 
circle  !  Many  a  youthful  folly  has  been  amended  by 
a  brother's  counsel.  Think  of  the  instances,  too,  in 
which  a  sister,  by  mild  persuasions  and  by  her  own 
praiseworthy  qualities,  has  moulded  the  character  of 
those  in  the  same  dear  relation  with  herself.  In  the 
fraternal  tie,  indeed,  there  is  hardly  a  virtue,  either 


14  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

active  or  passive,  but  may  find  incitements  to  its  cul- 
ture and  growth.  Wherever  in  the  wide  world  God 
has  formed  this  interesting  bond,  there,  by  a  mutual 
acknowledgment  of  faults  and  forgiveness  of  errors, 
are  souls  trained  up  to  confess  their  sins  before 
Heaven.  And  there,  too,  through  an  accustomed 
well-doing  in  the  thousand  nameless  kindnesses  of  the 
fireside,  is  the  bright  reward  held  out  to  those  who 
follow  the  self-denying  Saviour  effectually  secured. 

Home  afibrds  a  preparatory  stage,  in  all  its  ties 
and  influences,  for  the  formation  of  those  traits  de- 
manded in  our  broader  social  relations.  The  judg- 
ment of  Lamartine  is  wise  when  he  says,  —  "I  have 
always  loved  to  know  the  homes  and  the  domestic 
circumstances  of  those  with  whom  I  have  anything 
to  do  in  the  world.  It  is  a  part  of  themselves  ;  it  is 
a  second  external  physiognomy,  which  gives  the  key 
to  their  disposition  and  destiny."  The  fireside  is  a 
primary  school  for  all  who  are  to  sustain  the  conflicts 
and  meet  the  shocks  of  this  rude  world.  It  will  not 
do  to  expose  the  germs  of  faith  and  the  unfixed  prin- 
ciples of  the  little  child  to  the  full  dangers  of  life  at 
once.  The  plant  cannot  endure  yet  the  rough  winds 
of  heaven  ;  we  must  place  it  within  sheltering  walls. 
Home,  with  its  genial  atmosphere  and  its  softer  influ- 
ences, is  indispensable  to  our  starting  goodness.  The 
youthful  heart  is  a  tender  scion  ;  when  kindred  and 
friends  have  faithfully  cherished  it,  then  it  may  be 
left  to  sustain  itself.     Let  its  boughs  spread  forth  far 


HOME.  15 

and  wide.  Send  out  the  young  probationer,  and  let 
him  wrestle  himself  into  Christian  energy.  Let  the 
contact  be  with  neighbour,  fellow-citizen,  countryman, 
all  of  his  race.  And  fear  not,  for,  thus  armed,  the 
dutiful  son  shall  become  the  pure  patriot,  the  good 
Christian,  the  true  man.  And  the  daughter,  she 
who  was  mindful  in  past  time  of  her  parents  and  sis- 
ters, and  who  graced  the  little  sphere  of  her  birth, 
shall  be  everywhere  welcomed,  as  an  ally  of  truth 
and  virtue,  not  only  the  joy  of  her  nearest  compan- 
ion, and  the  devoted  matron,  but  a  "  sister  of  char- 
ity," an  heir  and  favorite  of  Heaven. 

The  fireside  is,  again,  friendly  to  moral  and  spirit- 
ual excellence,  because  we  are  there  most  intimately 
known,  and  therefore  most  truly  sincere.  Christian- 
ity bids  us  be  "  pure  in  heart "  ;  it  looks  mainly  at 
our  feelings  and  motives.  But,  while  in  the  broad 
world,  we  are  peculiarly  tempted  to  transgress  its 
command.  Our  secular  interest  calls  for  deference 
and  external  attentions  to  others.  For  this  cause 
alone  passion  may  be  curbed,  moderation  and  for- 
bearance exhibited,  and  a  winning  courtesy  assumed. 
The  desire  of  popular  favor,  the  restraints  of  cus- 
tom, the  fear  of  man,  —  nothing  deeper  than  these 
is  needed  to  smooth  every  asperity  of  evil,  and  rep- 
resent virtue  in  her  fairest  costume.  Insensibly  in 
this  way  a  polished  exterior  may  usurp  that  place 
which  Christianity  gives  only  to  a  single-hearted 
goodness  ;  and  thus  the  garb  of  meekness,  humility, 


16  THE   CHRISTIAN   PAEENT. 

or  disinterestedness  may  cover  up  a  sordid,  resent- 
ful, and  self-elated  spirit. 

But  at  home,  where  we  are  seen  just  as  we  really 
are,  our  motives  habitually  disclosed,  and  our  true 
feelings  and  opinions  laid  bare,  —  there,  if  a  kind 
deed  be  apparently  performed,  the  reality  is  usually 
as  pure  as  the  appearance,  that  which  is  within  cor- 
responds to  that  which  is  without.  For  pride  is  not 
there  to  veil  our  infirmities,  nor  ambition  to  toil  for 
applause  ;  and  neither  hope  nor  fear  comes  in  to  cor- 
rupt our  motives.  In  the  common  phrase,  "  we  act 
ourselves  out." 

Now,  is  it  not  much  to  escape  the  temptations  of 
insincerity  and  deceit  ?  Will  not  integrity  be  nur- 
tured by  the  consciousness  that  we  stand  before  an 
all-searching  tribunal  ?  Before  the  public  eye,  on 
that  wide  stage  where  all  is  gilded,  illuminated,  and 
unwontedly  transformed,  we  may  almost  impercep- 
tibly assume  good  qualities,  and  so  pass  for  more 
than  our  worth.  But  in  the  hallowed  recesses  of 
home  we  are  "  weighed  in  the  balance,"  and  there 
the  coin  is  stamped  at  its  true  value.  The  habit  of 
being  sincere  in  one  place  cannot  but  do  something 
toward  making  us  sincere  in  all  places.  Let  us  then 
give  thanks  that  there  is  one  unfailing  ordeal,  one  sit- 
uation, where  all  things  invite  and  urge  us  to  the  high 
calling  of  the  Christian,  to  "  simpUcity  and  godly 
sincerity." 

And  now  let  me  say,  it  is  home  to  which  we  must 


HOME.  17 

turn  for  our  truest  earthly  enjoyments.  This  re- 
mark has  been  anticipated  by  all  I  have  said  of  the 
elevating  and  purifying  nature  of  its  influences.  For 
religion,  let  its  effects  be  felt  where  they  may,  leads 
directly  to  happiness.  But  there  are  deep,  substan- 
tial pleasures  to  be  found  only  in  the  domestic  circle. 
The  family,  I  have  already  said,  is  a  divine  institu- 
tion ;  it  was  constituted  by  our  Father  to  be  a  means 
of  unequalled  satisfactions  to  his  children.  Its  pass- 
ing scenes  afford  that  quiet  enjoyment  which  is  im- 
measurably more  to  us  than  the  exciting  and  fitful 
pleasures  of  society.  There,  too,  are  embraced 
those  ties  whose  very  purity  is  a  pledge  of  the  joys 
they  bring.  Other  friends  may  fail  us,  and  we  may 
be  alienated  from  unworthy  companions  ;  absence 
dissolves  other  bonds  ;  caprice  breaks  how  many, 
and  with  them  vanish  the  bright  visions  of  future 
happiness  they  promised.  But  brothers  and  sisters 
are  still  left  to  us  ;  and  they  will  stand  by  us  against 
the  false  and  the  estranged  ;  and,  so  long  as  life  lasts, 
we  can  find  a  smile  and  a  welcome  from  parental 
love. 

Home  is  the  chief  seat  of  our  joy,  from  the  rem- 
iniscences it  yields  of  that  one  friend  who  knew  no 
happiness  like  that  of  befriending  us.  That  mother's 
face  was  a  perpetual  sunbeam  in  our  early  days  ;  she 
had  a  place  in  our  hearts  none  else  ever  entered. 
She  was  the  kind  mediator  who  drew  for  us  many  a 
favor  from  a  less  tender,  it  may  be  a  less  weakly  in- 
2 


18  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

dulgent,  father.  To  her  we  ran  with  every  childish 
want  and  every  simple  tale.  In  our  absence,  to  her 
was  always  addressed  the  first  confiding  letter  ;  she  re- 
ceived the  earliest  tidings  of  our  success,  and  the  first 
call  for  sympathy  when  we  failed.  The  thought  of 
her  was  uppermost  when  the  tears  of  home-sickness 
fell  fastest.  That  dear  image  was  enshrined  among 
the  sweetest  thoughts  of  home  ;  and  when  brothers 
and  sisters  came  forth  to  meet  us  on  our  return,  she, 
we  knew,  would  lead  the  train.  Her  gentle  voice 
even  now  rises  over  the  loud  swell  of  the  discordant 
years,  and  tells  us  there  is  no  place  Uke  that  home  ; 
and  we  feel  assured,  that,  while  memory  lasts,  that 
voice  will  not  die  in  our  ears,  nor  the  conviction 
leave  us,  that  our  present  home  can  give  us  no  joy 
deeper  or  more  enduring  than  that  which  still  floats 
with  angel  form  over  the  roof  beneath  which  we  first 
saw  the  light  of  this  eventful  world. 

*'  Home  of  our  childhood  !  how  affection  clings 
And  hovers  round  thee  with  her  seraph  wings  ! 
Dearer  thy  hills,  though  clad  in  autumn  brown, 
Than  fairest  summits  which  the  cedars  crown  ! 
Sweeter  the  fragrance  of  thy  summer  breeze, 
Than  all  Arabia  breathes  along  the  seas  ! 
The  stranger's  gale  wafts  home  the  exile's  sigh, 
For  the  heart's  temple  is  its  own  blue  sky  !  " 

How  dear,  as  we  proceed,  seem  the  precincts  of 
home  !  If  peace  and  concord  twine  our  souls  in  har- 
mony there,  if  every  bond  be  sealed  by  virtue,  and  if 


HOME.  19 

religion  be  our  common  guide  and  staff,  then  here  is 
our  happiest  temporal  portion.  And  where,  I  will 
add,  if  not  here,  among  hearts  thus  purely  connected, 
is  there  a  foretaste  of  heavenly  felicities  ?  Yes,  for 
what  is  Heaven  ?  What,  but  the  final  home  of  the 
spirit,  - —  a  haven  to  the  long-tossed  mariner,  —  that 
better  country,  toward*  which,  as  strangers  and  pil- 
grims on  earth,  we  now  journey  ?  There  all  form 
but  one  great  brotherhood,  one  happy,  reunited  cir- 
cle. Such,  in  anticipation,  is  a  Christian  family. 
All  we  have  ever  done  to  prepare  for  our  final  home 
ha^  qualified  us  for  domestic  duties  and  fireside  en- 
joyments. The  grosser  attachments  of  this  life, 
those  founded  on  interest,  or  passion,  or  lust,  are  in- 
constant and  perishable.  Not  so  with  the  virtuous 
relations  of  birth  and  affinity.  In  them  all  is  perma- 
nent, because  all  is  pure.  When  the  perplexing 
cares  of  the  day  are  over,  and  evening  brings  the 
good  man  to  that  joyous  retreat  where  his  best  affec- 
tions centre,  so  soothed  and  composed  is  his  spirit, 
that  he  almost  enters  upon  that  "  rest  which  remain- 
6th  for  the  people  of  God."  He  now  feels  that 
there  is  a  golden  chain,  whose  lowest  link  touches 
earthly  relations,  but  whose  highest  and  purest  fas- 
tens on  that  "  house  not  made  with  hands." 

What  I  have  said  of  the  purifying  influence  of  our 
domestic  relations  one  upon  the  other  is  true,  also, 
of  the  events  which  occur  at  the  fireside.  They  fur- 
nish continual  incentives  to  personal  piety.    Let  them 


20  THE    CHEISTIAN   PARENT. 

be  joyous  or  sad,  they  each  speak  to  us  of  heavenly 
things.  What  a  day  is  that  which  introduces  a  new 
immortal  to  the  family  circle  !  What  unimagined 
sensations  thrill  through  the  bosoms  of  the  inexpe- 
rienced parents  !  The  most  thoughtless  can  hardly 
fail  at  such  a  moment  to  lift  a  tribute  of  gratitude  to 
the  gracious  Giver.  Even  infants  can  awaken  in  us 
a  moral  power.  At  the  coming  of  the  little  stran- 
ger, a  new  spring  of  feeling  gushes  forth  in  the 
parents'  hearts.  The  father  feels  that  he  is  another 
man.  "  He  looks  up  toward  heaven,  and  finds  no 
difficulty  in  conceiving  of  a  bliss  of  which  he  has  had 
a  foretaste  on  earth  "  ;  and  the  mother  is  conscious 
of  receiving  a  divine  dew  on  that  soil  which  we  can 
see  was  so  adapted  by  nature  for-spiritual  fruits. 

As  the  child  grows  up,  each  changing  period  ut- 
ters some  loud  call  for  parental  devotion  ;  and  when 
at  length  the  day  arrives  in  which  the  son  is  to  go 
forth  from  the  paternal  roof,  the  mother  cannot  but 
utter  a  fervent  petition  that  her  loved  child  may  be 
shielded  by  Heaven,  and  the  father  is  constrained  to 
invoke  for  him  the  helping  hand  of  Almighty  Love. 
And  the  son,  too,  must  feel  that  he  is  now  giving 
himself  up  to  a  new  and  Divine  Guardian.  Perhaps 
the  daughter,  after  sharing  the  unmeasured  kindnesses 
of  a  dear  home,  has  reached  the  period  when  another 
heart  is  to  receive,  and  another  arm  to  protect,  her 
through  life.  What  an  hour  for  the  mother  !  She 
alone  can  describe  her  deep  and  mingled  emotions, 


HOME.  21 

her  hopes,  her  anxieties,  her  prayers.  The  father, 
—  think  of  him,  his  gain,  his  loss  !  An  unaccus- 
tomed tear  steals  down  that  cheek,  and  the  light  of 
another  world  is  reflected  upon  it.  What  conflict- 
ing sensations  fill,  too,  the  soul  of  this  daughter  ! 
But,  whether  memory  shade  her  eye  with  sorrow,  or 
anticipation  send  bright  rays  from  it,  she  will  not, 
she  cannot,  one  would  think,  forbear  to  raise  one 
thought  above,  to  lift  one  all-confiding  petition  to 
that  Being  who  holds  her  untried  lot  in  his  fatherly 
hand. 

A  more  solemn  parting  still,  one  we  cannot  avoid, 
awaits  the  family  circle.  It  is  a  fearful  truth,  that 
we  live  in  a  world  where  love  and  death  must  meet. 
But  He  who  alike  weaves  and  sunders  the  tenderest 
ties  can  mitigate  the  bitterness  of  every  bereave- 
ment. While  he  chastens,  he  would  also  spiritual- 
ize, his  weeping  child.  There  is  much  in  the  sick- 
nesses he  sends  to  intenerate  and  bless  our  inward 
nature.  The  patient  sufferer  is  made  better  by  his 
pains  ;  a  new  love  is  awakened  by  the  gentle  offices 
of  those  who  wait  round  his  bed,  soothe  his  pangs, 
and  allay  his  restlessness.  His  mind  is  led  upward, 
and  he  catches  tones  from  angel  harps.  If  he  be 
restored  to  health  and  strength,  he  cannot  soon  for- 
get that  Divine  love  which  smoothed  his  pillow  amid 
the  solitude  of  his  midnight  weariness.  Yes,  sick- 
ness is  often  a  blessing  in  disguise.  Nor,  though  it 
terminate  fatally,  can  we  doubt  that  God  is  still  with 


22  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

US.  Death  is  irradiated  by  our  Saviour.  The 
hushed  step,  the  suppressed  voice,  the  subdued 
countenance,  of  all  who  draw  nigh  the  departing 
one,  show  us  that  messengers  from  above  are  even 
now  in  the  room. 

"  Something  divine  and  dim 

Seems  going  by  one's  ear, 
Like  parting  wings  of  cherubim, 
Who  say,  '  We  've  finished  here.'  " 

Did  we  indeed  regard  it  aright,  we  should  feel, 
that,  in  many  of  its  aspects,  home  is  a  temple  in 
which  we  all  minister  as  priests.  No  place  would 
be  to  us  more  sacred  than  this  where  we  dwell.  I 
have  entered  the  magnificent  cathedral  in  the  Old 
World,  and,  although  I  could  not  accord  with  the 
faith  it  upheld,  yet  I  have  been  elevated  and  awe- 
struck by  its  majestic  pillars,  its  vast  arches,  its 
ocean-toned  organ,  and  its  solemn  chants.  The  in- 
cense, as  it  was  wafted  to  the  ceiling,  seemed  the 
breath  of  devotion,  and  the  fair  flowers  around 
me  were  pouring  forth  fragrance  to  Heaven.  So 
would  I  that  our  dwellings  were  each  regarded  ;  pu- 
rity and  piety  are  in  harmpny  with  home.  Music 
should  float  round  its  walls,  and,  while  by  its  sacred- 
ness  it  sanctified  the  individual,  it  should  weld  all 
hearts  together,  and  lift  the  pure  mass  to  our  com- 
mon Father.  And  vases  should  be  there,  filled  with 
flowers  culled  from  the  fairest  gardens  of  earth,  and 
prefiguring  the  garden  of  God. 


HOME.  23 

The  picture  I  have  drawn  of  the  influences  of 
home  is  surely  a  pleasant  one,  and  the  images  con- 
nected with  it  one  would  fain  realize.  But  are  they 
not  exaggerated  and  fanciful  .''  "  Where,"  it  may 
be  asked,  "  do  we  see  piety  the  presiding  genius  of 
the  household,  and  the  Christian  virtues  and  graces 
all  taking  root  there  .''  Whose  is  the  home  so  de- 
lightfully instrumental  in  building  up  the  character  of 
its  inmates  .''  Where  can  we  find  all  this  home-born 
union  and  peace  you  describe  ?  Point  us  to  the 
family  in  which  all  are  of  one  mind,  husband  and 
wife,  father  and  mother,  brethren  and  sisters,  all 
moving  on  in  this  beautiful  concert."  I  answer, 
you  can  see  it  in  every  family  where  the  spirit  of 
Christ  is  the  controlling  spirit.  If  piety  is  a  stran- 
ger within  our  doors,  if  parental  fidelity  and  filial  re- 
spect and  brotherly  love  are  unknown  there,  and 
fathers  and  mothers  are  contentious,  and  children  are 
graceless,  then  is  not  the  religion  of  Jesus  the  law 
and  guide  of  the  household  ;  then  are  we  the  ser- 
vants, not  of  the  Prince  of  Peace,  but,  of  our  own 
dark,  self-enslaving  passions. 

It  may  not  be  disguised,  that,  while  the  domestic 
relations  are  friendly  to  our  moral  and  spiritual  im- 
provement, they,  like  all  other  blessings,  bring  with 
them  their  dangers.  Not  of  necessity  shall  we  avail 
ourselves  of  the  high  privileges  of  home.  We  may 
abuse  the  gifts,  we  may  neglect  the  precious  oppor- 
tunities it  affords,  and  thus,  instead  of  a  sanctuary,  it 


24  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

may  become  a  snare  to  our  souls.  Must  it  not  be 
said  that  the  word  home  suggests  to  some  minds,  in 
consequence  of  this  perversion  of  its  true  ends,  no 
higher  associations  than  those  of  a  resting-place  from 
labor,  a  convenient  shelter,  or  a  field  for  fashion  and 
display  .''  True  it  is,  and  a  sad  truth,  that  many  toil 
only  for  the  outward  comforts  of  life,  and  sacrifice 
their  peace  and  happiness, — ay,  what  is  unspeakably 
more  to  be  lamented,  sacrifice  their  very  souls  —  to 
the  external  arrangements  of  the  household.  They 
live  a  life  of  miserable  servitude,  drudging,  and  de- 
grading themselves,  perhaps,  for  the  sake  of  those 
things  which  perish  in  the  using. 

But  there  are  moments  when  even  these,  and 
the  veriest  worshippers  of  pride  and  fashion  also, 
feel  rebuked  in  their  course.  They  do  some- 
times see  how  mournfully  they  are  coming  short  of 
the  legitimate  purposes  and  influences  of  a  Christian 
home.  Let  any  one  pause  and  ask  himself,  "  For 
what  end  was  I  placed  amid  these  domestic  rela- 
tions ?  "  and  there  will  be  the  great,  universal  reply, 
We  do  not  cluster  in  families  that  we  may  eat  and 
drink,  and  be  clothed,  and  then  die,  —  perish  like 
the  brute  creation.  No,  there  is  a  solemn  signifi- 
cance in  these  manifold  ties  ;  they  all  point  to  some- 
thing higher  and  holier  than  themselves  ;  the  earthly 
cord  is  intertwined  with  heavenly  threads.  O,  how 
would  our  homes  be  transformed,  did  these  rays  from 
the  great  "  Light  of  the  World  "  beam  steadily  on 


HOME.  25 

their  bosom  !  We  should  then  perceive  a  Divinity 
every  day  in  our  midst.  We  should  emulate  one  an- 
other,—  husband  and  wife,  father  and  mother,  broth- 
ers and  sisters,  sons  and  daughters,  the  nearest  and 
the  most  remote  relatives  ;  we  should  strive,  with 
a  godlike  disinterestedness,  which  should  most  love, 
and  most  live  for,  the  other. 

And  now,  were  personal  piety  cherished  by  the 
fireside,  fidehty  at  home  would  make  us  faithful 
abroad  ;  the  quiet  influences  of  every  domestic  re- 
lation and  event  would  flow  out  and  flow  over  our 
entire  character.  Our  country,  the  Church,  and  the 
world  would  then  see  our  "  hght  so  shine  "  that 
they  would  "  glorify  the  Father."  Only  let  Christ 
be  the  Master  of  the  household,  and  all  its  issues 
are  pure.  Then  our  gains  are  hallowed  as  the  gift 
of  God,  —  above  every  honor  is  "  that  honor  which 
Cometh  from  above,"  —  and  we  drink  of  the  river 
of  God's  pleasure.  Amid  the  cares  and  perplexities 
of  the  fireside,  we  can  now  preserve  a  calm,  —  that 
holy  calm  which  befits  beings  who  have  a  home  in  the 
heavens.  Our  family  becomes  more  and  more  like 
tlie  great  family  on  high.  And  there  we  anticipate, 
as  one  by  one  these  dear  ties  shall  be  severed,  hav- 
ing borne  the  burdens  and  quickened  the  virtues  of 
each  other  here,  that  we  shall  renew  every  pure 
bond  of  earth,  and  give  thanks,  not  only  for  the  de- 
lights, but  also  for  the  severest  discipline,  of  our 
early  Christian  home. 


CHAPTER  II. 

THE  PARENT. HIS  OFFICE  NOT  TRANSFERABLE. 

We  are  living  in  an  age  which  abounds  in  instruc 
tions  to  the  young.  At  no  period  of  the  world  has* 
so  much  been  said,  and  written,  and  done,  on  this 
great  subject.  We  have  week-day  schools,  in 
which  the  youth  of  both  sexes,  a  multitude  we  can 
scarce  number,  are  everywhere  engaged.  And 
the  standard  of  education  in  these  institutions  is  con- 
tinually rising.  High  and  yet  higher  schools  are  es- 
tablished, and  more  and  more  branches  are  crowded 
into  their  hst  of  studies.  Seminaries  for  ornamental 
education  are  increasing  ;  private  teachers  are  em- 
ployed, and  no  expense  is  spared  to  give  power  to 
the  voice  and  the  ear  and  the  touch  in  the  sweet 
sounds  of  music,  and  to  impart  skill  to  the  hand  in 
the  magic  art  of  delineation,  and  in  the  mimic  hues 
of  the  pencil.  Nor  is  this  all  ;  when  the  toils  and 
assiduities  of  the  week  are  over,  we  open  the  door 
of  the  Sunday  school,  and  our  children  again  gather, 
and  search  the  Scriptures,  and  converse  on  the  high 
theAies  of  religion,  guided,  throughout  our  land,  by  a 


THE    PARENT.  27 

great  company  of  devoted  and  faithful  teachers.  So 
that  here,  if  nowhere  else,  it  is  literally  true  of  our 
children  and  youth,  that  they  have,  in  the  words  of 
Paul,   "  ten  thousand  instructors  in  Christ." 

And  now  what  more,  it  may  be  asked,  can  be 
done  for  them  .''  Is  not  this  a  blessed  age  for  the 
young  .''  And  will  they  not  soon  be  perfect  in 
knowledge,  and  wisdom,  and  all  manner  of  excel- 
lence .''  If  it  depend  exclusively  on  a  vast  array  of 
public  means  and  of  social  arrangements,  and  liberal 
expenditures,  to  make  them  so,  no  doubt  they  will 
be  perfect. 

But  does  it  depend  entirely  on  one  or  all  of  these 
things  .''  May  we,  having  provided  the  best  possible 
week-day  schools  and  teachers  of  accomplishments, 
and  Sunday-schools  also,  sit  down  content,  and  rest 
in  the  assurance,  that,  as  guardians  of  the  young,  our 
task  is  complete  ?  I  fear  this  is  the  prevalent  dispo- 
sition. But  if  we  heed  the  counsels  of  Scripture, 
of  history,  or  of  daily  experience,  we  shall  ascertain 
our  error.  We  shall  find  that  it  is  possible  —  in  the 
very  midst  of  this  mighty  system  of  educational  ad- 
vantages, it  is  possible  this  may  be  the  result  —  that 
our  youth,  instead  of  rising  toward  intellectual  and 
moral  perfection,  shall  decline  in  mental  vigor,  and 
sink  lower  and  lower  in  the  prime  qualities  of  a  rev- 
erent piety  and  a  disinterested,  energetic  virtue. 

The  cause  of  this  declension,  if  it  take  place,  will 
be  found  in  a  disregard  of  the  great  truth  indicated 


28  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

in  the  language  of  the  Apostle,  that,  '*  though  we 
have  ten  thousand  instructors  "  beside,  "  we  have 
not  many  fathers."  This  is  the  starthng  fact,  that, 
multiply  as  we  may  other  instructors,  they  can- 
.  not,  either  or  all  of  them,  supply  the  place  of  those 
natural  teachers,  the  father  and  the  mother.  If 
there  be  neglect  here,  then  it  is  as  if  everything 
were  neglected.  A  child  has  but  one  father  and 
one  mother  ;  and  whoever  else  may,  to  any  extent, 
greater  or  less,  perform  for  them  a  part  of  the  pa- 
rental duties,  no  one  can  become,  in  full,  either  the 
one  or  the  other.  The  attempt  to  substitute  any 
teacher,  guardian,  or  friend  for  the  parent,  to  put 
public  in  the  place  of  private  and  domestic  educa- 
tion, ever  has  been,  and  ever  will  be,  disastrous  to 
the  young. 

Our  schools,  in  the  week  and  on  the  Sabbath,  are 
all  good,  —  all  needed,  —  all,  perhaps,  indispensable 
to  the  complete,  harmonious.  Christian  education  of 
our  youth.  But  it  is  only  as  auxiliaries  to  some- 
thing still  higher  and  more  important  than  them- 
selves, it  is  only  as  assistants  in  the  great  seminary 
over  which  the  father  and  the  mother  are  principals, 
\that  they  can  be  safely  employed  and  trusted.  Put 
them  at  the  head,  and  you  reverse  the  order  of  God 
and  nature,  —  you  make  that  first  which  should  be 
last,  and  that  last  which  should  be  first. 

No  influence  is  so  deep  and  decisive  as  that  of  the 
mother.     Napoleon  was  once  asked  what  could  be 


THE   PARENT.  29 

done  for  France  ;  his  reply  was,  "  We  need  good 
mothers."  In  our  own  country,  what  gave  us  a 
"Washington  ?  The  fidehty  of  Mary,  his  mother. 
We  are  told  that  the  elder  Adams,  being  once 
questioned  respecting  the  education  of  his  son, 
John  Quincy,  after  giving  an  account  of  the  various 
literary  institutions  in  which  he  had  placed  him, 
abroad  and  at  home,  closed  his  account  with  these 
emphatic  words  :  —  "  But,  after  all,  my  son  had  a 
mother."  When  we  add  to  this  the  fidelity  of  his 
honored  father,  and  the  illustrious  example  of  his 
character,  we  can  see  whence  came  the  bright  jew- 
els in  his  moral  crown. 

Are  sufficient  efforts  made  to  enlighten  and  to  im- 
press the  parents  in  this  community  ?  In  this  age, 
when  the  pen  and  the  tongue  are  acting  with  unpre- 
cedented vigor,  we  find  very  much  addressed  to  our 
children.  The  public  school  abounds  in  lectures, 
encouragements,  and  admonitions  to  its  pupils. 
The  Sunday  school  has  its  lessons,  addresses,  and 
exhortations.  Books  without  number  are  written  on 
the  duties  of  the  young  ;  they  are  thus  incessantly 
plied  with  instructions,  intellectual,  moral,  and  re- 
ligious. We  have,  too,  Normal  schools  to  educate 
teachers,  and  conventions  and  lesser  meetings  for 
Sunday-school  teachers.  But  who,  meantime,  coun- 
sels the  parent  ?  While  his  child  is  at  school  being 
taught  his  obligations,  he  is  at  home  untaught  and 
neglected.     He  may  hear,  opce  or  twice  in  the  re- 


30  THE   CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

volving  year,  a  sermon  on  parental  duty.  He  may 
chance  on  some  volume,  or  an  occasional  paragraph 
in  the  newspapers,  setting  forth  his  momentous  rela- 
tion and  influence.  But  can  this  suffice  ?  Nay,  1 
have  sometimes  thought  it  is  the  parent,  rather  than 
the  teacher  or  the  child,  who  needs  this  array  of  aids 
and  instructions.  I  am  sure  it  is  ignorance  alone 
that  can  explain  the  fearful  prevalence  of  errors  in 
domestic  education.  The  father  loves  his  son  ;  he 
would  not  willingly  neglect  to  train  him  aright  ;  but 
be  does  not  know,  —  he  does  not  know  the  best 
means  and  methods  of  making  him  what  his  heart  de- 
sires to  see  him.  The  mother  would  not  for  worlds 
do  any  harm  to  this  daughter.  No  ;  she  is  full  of  af- 
fection and  full  of  devotedness  to  her  ;  but  alas  !  her 
love  is  Wind.  She  does  not  perceive,  that,  instead 
of  educating  her  well,  preparing  her  for  mental  ex- 
cellence, self-dependence,  self-sacrifice,  real  piety, 
and  an  unblemished  worth,  she  is  leading  her  every 
day  in  the  opposite  direction.  She  is  doing  what 
for  her  right  hand  she  would  not  do,  could  she  fore- 
see the  result  of  her  course.  Therefore  do  I  say 
that  the  times  call,  —  out  of  the  bosom  of  all  these 
schools,  and  helps,  and  appliances  for  the  young,  — 
they  call  for  a  prophet-tongued  eloquence  to  teach 
parents  the  duties,  the  responsibilities,  the  toils,  that 
rest  inevitably  —  directly,  personally,  inevitably  — 
upon  them. 

I  speak  of  responsibilities.     And  who  can  or  does 


THE    PARENT.  31 

doubt  that  the  parent  is  bound  to  do  something  for 
his  child  ?  Questions  may  arise  as  to  what  he  must 
do  ;  but  that,  as  fathers  and  as  mothers,  we  are  sol- 
emnly required  to  do  something  for  our  children,  all 
will  agree.  A  little  one  is  placed  in  our  hands  : 
do  we  think  of  the  vast  influences  and  issues  con- 
nected with  this  gift  ? 

"  A  babe  in  a  house  is  a  well-spring  of  pleasure,  a  messenger 
of  peace  and  love  ; 

A  resting-place  for  innocence  on  earth  ;  a  link  between  an- 
gels and  men  ; 

Yet  it  is  a  talent  of  trust,  a  loan  to  be  rendered  back  with 
interest. 

A  delight,  but  redolent  of  care ;  honey-sweet,  but  lacking 
not  the  bitter  ; 

For  character  groweth  day  by  day,  and  all  things  aid  it  in 
unfolding  ; 

And  the  bent  unto  good  or  evil  may  be  given  in  the  hours 
of  infancy. 

Scratch  the  green  rind  of  a  sapling,  or  wantonly  twist  it  in 
the  soil. 

The  scarred  and  crooked  oak  will  tell  of  thee  for  centuries 
to  come  ; 

Even  so  may  est  thou  guide  the  mind  to  good,  or  lead  it  to 
the  marrings  of  evil. 

With  his  mother's  milk  the  young  child  drinketh  in  edu- 
cation." 

And  now,  seeing  this- great  work  begins  at  the 
cradle,  we  cannot  too  earnestly  impress  parents  with 
the  inalienable  nature  of  their  task.  No  father 
would  deny  his  obligation  to  support  and  maintain 


THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 


his  child.  "  He  that  doth  not  provide  for  his  own 
household  is  worse  than  an  infidel,  and  hath  denied 
the  faith."  But  is  this  all  we  owe  our  children  ? 
Are  there  no  other  duties,  to  neglect  which  is  to 
"  deny  the  faith  "  ?  The  parent  is  bound  to  do  all 
in  his  power  to  secure  to  his  child  sound  health  and 
a  vigorous  bodily  constitution  ;  he  must  be  taught 
the  need  of  temperance,  of  exercise,  and  the  daily 
endurance  of  hardship  and  labor.  It  is  said  one 
half  the  human  race  die  under  the  age  of  five. 
What  a  fearful  disclosure  is  this  of  parental  igng- 
rance  and  neglect  ! 

To  physical  education  we  must  add  the  culture  of 
the  mind.  If  it  be  the  part  of  an  unbeliever  to  pro- 
vide neither  food  nor  raiment  for  his  offspring,  and 
to  take  no  care  of  their  bodily  health,  it  is  equally 
criminal  to  bestow  no  thought  on  their  intellectual 
improvement.  That  mother  who  is  so  absorbed  in 
society  and  amusements,  or  in  domestic  avocations, 
as  to  forego  all  mental  and  cultivated  intercourse 
with  her  daughters,  commits  a  fatal  error.  And  that 
father  who  spends  his  whole  time  and  strength  in  lay- 
ing up  property  for  his  sons,  to  the  neglect  of  their 
higher  nature,  — who  is  so  weary  at  night  that  he  can- 
not read  a  book  or  talk  with  his  children  on  any  men- 
tal or  elevating  subject,  —  may  yet  rue  his  course. 
For  what  will  it  profit  him  to  acquire  for  them  silver 
and  gold,  stocks  and  estates,  if  he  fail  also  to  leave 
them  the  richer  bequest  of  well-cultivated  intellects, 


THE    PARENT.  33 

a  taste  for  profitable  reading,  a  love  of  home  enjoy- 
ments, habits  of  order  and  quietness,  a  sensibility  to 
all  that  is  noble  in  character,  and  a  love  of  the  Fa- 
ther, who  gave  us  these  precious  powers  for  his  own 
honor  and  for  the  glorious  work  of  doing  good  to  our 
fellow-immortals  ? 

Here  opens  to  us  another  sphere  of  parental  obli- 
gation, —  that  of  moral  and  religious  education. 
Here  is  a  vineyard  which  no  husbandmen  can  dress 
except  those  appointed  by  God.  A  child  may  have 
a  thousand  other  spiritual  instructors  ;  he  can  have 
but  one  mother  and  one  father.  We  owe  none  can 
tell  how  much  to  the  long  line  of  teachers,  who  be- 
gin with  our  children  in  the  alphabet,  and  carry  them 
up,  from  stage  to  stage,  until  they  complete  their 
school  education.  To  every  one  who  inculcates  a 
good  principle  in  their  presence,  incites  them  by 
generous  examples,  or  suggests  and  amends  their  er- 
rors, our  debt  is  indeed  great.  And  large,  too,  are 
our  obligations  to  that  blessed  company  of  Sunday- 
school  instructors,  who,  from  Sabbath  to  Sabbath, 
punctually  and  patiently  unfold  to  them  the  teachings 
of  the  Saviour,  draw  out  their  best  thoughts  and 
feelings,  and  quicken  them  to  the  love  of  God  and 
man.  But  still  there  is  a  void  left,  a  wide  void,  in 
their  moral  needs,  which  none  but  the  parent  can  fill. 

What  is  the  seat  and  centre  of  a  child's  sweet- 
est associations  ?  Not  the  school-room,  pleasant  as 
that  may  be  rendered  by  a  wise  and  gentle  teacher, 
3 


34  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

and  by  congenial  companions.  Not,  either,  the 
church  or  the  vestry  where  the  Sunday  school  gath- 
ers, though  the  faithful  teacher  will  secure  a  love  in 
the  hearts  of  her  class  which  neither  life  nor  death 
can  obliterate.  But,  after  all,  "  there  is  no  place 
like  home,"  —  there  is  no  word  that  calls  forth  such 
music  as  that.  Around  the  fireside  it  is  that  our 
earliest  and  tenderest  affections  cluster.  And  among 
all  the  sweet  memories  of  the  past,  there  are  none  so 
sweet,  none  so  enduring,  as  these.  Years  may  roll 
over  us,  old  ties  may  be  broken  and  new  ones 
formed,  but  for  ever  do  we  turn  back  to  that  dear 
spot,  our  childhood's  home.  And,  amid  the  names 
and  the  forms  that  revisit  the  mind,  the  dearest  and 
fairest  of  all  are  associated  with  those  two  beings, 
father  and  mother.  The  words  they  addressed  to 
us,  their  lives  and  their  deeds,  these  tower  above 
everything  else  ;  and  they  have  gone  deepest  into 
our  souls,  and  done  most  to  make  us  what  we  now 
are. 

Such  is  the  appointment  of  God.  He  is  the  au- 
thor of  the  family  ties,  and  we  can  trace  his  wisdom 
in  creating  them  and  clothing  them  with  such  power. 
He  has  made  the  heart  of  the  parent  the  stronghold  of 
the  human  affections.  There  is  no  love  to  be  com- 
pared with  that  of  a  mother.  What  will  she  not  do, 
what  will  she  not  suffer,  for  the  child  of  her  bosom  ? 
And  why  is  she  endowed  with  this  love  ?  Partly, 
beyond  question,  that  she  may  preserve  the  lives  and 


THE    PARENT.  '  35 

the  health  of  her  offspring.  But  that  is  not  all  ;  she 
was  intended  also  to  preserve  their  spiritual  life  and 
their  moral  health.  The  memory  of  what  our  mother 
did  for  us,  and  of  her  countless  sacrifices,  tends  to 
soften  and  improve  us  in  all  subsequent  years.  What 
we  did  not  appreciate  at  that  period  comes  back  to  us 
now  in  angel  voices,  and,  whatever  other  kind  friends 
we  have  since  found,  we  realize  that  we  have  had  but 
one  mother.  And  if  we  can  remember  a  father's 
wisdom,  and  self-denial  for  our  sakes,  —  if  we  can 
recall  his  earnest  precepts,  his  anxious  counsels  and 
warnings,  and  think  of  prayers  he  offered  with  us 
and  for  us,  and  of  his  own  elevated  example,  —  we 
mtist,  indeed,  again  and  again  feel,  that,  though  we 
had  instructors  many,  and  perhaps  faithful  ones,  too, 
we  have  had  but  one  father. 

Say  I  not  truly,  then,  that  no  parent  can  delegate 
his  office  and  his  responsibilities  to  any  other  human 
being  ?  There  are  those  who  desire  to  do  this. 
We  sometimes  hear  of  a  father  who  brings  his  son 
to  the  judge  on  the  bench,  and  asks  him  to  provide  a 
home  for  him  in  some  house  of  correction  or  refor- 
mation !  Another  would  give  up  his  child,  so  ob- 
stinate and  vicious  is  he,  to  the  state.  There  are 
authentic  accounts  of  parents  in  London  contriving 
to  induce  their  children  to  commit  crimes,  in  order 
to  throw  them  upon  the  state  for  support,  and  thus 
relieve  themselves  from  the  cost  and  care  of  bringing 
them  up.      In   1847  there  were  four  cases  in  one 


36  THE    CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

court,  where  the  parents  had  endeavoured  to  escape 
the  natural  burden  of  their  children  by  prosecuting 
thena ;  and  in  one  case  there  was  good  ground  to  sus- 
pect that  money  had  been  intentionally  placed  in  the 
way  of  a  lad  by  his  parents,  to  incite  him  to  theft. 
An,  American  writer  tells  us  he  has  repeatedly  had 
children  offered  him  in  the  streets  of  London  by 
their  own  mothers.  So  terrible  is  the  influence  of 
poverty,  in  not  only  obliterating  the  sense  of  parental 
responsibihty,  but  even  destroying  the  natural  affec- 
tions. Indeed,  I  have  seen  accounts  of  more  than 
one  instance  of  a  mother  taking  the  life  of  her  own 
child  to  procure  for  herself  bread  from  the  fees  of 
a  burial  society.  We  have  Reform  Schools  and 
Farm  Schools  in  this  country,  and  how  many  other 
institutions  to  take  the  place  of  parental  care  and  ed- 
ucation !  These  are  blessed  institutions  ;  they  pick 
up  the  vagrant  boy,  and  save  many  a  sinking  soul. 
But  they  cannot,  by  the  utmost  vigilance  and  faithful- 
ness of  their  overseers  and  teachers,  —  no,  never  can 
they  supply  perfectly  the  place  of  a  pure  and  devoted 
mother,  and  a  temperate,  judicious,  and  exemplary 
father.  We  speak  of  the  parental  care  and  expend- 
itures of  the  city  and  the  state,  and  this  is  high  praise. 
But,  after  all,  let  the  state  pour  out  its  thousands,  and 
let  private  benevolence  give  what  it  may,  and  let  it 
add  its  personal  efforts,  —  let  a  Howard,  a  Fry,  or 
a  Dix  visit  every  prison,  and  toil  on  to  the  utmost  in 
their  godlike  services,  —  they  cannot  rise  to  the  lofty 


THE    PARENT.  37 

rank  of  the  parent.  They  may  imitate  the  good  fa- 
ther or  mother,  but  it  is  only  at  a  distance  that  they 
can  follow  their  Heaven-appointed,  Heaven-seeking 
steps. 

I  have  spoken  of  vicious  and  unfaithful  parents 
giving  up  their  children  to  other  hands.  But  it  is 
not  these  alone  w^ho  desire  to  free  themselves  of 
parental  responsibility  and  labor.  Many  have  mo- 
ments at  least,  —  very  good  persons  will  attest  this, 
—  moments  in  which  they  would  fain  transfer  their 
children  to  some  other  care.  When  the  son  de- 
means himself  well,  is  gentle  and  obedient  and 
kind,  they  enjoy  their  charge.  But  let  him  grow 
disobedient,  stubborn,  selfish,  and  untractable,  they 
desire  then  to  part  from  him.  If  the  daughter  be 
domestic,  helpful,  self-sacrificing,  then  she  is  the  de- 
light of  her  mother.  It  is  only  needful  that  she  be- 
come indolent,  passionate,  or  for  any  reason  unman- 
ageable, and  straightway  the  parent  would  send  her 
from  home,  or  consign  her  to  another's  care.  She 
imagines,  perhaps,  that  the  good  of  the  child  will  be 
consulted  by  this  arrangement.  Seldom,  I  believe, 
is  this  the  case.  It  is  never  more  true  than  here,  as 
a  general  rule,  that  "  whom  God  hath  joined  to- 
gether man  may  not  put  asunder."  He  hath  es- 
tablished the  bond  between  this  father  and  this  son, 
and  He  it  is  who  stationed  this  mother  to  be  the 
guardian  of  her  child.  Let  them  be  slow,  very 
slow    to  call  in  teacher,  governess,  nurse,  brother. 


38  THE    CHRJSTIAN    PARENT. 

sister,  uncle,  aunt,  any  inmate  or  any  helper,  and 
take  the  crown  from  their  own  brow  and  place  it  on 
his  or  hers. 

The  present  age  -is  marked  by  the  want  among 
children  of  a  spirit  of  reverence,  subordination,  and 
docility.  To  what  is  this  owing  ?  Not  to  any 
change  in  the  nature  of  childhood  from  past  periods, 
when  respect  and  order  were  almost  universal.  Ev- 
ery child  has  the  faculty  of  reverence  in  liim  ;  there 
is  something  which  excites  his  wonder  and  awe. 
No  one  is  unmoved  by  the  mighty  powers  of  Na- 
ture ;  her  awful,  majestic,  uncomprehended  forces 
inspire  the  schoolboy  with  reverence.  Nay,  every 
child  does  respect  some  human  being  and  human 
power.  There  are  men  before  whom  the  proudest 
do  quail  ;  office,  station,  simple  character,  can,  for 
they  do,  subdue  the  very  scoffer. 

Our  institutions  are  unfriendly,  perhaps,  to  rever- 
ence. The  cry  of  "  Liberty  and  Equality  "  brings 
down  all  to  a  level,  the  middle-aged,  and  sometimes 
the  old,  as  well  as  the  young.  But  even  here,  where 
ranks  and  titles  are  abolished,  there  is  still  left  a  foun- 
dation for  the  sentiment  of  veneration.  Let  parents 
do  their  whole  duty,  and  they  can  resist,  to  a  great 
degree,  this  unhappy  tendency  of  our  age  and  coun- 
try. Let  them  awaken  a  regard  for  their  own  posi- 
tion and  authority.  It  needs  no 'Puritanic  sternness 
to  do  this  ;  a  gentle,  steady,  firm  hand  is  all  that  is 
wanted.     There  is  no  child  who  may  not  be  con- 


THE    PARENT.  39 

trolled  and  made  respectful  by  a  patient  and  uniform 
discipline. 

But  rare  are  the  instances  of  reverence  where  a 
child  is  left  to  the  day  school  or  the  Sunday  school 
for  his  entire  moral  education.  I  account  partly  for 
the  present  spirit  of  disrespect  among  the  young  by 
the  fact,  that  parents  do  not  now  educate  their  chil- 
dren themselves,  as  their  fathers  did,  in  the  princi- 
ples of  piety  and  duty  ;  they  do  not,  like  them,  thus 
make  the  family  altar  a  centre  of  sacred  and  venera- 
ble associations.  If  you  give  up  your  son  and 
daughter  entirely  to  other  hands  to  teach  and  train, 
you  cannot  reasonably  expect  that  love  and  respect 
which  flow  from  personal  culture  by  the  parent. 
Our  youth  will  never  walk  steadily  in  the  heaven- 
ward path,  unless  we  add  to  their  Sunday-school  in- 
struction that  of  the  fireside. 

Nor  is  instruction  sufficient  ;  there  is  a  work  to  be 
done  at  home  for  their  characters  which  no  teacher, 
however  faithful,  can  do  for  them  at  school.  Every 
good  lesson  they  learn  on  Sunday  must  be  follow- 
ed up  by  parental  watchfulness  on  the  week-day. 
Woe  to  those  v.ho  consciously  resign  the  whole  re- 
ligious care  of  their  children  to  any  other  being  on 
earth  !  Blessed  are  they  who  make  it  a  point  of 
conscience  to  reiterate  and  to  carry  out  in  actual  life 
the  good  things  inculcated  in  the  Sunday  school  ! 
Where  this  is  done,  the  child  grows  up  "  subject," 
like  Jesus  in  his  childhood,   "  to  his  parents,"  and 


40  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

never  utters  in  their  presence  the  language,  or  exhib- 
its the  manner,  of  any  other  than  a  perfectly  loving 
and  reverent  regard. 

The  labor  to  be  performed  is  personal ;  no  foreign 
hand  can  perform  it.  We  can  hire  no  substitute,  we 
can  employ  no  agent.  Here  we  stand,  and  here  we 
must  work.  The  influence  of  the  parent  is  the 
mightiest  on  earth,  and  it  must  be  used,  —  used  ev- 
ery day  while  his  child  is  beneath  his  roof,  —  used 
early  and  late,  with  prayer  and  with  trust.  We 
have  other  talents  which  we  may  misemploy,  and  re- 
cover, in  part  at  least,  our  loss  ;  but  this,  if  we  waste 
it  or  let  it  be  idle,  involves  an  irreparable  loss.  We 
are  making  a  mark  on  the  characters  of  our  children 
which  time  will  never  efface.  Let  it  be  done  with  a 
fiill  sense  of  its  consequences. 


CHAPTER  III. 


THE    STEP-MOTHEK. 


From  what  has  been  said  in  the  preceding  chap- 
ter, it  follows  necessarily  that  no  relation  in  life  is 
more  delicate,  and  no  office  in  the  domestic  circle 
more  difficult  to  discharge,  than  that  of  a  step- 
mother. Her  position  is  peculiar,  inasmuch  as  it 
involves  duties  for  the  faithful  discharge  of  which 
there  seem  often  to  be  no  adequate  motives. 
Among  the  obstacles  in  the  way  of  these  duties, 
two  stand  prominent. 

In  the  first  place,  every  child  needs  the  constant 
care  of  a  purely  disinterested  nurse,  guardian,  and 
friend.  Nothing  but  a  spirit  of  entire  self-sacrifice 
will  prompt  to  this  care.  But  where  are  we  to  look 
for  this  spirit  ?  Who  will  consent  to  give  up  her 
time,  her  pleasures,  her  labors,  her  very  sleep  and 
rest,  for  the  little  dependent  one  ?  "What  fountain 
of  love  is  so  deep  that  it  will  never  fail  amid  this  per- 
petual draught  on  its  waters  ?  God  has  created  one, 
and  it  is  in  the  bosom  of  that  being  who  bore  the 
child.      There  is  an  affection  that  will  minister  to  its 


42  THE    CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

every  manifested  want,  nay,  will  seek  out  and  watch 
for  new  wants  ;  it  will  be  never  weary  of  well-doing. 
It  will  bear  with  ill-humor  and  peevishness,  with  ob- 
stinacy, obtuseness,  and  every  intractable  quality. 
When  the  child  tires,  it  will  rejoice  to  stretch  forth 
a  helping  hand  ;  it  will  have  a  kiss  for  every  tear, 
and  a  kind  tone  for  every  trouble.  No  tasks  will  be 
imposed  beyond  the  strength  of  childhood,  and  no 
habit  permitted  which  tends  to  injure  health,  charac- 
ter, heart,  or  mind.  When  sickness  comes,  a  min- 
istering angel  is  near  to  cherish  the  helpless  sufferer ; 
it  is  a  mother  who  holds  him  in  her  arms  or  bends 
over  his  pillow,  and  she  never  chides  his  restlessness 
or  rebukes  his  caprice.  There  she  sits,  day  after 
day,  and  night  after  night,  by  his  bedside,  an  imper- 
sonation of  that  divine  charity  which  "  suffereth 
long,  and  is  kind,  which  is  not  easily  provoked, 
which  beareth  all  things,  hopeth  all  things,  endureth 
all  things,"  which,  in  the  glorious  language  of  the 
Apostle,   "  never  faileth." 

But  in  the  heart  of  the  step-mother  there  is  no 
such  natural  fountain  of  unfailing  love.  The  tie  that 
binds  her  to  the  child  in  her  care  was  created  by 
man.  She  does  not  possess  —  and  it  is  unreason- 
able to  demand  of  her  —  that  deep,  inexhaustible 
affection  which  is  spontaneous  in  the  child's  own 
mother.  At  first,  certainly,  she  must  be  governed 
more  by  intellectual  considerations,  or  at  best  by 
high  moral  principle,  than  by  any  maternal  feeling. 


THE    STEP-MOTHER.  43 

If  her  character  be  elevated  and  pure,  she  will  be 
faithful  to  this  child  from  a  sense  of  duty.  In  aid 
of  this  motive  may  come  in  a  love  of  the  child  as 
the  offspring  of  her  husband,  or  as  a  member  of  her 
own  family.  But  what  elevated  principle,  what  rare 
self-sacrifice,  will  it  discover,  if  she  never  neglect 
her  duty  to  her  step-child  !  Few  will  rise  at  once 
to  such  exalted  virtue.  In  some  instances  has  the 
little  one  never  secured  its  rightful  place  in  the  heart 
of  this  parent.  He  or  she  has  been  governed,  not 
in  love,  but  with  the  rod.  There  has  been  an  exer- 
cise of  stern  parental  authority,  never  mitigated  by 
parental  kindness.  Heavy  tasks  are  imposed,  and 
no  drop  of  mercy  mingles  in  the  cup  of  justice. 
Sometimes  we  see  the  cruel  taskmaster  demanding 
the  full  tale  of  bricks  when  no  straw  is  given.  Day 
after  day  the  hard  "stint"  is  imposed,  no  rest  is 
allowed,  recreation  is  forbidden,  and  the  little  suf- 
ferer becomes  haggard  with  a  premature  age.  Study 
is  heaped  upon  study,  the  intermission  must  be  filled 
up  with  work,  each  holiday  is  grudged,  and  vacation, 
the  joy  of  weary  childhood,  must  be  all  occupied  in 
sitting  upright  in  a  chair,  and  plying  the  needle  or 
reading  a  book. 

Who  can  be  surprised,  that,  under  this  iron  rule, 
the  sweets  of  this  happy  period  are  sometimes  turned 
into  "the  gall  of  bitterness  "  .''  The  morning  of  life 
is  thus  shadowed  by  an  unnatural  darkness  ;  and,  in- 
stead of  filial  love,  we  see  alienation,  hostility,  and 


44  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

hatred,  with  all  its  desolating  effects,  take  possession 
of  the  child. 

This  leads  me  to  say,  that  another  great  source  of 
difficulty  in  this  relation  is  the  fact,  that  children  can 
have  no  natural  affection  for  a  step-mother.  She 
comes  to  them  a  stranger  ;  and  if  it  be  hard  for  her 
to  do  her  own  duty,  from  the  absence  of  a  natural 
love,  how  much  harder  must  it  needs  be  for  them  ? 
She  may  be  expected,  from  her  age,  and  her  station 
also,  to  be  influenced  in  her  relation  to  them  by  high 
moral  considerations,  by  a  sense  of  her  duty  to  them, 
to  her  husband  and  his  family,  and  by  her  responsi- 
bility to  the  God  and  Father  of  all  families.  But 
these  children,  so  young,  so  inexperienced,  can 
hardly  be  required  to  act  from  so  pure  and  elevated 
motives.  Much  must  be  pardoned  in  every  child  ; 
how  much  in  those  thus  bereft  of  a  mother's  foster- 
ing care  !  What  impartial  judgment,  and  what 
steady  self-possession,  are  needed  in  her  who  has 
taken  that  mother's  place  !  How  ought  she  to 
watch  her  own  heart,  and  guard  it  against  selfish 
feelings  !  Let  her  make  constant  allowance  for  the 
condition  of  these  children.  She  must  consider, 
over  and  over,  the  disadvantages  of  their  situation. 
She  can  never  create  in  them  a  natural  love  for  her- 
self, and  the  cheerful  obedience  that  may  flow  from 
it.  But  by  assiduity  and  faithfulness  she  can  win 
their  respect,  secure  their  love,  and  so  awaken  a 
deep  regard  for  her  wishes  and  her  happiness. 


THE    STEP-MOTHEE.  45 

It  is  sometimes  difficult  for  this  parent  to  maintain 
her  authority,  on  account  of  the  injudicious  interfer- 
ence of  the  connections,  or  the  friends  and  acquaint- 
ances, of  the  children.  They  take  part,  perhaps, 
with  every  disposition  to  disregard  her  commands, 
if  they  do  not  say,  in  so  many  words,  —  "  She  is 
not  your  mother,  and  I  would  not  obey  her." 
There  is  a  spirit  thus  fostered,  which  it  may  be 
harder  to  withstand  than  open  disobedience.  Per- 
haps it  never  breaks  out  in  the  rebellious  language 
of  "  I  wont  mind  you,"  but  it  still  utters  Itself 
in  actions,  which  often  speak  louder  than  words. 
Let  the  attempt  never  be  made  to  subdue  this  spirit 
by  physical  force,  or  by  harsh  tones,  angry  looks, 
and  virulent  language.  It  must  be  met  by  gentle- 
ness, soothed  by  kindness,  repressed  by  an  angelic 
forbearance  and  patience  ;  in  one  word,  it  can  only 
be  overcome  by  a  steady  faith  in  the  omnipotence  of 
Love. 

In  addition  to  these  trials,  the  step-mother  is  em- 
barrassed by  the  difference  between  her  own  relation 
to  the  children  of  her  husband  and  his.  In  ordinary 
cases,  his  love  for  them  will  be  greater  than  hers, 
and  this  will  incline  him  to  a  proportionate  Indulgence 
toward  them.  They  soon  perceive  this,  and  it  leads 
them  to  refer  to  his  decision  rather  than  hers  on  ev- 
ery disputed  topic.  They  anticipate  the  greater  kind- 
ness from  him,  and  lean  more  and  more  toward  him. 
The  father  is  regarded  as  their  best  friend,  and  soon 


46  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

odious  comparisons  are  instituted,  and  these  increase 
their  alienation  from  her  toward  whom  there  should 
be  an  ever-growing  love.  Wherever  parents,  for 
any  cause  whatever,  disagree  in  the  management  of 
their  children,  the  consequences  must  be  disastrous. 
Amid  the  contentions  of  father  and  mother,  we  see 
the  character  of  the  daughter  "  a  coat  of  many  col- 
ors," a  building  of  incongruous  materials,  which 
cannot  stand  in  this  world  of  temptation  and  trial. 
And  happy  will  it  be  if  the  sons  do  not  betray  the 
mournful  effects  of  a  family  government  which  brings 
parents  to  shame. 

If  the  step-mother  become  the  parent  of  other 
children,  her  position  is  yet  more  trying  to  the  char- 
acter. The  new-comer  awakens  an  instinctive  love, 
and  this  calls  forth  peculiar  kindnesses.  Her  former 
children  may  imagine  they  see  a  partiality  toward 
the  little  one  by  which  they  are  made  to  suffer. 
Blessed  is  she  —  and  we  do  witness  such  noble  ex- 
amples—  who  holds  an  even  discipline  over  every 
child  in  these  two  conflicting  relations  ;  who  resolves, 
and  prays,  and  strives  that  she  may  deal  in  equal  ten- 
derness and  equal  justice  to  them  all !  Happy  they 
who  succeed  in  allaying  every  groundless  suspicion, 
and  make  all  feel  that  they  have  one  and  the  same 
mother. 

^Indeed,  the  author  has  in  mind  more  than  one  in- 
stance which  goes  to  show  that  a  step-mother  can  so 
conduct  herself  as  to  supply  completely,  and  even 


THE    STEP-JIOTIIER.  47 

more  than  supply,  the  loss  of  the  natural  parent. 
The  female  heart  is  so  constituted  that  the  charge 
and  responsibihty  of  a  little  child  draws  out  much  of 
a  mother's  love  toward  it.  It  needs  only  a  spirit  of 
kindness  sustained  by  a  tender  conscience,  to  prevent 
every  evil  we  have  adverted  to,  and  make  this  rela- 
tion an  inestimable  and  permanent  blessing  to  the 
once  orphan  child. 


CHAPTER    IV. 


SCHOOL   EDUCATION. 


The  relations  of  the  parent  to  the  week-day 
schools  in  which  his  children  are  educated  are  so 
important,  that  a  chapter  must  be  given  to  their  sep- 
arate consideration.  The  child  spends  in  these 
schools,  in  ordinary  cases,  six  hours  a  day  ;  that  is, 
from  a  third  to  one  half  of  his  conscious  existence, 
between  the  ages  of  four  and  sixteen.  It  is  this  pe- 
riod which  usually  decides  the  character  for  life,  and 
the  large  proportion  of  it  spent  in  the  school-room 
clothes  that  place  with  a  momentous  interest.  A 
slight  error  on  the  part  of  any  one  concerned  in  the 
influences  of  the  school-room,  pursued  from  day  to 
day  and  from  year  to  year,  may  be  followed  by  fear- 
ful results.  Hence  it  is  that  no  conscientious  par- 
ent can  fail  to  give  this  subject  his  constant  and  anx- 
ious attention. 

What,  then,  are  the  duties  of  parents  in  relation 
to  the  week-day  school  ? 

1.  The  first,  beyond  question,  is  to  form  a  clear 
idea  of  the  object  of  the  school.     "Why  all  this  care 


SCHOOL    EDUCATION.  49 

of  the  State  to  foster  this  institution  ?  Why  do 
towns,  districts,  neighbourhoods,  and  famihes  ex- 
pend so  much  thought  and  so  much  treasure  on  the 
establishment  of  good  schools  ?  Or  rather,  what 
ought  to  be  the  great  motive  at  the  foundation  of 
these  labors  and  sacrifices  ?  Is  it  the  bestowing  of 
knowledge  on  the  young  at  which  we  supremely 
aim  ?  If  so,  we  commit  an  error  on  the  threshold 
of  this  subject  ;  for  mere  knowledge  poured  on  the 
passive  mind  is  of  Httle  avail.  It  loads  the  memory 
with  a  burden  almost  useless  in  practical  life.  No, 
the  first  aim  should  be  to  educate,  that  is,  as  the 
word  signifies,  to  call  forth,  the  mental  powers  of 
the  child.  His  mind  must  be  quickened,  and  exert 
itself  vigorously,  and  increase  in  strength  and  in  re- 
finement, at  each  stage  of  his  studies.  Nor  is  this 
all  ;  he  should  be  so  educated  as  to  love  knowledge 
for  its  own  sake,  and  to  carry  with  him  through  life 
a  desire  of  constant  intellectual  improvement. 

But  is  this  the  final  end  of  the  school-room  ? 
May  the  parent  rest  content  with  the  intellectual 
progress  of  his  child,  and  desire  nothing  more  than 
to  hear  of  his  distinguished  talents,  and  that  he  is  a 
splendid  scholar  ?  Shall  he  judge  the  teacher  by  no 
other  standard  than  his  ability  to  press  his  pupils  for- 
ward in  their  studies  .''  This,  I  believe,  is  the  usual 
criterion  of  excellence  ;  but  far,  fatally  far,  does  it 
fall  short  of  the  standard  of  a  really  Christian  par- 
ent. With  him  the  intellect  never  ranks  highest 
4 


50  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

among  the  inward  powers  and  possessions  of  his 
child.  No  ;  precious  as  is  mental  culture,  and  noble 
as  are  the  attainments  of  a  good  education  in  this 
sense,  there  is  one  object  still  higher  and  better, 
and  that  is  moral  culture,  the  education  of  the 
child's  conscience,  the  training,  of  his  will,  the  en- 
largement and  purifying  of  his  social  affections.  If 
this  be  the  purpose  of  the  fireside,  it  should  be 
equally  that  of  the  school-room.  Let  the  parent 
never  be  satisfied  with  anything  below  this  ;  let  him 
not  be  seduced  by  bright  scholarship  to  neglect,  or 
suffer  the  teacher  to  neglect,  the  care  of  his  cliild's 
character.  If  that  is  steadily  improving,  if  to 
knowledge  is  -daily  added  virtue,  then  indeed  is  the 
teacher  faithful,  and  the  scholar  is  receiving  a  good 
education. 

2.  Regard  your  part  as  of  equal  importance  with 
that  of  the  teacher  for  the  success  of  your  children's 
school.  Many,  it  is  feared,  think  that  when  the 
school  is  once  put  in  operation  their  work  is  done. 
They  are  anxious  to  reside  near  the  school-room, 
they  exert  themselves  to  procure  a  teacher,  and  per- 
haps take  a  warm  interest  in  the  election  of  the 
school  committee  ;  but  when  the  school  begins,  and 
they  send  their  children  supplied  with  books,  all 
their  solicitude  suddenly  departs.  They  remind  one 
of  the  good  deacon,  who  said  that  when  his  own 
minister  was  preaching  he  fell  asleep,  for  he  knew 
that  then  everything  would  go  on  well. 


SCHOOL    EDUCATION.  51 

But  nothing  goes  on  well  in  that  school  where  the 
parents  of  the  children  perform  no  duty  toward  it, 
and  take  no  interest  in  its  progress.  The  teacher  is 
often  baffled,  and  his  hands  are  constantly  weakened, 
by  the  indifference  at  home.  If  the  attention  of  fa- 
ther and  mother  is  remitted  for  a  single  day,  that  day 
is  robbed  of  a  part  of  its  benefits  to  the  scholar. 
The  very  idea  that  the  parents  observe  his  course 
and  give  him  credit  for  fidelity  is  a  stimulus  to  the 
teacher.  And  if  the  child  has  reason  to  believe  that 
his  parents  only  think  of  him  as  he  passes  from 
study  to  study,  and  especially  if  he  believes  they  are 
made  happy  at  the  thought  of  his  mental  and  moral 
improvement,  he  applies  himself  with  redoubled 
vigor.  Always,  therefore,  follow  your  children  in 
mind  to  the  school-room  ;  show  the  teacher  that  you 
prize  his  efforts,  and  are  laboring  at  home  to  second 
them.  Cultivate  his  acquaintance,  and  keep  up 
more  or  less  intercourse  with  him.  Let  your  chil- 
dren see  that  you  feel  responsible  in  part  for  their 
progress,  and  consider  that  you  have  something  ev- 
ery day  to  do  in  regard  to  their  school  ;  in  a  word, 
think,  plan,  labor,  to  sustain  the  teacher. 

3.  Let  the  discipline  of  home  combine  with  that 
of  the  school-room.  If  the  teacher  govei'n  with 
gentleness  joined  to  decision,  so  let  the  parent.  It  is 
sad  to  witness  the  conflicts  of  these  two  spheres  of 
education.  "  When  I  am  in  the  presence  of  either 
father  or  mother,"  said  Lady  Jane  Grey,   "  whether 


52  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

I  speak,  keep  silence,  sit,  stand,  or  go,  eat,  drink, 
be  merry  or  sad,  be  sewing,  playing,  dancing,  or  do- 
ing anything  else,  I  must  do  it,  as  it  were,  in  such 
weight,  measure,  and  number,  even  so  perfectly  as 
God  made  the  world,  or  else  I  am  so  sharply  taunt- 
ed, so  cruelly  threatened,  yea,  presently  some- 
times, with 'nips,  and  bobs,  and  other  ways  which  I 
will  not  name,  for  the  honor  I  bear  them,  so  without 
measure  misordered,  that  I  think  myself  in  hell,  till 
time  come  that  I  must  go  to  Mr.  Elmer,  who  teach- 
eth  me  so  gently,  so  pleasantly,  with  such  fair  allure- 
ments to  learning,  that  I  think  all  the  time  nothing, 
whiles  I  am  with  him;  And  when  I  am  called  from 
him  I  fall  on  weeping,  because,  whatever  I  do  else, 
but  learning,  is  full  of  grief,  trouble,  fear,  and  whole 
misliking  unto  me." 

Nothing  more  impedes  the  success  of  a  teacher 
than  parental  neglect  at  home.  What  can  any  one 
do  with  those  children  who  bring  to  the  school-room 
a  spirit  of  disobedience  ?  It  is  cruel  to  complain  of 
disorder  there,  if  we  allow  it  constantly  in  our  fam- 
ilies. How  often  do  parents  thwart  a  faithful  in- 
structor by  indulging  their  children  in  habits  of  idle- 
ness !  They  paralyze  his  moral  government  through 
their  disregard  of  the  sacred  duty  of  truthfulness  in 
their  children.  A  boy  cannot  be  managed  properly 
at  school  who  is  not  conscientious  at  home.  And 
what  shall  we  say  of  that  father  who  never  yet  taught 
his  son,  either  by  word  or  deed,  the  great  object  of 


SCHOOL   EDUCATION.  53 

a  school  education  ?  We  need  angels  —  for  mortals 
cannot  do  the  work  —  to  teach  well  and  rule  well 
those  children  who  are  sent,  one  must  ahnost  be- 
lieve, with  an  allowed  and  determined  purpose  of 
arraying  themselves  at  once  against  the  teacher, 
and  vexing  his  spirit,  and  counteracting  his  efforts. 
When  shall  we  join  in  making  it  tlie  combined  study 
at  our  firesides  to  relieve  those  who  are  now  so  of- 
ten burdened  by  our  thoughtless  negligence,  if  not 
by  our  absolute  labor  to  frustrate  their  success  ? 
We  need  to  this  end  the  heavenly  spirit  that  animat- 
ed the  mother  of  Increase  Mather,  and,  like  her,  to 
make  character  the  first  thing  in  our  parental  suppli- 
cations. "  Child,"  was  her  devoted  address  to 
him,  "  if  God  make  thee  a  Good  Christian  and  a 
Good  Scholar,  thou  hast  all  that  thy  mother  ever 
asked  for  thee."  The  Christian  character,  gentle- 
ness, obedience,  tractableness  toward  God  and  man 
at  Lome,  is  an  earnest  of  good  progress  at  school. 

4.  With  this  view  of  his  duty,  the  parent  will 
send  his  children  regularly  and  punctually  to  school. 
K  they  are  not  there,  to  what  purpose  has  the  teach- 
er been  employed,  and  tlie  school  opened  ?  If  they 
do  not  use  tlieir  school-books,  why  have  you  pur- 
chased them  ?  The  child  w^ho  is  irregular  in  attend- 
ance falls  behind  his  class,  loses  his  ambition,  and 
finally  his  whole  interest  in  the  school.  We  make 
no  progress  in  any  pursuit  when  our  interest  in  it  has 
gone  ;  and  who  has  not  noticed  that  those  children 


64  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

who  are  never  absent  always  feel  the  deepest  interest 
m  their  studies  ?  Their  attendance  is  the  thermom- 
eter by  which  you  can  measure  the  warmth  of  their 
love  for  the  school.  Keep  them  at  home  one  day 
in  each  week,  and  you  nearly  neutrahze  the  benefit 
of  all  the  other  days.  Parents  have  no  conception 
of  the  magnitude  of  the  evil  of  irregular  attendance 
at  school.  The  father  who  threw,  every  week,  a  cer- 
tain part  of  his  money  into  the  sea,  would  be  regard- 
ed as  cruel  to  his  family,  nay,  as  absolutely  insane. 
But,  by  as  much  as  knowledge  is  better  than  silver, 
and  a  good  character  better  than -fine  gold,  by  so 
much  worse  are  the  consequences  of  taking  our  chil- 
dren's time  from  their  school  than  throwing  away 
the  money  we  might  leave  them  on  our  death-bed. 
Send  your  children  with  a  miser's  frugality,  as  far  as 
possible,  every  day,  and  to  every  session  of  their 
school. 

Punctuality  is  likewise  all-important.  To  lose  the 
first  hour  of  the  session  is  often  to  lose  the  best  part, 
and  sometimes  the  whole,  of  it.  It  breaks  the  thread 
of  study,  and  makes  each  succeeding  hour  the  harder 
for  the  pupil.  Do  not,  then,  detain  your  daughter 
from  the  opening  hour  ;  show  her  that,  if  she  is  tardy, 
it  shall  not  be  the  fault  of  her  mother.  Never  listen 
to  shght  excuses  for  being  late  ;  sickness  and  intense 
severity  of  weather  are  the  only  habitual  excuses  we 
should  permit  for  absence  or  tardiness.  When  par- 
ents come  to  feel  the  necessity  of  this  strict  regular- 


SCHOOL    EDUCATION.  DO 

ity,  a  power  will  be  set  in  motion  far  greater,  and  at 
the  same  time  far  less  embarrassing  and  vexatious, 
than  rigid  rules  made  by  teachers  and  committees. 

5.  That  the  school  may  prosper,  parents  must 
converse  with  their  children  in  regard  to  its  details 
and  its  progress.  What  is  talked  about  ui  the  fam- 
ily becomes  important  in  their  estimation.  If  they 
never  hear  a  word  said  concerning  their  teacher, 
their  studies,  their  lessons  and  recitations,  they 
thinik  their  parents  do  not  care  for  these  things. 
Where  food,  dress,  business,  making  money,  or  the 
fauhs  of  their  neighbours,  are  every  day  discussed, 
they  think  these  are  matters  of  grave  concern.  But 
what  must  be  their  estimate  of  their  school,  if  it  is 
never  mentioned,  —  if  no  earnestness  is  manifested 
about  it,  and  no  word  or  deed  seems  to  show  any 
special  interest  in  it  ?  Let  it  become  a  leading  topic 
of  conversation  at  the  table,  or  in  the  evening,  and  a 
single  terra  will  produce  a  marvellous  change  in  the 
children's  devotion  to  it.  They  will  be  regular  in 
their  attendance,  and  study  out  of  school  as  well  as 
in  it. 

I  would  not  encourage  habits  of  excessive  appli- 
cation. The  tendency  at  this  time,  in  many  in- 
stances, is  to  force  children  forward  too  rapidly. 
Wherever  the  health  suffers,  or  the  disposition  is 
made  irritable,  the  child  is  doing  too  much  ;  and  let 
the  parent  say  this  to  him  or  her.  Let  not  an  ambi- 
tion to  excel  be  indulged  till  the  constitution  be  un- 


56  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

dermined,  and  the  seeds  sown  of  disease  and  prema- 
ture death.  Nor  let  the  temper  be  spoiled  for  the 
sake  of  making  a  good  scholar.  Health,  equanim- 
ity, character,  are  better  than  all  mere  knowledge. 
Teach  yom*  children,  in  so  many  words,  never  to 
sacrifice  the  former  to  the  latter. 

6.  And,  to  save  their  health  and  their  virtue,  as 
well  as  for  other  ends,  parents  should  assist  their 
children  in  learning  their  lessons.  Every  father, 
however  ignorant,  can  do  something  in  this  way  to 
help  his  sons.  Every  mother  knows  enough  to 
teach  the  rudiments,  at  least,  to  her  daughters. 
The  mere  attempt  to  do  it  encourages  a  child,  and 
we  should  fail  in  these  attempts  much  less  seldom 
than  we  imagine.  There  are  few  branches  of  an  el- 
ementary education  in  which  neither  parent  can  ren- 
der any  instruction  whatever.  And  if,  after  failing 
yourself,  you  but  call  in  the  aid  of  an  older  broth- 
er or  sister,  you  will  afford  invaluable  assistance. 
Never  turn  a  deaf  ear  to  one  troubled  in  his  studies. 
Do  something,  rather,  in  leisure  hours,  to  qualify 
yourself  for  cooperating  with  his  teacher.  If  you 
can  but  help  the  little  laborer  over  one  hill-top,  it 
may  dry  his  tears,  and  make  you  an  object  of  new 
love  and  respect. 

7.  Parents  may  do  a  good  service  to  the  school 
by  attending  its  examinations,  and  witnessing  the  pro- 
ficiency of  their  children.  The  presence  of  visitors 
is   cheering  to   the  teacher  ; '  it  gives  him  palpable 


5CH00L    EDUCATION.  57 

evidence  that  he  is  not  laboring  in  vain.  If  the 
parents  and  guardians  of  his  pupils  never  enter  the 
school-room,  he  naturally  thinks  they  are  uncon- 
cerned in  regard  to  his  exertions.  They  give  him 
no  credit  for  toil  and  success,  and  he  comes  at  last 
to  feel  discouraged,  and  from  discouragement  the 
path  is  short  to  remissness  and  inaction.  To  gratify 
the  teacher,  therefore^  and  to  give  him  strength,  we 
should  visit  his  school. 

For  the  sake  of  his  children,  let  the  parent  occa- 
sionally enter  the  school-room.  It  would  animate 
them,  not  only  at  the  moment  of  recitation,  but  in 
their  hours  of  study.  When  they  anticipate  a  fa- 
ther's smile  and  a  mother's  friendly  eye  on  the  day 
of  examination,  it  inspires  them  through  the  whole 
previous  term.  They  may  fear  the  presence  of  un- 
accustomed teachers,  of  their  school-committee,  and 
of  strangers,  but  they  love  that  of  their  parents.  It 
affords  an  incitement,  sometimes  more  powerful,  and 
often  far  more  beneficial,  than  the  dreaded  inspection 
of  cold  observers. 

It  is  well  to  drop  in  and  see  your  children  at  their 
studies  whenever  you  can.  Do  not  wait  for  the  day 
of  public  examination.  Indeed,  both  teacher  and 
children  will  priz6  a  casual  call  more  than  those 
which  are  invited  and  formal.  If  you  only  look  in 
for  a  few  moments,  it  does  them  good.  It  becomes 
not  only  an  intellectual  stimulus,  but  a  social  benefit, 
by  promoting  kind  feelings  between  tlie  teacher  and 


58  THE    CHRISTIAN    PAEENT. 

yourself ;  and  it  leads  often  to  moral  good,  as  it  el- 
evates his  motives,  and  awakens  deep  and  pure  sym- 
pathies in  the  hearts  of  the  children. 

8.  The  subject  of  holidays  and  vacations  is  too 
important  to  be  passed  over  unnoticed.  There 
seems  in  some  cases  to  be  a  conflict  going  continually 
on  in  this  matter  between  parent  and  teacher.  The 
committee,  in  our  public  schools,  stands  usually  be- 
tween the  two  parties,  as  a  mediating  power.  Per- 
haps I  should  add  the  children  to  the  party  of  the 
teacher.  But  why  this  apparent  hostility  .''  Do  we 
not  all  in  reality  stand  on  one  side  of  the  field  ?  I 
have  thought  that  parents,  in  most  instances,  need 
only  to  be  enlightened,  to  cooperate  heartily  with 
the  friends  of  holidays  and  vacations. 

What  does  the  parent  desire  ?  "  Nothing,"  he 
will  reply,  "  but  the  good  of  my  child."  In  what, 
then,  does  that  good  consist  ?  A  part,  and  a  large 
part  certainly,  of  it  consists  in  the  improvement  of 
your  child's  intellect.  But  is  this  the  whole  ?  Sup- 
pose him  to  be  filled  w4th  knowledge  ;  is  nothing 
more  desirable  ?  To  say  this  is  to  forget  that  he 
has  a  body,  as  well  as  a  mind,  to  be  taken  care  of ; 
and  it  is  to  leave  out  of  view,  also,  his  moral,  spirit- 
ual, and  immortal  nature. 

Your  child  has  a  mortal  frame  ;  and  so  closely  is  it 
connected  with  his  mental  powers,  that  these  cannot 
be  truly  educated  except  that  frame  be  in  health. 
"  A  sound  mind  in  a  sound  body  "  was  the  desire 


SCHOOL    EDUCATION.  59 

of  the  Roman  poet ;  and  we  cannot  possess  a  sound 
mind  in  a  diseased  body.  If,  then,  you  require  your 
child  to  cultivate  his  intellect  at  the  expense  of  his 
health,  you  not  only  rob  him  of  all  the  comforts  of 
good  health,  but  you  injure  also  his  mind.  To 
make  a  good  scholar  of  him,  you  must  allow  him 
abundant  exercise,  and  you  must  give  him  the  am- 
plest allowance  of  time  for  it.  In  other  words,  you 
must  welcome  his  holidays  and  vacations  with  the 
same  pleasure  as  you  do  his  terms  for  study. 

The  age  is  crowding  our  children  with  new  stud- 
ies. Branch  after  branch  is  added  to  the  list,  and 
young  and  still  younger  are  the  scholars  in  our  high- 
est schools.  What  is  the  consequence  ?  They  are 
fast  losing  their  health  ;  the  race,  physically  speak- 
ing, is  on  the  rapid  decline.  Our  boys  are  pale,  pu- 
ny, and  feeble  ;  round  shoulders  are  almost  univer- 
sal among  them.  A  manly,  erect,  well-developed 
frame  is  becoming  a  rare  sight  ;  and  what  will  they 
be  in  their  after  life  .''  Not  vigorous,  athletic  men, 
but  effeminate,  weak,  and  degenerate  in  body.  No 
influence  is  doing  so  much  to  hasten  on  this  melan- 
choly issue  as  that  of  our  schools.  If  we  will  per- 
sist in  forcing  our  children  thus  forward  in  their  stud- 
ies, —  and  I  rejoice  in  their  progress  with  my  whole 
heart,  if  it  can  be  made  safely,  —  if  we  demand  this 
mental  progress,  then,  in  the  name  of  humanity,  let 
us  give  their  bodies  a  proportionate  care.  Let  us 
increase  their  days  of  recreation  and  rest. 


60 


THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 


For  the  sake  of  their  moral  improvement,  we 
should  encourage  liberal  vacations.  Unremitted 
study  disorders  the  nerves,  and  with  that  disorder 
comes  an  effect  on  the  temper  and  the  whole  char- 
acter. No  wonder  your  boy  is  irritable  and  passion- 
ate. His  brain  is  overtasked,  probably,  at  school, 
and  you  put  no  corresponding  tasks  on  his  physical 
frame.  Your  daughter  is  growing  silent  and  morose, 
and  why  ?  She  is  stimulated  unnaturally  by  her  ex- 
cessive studies  ;  and  her  anxiety  about  them,  and 
her  intense  application  to  them, ^  are  destroying  her 
health,  and,  with  that,  her  cheerfulness.  You  should 
feel,  also,  the  need  of  her  learning  something  of  do- 
mestic duties.  What  are  her  prospects  as  a  house- 
keeper, going  on  as  she  is  in  ignorance  of  the  needle 
and  of  culinary  affairs  ?  But  what  can  be  done  ? 
She  must  "  get  her  lessons,"  and,  to  do  this,  she 
must  study  hour  after  hour,  and  not  only  in  school 
but  out  of  school.  Will  you,  then,  complain  of  fre- 
quent holidays,  and  of  too  long  vacations,  when  these 
are  the  only  occasions  on  which  she  can  learn  any- 
thing of  household  duties,  and  be  prepared  to  take 
charge  of  a  family  .''  I  sometimes  fear  that  the 
daughters  now  in  our  schools  will  ill  supply  the 
place  of  their  mothers  ;  and  I  am  sure  that  abun- 
dant respite  from  their  studies,  and  an  increased 
practice  of  housekeeping,  are  all  that  can  avert  this 
calamity. 

Our  children  should  have  long  vacations,  that  they 


SCHOOL   EDXrCATION.  61 

may  enjoy  opportunities  to  leave  their  home  occa- 
sionally, and  mingle  with  the  world  at  large.  It  is 
well  that  they  be  sometimes  taken  from  their  parents, 
and  from  the  comforts  and  indulgences  of  home,  that 
they  may  learn  to  value  their  home.  A  change  of 
air  and  scenery  is  beneficial  to  their  health.  It  is 
good,  also,  for  their  characters.  Children  learn 
much  by  observation  ;  their  minds  are  benefited 
by  visaing  new  scenes  ;  what  they  see  when  at  this 
period  produces  a  permanent  impression  ;  and  if  you 
send  them  into  good  society,  they  receive  an  indel- 
ible advantage. 

A  protracted  vacation  spent  away  from  home 
teaches  our  children  lessons  of  self-dependence. 
While  they  are  at  our  side,  they  lean  constantly  upon 
us.  When  they  are  absent,  they  are  compelled  to 
take  care  of  their  own  persons  and  their  little  affairs 
for  themselves.  They  become,  too,  more  manly 
and  womanly  by  being  obliged  to  speak,  act,  and 
think  for  themselves.  It  improves  their  manners, 
and  strengthens  their  virtues.  They  learn,  also,  to 
respect,  as  well  as  to  love,  their  parents,  by  being 
temporarily  separated  from  them.  For  these  and  for 
many  other  reasons,  if  we  are  wise,  we  shall  encour- 
age teachers,  and  all  the  guardians  of  our  schools,  to 
appoint  frequent  holidays  and  generous  vacations. 

9.  The  school-room  cannot  prosper  unless  par- 
ents cooperate  with  it  by  joining  domestic  to  school 
education.     The  father  would  have  his  son  qualified 


62  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

for  business  and  duty  in  after  life.  Let  him,  then, 
follow  his  studies,  and  point  out  to  him  their  connec- 
tion with  actual  life.  Writing,  spelling,  grammar, 
geography,  arithmetic,  —  let  him  show  where  and  how 
each  of  these  is  needed  in  the  world.  It  will  lend 
a  wonderful  charm  to  each  of  these  studies.  The 
mother  can  illustrate  the  bearing  of  knowledge  on  do- 
mestic pursuits.  If  the  teacher  be  faithful,  his  labors 
reach  the  mental  character,  strengthen  the  judgment, 
and  improve  the  taste.  These  qualities  are  called  in- 
to exercise  constantly  at  the  fireside.  A  sagacious 
mother  can  unite  her  efforts,  on  a  thousand  occa- 
sions, to  those  of  the  school-room,  in  expanding  the 
^mind  of  her  daughter.  She  can  do  it  by  direct  con- 
versation on  the  several  branches  of  study.  She  can 
do  it  equally  by  calling  forth  indirectly,  amid  house- 
hold avocations,  the  attainments  of  the  school.  So  will 
both  streams  of  instruction  blend  beautifully  together, 
and  bear  their  waters  to  the  great  ocean  of  life. 

10.  And  thus,  finally,  will  our  children  be  taught 
that  they  are  to  pursue  their  studies  when  their 
school  days  are  passed.  How  preposterous  is  the 
language  we  often  hear,  when  a  girl  of  sixteen  says 
in  company,  that  "  she  has  finished  her  education." 
Education  finished  !  Why,  what  is  education  } 
Does  it  consist  of  a  few  branches  of  study  pursued 
for  some  ten  or  twelve  years  of  childhood  ?  Nay, 
it  is  nothing  less  than  calling  forth  every  power,  fac- 
ulty, and  affection  of  the  spiritual,  immortal  being  ! 


SCHOOL    EDUCATION.  63 

It  is  to  have  the  mind  filled  with  good  knowledge, — 
and  both  vigorous  and  refined,  —  the  conscience 
true  to  God  and  man,  the  heart  replete  with  every 
generous  feeling,  and  the  life  all  directed  to  doing 
good.  Has  your  son  reached  this  high  standard  ? 
Is  your  daughter  thus  completely  educated  ? 

Let  the  parent  never,  then,  by  word  or  act,  incul- 
cate the  idea  that  education  can  be  finished  in  the 
school-room.  The  best  that  can  be  done  there  is, 
as  another  has  truly  said,  "  to  show  us  how  to  learn, 
and  inspire  us  with  a  love  of  improvement.^^  The 
parent  should  express  this  great  principle  frequently 
to  his  children.  He  should  enforce  it  by  leading 
them  to  read  books  connected  with  their  school 
studies,  and  binding  all  their  knowledge  fast  togeth- 
er. It  is  mournful  to  see  the  boy  read  only  the 
flashy  productions  of  the  day,  from  the  moment  he 
quits  his  school.  It  is  sad  to  find  the  daughter  lay 
aside  her  Chemistry,  Natural  Philosophy,  History, 
Ethics,  —  everything,  in  fine,  solid  and  improving,  — 
and  give  herself  up  to  the  miserable  novel,  the  very 
hour  she  finishes  her  school  education.  Mothers,  let 
it  not  be  so  with  your  children.  Cherish  in  them  a 
thirst  for  knowledge  ;  procure  for  them  books  both 
instructive  and  interesting.  Inddce  them  to  keep  fast 
hold  of  every  good  thing  they  are  now  learning  ;  and 
thus  convert  childhood,  youth,  and  age  into  a  series 
of  schools.  So  shall  they  be  prepared  for  that  di- 
vine school,  earthly  and  heavenly,  of  which  Jesus  is 
the  great  Teacher  and  Master. 


CHAPTER  V. 

TEACHING   INSUFFICIENT.  —  TRAINING   ESSENTIAL. 

Every  father,  and  every  mother,  if  conscience  be 
not  thrice  dead,  must  sometimes  inquii*e,  —  "  What 
shall  I  do  for  these  immortal  beings,  whose  weal  or 
woe  is  to  depend  so  almost  entirely  upon  me  ?  " 
There  are  some,  it  is  true,  who  do  not  go  so  far  in 
the  work  of  education  as  even  to  ask  this  question. 
They  slumber  and  sleep  over  the  whole  subject  ; 
and  their  offspring  soon  demonstrate  the  mournful 
truth,  that  "  a  child  left  to  himself  bringeth  his  par- 
ents to  shame." 

But  this  class  is  comparatively  small.  Most" par- 
ents are  doing  something,  either  good  or  evil,  for  the 
direct  moral  culture  of  their  children.  They  have 
views  on  this  subject,  and  a  system,  which  they  are 
daily  carrying  into  practice. 

A  very  common  system  is  this  :    to  commit  the 
entire  education  of  a  child  to  other  persons.     Some 
employ  private  teachers  for  the  literary,  and  perhaps 
for  the  moral,  instruction  of  their  families  ;  and  this, 
is  all  they  do  for  them.     Others,  and  they  are  the 


TEACHING   INSTTFFICIENT.  65 

mass,  send  their  children  to  a  public  school.  There 
they  receive  their  chief,  if  not  their  only,  direct  tu- 
ition, whether  of  the  mind  or  the  heart.  Others 
still  give  their  children  the  opportunities  of  the  Sun- 
day school  ;  they  consign  them  to  that,  and  there 
they  expect  them  to  begin,  continue,  and  complete 
their  moral  and  religious  education.  Another  class, 
including  not  a  few  of  the  most  intelligent  and  most 
exemplary  in  the  community,  are  relying  on  personal 
instruction  as  the  perfection  of  their  duty  in  this  mat- 
ter. They  teach  their  children,  and  that  perhaps 
frequently  and  eamesdy,  what  they  ought  to  do  ; 
they  tell  them  the  way  in  which  they  should  go,  and 
that  is  with  them  the  highest  conception  and  the  end 
of  parental  education. 

To  such  parents  I  would  now  point  out  a  more  ex- 
cellent way,  and  it  is  this  :  Do  not  rest  in  teaching 
your  children  the  way  in  which  they  should  go,  but, 
with  the  wisdom  of  Solomon,  train  them  up  in  it.  See 
that  they  actually  do  what  you  are  constantly  telling 
them  they  ought  to  do.  Never  regard  it  as  sufficient 
to  set  forth  their  duty  in  this  or  that  particular.  Nor 
yet  be  content  with  framing  rules  and  laying  down  to 
them  the  law.  This  is  important  in  its  place  ;  but 
it  is  not  all  you  are  to  do.  If  you  stop  there,  it  is 
like  going  out  in  midsummer  to  your  trellis,  and  say- 
ing to  the  vine,  "  Turn  here,"  or  "  Turn  there," 
and  expecting  that  the  vine  will  obey  you.  You  train 
the  vine,  branch  after  branch,  and  then  it  grows  as 
5 


66  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

you  desire  ;  train,  then,  your  child,  in  the  way  he 
should  go. 

This  course  is  required  by  the  law  of  the  child's 
nature.  Whatever  he  is  to  become  hereafter,  for 
that  he  must  be  prepared  now.  If  we  desire  him  to 
be  physically  strong  in  his  manhood,  we  must  help 
him  to  gain  a  good  bodily  constitution  in- his  childhood 
and  youth.  We  always  train  the  boy  for  the  calling 
of  the  man  ;  if  he  is  to  be  a  mechanic,  he  is  appren- 
ticed to  that  craft,  and  his  master  not  only  tells  him  how 
his  trade  must  be  learned,  and  shows  him  his  work, 
but  sees  also  that  he  does  that  work  ;  so  is  he  made 
a  skilful  mechanic.  Why,  then,  merely  teach  your 
child  the  way  of  his  duty  ?  Why  expect  a  youth  to 
be  perfect  in  morals,  any  more  than  in  mechanics,  un- 
less he  perform,  as  well  as  learn,  what  is  right  ?  In 
all  secular  pursuits,  it  is  our  maxim  that  "  practice 
makes  perfect."  Is  the  formation  of  character  an 
exception  to  this  rule  ?  Will  a  child  be  made  good 
by  theory  alone  ?  Nay,  theory  without  practice  is 
the  bane  of  education  ;  to  lean,  as  many  apparently 
now  do,  wholly  upon  it,  is  a  fatal  mistake. 

We  all  know  the  importance  of  good  habits.  But 
what  is  habit  ?  It  is  a  condition  reached  by  the  fre- 
quent repetition  of  some  act.  You  cannot,  then, 
teach  a  child  good  habits  ;  he  must  be  trained  to 
them  ;  that  is,  he  must  be  required  to  do  what  is 
right,  and  to  do  it  over  and  over  again,  until  custom 
becomes  with  him  a  second  nature.     Let  him  stand 


TEACHING   INSUFFICIENT.  67 

perfectly  still  while  you  tell  him  what  he  ought  to  do, 
and  you  may  talk  the  breath  out  of  your  body  before 
he  will  have  a  good  character.  You  wish  your 
daughter  to  be  industrious  ;  you  tell  her  she  ought 
to  be,  but  does  that  make  her  so  ?  Nay,  it  is  only 
her  doing  day  after  day  the  very  work  you  set  before 
her  that  will  render  her  industrious.  The  Danes,  in 
times  of  yore,  were  accustomed  to  have  their  wealth 
buried  with  them  in  their  graves,  that  their  children 
might  be  obliged  to  labor  for  a  subsistence.  Better 
were  it  now,  that  the  millions  of  the  rich  man  were 
sealed  up  in  his  tomb,  than  left  to  be  squandered  by 
sons  he  had  never  trained  to  habits  of  industry  and 
toil. 

The  parent  often  becomes  the  servant  of  his  child 
from  a  mistaken  kindness.  He  would  save  him  from 
labor  as  a  favor,  and  bring  him  up  delicately  and  in- 
dulgently. Alas  for  his  error  !  when  shall  we  learn 
that  true  kindness  requires  us  to  bring  up  our  chil- 
dren to  rely  on  themselves.  Self-help,  the  habit  of 
doing  all  we  can  for  ourselves,  rather  than  leaning 
upon  others,  is  the  main  shaft  of  a  good  character. 
Better  form  your  child  to  do  this,  than  leave  him  the 
wealth  of  the  Indies,  with  a  feeble'  and  indolent  re- 
liance upon  you.  Who  has  not  seen  the  melan- 
choly fate  of  those  never  educated  to  self-trust,  when 
they  left  the  parental  roof  ?  Multitudes  have  been 
wrecked  in  the  society  of  the  vicious,  through  the 
frailty   of    their  own  principles,  —  a   frailty  which 


^  THE   CHBISTIAN   PARENT. 

sprung  from  the  false  kindness  of  those  who  should 
have  trained  them  to  self-reliance,  moral  firmness, 
and  stability  of  character. 

The  child  needs,  what  the  man  must  have,  estab- 
lished principles.  It  is  far  from  enough  to  find  fault 
with  his  errors,  and  leave  him  there.  We  must 
show  him  what  is  right,  the  broad  foundations  of  du- 
ty ;  the  law  of  God,  that  must  be  fixed  in  his  mind. 
^od  it  is  to  be  fixed  there,  not  by  instruction  alone, 
but  by  instruction  and  practice.  A  child  forms  a 
clear  idea  of  the  right  only  by  doing  what  is  right. 
He  learns  more  by  performing  one  good  action  than 
he  can  from  hours  of  teaching  unaccompanied  by 
effort.  There  is  no  economy  of  means  in  educa- 
tion like  practice.  We  wear  ourselves  out  in  giv- 
ing children  lectures  on  good  conduct,  when  a  single 
act  of  virtue  on  their  part  would  do  more  for  them 
than  all  our  words.  Instruction  is  needed,  is  essen- 
tial, but  practice  is  still  more  so.  You  have,  per- 
haps, a  httle  girl,  whom  you  would  render  benev- 
olent ;  lead  her  to  some  poor  family,  and  let  her 
there  see  the  misery  of  poverty,  and  then  go  home 
and  save  all  she  can  of  her  own  small  fund,  and  give 
to  that  family.  You  will  in  this  way  imprint  on  her 
mind  a  lesson  of  charity  that  books,  stories-  descrip- 
tions, and  mere  personal  exhortations,  could  never 
have  imparted.  The  germ  of  a  true  Christian,  sec- 
ond only  to  the  love  of  God,  is  self-sacrifice. 
Whatever,  therefore,  you  can  do  to  encourage  that 


TEACHING   INSUFFICIENT.  69 

spirit  in  your  child,  through  his  own  actions,  —  sup- 
pose it  be  by  receiving  and  thanking  him  for  the 
least  gift,  or  by  the  least  voluntary  denial  on  his  part 
of  his  own  appetites,  or  suppression  of  his  selfish 
desires,  —  makes  you  his  unspeakable  benefactor. 

The  vital  difference  between  teaching  and  training 
is  illustrated  by  the  habit  of  truthfulness.  Every 
parent  inculcates  the  importance  of  truth  ;  but  it  is  not 
seldom  done  through  words  alone.  The  little  child  is 
credulous  ;  he  believes  everything  said  by  his  father 
and  mother.  His  conception  of  absolute  truth  is 
derived  from  this  source.  What  an  influence  is 
here  !  How  solicitous  should  these  parents  be  that 
their  child  never  have  cause  to  lose  his  confidence  in 
their  veracity  !  How  should  they  guard  against  the 
least  word  which  may  bring  it  into  suspicion  !  That 
parent  who  deceives  his  child  is,  in  reality,  his  worst 
foe  ;  he  breaks  the  silver  cord  of  trust  in  his  heart. 
You  can  render  a  little  one  no  greater  injury,  none 
more  fatal  to  all  that  is  purest  and  noblest  within 
him,  than  to  add  aught  to  the  truth,  or  take  anything 
from  it,  knowingly,  in  your  intercourse  with  him. 
For,  "  if  father  does  it,"  argues  the  child,  "  then  it 
must  be  right ;  if  mother  says  what  is  not  quite  true, 
what  harm  can  there  be  in  it  ?  " 

And  the  great  danger  lies  in  trifling  deviations 
from  the  truth.  A  gross  falsehood  repels  a  child 
by  its  enormity  ;  but  a  little  untruth  he  can  learn  to 
pass  over  as  innocent.     Sometimes  the  parent  teach- 


70  THE    CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

es  truth,  yet  practises  uttering  these  slight  untruths. 
His  child  does  the  same,  and  it  passes  unreproved  ; 
he  is  insensibly  trained  to  do  the  very  opposite  of 
what  he  is  taught.  Dr.  Johnson  said,  that  if  a  child 
affirmed  that  he  saw  a  thing  out  of  one  window, 
when  in  reality  he  saw  it  out  of  another,  he  ought  to 
be  punished  for  it.  It  is  more,  doubtless,  from 
carelessness  about  truth  in  small  matters,  than  from 
intentional  lying,  that  there  is  so  much  falsehood  in 
the  world.  On  this  account  a  child  should  be  edu- 
cated to  a  strict  regard  for  truth  in  the  smallest 
things.  You  do  not  know  where  the  slightest  devia- 
tion from  truth  may  finally  lead  him. 

There  is  a  habit  of  exaggeration  in  some  families, 
which  is  fraught  with  untruth.  They  apply  the 
strongest  epithet  to  every  trivial  subject.  "  This 
man  is  splendid  ;  that  man  is  a  wretch  ;  the  bread  is 
elegant  ;  the  water  is  detestable."  Every  person 
and  every  thing  is  in  the  extreme.  Repress  this  per- 
nicious habit  in  your  children  ;  show  them  its  fatal 
tendency  as  a  corrupter  of  the  truth.  Do  not  allow 
them  to  go  into  raptures  about  a  mere  dish  on  the 
table,  or  an  article  of  dress.  Keep  them  to  the 
truth,  and  keep  yourself,  also,  to  it  ;  there  is  no  sub- 
ject where  preaching  without  practice  produces  less 
profit  than  on  this.  Govern  your  lips  and  restrain 
your  feelings,  and  shun  exaggeration  as  a  moral 
poison. 

"  But  are  there  not  occasions,"   you  may  ask,' 


TEACHING   INSUFFICIENT.  71 

"  when  a  parent  cannot  adhere  to  the  literal  truth  ?  " 
I  answer,  that,  in  nearly  every  instance  where  the 
right  is  claimed  to  falsify  or  prevaricate  to  children, 
there  is  no  need  of  practising  deception.  We  may, 
and  we  sometimes  must,  decline  answering  their 
questions  ;  but  to  give  an  answer  we  know  to  be 
wrong  is  never  required  of  or  permitted  in  us. 
Better  be  silent,  and  determinately  refuse  any  reply 
to  a  child's  question,  better  do  anything,  than  tell 
him  a  direct  falsehood. 

A  prolific  source  of  untruth  in  children  is  fear. 
They  dare  not,  in  many  cases,  speak  the  truth,  and 
expose  their  own  misdeeds,  through  fear  of  punish- 
ment. But  were  it  not  better  to  remit  the  penalty 
of  an  offence,  than  encourage  deception  ?  I  would 
pardon  almost  any  error  in  a  child,  were  he  only  true 
in  his  confessions.  Confession,  I  know,  may  be- 
come a  habit,  and  thus  make  the  occasions  for  it  fre- 
quent. But  no  evil  of  this  kind  can  counterbalance 
the  terrible  evils  of  a  habit  of  deceit  and  untruth. 

Teach  your  children  to  discern  the  truth  clearly, 
and  to  speak  it  boldly.  The  young  easily  perceive 
what  is  right,  just,  and  true  ;  they  are  quick  to  de- 
tect falsity,  and  they  have  a  natural  love  of  the  truth. 
The  habit  of  lying  is  always  an  acquired  one.  Did 
parents  train  their  children  anxiously  and  vigilantly 
to  avoid  every  shade  of  falsehood,  in  their  speech 
and  their  conduct,  —  to  follow  the  dictates  of  their 
own  hearts  and  their  own  consciences,  instead  of  do- 


72  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

ing  like  others,  —  they  would  continue,  as  in  infancy, 
so  in  childhood,  youth,  and  age,  to  love  and  cling  to 
the  simple  truth.  Keep  the  fountain  pure,  and  the 
streams  will  then  \je  pure. 

Our  children  will  never  be  fixed  in  the  habit  of 
truthfulness  until  we  regard  it  ourselves  as  the  very 
aorta  of  their  moral  education.  We  must  see  and 
feel  that  it  is  the  main  artery,  tlirough  which  alone 
their  spiritual  life-blood  can  flow.  I  would  that  our 
Christian  mothers  gave  this  virtue  the  prominence 
given  to  it  by  a  heathen  mother  in  Africa.  Mr. 
Park  relates  that  a  party  of  Moors  attacked  the 
flocks  of  an  African  village,  in  which  he  was  stop- 
ping, and  that  a  youth  of  the  place  was  mortally 
wounded  in  the  affray.  The  natives  placed  him  on 
horseback  and  led  him  home,  while  his  mother  pre- 
ceded the  train,  and  spoke  of  the  virtues  of  her  boy  ; 
and,  with  clasped  hands  and  streaming  eyes,  she 
showed  the  bitterness  of  her  grief.  But  the  great 
quality,  which  she  most  of  all  praised  in  him,  was  ex- 
pressed in  these  touching  words  :  —  "He  never,  nev- 
er, never  told  a  Zie." 

A  prevalent  vice  of  our  times,  one  which  is  ev- 
idently increasing  in  our  cities  and  populous  towns, 
is  profane  speaking.  Many  of  our  boys  are  falling 
into  this  habit,  and  the  evil  is  the  more  to  be  dread- 
ed from  its  subtle  approach.  No  child  becomes 
suddenly  profane  ;  he  begins  with  using  strong  epi- 
thets, perhaps  words  that  sound  like  those  used  by 


TEACHING   INSX7FFICIENT.  73 

the  swearer.  He  goes  on,  step  by  step,  until  his 
mouth  becomes  polluted  with  the  foulest  language. 
Little  children  sometimes  think  it  smart  and  manly 
to  imitate  their  seniors'  profanity  ;  but  they  always 
do  it  by  degrees.  How  shall  the  parent  prevent 
this  pernicious  practice  .'' 

It  is  well  to  teach  children  the  sinfulness  of  pro- 
fane speaking,  and  warn  them  of  the  dangers  of  all 
language  that  may  lead  to  it.  But  beyond  that,  we 
must  also  train  them  to  a  perfect  purity  of  speech. 
Nevef  permit  any  word  of  asseveration  to  become 
habitual  with  your  child.  "  Darn  "  is  not  "  damn," 
and  yet  it  is  kindred  to  it,  and  the  use  of  the  one 
may  easily  slide  into  that  of  the  other.  It  does  no 
good  to  break  out  continually  with  "  Gracious  !  " 
*'  Conscience  !  "  "By  George  !  "  nor  by  any  one 
else.  If  you  allow  these  expressions  in  the  boy, 
the  man,  perhaps  the  youth  even,  may  think  them 
too  tame,  and  proceed  to  the  strong  language  of  di- 
rect oaths.  Check  every  propensity  of  this  kind  in 
the  bud.  If  you  smile  at  this  practice,  —  and  I 
have  known  some  parents  who  even  thought  it 
sounded  brave  in  their  httle  son  to  swear,  and  many 
I  know  who  laugh  at  their  by-words  as  "cunning,"  — 
if  you  smile  now,  you  may  yet  weep  at  the  result  of 
the  habit  you  encourage.  The  only  safe  course  lies 
in  total  abstinence  from  all  language  that  is  kindred 
to  oaths,  in  keeping  your  child  free  from  every  im- 
pure word,  let  it  be  profane,  or  vulgar,  or  obscene, 
or  in  any  wise  tending  to  pollute  his  spirit. 


74  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

Children  should  be  taught  that  many  little  acts, 
unimportant  in  themselves,  become  all-important  by 
laying  the  foundation  of  a  habit.  Plato  reproved  a 
boy  for  his  manner  of  play  at  some  childish  game. 
*'  You  blame  me,"  said  the  boy,  "for  a  very  little 
thing."  "Custom,"  replied  Plato,  "is  no  little 
thing."  A  child  is  sometimes  praised  for  cheating 
his  playfellow  in  a  sly  manner  ;  the  act  seems  a  tri- 
fle, yet  it  will  lead,  —  if  you  do  not  check  it,  still 
more  if  you  commend  it,  —  it  will  lead  to  a  habit  of 
deception  in  his  whole  future  life.  The  mother  is 
amused  to  see  her  little  boy  stone  the  birds,  or  kill 
harmless  insects  ;  but  that  very  smile  encourages  in 
her  child  a  spirit  that  will  terminate,  perhaps,  in 
deeds  of  tyranny  and  cruelty  at  which  she  would 
shudder.  Girls  often  take  pleasure  in  teasing  a  cat  ; 
but  they  may,  by  this  little  act,  acquire  the  ele- 
ments of  an  imperious  and  domineering  disposition. 
Your  son  speaks  to  a  domestic  in  tones  which  qualify 
him  to  become  the  unfeeling  master,  perhaps  the 
willing  slaveholder.  It  is  a  small  thing  in  a  boy  to 
destroy  his  little  brother's  or  sister's  plaything  ;  it  is 
not,  however,  a  small  thing  to  oppress  a  poor  man, 
to  lord  it  over  our  inferiors,  and  to  make  vassals  of 
those  who  serve  us  ;  and  all  these  are  the  legitimate 
fruits  of  early  cruelty  to  those  younger  and  weakep 
than  ourselves. 

"  Of  what  consequence,"  it  may  be  asked,  "  is 
it  what  food  a  child  takes,  or  what  garments  you 


TEACHING   INSUFFICIENT.  75 

procure  for  him,  so  he  is  but  made  happy  ?  "  None 
at  all,  I  answer,  if  you  leave  out  of  sight  the  law  of 
habit.  But  when  you  think  of  this  law,  you  will  not 
allow  him  to  pass  by  the  bread,  and  make  his  whole 
meal  of  cake.  For  soon  he  will  destroy  his  appe- 
tite for  simple  food,  and  with  it  his  health  may  be 
impaired,  and  his  very  life,  perhaps,  at  last  sacri- 
ficed. Besides,  it  is  unkind  to  a  child  to  bring  •him 
up  in  dainty  habits.  Encourage  in  your  children 
simple  tastes,  a  love  of  plain  food,  and  of  a  merely 
neat  dress.  Do  this  on  principle,  whatever  may  be 
your  circumstances  in  life  ;  for  then,  if  they  are  here- 
after needy,  they  will  be  content  with  a  lot  for  which 
you  have  so  well  prepared  them.  If,  on  the  other 
hand,  they  are  rich,  they  will  the  more  enjoy  their 
wealth,  and  the  luxuries  it  procures  for  them,  from 
the  contrast  of  their  abundance  with  the  frugal  habits 
of  their  early  days. 

For  the  same  reasons,  I  would  encourage  refined 
manners,  not  only  in  society,  but  in  the  bosom  of  the 
family.  "  Why  do  this  among  those  who  know  each 
other  so  well  ? "  you  may  ask.  I  reply,  if  they  are 
gentle  and  respectful  at  home,  they  will  surely  be  so 
abroad.  To  thank  others  for  favors,  when  we  are 
accustomed  to  thank  husband  or  wife,  father  and 
mother,  brothers  and  sisters,  every  day,  becomes  easy, 
almost  unavoidable.  Let  there  be  politeness  at  your 
own  table,  and  your  children  will  show  it  everywhere 
else.     If  it  be  assumed  only  on  certain  occasions. 


76  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

their  manner  will  be  stiff  and  embarrassed  ;  but  let 
it  be  common  every  hour,  and  at  every  meeting  in 
the  family  circle,  and  you  will  see  in  them  at  all 
times  the  true  gentleman  and  the  true  lady. 

By  politeness  I  do  not  mean  artificial,  still  less  af- 
fected, manners.  It  is  not  Chesterfield,  but  Paul,  I 
would  set  up  as  a  model  in  this  respect.  "  What- 
soever things  are  lovely "  are  closely  connected 
with  "  whatsoever  things  are  of  good  report." 
Teach  your  children  gentle  manners,  and  you  do 
much  to  give  them  kind  feelings.  "  St.  Paul,"  it 
was  once  said,  "  was  a  finished  gentleman."  This 
is  true  ;  he  had  a  benevolent  heart,  and  a  great 
knowledge  of  human  nature,  and  these  two  things 
are  the  basis  of  genuine  pohteness.  A  child,  by 
being  courteous  to  his  parents,  gains  an  insight  of 
other  persons'  feelings,  and  he  also  acquires  the 
habit  of  consulting  other  persons'  happiness.  Let 
your  daughter  be  civil  to  brother  and  sister,  or  let 
your  son  be  gentle  to  every  inmate  of  your  family, 
and  they  will  become  so  to  all  out  of  the  family. 
Christian  politeness  will  then  be  with  them  "  a  sec- 
ond nature." 

I  know  of  no  better  illustration  of  the  power  of 
right  training  than  its  effect  on  a  child's  control  of  his 
apprehensions  and  fears.  Some  mothers  tremble 
and  betray  terror  at  the  approach  of  a  thunder-storm  ; 
so,  uniformly,  do  their  daughters.  The  mother 
screams  at  the  sight  of  a  snake  or  a  toad  ;  the  little 


TEACHING    INSUFFICIENT.  77 

child  at  her  side  echoes  that  scream.  Is  the  horse 
in  the  carriage  restive  ?  The  mother  cries  out  for 
fright,  and  each  girl  and  boy  learns  soon  to  cry  still 
louder.  And  who  has  not  seen  the  almost  mirac- 
ulous influence,  on  the  other  hand,  of  composure  in 
danger,  and  the  expression  of  reliance  upon  our  Fa- 
ther in  heaven,  as  it  is  caught  from  a  mother's  lips 
and  eye  ?  In  this  age  of  weak  nerves,  it  is  of  the 
last  importance  that  our  children  be  guarded,  both 
by  precept  and  example,  against  the  fears  of  imag- 
ination. We  should  form  the  habit,  even  in  the  in- 
fant, of  self-possession.  It  is  hardly  too  much  to 
recommend  the  course  which  Montaigne  tells  us  his 
father  pursued  with  him,  from  his  earliest  years. 
"  Some,"  says  he,  "  being  of  opinion  it  troubles 
and  disturbs  the  brains  of  children  suddenly  to  wake 
them  in  the  morning,  and  to  snatch  them  violently 
and  over-hastily  from  sleep  (wherein  they  are  much 
more  profoundly  involved  than  we),  he  caused  me 
to  be  waked  by  the  sound  of  some  musical  instru- 
ment, and  was  never  unprovided  of  a  musician  for 
that  purpose."  Let  us  spare  no  reasonable  efforts 
to  fortify  the  nerves  of  our  children.  Nothing  is 
better  for  this  purpose  than  inducing  them  —  and  1 
'would  even  do  it  by  authority,  if  it  could  not  be 
done  otherwise  —  to  take  physical  exercise  in  the 
open  air,  when  neither  their  amusements  nor  their  oc- 
cupation lead  to  it.  The  effect  of  this  practice  on 
their  mind  and  character,  as  well  as  on  their  bodily 
health,  will  be  seen  through  their  whole  lives. 


78  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

Closely  connected  with  this  topic  is  that  of  edu- 
cating our  children  in  habits  of  industry.  It  is  not 
enough  to  talk  earnestly  against  idleness  ;  we  must 
see  that  they  are  actually  not  idle.  For  the  sake  of 
health,  let  them  never  contract  habits  of  indolence. 
A  child  should  be  taught  the  necessity  of  employing 
every  part  of  his  nature  diligently  and  in  earnest. 
"  Nine  tenths  of  the  miseries  and  vices  of  manhood 
proceed,"  says  Carlyle,  "  from  idleness."  This  is 
a  strong  statement,  but  I  believe  it  to  be  true. 
What  more  wretched  than  the  feehng  that  one  has 
absolutely  nothing  to  do  .''  "  When  I  rise  in  the 
morning,"  observes  some  old  writer,  "  if  I  can  think 
of  anything  to  do,  if  it  is  but  the  plucking  of  a  rose, 
I  am  happy."  Labor  should  be  represented  to  the 
young  as  a  blessing,  and  constant,  useful  occupation 
should  be  shown,  both  by  precept  and  example,  to 
be  the  truest  happiness. 

Idleness  is  a  prohfic  parent  of  the  vices.  Noth- 
ing is  more  dangerous  to  the  character  of  children 
than  to  allow  them  to  remain  unemployed.  If  they 
are  not  doing  good,  they  will  certainly  do  evil  ;  if 
their  thoughts  are  not  directed  to  profitable  topics, 
they  will  roam  upon  all  that  is  ensnaring  and  cor- 
rupt. Leave  them  to  themselves,  and  you  are  sow- 
ing those  seeds  which  spring  up  in  vanity  and  folly,  if 
haply  they  do  not  yield  a  fearful  harvest  at  the  haunts 
of  dissipation,  intemperance,  gambling,  shame,  and 
ruin.     Teach,  as  far  as  possible,  useful  occupations  ; 


TEACHING    INSUFFICIENT.  79 

but,  rather  than  permit  your  son  to  be  idle,  set  him 
to  removing  a  pile  of  stones  from  one  end  to  the 
other  of  your  garden.  Keep  your  daughter  em- 
ployed, —  always  excepting  a  liberal  allowance  of 
time  for  recreation,  —  keep  her  busy.  Better  knit 
what  you  know  must  be  all  unravelled,  better  any- 
thing that  is  harmless,  than  that  she  form  the  habit 
of  sitting,  hour  after  hour,  perfectly  idle.  I  would 
have  a  child's  conscience  so  educated  that  he  should 
regard  the  waste  of  time  as  a  sin,  hke  dishonesty  or 
untruth.  To  how  many  sins,  indeed,  does  it  inev- 
itably lead  ! 

Whatever,  in  short,  we  may  teach  or  tell  our  chil- 
dren about  their  various  duties,  let  us  not  stop  there. 
Instruction  may  succeed  in  forming  a  good  charac- 
ter, but  how  often  does  it  fall  short  of  it !  We  see 
the  well-informed  prove  inefficient,  and  the  good 
scholar  make  an  indolent,  a  wayward,  or  a  passionate 
and  self-willed  man.  The  great  evil  in  the  moral 
world  is,  that,  while  we  know  what  is  right,  we  fail  to 
perform  it.  Knowledge  is  good,  bat  principle,  firm- 
ness of  purpose,  benevolence,  and  well-doing  are  im- 
measurably better.  Intelligence  is  to  be  desired  ;  so 
also,  and  far  beyond  it  in  value,  is  virtue  ;  and  the 
only  sure  link  between  the  understanding  and  the  heart 
and  the  life  is  that  which  is  forged  in  the  fires  of 
early  culture.  Knowledge  is  being  poured  into  the 
mind  from  a  thousand  fountains  ;  —  books,  conversa- 
tion, teachers,  experience,  all  life,  in  one  word,  are 


80  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

daily  adding  to  its  stores.  But  character  is  formed 
by  a  single  process  alone.  On  the  quiet  grounds  of 
the  individual  soul,  silently  and  slowly,  must  this 
temple  of  God  be  erected.  Gold,  silver,  and  pre- 
cious stones  are  all  that  may  enter  into  thfe  structure. 
Blessed  is  that  parent  whose  child  bears  the  marks 
of  this  divine  workmanship  ! 

"  Train  up  a  child  in  the  way  he  should  go." 
How  wide  is  the  scope  of  this  precept  !  It  goes 
oeyond  all  formal  instructions,  all  set  speeches 
and  lectures  to  the  young,  and  embraces  the  entire 
experience  of  that  God-appointed  institution,  the 
family.  We  tram  our  children,  let  it  also  be  re- 
membered, by  the  general  tone  of  our  own  conver- 
sation, by  the  spirit  we  indulge  and  the  feelings  we 
cherish,  and  by  our  air  and  manner  ;  these  constitute 
the  basis  of  parental  education.  What  we  do  cas- 
ually, and  without  any  immediate  intention  -of  influ- 
encing our  children,  is  the  great  moulding  power  of 
our  household.  We  may  teach  what  we  please  ; 
but  that  alone  will  not  decide  the  character  of  these 
little  ones.  It  is  what  we  do  and  say,  nay,  what  we 
think  and  feel,  in  our  inmost  soul,  that  accomplishes 
the  larger  part  of  this  mighty  work.  The  state  of 
our  heart,  our  affection  for  God  and  man,  or  our  ha- 
bitual indifference  to  eternal  things,  and  our  inbred 
selfishness,  —  these  are  what  train  our  children. 
We  cannot  seal  up  this  inner  fountain  ;  its  waters, 
if  they  do  not  gush  forth  openly,  will  yet  ooze  out, 


TEACHING    INSUFFICIENT.  81 

and  will  fall  on  the  minds  and  hearts  of  our  offspring, 
either  to  blight  them,  like  the  pestilential  miasma,  or, 
like  the  dews  and  showers  of  heaven,  to  freshen 
them  and  quicken  them  to  an  unfading  verdure. 

The  necessity  of  training  children,  as  well  as 
teaching  them,  is  inculcated  constantly  in  the  Scrip- 
tures. The  command  is  to  "  bring  them  up  in  the 
nurture  and  admonition  of  the  Lord."  This  involves 
far  more  than  merely  telling  them  how  they  ought  to 
be  brought  up.  It  involves  a  reciprocal  duty  on  the 
part  of  the  child.  "Children,  obey  your  parents  in 
all  things," — so  runs  the  Divine  command.  Obe- 
dience, then,  is  indispensable  to  a  Christian  educa- 
tion. Accordingly,  the  parent  must  not  only  frame 
rules  for  the  government  of  his  family,  but  those 
rules  must  be  enforced.  The  authority  vested  in 
him  by  God  is  not  to  lie  dormant,  but  with  calmness 
and  in  love  it  must  be  steadily  exercised. 


CHAPTER    VI. 

OBEDIENCE. 

The  foundation  of  all  excellence  of  character 
consists  in  obedience.  He  who  has  never  learned 
to  yield  to  authority  as  authority,  that  is,  to  give  up 
his  own  will  to  a  higher  power,  and  to  do  it  quietly, 
meekly,  with  an  unquestioning  spirit,  has  made  little 
progress  as  a  moral  and  spiritual  being.  The  basis 
of  civil  society  consists  in  this  principle  ;  without  it, 
government,  law,  order,  nay,  society  itself,  could 
not  exist  a  single  day.  We  live  under  the  laws  of 
God  and  nature  ;  take  away  obedience  to  them, 
let  every  one  do  as  he  pleases,  and  resist  whatever 
laws  he  dislikes  or  cannot  understand,  and  chaos  and 
confusion  would  fill  the  universe  ;  again  would  the 
earth  be  without  form  and  void,  and  again  darkness  be 
on  the  face  of  the  deep.  There  is  a  moral  law,  writ- 
ten on  our  inner  members,  and  we  are  compelled  to 
obey  it.  If  we  deny  its  authority,  and  resist  its 
mandates,  we  cannot  escape  the  penalty.  To  do 
right  is  obedience,  and  it  is,  therefore,  to  be  happy  ; 
to  do  wrong  is  disobedience,  and  it  is  to  bring  inev- 


OBEDIENCE.  83 

itably  on  ourselves  more  or  less  suffering.  So,  too, 
there  is  a  physical  law  ;  we  can  prolong  our  lives, 
and  continue  in  health,  only  on  certain  conditions,  — 
conditions  which  we  have  no  choice  in  observing. 
He  who  persists  in  disobeying  the  authority  of  God, 
as  expressed  through  the  laws  of  the  body,  must 
reap  the  consequences  of  his  conduct,  in  the  form  of 
sickness  and  death. 

Constituted  as  we  thus  are,  compelled  through 
our  lives  to  submit  to  authority,  it  becomes  impor- 
tant that  we  learn  this  lesson  in  our  earliest  child- 
hood. The  fact  should  be  impressed  on  the  very 
infant,  that  he  has  no  alternative  but  obedience  ;  the 
sooner  he  is  taught  this,  the  kinder  is  his  discipline. 
To  neglect  it  can  proceed  only  from  a  mistaken 
fondness  ;  for  what  is  it  but  to  encourage  in  him  a 
disposition  to  resistance  and  disobedience  in  general, 
—  a  spirit  which  must  cause  him  disappointment  and 
pain  in  all  subsequent  years  ?  If  he  is  trained,  on 
the  other  hand,  to  obey  now,  then  will  he  submit 
easily  and  cheerfully  to  law  in  every  form.  He  will 
respect  the  laws  of  the  land,  and  make  a  good  cit- 
izen and  a  genuine  patriot.  He  will  obey  the  laws 
of  his  physical  frame,  and,  so  far  as  depends  on  him- 
self, will  possess  good  health  and  enjoy  a  long  life. 
He  will  submit  to  the  moral  law,  obey  God  and  his 
conscience,  advance  in  spiritual  excellence,  and  be 
an  honor  and  a  blessing  to  his  race,  and  an  heir  of 
Heaven. 


84  THE  cheistia:n  paee:st. 

Every  one  must  have  noticed  that  children  hke  to 
be  commanded,  provided  always  it  be  done  in  the 
right  manner.  The  love  of  law  is  inherent  in  the 
human  heart ;  order,  system,  regularity,  are  agreeable 
to  our  nature.  We  are  fond  of  subordination,  and 
we  yield  the  tribute  of  submission  to  authority  with 
cheerfulness,  if  we  have  not  been  provoked  to  anger. 
"  When,"  in  the  language  of  another,  "  a  child  is 
brought  to  exercise  a  spirit  of  true  and  loving  sub- 
mission to  the  good  law  of  his  parents,  what  will  you 
see,  many  times,  but  a  look  of  childish  joy,  and  a 
happy  sweetness  of  manner,  and  a  ready  delight  in 
authority  .-• " 

Now,  whose  is  the  duty  of  imprinting  on  the 
young  mind  this  great  doctrine  of  obedience  ?  It 
belongs,  in  part,  to  every  teacher  and  every  guardi- 
an of  our  youth.  No  opportunity  should  be  lost  of 
instructing,  and,  what  is  far  more  important,  of  train- 
ing, the  child  early  to  obey.  But  at  the  head  of  all 
teachers  and  guardians,  in  this  respect,  stands  the 
parent.  To  his  hands  the  little  one  is  specially  com- 
mitted ;  his,  before  all  other  beings,  is  the  duty,  ana 
his  the  responsibility,  of  securing  the  habit  of  uni- 
form, implicit  obedience.  If  a  daughter  be  allowed 
in  habitual  disrespect  to  her  mother,  it  is  vain  to  call 
on  her  teacher,  or  any  agency  whatever  abroad,  to 
supply  the  melancholy  deficiency  at  home.  Let  the 
son  grow  up  contemning  the  authority  of  his  father, 
and  no  earthly  being  can  implant  in  him  the  seeds  of 


OBEDIENCE.  85 

a  modest,  unquestioning  respect  for  any  will  or  any 
power  but  his  own. 

The  truth  of  our  position  is  sustained  by  the 
Scriptures.  Both  the  Old  and  the  New  Testament 
require  children  to  obey.  But  whom  must  they 
obey  ?  Their  parents.  "  Honor  thy  father  and  thy 
mother,"  is  the  first  commandment,  and  it  is  at- 
tended, by  way  of  eminence,  "with  promise." 
Terrible  is  the  retribution  of  filial  disobedience. 
"  The  eye  that  mocketh  at  his  father,  and  despis- 
eth  to  obey  his  mother,  the  ravens  of  the  valley 
shall  pick  it  out,  and  the  young  eagles  shall  eat  it." 
Among  the  praises  of  Abraham,  as  expressed  by 
Jehovah  himself,  is  this  :  — ■  "  For  I  know  him,  that 
he  will  command  his  children  after  him."  The 
book  of  Proverbs  is  replete  with  instruction  to  par- 
ents. "  Chasten  thy  son  while  there  is  hope." 
"  A  child  left  to  himself  bringeth  his  mother  to 
shame."  "  Correct  thy  son,  and  he  shall  give  thee 
rest  ;  yea,  he  shall  give  delight  unto  thy  soul." 
"  Train  up  a  child  in  the  way  he  should  go,  and  when 
he  is  old  he  will  not  depart  from  it."  Observe 
this  word,  train  ;  it  is  not  said,  tell  him  the  way, 
and  then  leave  him  to  take  it  or  not,  as  he  chooses, 
but  "  train  "  him,  that  is,  require  him  to  take  it. 
The  law  of  obedience  was  not  repealed  by  the  Gos- 
pel ;  on  the  contrary,  it  was  expressly  confirmed  by 
it.  "Children,  obey  your  parents  in  the  Lord,  for 
this  is  right."     Paul,  in  his  Epistle  to  the  Colos- 


86  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

sians,  writes  thus  :  —  "  Children,  obey  your  parents 
in  all  things,  for  this  is  well  pleasing  unto  the  Lord." 
"  Ye  fathers,  bring  up  your  children  in  the  nurture 
and  admonition  of  the  Lord."  That  is,  educate 
them  as  the  Lord  God  requires  of  you.  So  is  it 
manifest  that  no  parent  who  recognizes  the  authority 
of  revelation  can  fail  of  exacting  from  his  child  a 
uniform  obedience  to  his  commands. 

And  not  only  through  the  Scriptures,  but  by  the 
discipline  of  our  lives,  the  Great  Father  of  mankind 
is  teaching  the  doctrine  before  us.  He  provides  for 
our  wants,  but  in  what  manner  ?  Only  in  conform- 
ity with  certain  laws  ;  which  laws,  to  secure  the  sup- 
ply of  our  wants,  we  must  steadily  obey.  He  gives 
us  our  daily  bread  ;  yet  only  on  condition  we  labor 
for  it.  He  commands  us  to  work,  and  tells  us 
continually,  "  If  any  man  will  not  work,  neither 
shall  he  eat."  What  are  our  trials,  crosses,  pains, 
and  griefs,  but  so  many  distinct  calls  to  obey  Him 
who  appoints  them  ?  He  sends  sickness  on  those 
who  are  dear  to  us.  Perhaps  the  very  arm  on 
which  the  family  leans  for  subsistence  is  stricken 
with  disease,  and  made  helpless.  Why  does  God 
deal  thus  with  us  .''  We  know  not  ;  but  this  we  do 
know,  one  thing  alone  we  can  do,  and  that  is,  submit 
to  his  decree.  Our  loved  ones  waste  away  with 
lingering  illness  ;  day  after  day,  their  strength  fails  ; 
and  every  hour  the  dread  issue  is  drawing  nigh. 
Soon  —  O,  how  soon  does  it  seem  !  —  all  is  over  ; 


OBEDIENCE.  87 

our  fondest  hppes  concerning  them  are  crushed,  and 
the  most  blooming  and  most  trusted  in  of  all,  it  may- 
be, is  called  away.  The  high  Sovereign,  in  whose 
hands  we  lie,  perhaps,  repeats  the  sad  stroke.  The 
young,  the  old,  —  hearts  knit  with  our  own,  loved 
faces,  venerated  forms,  —  one  by  one,  and  in  how 
quick  succession,  he  touches  them,  and  they  are 
gone.  How  can  we  bear  these  dark  visitations  ? 
What  can  reconcile  us  to  this  dreary  lot  ?  One 
thought  alone.  It  is  that  God  commands,  and 
therefore  must  we  obey  ;  it  is  a  Father's  will,  irre- 
sistible, and  in  that  view  awful,  yet  as  gentle  as  it  is 
decided,  and  therefore  do  we  at  last,  with  a  meek 
resignation,  yield  to  it  in  submission. 

The  earthly  parent  must  obey  the  mandates  of 
Heaven,  and  he  is  to  look  up  and  take  pattern  from 
this  divine  model.  As  we  are  often  called  to  sur- 
render our  judgment,  and  bow  to  that  of  God,  so 
the  child  must  bow  ;  he  must  do  and  bear  what  his 
reason  cannot  yet  fathom,  because  it  is  the  will  of  a 
father  or  a  mother.  In  many  events  which  we  can- 
not fathom,  the  Sovereign  of  the  universe  is  saying 
to  us,  —  "  What  I  do  thou  knowest  not  now,  but 
thou  shalt  know  hereafter."  So  says  the  parent  to 
his  child,  and  this  must  suffice  him  ;  in  his  tender 
years  he  must  obey,  —  obey  even  where  the  com- 
mand seems  dark  to  unreasonableness.  He  is  nev- 
er to  resist,  except  where  his  conscience  is  violated, 
and  the  authority  of  father  and  mother  is  overruled 
by  the  distinct  and  majestic  voice  of  God. 


88  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

Obedience  is  required  by  the  superiority  of  the 
parent.  Wherever  human  beings  are  placed  togeth- 
er, there  must  be  order,  and  order  cannot  be  se- 
cured without  discipline,  subordination,  and  author- 
ity. We  Hve  in  a  social  state,  in  a  community,  and 
under  a  government.  But  no  government  can  be 
sustained  without  obedience  to  superiors.  Let  ev- 
ery man  make  a  constitution  for  himself,  and  take 
the  laws  into  his  own  hand,  and  civil  society  is  at 
once  overthrown.  Now,  home  is  a  society  ;  it  de- 
mands some  controlling  power,  and  that  power  must 
be  exercised.  But  where  shall  it  be  lodged  ?  God 
has  decided  this  question.  He  has  placed  the  father 
and  the  mother  as  the  united  head  of  the  home  so- 
ciety. And  it  is  not  only  their  right,  but  their 
bounden  duty,  to  maintain  their  authority.  Their 
children  come  to  them  ignorant,  inexperienced,  and 
helpless  ;  and  they  can  receive  the  benefit  of  the 
superior  knowledge  and  wisdom  and  experience  of 
their  parents  in  no  possible  manner  except  by  unhes- 
itating obedience.  Through  infancy,  childhood,  and 
youth,  —  so  long,  indeed,  as  they  remain  in  a  state 
of  pupilage,  —  they  must  look  up  to  these  two  be- 
ings for  the  law  of  their  lives. 

The  basis,  I  remark  next,  of  some  of  the  noblest 
and  some  of  the  purest  traits  in  the  character  is  laid 
by  the  quality  in  question.  "  The  consciousness  of 
the  superiority  of  others  is  a  good  feeling  in  youth,  as 
at  all  ages,- for  it  elevates  the  ideal  standard  to  which 


OBEDIENCE.  89 

we  aspire  ;  while  self-confidence  in  youth  is  an  over- 
weening insolence  toward  time  and  nature.  If  the 
feeling  of  the  superiority  of  others  is  a  delusion,  it  is 
a  delusion  which  raises  human  nature,  and  is  better 
than  that  which  lowers  it."  You  desire  to  see  your 
child  respectful,  self-controlled,  and  of  a  teachable 
and  a  loving  temper.  You  wish  him  to  be  modest, 
humble,  and  grateful.  But  you  can  expect  in  him 
no  one  of  these  dispositions,  if  he  is  habitually  diso- 
bedient to  you.  Hophni  and  Phineas  hearkened  not 
to  the  voice  of  their  father  Eli,  but  spurned  his  au- 
thority. And  what  was  the  consequence  ?  They 
were  sons  of  Behal,  and  in  one  day  both  came  to  a 
miserable  death.  Such  is,  in  all  ages,  the  fruit  of 
filial  disobedience.  The  child  who  is  allowed  to 
trample  on  or  disregard  the  will  of  a  parent  never 
learns  to  control  his  own  will.  He  is  the  victim  of 
passion,  turbulence,  or  caprice.  He  has  no  respect 
for  his  seniors  and  superiors.  He  thinks  no  one  can 
teach  him,  and  he  has  no  steady  affection,  not  even 
for  those  at  his  own  fireside.  He  is  moodish,  fitful, 
impatient,  ill-humored.  How  different  the  child 
who  is  trained  to  a  quiet,  unquestioning  obedience  ! 
Such  a  one,  controlled  by  another,  learns  easily  to 
control  himself.  Respectful  to  father  and  mother, 
he  is  so  to  all  others  ;  he  is  mild,  teachable,  and 
gentle,  while  he  is  also  full  of  energy  and  activity. 
The  daughter,  who  is  deferential  to  her  parents,  is 
found  to  respect  her  teachers,  to  be  modest,  hum- 
ble, kind,  and  grateful. 


90  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

So  powerful  is  the  effect  of  obedience  on  the 
character,  that  we  often  see  those  who  in  childhood 
were  subjected  to  the  unreasonable  commands  and 
the  harsh  treatment  of  intemperate  parents,  and  were 
forced  by  terror  to  obey,  in  after  life  become  men 
of  great  worth,  showing  extraordinary  power  of 
self-control,  and  enjoying  the  respect  and  confidence 
of  their  fellow-men.  Who  can  doubt  that  such  per- 
sons often  owe  their  character  and  standing  to  the 
habit  of  instant  obedience  acquired  in  early  life  un- 
der their  severe  and  undesirable  discipline  ?  This 
result  is  a  compensation  in  part  for  the  sad  lot  of  be- 
ing trained  by  vicious  parents.  Show  me  a  single 
instance  where  the  higher  moral  qualities  grow  on  the 
same  stock  with  habitual  disobedience  to  parents  in 
childhood,  and  I  will  yield  the  point,  and  confess  that 
men  may  "  gather  grapes  of  thorns,  and  figs  of  this- 
tles." 

Let  it  not  be  thought  I  advocate  a  system  of 
sternness  and  severity,  and  that  the  course  recom- 
mended would  alienate  a  child's  affections.  This  is 
not  true  ;  children  have  by  nature  a  sense  of  justice, 
and  a  love  of  order.  They  do  not  dislike  authority, 
but  see  at  once  its  reasonableness.  Only  let  your 
government  be  steady,  uniform,  consistent,  and  you 
will  find  little  disposition  to  resist  it.  Doubtless 
there  may  be  a  rigid,  tyrannical  discipline,  and  a  re- 
lentless use  of  the  rod,  which  shall  repel  a  child 
from  its  parent,  and  make  his  image,  through  life, 


OBEDIENCE.  91 

one  of  terror  instead  of  love.  But  is  this  insep- 
arable from  the  exercise  of  parental  authority  ? 
Shall  we  never  lay  a  command,  lest  we  forfeit  a 
child's  love  ?     Such  is  not  the  law  of  God. 

To  say  that  the  exercise  of  authority  leads  of  ne- 
cessity to  sternness,  and  prevents  that  tender  and 
confiding  spirit  which  should  exist  in  this  relation,  is 
to  impeach  the  Author  of  revelation.  For  parents 
are  required  by  the  Bible  to  bring  their  children  up 
in  the  nurture  of  the  Lord.  This  they  cannot  do 
without  obedience  on  the  part  of  their  children. 
But  does  God  require  of  the  father  and  mother  to 
do  what  cannot  be  done  without  alienating  their  off- 
spring, and  destroying  their  love  ? 

That  the  affection  of  the  child  is  sometimes  chilled 
by  the  exercise  of  parental  authority,  I  admit  ;  but 
it  is  not  because,  from  the  nature  of  the  case,  it  al- 
ways must  be  so.  No,  the  evil  lies  here  :  we  issue 
our  commands  with  wrong  motives  and  feelings. 
Perhaps  we  do  it  in  a  dictatorial  temper,  or  with  ca- 
price. Not  unfrequently  it  is  done  in  a  tone  and 
with  a  spirit  contrary  to  that  prescribed  by  the 
Apostle.  *'  Fathers,"  said  he,  "  provoke  not  your 
children  to  anger."  The  parent  who  governs  his 
child  in  anger  is  quite  sure  to  excite  his  anger,  and 
so  to  impair  his  affection  ;  but,  on  the  other  hand, 
he  whose  authority  is  as  calm  and  gentle  as  it  is  de- 
cided and  firm  will  not  quench,  but  increase,  the 
love  of  his  child. 


92  THE    CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

It  isj  then,  a  grievous  error  to  imagine  a  child  can- 
not be  controlled  without  the  sacrifice  of  his  affec- 
tions. Nay,  it  is  not  authority,  it  is  indulgence, 
which,  in  the  long  term  of  years,  alienates  and  ren- 
ders children  hard-hearted  and  unfeeling.  In  the 
language  of  one  of  our  most  experienced  and  suc- 
cessful teachers,  —  "It  is  among  the  mysteries  of 
human  nature,  that  indulgence  never  awakens  grati- 
tude or  love  in  the  heart  of  a  child.  The  child 
who  is  most  indulged  is  uniformly  most  ungrateful, 
most  selfish,  most  unconcerned  about  the  happiness 
of  father  and  mother."  Is  it  indeed  so  .''  Then, 
for  his  own  sake,  no  less  than  for  his  child's,  the 
wise  parent  will  shun  the  rock  of  undue  indulgence. 
He  will  be  considerate  in  his  demands  ;  he  will  make 
few  rules,  and  those  only  that  are  good  and  just ;  and 
then,  with  a  kind  spirit,  joined  to  a  firm  manner,  he 
will  see  that  they  are  invariably  obeyed.  "  Kind, 
yet  firm,"  — be  that  our  rule,  and  we  shall  not  lose, 
but  increase,  the  regard  and  love  of  our  children. 

"  That  law  shall  tame  the  fiercest,  bring  down  the  battlements 
of  pride, 
Cherish  the  weak,  control  the  strong,  and  win  the  fearful 
spirit." 

To  govern  a  child  thus  firmly  and  happily  is  in- 
deed no  easy  task.  It  is  far  easier  to  let  him  do  as 
he  pleases,  or,  on  the  other  extreme,  to  rule  him 
with  a  rod  of  iron.  But,  though  difficult,  it  is  not 
impossible.     No  ;  would  the  parent  but  begin  early, 


OBEDIENCE. 


93 


and  use  the  rein,  instead  of  the  whip,  for  discipline, 
he  would  find  his  success  morally  certain.  It  is  an 
error  of  many  mothers  to  put  off  the  period  of  au- 
thority till  its  exercise  is  too  late  for  effect.  The 
little  one  is  so  young  they  cannot  bear  to  cross  it ; 
its  freaks  of  temper,  or  little  acts  of  deception  and 
evasions  of  authority,  perhaps,  create  only  a  smile. 
"  By  and  by,"  says  the  mother,  "  I  shall  correct 
these  things."  Alas,  how  many  thus  foster  the  ser- 
pent that  afterward  stings  their  own  bosom  !  The 
child  is  obstinate  ;  the  mother  gives  way.  "It  is 
not  time,"  she  says  to  herself,  "  yet  ;  I  cannot 
think  so  soon  of  breaking  the  dear  one's  will "  ;  — 
and  so  he  is  left  to  himself  till  the  sturdy,  self-willed 
boy  at  last,  perhaps,  breaks  her  heart.  Were  it  not 
easier  and  happier  far,  looking  at  the  issue,  to  have 
controlled  this  little  one  from  his  very  cradle  .'' 

Great  harm  often  comes  from  allowing  our  chil- 
dren to  object  and  argue  against  our  commands. 
Some  will  not  give  an  order,  lest  it  subject  them  to 
a  long  course  of  debating,  and  demurring,  and  rea- 
soning, troublesome  to  themselves  and  degrading  to 
their  authority.  Others  think  we  should  allow  and 
encourage  our  children  to  argue  with  us  about  every- 
thing we  require  of  them.  To  silence  their  ques- 
tionings, in  any  instance,  seems  to  such  persons 
harsh.  But  if  the  child  is  to  stand  on  a  level  with 
the  parent,  then  what  is  his  authority  ?  Can  we  rea- 
son against  a  law  of  the   State,  and  make  our  argu- 


94  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

ments  a  good  ground  for  its  violation  ?  May  we 
argue  down  a  command  of  God  ?  "  These  com- 
mands," you  may  reply,  "  are  all  reasonable."  So 
are  those  of  a  wise  parent.  But  we  cannot,  certain- 
ly, understand  every  case  in  which  we  are  obliged  to 
submit  to  our  Father  in  heaven.  Many,  too,  must 
obey  the  constitution  and  the  laws  without  being  sat- 
isfied with  them.  So  must  the  child  obey  its  parent, 
—  obey  without  murmuring  or  questioning,  —  simply 
because  he  or  she  is  a  parent.  To  allow  him  to 
substitute  his  own  conviction  for  our  command,  is  to 
break  down  all  parental  government.  To  listen  to 
the  plea,  that  we  infringe  his  personal  liberty,  is  a  fa- 
tal mistake.  To  encourage  either  son  or  daughter 
in  the  idea,  that  obedience  is  mean  and  degrading,  is 
giving  countenance  to  a  mournful  error.  Obedience 
degrading  !  Nay,  what  more  honorable  ?  What 
truer  than  the  exhortation  of  the  king  of  Israel  :  — 
"  My  son,  hear  the  instruction  of  thy  father,  and  for- 
sake not  the  law  of  thy  mother  ;  for  they  shall  be  an 
ornament  of  grace  unto  thy  head,  and  chains  about 
thy  neck  "  .-' 

A  command,  I  repeat,  is  to  be  obeyed  because  it 
is  a  command,  given  by  one  clothed  with  a  divine 
authority.  Let  the  mother  show  her  very  infant  that 
his  will  must  yield  to  hers.  As  he  advances  in 
years,  the  father  also  should  exact  an  unquestioning 
obedience.  We  look  back  on  our  childhood,  and 
see,  that,  in  a  multitude  of  instances,  what  appeared 


OBEDIENCE.  95 

to  US  at  that  time  the  arbitrary  commands  of  a  stern, 
perhaps  even  of  a  selfish,  father,  were  in  truth  the 
very  opposite  of  this  ;  they  were  dictated  by  love  for 
us,  and  a  regard  to  our  highest  good.  We  should 
mourn  now,  had  we  not  then  been  constrained  to 
obedience.  Every  wise  parent  acts  with  this  view 
in  his  mind.  No  change  of  times,  no  mistaken  re- 
mission of  authority  by  other  parents,  will  induce 
him  to  yield  his  authority,  and  become  the  servant, 
instead  of  the  master,  of  his  child. 

If  it  be  asked  whether  you  are  never  to  explain 
yourself  to  your  child,  and  never  allow  him  to  argue 
in  regard  to  your  commands,  I  would  say,  surely 
you  are.  But  when,  or  to  what  degree,  you  shall 
do  it,  must  not  be  left  to  the  judgment  of  your  child, 
but  depend  on  your  own  best  wisdom.  You  may 
sometimes  mistake,  and  defer  less  to  his  views  than 
his  age  and  capacities  would  render  proper.  If  so, 
it  is  his  misfortune  ;  it  is  not  your  fault,  if  you  have 
been  calm  and  deliberate  in  your  command,  and 
have  sought  to  do  precisely  right.  The  difficulty 
commonly  is,  that  children,  when  allowed  to  hesitate 
before  obeying  their  parents,  soon  become  imperious 
and  unreasonable  in  their  expectations,  and  finally 
set  up  their  sophistry  and  their  pride,  if  not  the  force 
of  their  will,  in  opposition  to  parental  authority. 
Therefore  is  it  essential,  when  wrong  views  or  feel- 
ings are  manifested,  to  end  the  discussion  by  a  mild 
but  firm  exercise  of  that  ultimate  power  which  is 
vested  in  you  alone. 


CHAPTER  VII. 


CORPORAL    PUNISHMENT. 


But  how  can  the  parent  secure  uniform  obedi- 
ence ?  Suppose  a  child  resists  our  authority,  —  shall 
we,  after  trying  all  other  methods  without  success, 
resort  at  last  to  corporal  punishment  ?  Not  if  there 
be  any  possible  means  of  avoiding  it.  You  may  say 
you  have  tried  everything  else  ;  but  are  you  sure 
this  is  true  ?  Have  you  exhausted  all  tlie  powers  of 
persuasion  ?  Have  you  been  calm,  persevering, 
and  patient  in  the  use  of  every  experiment  ?  It 
may  be  asked  why  I  put  these  questions.  Why  not 
at  once  allow  the  rod  to  be  employed  ?  I  answer, 
that,  in  point  of  fact,  the  rod  is  seldom  so  used  as  to 
do  any  permanent  good.  Children  are  not  whipped, 
I  presume,  in  one  out  of  a  hundred  cases,  calmly, 
without  anger,  and  with  manifest  grief.  It  is,  there- 
fore, a  terrible  hazard  to  allow  yourself  in  the  use  of 
the  rod. 

Then,  again,  the  more  the  experiment  is  tried,  in 
families  and  in  schools,  of  dispensing  entirely  with 
corporal  punishment,  the  greater  is  the  success  that 


COEPORAL    PUNISHMENT.  97 

attends  it.  Parents  and  teachers  may  find  it  difficult 
to  lay  aside  the  rod,  where  children  are  accustomed 
to  it ;  but  let  any  one  begm  with  relying  wholly  on 
moral  influences,  and  he  will  seldom  fail  with  any 
child  or  in  any  school.  It  is  hard  to  govern  a  boy 
at  twelve  without  the  rod,  if  he  has  been  governed 
up  to  that  period  by  it.  But  take  the  little  child, 
the  infant,  I  would  say,  and  require  him  from  the 
first  to  yield  his  will  to  yours,  and  I  beheve  you 
need  never  afterward  resort  to  corporal  punishment. 

Is  not  the  use  of  the  rod  a  violation  of  the  laws 
of  nature  ?  I  know  of  no  instance  in  which  the 
Creator  punishes  a  merely  moral  offence  by  physical 
retribution.  If  I  eat  to  excess,  my  body  is  made 
to  sufier  for  the  sin  ;  but  if  I  utter  a  falsehood,  an 
offence  which  is  only  mental  and  moral,  my  mind, 
and  not  my  body,  is  punished  for  that  offence. 
Why,  then,  strike  a  child  for  a  wrong  done  in  his 
mind  or  heart  only  ?  If  we  follow  the  example  of 
the  Supreme  Parent,  we  shall  punish  such  offences, 
as  He  does,  in  that  part  of  the  child's  nature  where 
the  offence  was  committed. 

I  do  not  deny,  that,  through  the  errors  of  the  past, 
we  may  sometimes  be  compelled  to  practise  this  vio- 
lation of  the  Divine  laws.  One  wrong  step,  in  the 
beginning  of  a  child's  education,  prepares  the  way 
for  many  subsequent  steps,  that  can  be  justified  only 
in  consequence  of  that  early  error.  In  large  schools 
the  rod  may  be  sometimes  necessary  ;  to  avoid  it, 
7 


98  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

our  schools  must  be  made  smaller.  In  the  family, 
the  cases  are  very  rare,  I  think,  in  which  moral 
means  will  not  suffice  to  secure  uniform  obedience. 
Where  the  number  to  be  governed  is  few,  there  is 
time  for  a  steady  personal  influence  over  each  child. 
Great  as  the  evils  of  insubordination  are,  they  seem 
to  me  less  than  the  fearful  consequences  that  flow 
from  the  habitual  use  of  the  rod.  Not  a  few  chil- 
dren have  been  maimed  for  life,  an  innumerable 
company  have  been  morally  maimed,  by  corporal 
punishment  administered  by  the  ignorant,  the  intem- 
perate, the  arbitrary,  and  the  passionate- 
It  is  admitted  that  the  domestic  animals  can  usual- 
ly be  better  governed  by  kindness  than  by  force. 
In  one  community  the  ox  is  driven  by  the  goad,  in 
another  the  whip  is  found  to  suffice.  We  often  see 
anecdotes  of  the  horse  resisting  blows  and  violence, 
and  yet  being  easily  subdued  by  a  kind  voice  and  the 
stroke  of  a  gentle  hand.  Let  it  not  be  contended 
that  human  nature  is  less  easily  controlled  than  that 
of  the  brutes.  I  have  po  fear  that  any  parent  will 
fail  of  governing  his  child  by  gentle  means  from  the 
hour  when  he  has  a  steady /ai7/i  in  the  omnipotence 
of  love,  and  acts  in  obedience  to  that  faith. 

Many  parents  whip  their  children,  to  save  them- 
selves trouble.  No  doubt  it  is  easier  to  do  this  than 
to  reason  and  expostulate  with  them.  The  rod  is  a 
summary  method  of  correction  ;  you  have  but  to 
strike  a  few  blows,  and  that  ends  the  whole  matter. 


CORPORAL   PXTNISHMENT.  99 

If  done  with  excitement,  it  gratifies  the  feeling  of  the 
moment,  and  hence  passion  is  sometimes  pleased 
with  the  arguments  for  force.  Time,  also,  is  saved 
by  it,  and  "  who  would  spend  an  hour  in  reasoning 
with  his  child,  when  a  few  blows  occupy  but  a  min- 
ute ?  "  This  is  sad  philosophy,  and  worse  religion. 
All  who  punish  with  these  views  and  feehngs  sin 
against  the  nature  of  childhood.  Instead  of  calling 
forth  its  best  propensities,  they  stimulate  its  very 
worst  ones.  The  anger  of  the  parent  begets  anger 
in  his  child.  You  cannot  strike  a  blow  in  selfish- 
ness without  your  child  perceiving  it.  And  the  mo- 
ment he  sees  your  motive,  his  temper  is  roused,  he 
is  filled  with  bitterness  toward  you,  and  the  chance 
is,  you  are  making  him  revengeful  for  life. 

As  regards  the  time  required  for  moral  influence, 
I  would  ask  the  parent  for  what  time  is  given  him,  if 
not  to  educate  his  children  in  the  best  possible  man- 
ner ?  Better  neglect  your  business  than  neglect 
them  ;  better  they  should  live  on  a  crust,  and  wear 
the  meanest  apparel,  than,  for  the  sake  of  furnishing 
them  dainty  food  and  costly  dresses,  beat  them  with 
a  rod  to  save  time  for  making  money.-  If  indolence 
be  the  motive,  as  I  fear  it  often  is,  then  is  there  still 
less  excuse  for  clinging  to  this  relic  of  barbarism. 
That  parent  is  a  monster,  who,  to  spare  himself  a 
little  effort,  takes  a  course  which  tends  to  brutalize 
his  children.  Whatever  may  be  said  of  the  need  of 
the  rod  in  some  cases,  it  can  never  be  justified  as  a 
means  of  helping  a  sluggard  father  or  mother. 


100  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

Corporal  punishment  might  soon  be  suppressed, 
did  parents  make  it  tlieir  constant  care  to  render  it 
unnecessary.  Begin  with  your  child  in  the  cradle, 
and  govern  him  by  gentle  methods.  Do  not  accus- 
tom him  to  being  shaken  or  slapped  every  hour  in 
the  day.  You  can  so  train  him,  that  violence  will 
never  be  necessary.  It  is  possible  "  to  guide  with 
a  look,  to  reward  with  a  smile,  and  to  punish  with  a 
frown."  You  may  thus  keep  the  heart  so  susceptible, 
that,  in  after  years,  words  will  govern  more  effectual- 
ly than  blows.  And,  before  your  children  leave  the 
paternal  threshold,  you  will  find  nothing  is  needed 
with  them  beyond  "  reasonable  expostulation,  mild 
rebuke,  tender  reproof,  appeals,  in  one  word,  to 
their  understanding  and  feelings  and  conscience." 

To  hasten  forward  this  desirable  consummation, 
we  should  forbear  threatening.  It  is  probably  even 
worse  for  a  child's  moral  nature  to  be  accustomed  to 
constant  threats  of  the  rod,  than  to  be  occasionally 
punished  with  it.  This  course  either  hardens  his 
feelings  or  renders  him  peevish,  passionate,  and  tim- 
id. You  are  to  excite  a  fear  of  doing  wrong,  not  a 
fear  of  punishment.  The  former  motive  strengthens 
good  principles  ;  the  latter,  in  its  excess,  always  de- 
bilitates the  character.  Then,  too,  a  child  soon 
loses  all  respect  for  the  parent  who  threatens  without 
ever  executing  his  threats.  You  may  talk  long  and 
frequently  about  what  you  shall  "  certainly  "  do  if 
an  offence  is  repeated,  but  your  child  does  not  be- 


CORPOKkL    PUNISHMENT.  101 

lieve  you.  He  will  laugh  at  your  language,  the  mo- 
ment his  back  is  turned.  In  vain  will  you  hang  up 
a  rod  in  sight  ;  he  soon  learns  that  it  is  done  with  no 
purpose  whatever  of  using  it  upon  him,  and  it  awak- 
ens ridicule  instead  of  terror. 

Great  harm  is  often  done  by  punishing  a  child  in 
presence  of  others.  The  gallows  is  now,  in  many 
cases,  concealed  from  the  public  ;  so  should  the  act 
of  whipping  be  concealed  from  a  family  of  children. 
If  it  must  be  done,  let  it  take  place  with  the  utmost 
privacy.  This  principle  should  be  carried  out,  I 
think,  in  all  methods  of  correction.  If  you  talk  se- 
verely to  one  child  in  presence  of  another,  it  always 
does  harm.  Most  children  are  fond  of  seeing  the 
faults  of  others  exposed  and  corrected.  But  this  is 
an  unchristian  spirit ;  it  often  fosters  pride,  retaliation, 
unfriendly  and  selfish  feelings,  to  witness  the  punish- 
ment of  another.  It  teaches  children  to  find  fault 
with  each  other,  and  excites  an  arbitrary,  domineer- 
ing temper  in  the  older  ones.  Let  your  discipline 
of  each  child  in  your  family  be  as  little  seen  by  the 
rest  as  possible.  Praise  will  frequently  excite  the 
envy  of  the  others,  and  censure  will  be  eagerly  re- 
sponded to  and  confirmed  by  them.  It  arouses,  too, 
a  spirit  of  self-justification,  to  be  blamed  before  oth- 
ers, and  thus  the  subject  of  the  correction  is  made 
worse  by  it,  no  less  than  the  spectators. 

Obedience  must  be  secured,  but  let  us  see  that  it 
is  done  in  the  right  method.     Be  sure  a  child  under- 


102  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

Stands  your  command  before  you  rebuke  liim  for  dis- 
obedience. Small  children  sometimes  fail  to  get  the 
meaning  of  our  language,  and  so  appear  to  resist  our 
authority  when  they  really  do  not.  A  child  is  en- 
grossed in  his  play  ;  he  does  not  hear  your  com- 
mand, or  he  is  not  sure  you  are  in  earnest ;  he  there- 
fore waits  a  moment,  and  looks  in  your  face.  Do 
not  punish  him  until  you  are  certain  he  means  to  dis- 
obey you.  And  when  a  little  girl  is  angry,  let  not 
her  mother  take  that  moment  to  require  some  task 
that  is  hkely  to  cause  resistance.  Let  her  wait,  if 
possible,  until  the  child  is  calm.  All  censures  and 
chastisements  should  be  imposed  at  a  favorable  mo- 
ment. We  should  do  nothing  unnecessarily  to 
thwart,  and  irritate,  and  awaken  opposition  to  our 
authority. 

The  efficacy  of  parental  discipline  depends  very 
much  on  the  time  when  it  is  administered.  The 
hour  before  sleep  will  be  found  favorable,  in  most 
cases,  to  admonition  and  reproof.  Then  the  pas- 
sions are  hushed,  ho  temptations  are  nigh,  the  ear 
is  open,  and  the  feelings  are  usually  tender.  At  the 
breakfast- table 5  also,  the  mind  is  calm  and  the  heart 
impressible.  This  period  has  been  recommended 
as  friendly  to  the  restoration  of  the  erring.  "  If," 
says  another,  "  one  has  any  soft  and  silken  ties, 
which  mothers  weave  and  sisters  strengthen,  and  all 
the  chaste  associations  of  a  parent's  roof  yet  further 
wind  around  the  heart,  linking  the  cradle  with  the 


COKFOEAL   PUNISHMENT.  103 

grave,  —  the  morning  is  the  season  in  which  they  put 
forth  all  their  strength  ;  the  excitement  of  the  noon- 
day, and  the  riot  of  the  night,  may  try  them  hard, 
and  seem  to  part  them  ;  still  on  the  daily  drama  of 
life  sleep  timely  lets  fall  the  curtain,  and  all  the  vir- 
tues the  profligate  would  have  murdered,  reviving 
with  the  morning  sun,  send  a  thrill  through  the 
breast,  and  instinctively  whisper,  —  'It  is  not  too 
late  to  be  wise.'"  Let  not  this  hint  be  lost  upon  us, 
especially  in  our  management  of  children,  who,  either 
from  the  excitableness  of  their  temperament,  or  their 
natural  stubbornness,  are  difficult  to  be  governed. 

The  control  of  the  temper  is  an  invaluable  quality. 
But  it  requires  great  wisdom  to  promote  it  in  a  child. 
He  should  not  be  punished  for  every  fretful  expres- 
sion. "  Soothing  words,  an  embrace,  a  new  and 
pleasant  object  of  attention,  will  often  suppress  ris- 
ing irritabihty."  Watch  your  child,  and  keep  out 
of  his  way,  as  far  as  you  can,  temptations  to  anger. 
It  is  wrong  to  inflict  a  blow  on  the  first  impulse  you 
feel  to  do  it.  Better  spare  the  blow,  and  resort  to  a 
gentler  discipline.  You  can  take  away  a  plaything, 
confine  your  child  to  a  room  by  himself,  or  to  the 
house  in  pleasant  weather,  or  keep  him  from  the  ta- 
ble, or  from  the  society  of  his  companions.  Do 
not,  however,  under  any^  circumstances,  confine  him 
in  a  dark  or  lonely  place,  where  superstitious  fears 
will  be  awakened.  Let  his  punishment  be  moderate, 
just,  and  salutary. 


104  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

In  all  cases  we  should  strive  to  look  with  lenity  at 
the  misdemeanours  of  our  children.  Let  us  consider 
that  they  are  children,  and  not  men  and  women. 
This  will  lead  us  to  excuse  many  things  we  should 
otherwise  punish.  They  cannot  see  and  feel,  as  we 
do,  the  importance  of  perfect  conduct.  Their  youth 
renders  them  restless  and  fickle  ;  let  us  not  exact 
from  them  the  sobriety  and  stability  of  their  elders. 
They  do  not,  perhaps,  comprehend  the  rules  of  pro- 
priety as  we  do  ;  why,  then,  punish  them  for  every 
slight  violation  of  those  rules  .''  Their  feelings  are 
ardent  and  quick,  and  this  leads  them  to  say  and 
do  many  things  which,  in  our  sedateness,  we  may 
think  inexcusable.  But  is  not  this  light-heartedness, 
with  all  the  errors  it  occasions,  preferable  to  pre- 
cocity ?  Childhood  is  the  work  of  God,  and  let  us 
give  it  free  scope  ;  let  us  not  make  it  stiff,  formal, 
and  dull  to  stupidity. 

We  are  apt  to  think  children  have  no  desire,  of 
themselves,  for  improvement.  This,  I  am  persuad- 
ed, is  unjust  judgment.  Most  of  them  wish  to  do 
well  ;  they  have  an  habitual  desire  to  cultivate  their 
minds,  enlarge  their  affections,  and  obey  their  con- 
science. But  they  are  easily  excited  by  temptation, 
and  therefore,  in  their  haste,  sometimes  commit 
faults.  Let  not  all  these  faults  be  set  down  as  de- 
liberate offences.  We  live  in  an  age  of  excitement, 
and  there  is  much  around  us  to  aggravate  the  suscep- 
tibilities of  childhood.     Many  of  the  present  faults 


CORPORAL    PUNISHMENT.  105 

of  children  spring  from  this  tendency.  There  is  less 
deceit  among  the  young  than  in  periods  when  the 
I'od  kept  down  their  spirits,  and  tempted  them  to 
hypocrisy.  They  practise  less  self-restraint  than  they 
did  under  the  old  reign  of  fear.  But  I  would  not 
return  to  that  reign  ;  better  have  their  faults  on  the 
outside  of  their  character,  as  now,  than  disguised  and 
concealed,  as  in  past  ages.  We  can  spare  the  old 
Puritanic  discipline  of  outward  subordination,  if  we 
only  secure  in  its  stead  an  inward  self-discipline. 
To  promote  that  vital  quality,  we  need,  first,  midst, 
and  last,  a  steady  obedience.  Let  us  be' gentle  and 
calm,  as  well  as  considerate,  determined,  and  uniform 
in  exacting  that  obedience,  and  all  shall  issue  well. 

It  is  said,  and  the  testimony  comes  from  many 
quarters,  that  obedience  to  parents  is  less  enforced 
in  this  than  in  any  other  Christian  country.  Our 
children  are  allowed  to  use  language  to  their  natural 
guardians  which  would  have  shocked  the  ears  of  our 
fathers.  In  many  instances  the  son  does  not  obey 
the  father,  but  so  complete  is  the  degeneracy,  that 
the  father  actually  obeys  the  son.  And  the  daugh- 
ter, instead  of  asking  her  mother  to  do  this  or  that, 
tells,  that  is,  commands,  her  to  do  as  she  wishes.  Is 
this  to  be  the  prevalent  practice  .''  Then  may  we 
well  tremble  for  the  consequences.  For.  then  rev- 
erence, that  prime  virtue,  that  corner-stone  of  piety, 
must  soon,  also,  be  rejecfed  and  disappear.  Then 
the  law  cannot  be  respected  ;  and  religion  herself  will 


106  THE  chkistia:*  parent. 

be  disallowed  and  set  aside  when  the  authority  of  the 
parent  shall  cease  to  be  recognized  and  obeyed. 
Alas  for  us,  if,  as  some  contend,  such  are  the  inev- 
itable fruits  of  our  republican  institutions  !  Take 
away  the  sentiment  of  reverence,  let  the  words  of  fa- 
ther and  mother  be  unheeded,  and  their  presence 
command  no  respect,  then  is  the  gold  of  patriarchal 
ages,  and  of  prophets,  and  of  the  very  Son  of  God, 
become  dim,  and  the  most  fine  gold  is  changed  ! 
When  the  sanctuary  of  home  is  thus  violated,  the 
pillars  of  the  state  also  totter  to  their  fall. 

Earnestly,  then,  let  us  labor  and  pray  that  the  par- 
ent may  be  reinstated  in  his  rightful  position.  When 
the  child  enters  our  dwelling  a  new-born  babe,  he  is 
not  too  young  to  be  controlled  ;  nor,  till  he  leaves 
our  roof,  and  weaves  the  web  of  his  own  untried  for- 
tunes, is  he  too  old  to  reverence  and  obey  his  par- 
ents. Let  us  not  yield  to  the  contagion  of  example 
in  this  respect.  It  is  not  enough  to  plead,  "  My 
child  minds  as  well  as  other  people's  children." 
Nay,  that  is  not  the  true  standard,  —  but  this  rather, 
"  What  doth  the  law  of  God  require  of  me  as  a  par- 
ent ?  What  does  my  office  demand  ?  How  shall 
I  best  do  my  duty  to  these  earth-destined,  heaven- 
destined,  immortal  beings,  placed  in  my  care  ?  Shall 
I  take  the  course  easiest  for  myself  ? "  "  Nay," 
conscience  must  reply,  "  I  dare  not  do  that  ;  the 
consequences  of  this  indolent,  self-indulgent  course 
will  be  fatal,  — I  can  now  see  it,  —  fatal  both  to  my 
children  and  myself  !  " 


CORPORAL   PUNISHMENT.  107 

The  law  that  requires  obedience  to  parents  is  uni- 
versal, irrepealable,  eternal.  If  we  desire  peace  our- 
selves, if  we  have  any  true  love  of  our  offspring,  let 
us  listen  to  those  many  voices  which  have  come  from 
homes  of  want  and  woe,  and  from  the  walls  of  the 
prison  : —  "O,  my  cruelly  fond  parents,  had  you  ex- 
ercised that  authority  which  God  gave  you  over  your 
children,  and  had  you  checked  my  childish  wayward- 
ness, and  corrected  in  love  my  boyish  disobedience, 
—  had  you  subjected  me  to  the  salutary  restraint  of 
domestic  law,  —  I  had  not  thus  brought  you  to  sor- 
row and  shame,  nor  brought  myself,  with  a  ruined 
character,  to  my  present  degraded  condition  !  " 


CHAPTER   VIII. 


SELF-GOVERNMENT. 


The  history  of  the  prophet  Samuel,  especially 
that  of  his  childhood,  is  replete  with  instruction  on 
the  great  topic  of  self-government.  He  was  received 
by  his  mother  as  a  special  blessing,  and  in  that  light, 
to  use  the  strong  language  of  Scripture,  from  his 
very  cradle  she  "  lent  him  to  the  Lord."  She  ear- 
ly, in  her  own  heart,  consecrated  him,  although  not 
in  the  line  of  Levi,  as  a  prophet.  And,  through 
the  prayers  she  offered  for  him,  the  lessons  she  gave 
him,  and  her  own  beautiful  example,  it  came  to  pass, 
that,  while  yet  a  child,  he  "  ministered  before  the 
Lord,  girded  with  a  linen  ephod." 

The  case  of  Samuel  was  not  a  peculiar  one.  It 
was  not  by  a  miracle,  nor  yet  by  any  natural  endow- 
ments setting  him  apart  from  and  above  all  other 
children,  that  he  was  led  at  this  tender  age  to  dedi- 
cate himself  to  God.  It  was  done  mainly  by  the  in- 
fluence of  his  mother,  —  a  mother  taken  from  the  or- 
dinary walks  of  life,  and  not  favored  above  multitudes 
who  have  since  sustained,  and  who  do  now  sustain, 


SELF-GOVERNMENT.  109 

this  sacred  relation.  It  needs  only  her  spirit,  her 
deep  piety,  and  her  resolute  purpose,  to  train  up  the 
children  now  on  the  stage  to  gird  themselves  each 
with  the  linen  ephod.  Let  there  be  the  same  pa- 
rental wisdom,  prayerfulness,  and  fidelity,  and  we 
should  see  many  sons  beginning,  even  in  childhood, 
by  the  purity  and  devotedness  of  their  hves,  to  min- 
ister before  the  Lord. 

Samuel  was  marked  by  one  trait  to  which  I  would 
now  direct  special  attention.  We  are  told  that  he 
grew  on  and  continued  in  his  high  work,  and  that, 
while  so  doing,  he  was  waked  in  the  night-season 
by  a  voice.  It  was  the  voice,  as  it  proved,  of  the 
Lord.  Samuel  did  not  close  his  ear,  but  listened 
reverently  to  it.  It  told  him  of  the  fate  of  Eli,  the 
rejection  of  his  house  from  the  sacred  office,  and 
that  he  himself  should  be  clothed  with  that  office. 
He  went  forth  in  obedience  to  God,  and  led  a  life 
pervaded,  elevated,  and  sanctified  by  the  spirit  of 
self-consecration; 

The  government  of  his  mother  had  been  of  that 
wise  and  gentle,  yet  firm  character,  which,  while  it 
secured  respect  for  her  commands,  conducted  him 
up  to  the  high  plane  of  a  steady  5c(/"-government. 
This  is  the  result  of  all  judicious  education.  It 
does  not  leave  a  child  weakly  dependent  on  others, 
on  companions,  or  society,  or  to  be  upheld  even  by 
his  parents  alone  ;  but  it  inspires  such  sentiments, 
affections,  and  principles,  as  awaken  and  sustain  self- 


110  .     THE   CHRISTIAN   PAEENT. 

reliance  and  self-government.  Without  these,  we 
can  never  trust  a  child  in  the  world  ;  but  with  them, 
filled  with  a  personal  piety,  a  deep-rooted  benevo- 
lence, and  a  calm  moral  independence,  he  is  armed 
at  all  points.  He  will  then  overcome  temptation, 
and  rise  higher  and  higher,  to  the  very  pinnacle  of 
moral  excellence. 

We  must  begin  the  work  of  education  by  consid- 
ering that  "  each  man  is  a  drama  in  himself ;  has  to 
play  all  the  parts  in  it  ;  is  to  be  king  and  rebel,  suc- 
cessful and  vanquished,  free  and  slave  ;  and  needs  a 
bringing  up  fit  for  the  universal  creature  that  he  is." 
His  intellect  should  be  trained,  from  the  first,  to  ex- 
ercise dominioa  over  all  it  can  understand,  and  his 
moral  nature  to  act  in  conjunction  with  it.  The 
mind  must  govern  the  body,  and  the  soul,  that  is, 
the  religious  nature,  reign  over  both.  A  child  can- 
not be  too  soon  taught  that  his  spirit  must  control  his 
senses.  Were  man  like  the  lower  animals  in  his  des- 
tiny, he  would  not  have  been  placed  on  a  planet  like 
ours,  "  where  self-indulgence  starves,  but  compe- 
tence, independence,  and  a  consciousness  of  powers 
superior  to  mere  natural  forces,  are  the  exceeding 
great  reward  of  exertion. "  Man  was  made  for  moral 
and  spiritual  progress.  At  no  period  of  life,  there- 
fore, can  we  dispense  with  a  vigorous  self-control  ; 
let  this  truth  be  ingrained  in  the  little  child. 

The  foundation  of  the  virtue  required  is  laid  by 
the  Creator  in  the  intense  love  of  action  and  of  con- 


SELF-GOVERNMENT.      _  111 

struction  which  characterizes  childhood.  Every  boy 
is  an  architect ;  he  must  have  something  to  design 
and  to  draw  ;  he  wants  constantly  to  build.  He  will 
fashion  a  thousand  things  if  you  only  give  him  mate- 
rials. He  is  intent  upon  imitating  everything  he  sees 
made  or  done  by  others.  So  with  the  little  girl  ; 
her  doll,  and  baby-house,  and  "  playing  have  com- 
pany," show  the  incessant  activity  of  her  mind,  and 
her  variety  of  talents.  But  all  this  energy  of  child- 
hood is  apt  to  be  expended  upon  outward  things. 
It  is  devoted  to  changing  the  forms  and  uses  of  ma- 
terial objects.  And  this  exercise  is  well  ;  a  child 
should  be  encouraged  to  plan  and  to  execute  as  many 
things  as  possible  ;  let  his  invention  be  cultivated,  and 
let  us  teach  his  hands  to  labor  with  diligence. 

But  I  would  encourage  not  only  an  "  objective," 
but  a  "  subjective,"  industry.  Let  the  genius  of 
childhood  be  directed  to  the  world  within.  Present 
that  to  your  son  as  the  noblest  field  on  which  he  can 
labor  ;  induce  him  early  to  dedicate  his  heart  to  in- 
ward toil.  Would  mothers  set  before  their  daugh- 
ters this  glorious  work,  we  should  not  see  multi- 
tudes, as  we  now  do,  become  either  the  heartless 
devotees  of  fashion,  or  a  prey  to  ennui  from  their 
neglect  of  self-discipline,  and  of  a  just  appreciation 
of  the  high  satisfactions  of  an  independent,  self-sus- 
tained character. 

As  conducive  to  this  elevation  of  purpose  and  life, 
the  aim  of  all  education  should  be  to  strengthen  and 


112  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

to  purify  the  will.  A  child  is  at  first  to  do  many- 
things  because  we  desire  and  command  it.  But  this 
is  only  his  pupilage  ;  it  is  a  preparatory  process,  the 
end  of  which  must  be  that  he  will  do  what  we  now 
require  of  him  from  choice.  We  wish  him  to  be 
virtuous  ;  but  virtue  is  a  voluntary  thing.  When  we 
compel  a  child  to  do  any  particular  act,  we  rob  that 
act  of  its  moral  quality.  Obedience  to  us  may  be  a 
virtue,  but  the  act  itself  is  not  one.  Novalis  said 
truly,  that  "  character  is  a  perfectly  educated  will." 
Where  the  will  has  not  been  exercised,  and  made 
pure  as  well  as  strong,  the  child  has  received  no  true 
moral  culture  ;  his  spirit  is  yet  feeble,  his  character 
undeveloped. 

The  Psalmist,  in  describing  the  greatness  of  God, 
says  of  him,  "  Thy  people  shall  be  willing  in  the 
day  of  thy  power."  What  power  so  noble  as  this, 
—  power  to  mould  the  human  will,  to  touch  those 
secret  springs  that  move  to  voluntary  goodness  ? 
Blessed  is  the  parent  who  can  wield  this  truly  di- 
vine power.  Could  we  but  do  this,  our  children 
would  grow  up  in  the  energy  and  "  the  beauty  of 
holiness."  Had  we  the  godlike  power  to  lead  them 
to  choose  good  rather  than  evil,  truth  before  false- 
hood, forgiveness  rather  than  retaliation,  and  to 
make  them  prefer  kind,  disinterested  acts  before 
selfish  ones,  then,  indeed,  to  us  would  be  fulfilled  the 
Divine  promise,  "  Thy  youth  shall  come  forward 
like  dew  from  the  womb  of  the  morning."  God 
and  goodness  would  then  grace  their  whole  lives. 


SELF-GOVERNMENT.  113 

A  prime  point  in  all  voluntary  acts  is  self-restraint. 
It  is  easy  to  restrain  a  child,  so  long  as  your  eye  and 
your  command  are  upon  him.  It  is  not  easy  to  in- 
fuse into  him  a  principle  that  will  keep  him  in  the 
right  path  when  your  eye  and  your  command  are 
taken  off.  And  yet,  until  you  have  done  that,  you 
have  not  educated  the  child.  To  educate  —  let  us 
never  forget  this  —  is  to  call  forth  the  powers  and 
faculties,  and  that  is  never  done  fully  by  a  merely 
passive  obedience.  He  is  a  good  teacher  who 
maintains  order  while  he  is  in  the  school-room  ;  yet 
a  far  better  teacher  is  he  who  so  trains  his  pupils, 
that,  if  he  leave  the  room  for  an  hour,  the  same  or- 
der and  quiet  continue.  Pai'ents  must  leave  the 
great  room  of  moral  culture  often,  at  last  for  ever, 
and  blessed  will  be  their  work  if  their  children  shall 
continue,  as  in  their  presence,  so  in  their  absence, 
energetic  and  pure,  self-governed,  self-restrained, 
both  lovers  and  doers  of  the  right. 

To  accomplish  this  great  end,  we  must  teach  these 
little  ones,  not  merely  to  regulate  their  words  and 
their  overt  actions,  but  to  control  their  inmost  de- 
sires. Let  them  feel  that  here  is  the  fountain  of 
all  good  and  all  evil  in  life.  Not  what  for  this  or 
that  reason  they  actually  do,  but  what  they  iDish  to 
do,  should  be  their  daily  criterion.  Every  one  has 
impulses,  more  or  less  numerous,  and  more  or  less 
pure,  toward  acts  of  goodness,  and  these  are  to  be 
cherished.  But  they  do  not  constitute  the  main  el- 
8 


114  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

ement  of  character.  Character  consists  in  princi- 
ples, —  in  what  is,  not  like  impulse,  evanescent  and 
uncertain,  but  fixed,  determined,  abiding.  We  need 
the  clear  head  as  well  as  the  warm  heart.  In 
the  words  of  Dr.  Bushnell,  '^  The  head  and  the 
heart  should  be  regarded  as  the  two  branches  of  a 
legislative  assembly,  and  nothing  should  be  enacted 
as  a  law  which  has  not  the  sanction  of  both  houses." 
But  how  can  the  desires  of  the  heart  be  conformed 
to  the  dictates  of  the  head  ?  Only  by  keeping  them 
under  our  control.  Let  them  be  lawless,  unre- 
strained, fitful,  and  they  soon  trample  on  the  under- 
standing, set  at  naught  the  counsels  of  good  judg- 
ment, take  the  wings  of  imagination,  and  corrupt  the 
affections. 

There  is  no  basis  of  happiness,  but  in  the  control 
of  our  desires.  If  we  allow  ourselves  to  look  with 
an  envious  or  a  longing  eye  on  wealth,  honors,  fame, 
power,  pleasure,  or  whatever  else  the  senses  may 
present  or  the  fancy  sketch,  it  is'  idle  to  expect 
peace  of  mind.  Where  the  parent  stimulates  such 
desires  in  his  child,  he  is  his  worst  enemy.  The 
boy  cannot  be  a  CrcEsus,  nor  a  king,  —  he  cannot 
live  for  luxury  or  self-indulgence  ;  why,  then, 
madden  his  spirit  by  leading  him  to  sigh  for  these 
things  ?  Better  far  teach  him  to  subdue  every  de- 
sire of  this  kind.  That  he  can  do,  but  gratify  them 
he  cannot.  Why  cherish  in  this  daughter  a  passion 
for  dress,  fashion,  and  display  .?      She  may  never 


SELF-GOVERNMENT.  115 

have  the  means  to  indulge  this  spirit.  And  if  she 
has,  what  a  miserable  ambition  it  were  to  pant  for 
praise,  to  live  on  the  eyes  and  the  lips  of  observers, 
and  to  sacrifice  all  inward  quiet,  if  not  all  single- 
hearted  purity,  for  a  bubble  that  will  burst  at  the 
touch  ! 

Teach  your  child  to  control  his  desires,  for  so 
only  can  he  preserve  that  perfect  balance  of  charac- 
ter in  which  virtue  consists.  "  The  poise  of  the 
mind,  hke  that  of  the  body,"  as  one  well  observes, 
"  is  safest  when  it  stands  upright."  That  posture 
requires  a  perfect  self-control.  Give  way  to  every 
desire,  and  you  become  heated,  feverish,  and  desul- 
tory in  your  whole  walk.  We  never  advance  in 
anything,  whether  secular  or  sacred,  except  we 
steadily  desire  it.  The  painter  desires  to  make  a 
perfect  picture  ;  it  is  only  so  long  as  he  keeps  alive 
the  first  radiant  ideal,  and  the  first  burning  impulse, 
that  he  can  reahze  it  on  the  canvas,  or  make  prog- 
ress toward  it.  And  what  will  your  child  do  with- 
out this  same  ever-burning  desire  for  moral  excel- 
lence ?  Let  him  never  feel  it,  and  he  will  never 
commence  the  grand  Hfe-drawn  portrait ;  let  him  lose 
that  desire,  and  allow  ease,  pleasure,  earth,  to  rob 
him  of  self-subjection,  and  he  will  sink  into  you  can- 
not tell  what  depths  of  irresoluteness,  impurity,  and 
secret,  if  not  indeed  open,  guilt. 

What  I  say  of  the  desires  is  true  of  the  appetites, 
of  temper,  and  the  grosser  occasions  of  temptation 


116  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

and  evil.  We  commence  our  being  under  the  close 
mspection,  in  all  these  matters,  of  the  parental  eye. 
We  do  not  select  our  own  diet  ;  we  do  not  control 
our  otni  appetites  ;  another  selects  and  controls  for 
us.  An  anxious  mother  metes  out  to  each  day  its 
food  and  drink.  But  the  wise  mother  so  performs 
this  office  that  she  forms  the  tastes  of  her  child,  and 
soon  leads  him  to  self-regulation.  That  accom- 
plished, you  will  see  him  put  aside,  on  occasions, 
the  cake,  and  choose  the  plain  bread.  We  need  this 
same  principle  to  control  the  passions.  A  child 
shows  temper  ;  what  will  you  do  with  him  ?  You 
can  so  rule  and  so  terrify  him  as  to  destroy  his  tem- 
per, or,  as  it  is  termed,  "  break  his  will."  But  is 
that  desirable  }  Nay,  in  so  doing,  you  pronounce 
that  God  implanted  in  this  child  a  tendency  which 
you  must  utterly  root  up.  This  cannot  be  true  ;  our 
Creator  must  have  made  us  aright,  capable  of  pas- 
sion, yet  able  to  subdue  it.  Washington  had  nat- 
urally a  violent  temper,  and  it  was  never  eradicated  ; 
without  it  he  might  have  been  a  man  of  but  ordinary 
force.  The  control  of  his  passions  fitted  him  to 
lead  armies  and  councils  ;  ruling  himself  well,  he 
could  rule  other  men  and  the  nation.  Point  your  boy 
to  him,  and  he  will  learn  to  curb  the  fire  of  his  spirit. 
By  long  discipline  he  will  come  to  shut  his  lips  in 
the  midst  of  provocation,  and  so  to  conquer  the  hot- 
blooded,  the  testy,  and  the  vindictive,  and  thus  final- 
ly to  bring  the  whole  world  to  his  feet,  by  first  con- 
quering himself. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

M OEAL  COXraAGE. SELF-SACEIFICE. 

No  quality  is  more  needed  in  this  age  and  this  land 
than  moral  courage,  —  courage  to  do  right  where  it 
is  the  custom  to  do  wrong.  The  greatest  of  mod- 
ern tyrants  is  public  opinion.  Its  power  is  seen  in 
the  tendency  of  domestic  conversation.  "  What 
will  people  say  ?  Will  they  not  look  at  me  ? 
What  will  they  think,  if  I  do  thus  or  thus  ?  "  — 
This  and  similar  language  is  the  staple  of  conversa- 
tion in  very  many  families.  And  it  tends  to  destroy 
all  purity  of  motive,  and  to  generate  a  moral  coward- 
ice. We  owe  a  certain  deference,  it  is  true,  to  the 
opinion  of  others  ;  it  is  often  a  safeguard  to  virtue, 
where  higher  motives  would  prove  ineffectual.  Yet 
it  is  a  fatal  error  to  allow  it  supremacy  in  our  con- 
duct. And  the  dangers  lie  chiefly  in  that  direction. 
We  are  not  sensible  how  constantly  we  appeal,  in 
presence  of  our  children,  if  not  directly  for  them,  to 
this  dread  tribunal,  the  opinion  of  others.  But 
where  respectability  ranks  higher  than  principle,  we 
shall  look  in  vain  for  elevated  virtue.     It  is  mournful 


118  THE    CHEISTIAN   PARENT. 

to  see  so  many  of  our  children  trained  up  in  subjec- 
tion to  this  power.  What  can  we  hope  of  a  race 
who  fear  the  speech  of  others,  the  ridicule  even  of 
the  most  worthless  character,  more  than  they  fear 
sin  ?  Let  us  remember  that  without  moral  inde- 
pendence the  character  is  always  in  peril.  "  Do 
right,"  I  would  say  to  a  child,  "  because  it  is  right. 
Dra\^  your  rules  of  conduct  from  conscience,  and 
not  from  those  you  meet  at  school  or  elsewhere. 
Never  do  a  thing,  where  right  and  wrong  are  con- 
cerned, merely  because  others  are  doing  it,  —  not, 
though  you  are  left  alone  in  the  course  you  take." 
This  should  be  enjoined  until  it  becomes  a  habit 
with  the  child  so  to  conduct  himself ;  yes,  to  con- 
duct himself,  not  to  be  conducted,  borne  about,  and 
mastered,  by  others. 

I  have  known  parents  who  expressly  taught  their 
children  to  return  evil  for  evil.  "  If  you  are  struck, 
strike  back  again,"  says  the  mother,  as  she  sends 
her  child  out  in  the  morning.  "  Never  bear  an  in- 
sult, but  give  back  words,  if  you  cannot  blows," 
Is  the  creed  of  the  father.  But  who  are  these 
parents  ?  "  Christians,"  they  undoubtedly  reply. 
Did  Christ,  then,  do  thus  ?  Was  this  the  rule  of 
his  life,  and  this  his  language  on  the  cross  ?  O 
parent,  think,  I  pray  you,  of  the  end  of  tuition  hke 
this  !  Look  unto  Jesus,  inhale  his  spirit,  and  you 
will  rise  to  a  nobler  ambition.  "  Always  do  what 
you  are  afraid   to  do,"    I   have  somewhere  read. 


MORAL   COURAGE.  119 

This  I  would  say  to  my  child,  —  "  Let  others  re- 
turn anger  for  anger,  but  be  you  mild  and  gentle  ; 
always  dare  to  do  right."  When  Franklin  was  a 
boy,  he  walked  the  streets  of  Philadelphia  eating  a 
roll  ;  he  had  the  look,  perhaps  the  laugh,  of  many 
upon  him.  But  he  cared  for  none  of  these  things. 
That  man  was,  through  life,  a  moral  hero,  — mod- 
est, yet  of  a  lion  heart,  brave,  yet  a  man  of  imper- 
turbable peace.  We  want  Franklins  now  ;  who  of 
our  youth  will  put  on  the  armour  of  righteousness 
and  go  forth  to  the  battle  ? 

In  a  world  like  this,  we  need  to  cultivate  self-pos- 
session. A  child  should  be  taught  courage  amid 
danger.  Does  he  fear  the  dark  ?  Teach  him  that 
God  is  with  him,  as  in  the  light,  so  in  the  darkness  ; 
and  that,  if  he  does  good,  he  is  clad  in  a  coat  of 
mail.  "  Did  a  sudden  noise  affright  him  ?  lo,  this 
or  that  hath  caused  it."  Take  heed  "  that  ghostly 
fears  be  not  the  night  companions  of  thy  child." 
Misery,  and  even  madness,  in  subsequent  years, 
"  have  been  sowed  in  the  nights  of  infancy."  Chil- 
dren should  be  accustomed  to  see  sickness  and  suf- 
fering, to  qualify  them  for  future  duty.  The  judi- 
cious mother  of  Lamartine,  among  other  aids  which 
went  to  form  that  noble  spirit,  used  this.  She  early 
took  her  children  to  see  the  sick  and  the  dying,  and 
to  wait  round  their  beds.  "  We  saw,"  says  he, 
"  frightful  scenes  of  poverty,  suffering,  and  even  ag- 
ony.    We  thus  learned  to  feel  none  of  that  rerpug- 


120  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

nance  which  renders  men  in  after  hfe  weak  and 
helpless  in  cases  of  illness,  useless  to  the  sufferer, 
and  timid  at  the  aspect  of  death."  What  disciphne 
more  effective  than  this  ?  Exposed  as  we  are  to 
unimagined  calamities,  to  bear  and  to  witness  such 
manifold  sufferings,  both  of  body  and  mind,  duty, 
selfishness  even,  calls  us  to  train  our  children  to 
meet  these  events.  We  cannot  begin  too  early  to 
inculcate  the  necessity  of  fortitude.  It  is  said  the 
first  lesson  the  ancient  Mexicans  taught  their  chil- 
dren was  on  this  subject.  No  sooner  was  a  child 
bom,  than  they  addressed  him  in  these  words  :  — 
*'  Child,  thou  art  come  into  the  world  to  endure  ; 
suffer,  and  say  nothing." 

The  corner-stone  of  character  —  we  can  come  to 
no  other  conclusion  —  should  be  inscribed  with  this 
smgle  word,  "self-help."  Whatever  we  do  for  the 
young,  it  should  all  lead  them  to  do  for  themselves. 
It  is  sweet  to  lean  on  a  mother's  breast ;  yet  there  is 
a  work  to  be  done  in  this  life,  and  to  accomplish  it 
we  must  part  even  from  that  dear  breast.  I  saw, 
not  long  since,  a  sailor-boy  depicted  as  mounting  the 
ropes  of  a  ship.  The  love  of  home,  sportiveness, 
all  gentle  qualities,  were  written  on  the  face,  and  yet 
underneath  them  lay  a  resolute  spirit,  that  foretoken- 
ed no  ordinary  character.  Every  boy  must  mount 
the  shrouds,  and  sail  the  great  ocean,  and  battle  for 
himself  the  fitful  elements  of  life.  Let  him  begin 
early  to  do  it.     Encourage  in  him,  not  a  noisy  man- 


MORAL   COURAGE.  121 

ner  and  a  fear-nothing  spirit,  but  a  deep,  quiet  moral 
energy.  He  cannot  begin  too  soon  to  form  his  own 
opinions  of  right  and  wrong,  and  establish  good  prin- 
ciples for  himself.  Do  not  keep  him  always  in 
leading-strings,  but  induce  him  early  to  walk  alone. 
The  sons  of  very  rich  men  too  often  depend  on 
those  riches,  and  their  life  is  to  spend,  not  earn. 
The  great  do  not  transmit  their  greatness  ;  the  son 
leans  on  the  name  of  the  father,  and  so  becomes  a 
dwarf.  Our  children  should  be  taught,  early  and 
late,  that  they  are  to  work  their  own  passage  across 
the  sea  of  life.  They  should  feel  that,  for  whatever 
they  hope,  whether  to  gain  or  to  be,  they  must  rely 
on  their  own  right  arm.  Be  tender  to  your  son,  but, 
line  upon  line,  inspire  him  with  self-trust.  "  High  be 
his  heart,  faithful  his  will,  clear  his  sight,  until  a 
simple  purpose  shall  be  to  him  as  strong  as  iron  ne- 
cessity is  to  others." 

The  education  of  some  children  proceeds,  one 
must  suppose,  on  the  principle  that  we  need  do  noth- 
ing in  this  world  which  we  find  is  disagreeable,  or 
which  we  even  fear  will  be  so.  "I  do  not  want  to 
do  it,"  from  the  lips  of  their  children,  is  a  sufficient 
excuse  with  many  parents  for  their  not  doing  what  is 
requested  of  them.  But  think  of  the  result  of  this 
training  !  How  often  is  every  one  obliged  to  per- 
form disagreeable  duties  !  We  perform  them, 
notwithstanding  their  unpleasantness,  because  they 
are    duties.      If   you    allow    your    child    to   omit 


122  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

everything  of  this  kind,  you  strike  the  very  word 
duty  from  his  moral  catalogue,  and  put  pleasures  in 
its  place. 

And  let  us  not  do  this  to  save  ourselves  trouble. 
It  is  hard  to  require  of  a  child  what  he  much  dis- 
likes. Many  parents  tell  us  they  had  rather  do  a 
thing  themselves  than  attempt  to  persuade  their  chil- 
dren to  do  it.  The  young  in  these  days  raise,  it  is 
said,  so  many  objections,  and  exhibit  such  a  reluc- 
tance to  obey,  that  it  is  easier  to  leave  them  to  their 
indolence,  and  perform  what  must  be  done  ourselves, 
than  to  enforce  obedience.  Alas  for  us,  and  for 
them  also,  if  we  yield  to  this  fatal  doctrine  !  Better 
task  our  own  patience  to  the  utmost,  than,  to  spare 
ourselves  unpleasant  words  or  feelings,  permit  our 
children  in  this  self-seeking,  enervating  habit.  The 
question  should  never  be,  Which  is  the  easier 
course  ?  but.  What  does  parental  duty  require 
of  me  ? 

The  essence  of  the  virtue  I  inculcate  lies  in  self- 
sacrifice.  There  is  a  great  truth  in  the  Catholic 
doctrine,  set  forth  so  beautifully  by  Fenelon,  of  self- 
renunciation.  First  of  all,  the  little  child  should 
give  himself  up  to  God.  Few,  except  those  who 
begin  young,  come  ever  to  say  with  Herbert,  — 

"  Lord,  take  thy  way ;  for  sure  thy  way  is  best. 
Stretch  or  contract  me,  thy  poor  debtor  ; 
This  is  but  tuning  of  my  breast, 
To  make  the  music  better." 


MOKAL    COURAGE.  123 

This  devout  lesson,  sooner  or  later,  all  must  learn. 
When  we  look  most  earnestly  to  God  for  help,  then 
we  best  help  ourselves.  Open  your  bosom  and  let 
in  the  divine  beams,  and  you  rise  and  go  forth  full  of 
vigor,  and  triumphant  over  evil. 

Infuse  even  now  into  your  child  the  spirit  of  self- 
sacrifice.  The  mother  of  Samuel  made  him  a  little 
coat,  and  brought  it  to  him  from  year  to  year,  as 
they  came  to  sacrifice  at  the  temple.  Mothers,  imi- 
tate this  holy  example.  Clothe  your  children  in  robes 
consecrated  to  God  and  duty.  Array  these  daughters 
in  the  divine  garments  of  meekness,  self-surrender, 
and  a  disinterested  care  and  toil.  A  little  girl,  —  and 
the  case  stands  not  alone,  —  amid  burning  fever,  was 
patient  and  quiet ;  it  was  a  blessed  sight,  for  Heaven 
shone  round  that  pillow.  But  in  brighter  rays  still 
shone  the  Father  in  the  face  of  another,  who  waited 
gently  by  the  bed  of  a  sick  mother.  She  gave 
up  school,  amusements,  almost  her  very  food  and 
sleep,  and  ministered  —  the  little  angel  —  to  those 
parched  lips  and  that  wasting  frame.  And  when  at 
length  the  Father  took  that  dear  friend  from  her, 
I  did  not  fear  for  her,  alone  though  she  was  in  this 
bleak  world,  for  I  remembered  the  message  to  each 
soul  :  — 

"  Wert  thou  never  taught  to  feel  and  know 
That  the  truest  love  has  its  roots  in  woe, 
Thou  wouldst  not  e'er  attain  the  tranquil  height, 
Where  wisdom  purifies  the  sight, 


124  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

And  God  unfolds  to  th'  humble  gaze 
The  light  and  beauty  of  his  ways." 

Shrink  not,  then,  from  training  your  children'  to 
know  and  to  try  the  stern  tasks  of  self-reliance  and 
self-sacrifice. 

Two  courses  lie  before  the  parent.  To  begin 
early  the  work  with  his  children,  and  prepare  them 
at  every  stage  for  all  that  will  follow,  —  to  fill  them 
with  dependence  upon  God,  and  independence,  wher- 
ever principle  and  duty  are  concerned,  of  man.  To 
do  this,  he  must  deny  himself  and  deny  them.  The 
other  course  is,  to  leave  them  entirely  unrestrained, 
—  then-  moral  character  unformed,  their  temper  un- 
disciplined, their  principles  unestablished.  Which 
will  you  choose  ?  No  one,  with  the  consequences 
before  him,  can  hesitate. 

Who  would  leave  a  dear  child  to  make  up  in  after 
years  for  the  errors  of  parental  neglect  ?  Who, 
instead  of  training  him  with  a  firm  and  gentle 
hand  now,  would  send  him  forth  where  "  the  severe 
lash  of  disappointment  and  suffering  must,  during 
his  subsequent  career,  supply  the  omissions  of  his 
youth,  and  where  he  must  be  trained  at  last,  through 
much  enduring,  to  that  point  from  which  a  good  ed- 
ucation would  have  started  him "  ?  Let  us  not 
leave  these  tender  beings  to  so  cruel  a  destiny  ;  let 
them  not  be  compelled,  after  many  wanderings,  and 
all  their  mortifications  and  failures,  to  learn  late  what 
we  should  have  taught  them  early.     Do  we  our  du- 


MORAL    COURAGE.  125 

ty,  and  there  is  hope  that  they  will,  by  their  hearts 
and  their  lives,  minister  before  the  Lord  ;  there  is 
hope,  if  we  be  but  faithful,  that  the  linen  ephod  will 
be  put  on  even  to-day. 


CHAPTER    X. 

MOTIVES    TO    BE   ADDRESSED. 

The  influences  which  make  or  mar  the  character 
of  man  are,  for  the  most  part,  of  a  subtile,  unobtru- 
sive nature.  All  action  originates,  of  course,  in  mo- 
tives,—  that  is,  in  a  moving  power.  We  accom- 
plish much  or  little,  and  what  we  accomplish  is 
either  good  or  evil,  according  to  the  force  and  the 
quality  of  the  motives  under  which  we  act.  This  is 
true  of  the  man,  and  it  is  equally  true  of  "  the 
child,"  who  "  is  father  of  the  man."  He  will  be 
pure  or  impure,  virtuous  or  vicious,  according  to  the* 
motives  habitually  influential  in  his  conduct.  He  is 
bom  with  certain  capacities,  faculties,  and  propensi- 
ties ;  and  the  direction  these  will  take,  the  predom- 
inance of  one  class  or  another  among  them,  and  the 
result  upon  his  life,  depend  on  the  exercise  of  his 
free-will.  Develop  his  will  aright,  and  you  give 
him  the  best  possible  education.  And  this  is  only 
saying.  Present  the  right  motives  before  him,  and 
lead  him  to  see  and  feel  them,  and  you  do  all  you 
can  do  to  make  him  pure  in  heart,  pious  toward 
God,  and  true  toward  man. 


MOTIVES    TO   BE   ADDRESSED.  127 

No  vineyard  is  so  sacred  as  the  mind  of  a  child. 
The  vines  are  now  just  germinating,  and  now  they 
bear  tender  grapes.  But  secret  and  steal tiiy  mis- 
chief-mongers are  already  there.  Take  these  away, 
*'  take  away  the  foxes,  the  little  foxes  that  spoil 
these  vines,"  in  their  early  days  ;  prune  them  with 
care  ;  train  them  to  the  heaven-reaching  trellis  ;  sub- 
ject them  to  all  generous  influences,  and  they  shall  at 
last  bring  forth  good  grapes,  noble  clusters,  fair  to 
the  eye,  sweet  to  the  taste,  and  giving  life  to  the 
soul. 

The  scale  of  human  motives  is  long  ;  and  by  few 
of  our  parents  is  it  carefully  noted  ;  yet,  to  effect  the 
great  end  of  education,  we  must  understand  it  thor- 
oughly, and  we  must  address  always  the  highest  and 
best  motives  a  child  will  regard. 

The  lowest  motives  are  those  connected  with  ap- 
petite and  sense.  It  has  been  said  that  "  all  chil- 
dren are  by  nature  gluttons."  It  is  quite  certain  that 
food  and  drink  occupy  a  large  part  of  their  thoughts 
and  desires.  A  child  needs  a  liberal  sustenance  ;  but 
he  can  be  very  early  taught  the  momentous  lesson,  that 
he  should  "  eat  to  live,  and  not  live  to  eat."  Many 
parents  never  seem  aware  of  this  truth.  They  teach 
their  children,  and  unhappily  too  often  confirm  the 
doctrine  by  their  own  example,  that  it  is  what  goeth 
into  the  mouth,  not  what  cometh  out  of  it,  and  com- 
eth  from  the  heart,  that  constitutes  the  object  and 
essence  of  life.     The  mother  promises  her  boy  a 


128  THE   CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

cake  for  his  good  behaviour  ;  and  the  daughter  shall 
have  candy  if  she  do  well.  What  is  this  but  mak- 
ing the  gratifications  of  appetite  the  highest  motive 
with  the  child  ?  It  is  making  that  first  which  should 
be  last  in  his  mind.  It  is  saying  to  him  that  plain 
food  and  a  wholesome  diet  are  an  evil.  Who  can 
doubt  that  the  foundation  is  often  thus  laid  for  the  fu- 
ture inebriate,  sensualist,  epicure,  and  debauchee  ? 
A  habit  of  pampering  the  palate,  and  sacrificing  the 
higher  to  the  lower  nature,  may  sometimes  be  traced 
back  to  this  fatal  parental  error,  commenced,  per- 
haps, in  the  very  nursery. 

Kindred  to  that  of  appetite  is  the  development  of 
hope.  This  leads  the  child  to  anticipate  savory 
food  with  his  utmost  delight.  But  let  not  the  noble 
sentiment  of  hope  be  confined  to  this  low  object. 
It  should  be  our  earliest  care  to  raise  it  to  things  of 
a  mental  and  spiritual  character.  Incite  the  little  girl 
to  hope  for  beautiful  objects,  to  take  pleasure  in  rich 
colors,  to  enjoy  sweet  sounds,  to  anticipate  with  a 
keen  sense  the  odors  of  flower  and  field  and  forest. 
Take  off  your  boy's  attention  from  what  he  is  to  eat 
and  drink,  by  talking  with  him  about  his  lessons,  his 
work,  or  his  moral  deportment.  When  he  comes 
home  from  school,  let  not  his  first  question  be,  — 
"  What  shall  we  have  for  dihner  ?  "  I  have  known 
young  persons,  who,  instead  of  saying  —  which  I  think 
is  the  most  we  should  ever  say  about  food  and 
drmk  —  that  they  liked  this  or  tliat,  would  exclaim, 


MOTIVES    TO    BE    ADDRESSED.  129 

"I  love  such  or  such  an  article  dearly."  The  whole 
strength  of  heart  and  soul  was  expended  upon  some 
dish  for  the  table  ;  they  showed  an  enthusiasm  in  re- 
gard to  it  which  I  never  saw  in  them  where  love  to 
a  friend,  or  moral  excellence  alone,  was  concerned. 
Let  us  guard  our  children  against  this  melancholy 
condition. 

It  is  no  romance  to  beheve  that  a  child  can  be  so 
trained  as  to  find  his  highest  delight  in  things  of  an 
intellectual  and  moral  nature.  There  is  pleasure  in 
the  mere  exercise  of  our  inward  faculties,  and  never 
is  it  more  intense  than  in  childhood.  The  simple 
act  of  thinking,  feeling,  willing,  is  then  a  luxury. 
Why  should  we  not  take  advantage  of  this  fact  in  ad- 
dressing the  motives  of  our  children  ?  Why  have 
so  much  faith  in  appeals  to  what  is  low  and  gross  in 
them,  and  so  little  in  their  purer  nature  .'' 

I  would  first  of  all  encourage  hopefulness  in  my 
child.  I  would  lead  him  to  lay  little  plans  for  him- 
self, and  anticipate  success  in  their  execution.  In  a 
world  full  of  difficulties  and  dangers,  like  ours,  noth- 
ing is  more  essential  than  a  disposition  to  look  on 
the  bright  side  of  life.  There  is  wisdom  in  hope  ; 
for  it  bears  us  up  amid  obstacles,  and  thus  insures 
temporal  prosperity.  It  is  friendly,  also,  to  moral 
improvement.  Without  hope,  we  never  attempt  a 
high  character.  It  is  a  shield  against  temptation, 
and  an  anchor  in  trouble.  Fill  the  soul,  therefore, 
in  childhood,  with  a  hope,  that  the  changes,  crosses, 
9 


130  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

and  disappointments  of  subsequent  years  shall  not 
exhaust. 

And  now  see  that  this  hope  is  bestowed  on  ele- 
vated objects.  Let  the  good  to  which  it  aspires  be, 
as  far  as  possible,  of  an  inward  nature  ;  teach  the 
child  to  expect  much  of  others,  and  of  himself. 
And  though  they  should  fail  to  meet  his  expecta- 
tions once  and  again,  let  him  cherish  the  hope  that 
they  will  yet  do  better.  But  though  all  around  him 
disappoint  his  expectations,  never  suffer  him  to  give 
up.  to  discouragement,  and  to  come  short  of  his  part, 
because  they  do  of  theirs.  Lead  him  to  bind  to  his 
heart,  and  carry  out  in  his  life,  the  noble  motto, 
"  Hope  on,  hope  ever." 

Another  motive  much  appealed  to  is  fear.  This 
sentiment  is  natural,  and  has  its  place,  therefore,  in 
all  moral  education.  But  surely  not  the  first  place. 
The  child  who  is  governed  supremely  by  the  rod,  or 
by  constant  threats,  will  be  depressed,  timid,  and 
feeble  in  character.  Or,  if  his  spirit  be  not  broken, 
it  is  kept  only  at  bay,  covering  up  a  latent  resistance, 
cherishing  an  insidious  deceit,  if  not  hypocrisy. 
And,  in  coming  years,  that  imprisoned  spirit  may 
break  forth  in  reckless  courses.  In  this  manner  was 
Lord  Byron  educated.  His  mother  would  at  one 
time  load  him  with  passionate  caresses,  but  the  next 
treat  him  with  the  harshness  of  a  tyrant.  And  be- 
hold in  his  subsequent  character  of  passion  and  peev- 
ishness, mahce,   bitterness,   fitfulness,  and   caprice. 


MOTIVES  TO  BE  ADDRESSED,  131 

the  inevitable  results  of  early  mismanagement  and 
unprincipled  severity. 

A  strong  motive  with  children  is  shame,  a  sensi- 
tiveness to  reputation,  and  an  apprehension  of  pain 
at  its  loss.  The  boy  cannot  wear  this  cap,  nor  the 
girl  that  bonnet,  because  some  one  in  the  school  will 
point  at  them.  This  feeling  in  its  excess  is  perni- 
cious ;  it  makes  us  the  slaves  of  fashion  and  opinion, 
and  is  a  root  of  unhappiness.  Beyond  question,  it 
is  a  source  of  much  of  the  "  splendid  misery  "  of 
this  world.  We  look  on  ,the  magnificence  of  wealth 
m  our  cities,  and  ask,  perhaps,  if  its  votaries  must 
not  be  perfectly  happy.  Refinement,  luxury,  ease, 
a  palace  to  reside  in,  and  a  carriage  at  command, 
are  here  ;  and  "  can  these  splendid  creatures,"  es- 
pecially these  ladies,  "  enthroned  in  silk,  know 
trouble  or  sorrow  ?  And  are  not  their  homes  the 
abodes  of  peace  and  love  and  every  joy  ?  We  can- 
not penetrate  the  sacred  mysteries  of  the  fireside  ; 
but  could  we  read  the  secret  history  of  fashionable 
life  and  fashionable  folly,  we  should  encounter  such 
a  record  of  broken  faith,  broken  vows,  and  broken 
hearts,  as  would  make  the  soul  recoil  in  horror  and 
amazement  to  find  that  all  this  brilliant  and  dazzling 
display  of  wealth  and  beauty  and  taste  and  refine- 
ment was  but  the  fantastic  and  mocking  mask  of  a 
wide-yawning  domestic  hell."  What  tortures  do 
these  voluntary  slaves  daily  undergo,  lest  some  neigh- 
bour should  outshine  them  in  the  circles  of  fashion  ! 


132  THE    CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

That  child  who  is  educated  to  live  only  for  the  eye 
and  the  speech  of  the  gazing  multitude,  and  to  blush 
when  eclipsed  in  her  dress,  deserves  commisera- 
tion. 

But  this  sensitiveness  to  opinion,  when  affected 
with  moderation,  exerts  a  salutary  influence.  God, 
in  implanting  it  so  deeply  in  our  nature,  must  have 
had  some  good  purpose.  If  a  child  fail  in  his  les- 
son, or  commit  a  disreputable  act,  he  should  be 
ashamed.  The  evil  lies  in  being  ashamed  of  what 
is  in  itself  right.  Whea  this  passion  becomes  a 
supreme  motive  of  conduct,  it  vitiates  the  character. 
It  is  not  well  to  say  often  to  a  youth,  "  They  will 
laugh  at  you."  Better  say,  if  it  be  the  truth,  "  You 
will  deserve  censure  if  you  do  thus  or  thus."  What 
we  merit,  not  what  we  may  or  shall  receive,  should 
be  our  habitual  standard  of  conduct.  Shame  too 
often  oppresses  the  soul,  and  takes  the  life  from  our 
virtue.  In  the  journal  of  a  traveller  in  New  Mex- 
ico, he  tells  us  his  party  were  overtaken  in  midwinter 
by  a  storm  of  snow  ;  and  so  fast  did  it  fall,  and  so 
rapidly  did  it  gain,  that  at  night  it  buried  these  travel- 
lers over  quite  deeply.  And  there,  beneath  a  load 
of  snow,  and  with  a  difficult  respiration,  they  slept. 
Thus  does  shame  cover  over  the  moral  man.  He 
may  live  and  breathe  still,  but  beneath  what  a  load 
must  he  do  it  !  How  much  better  to  enjoy  the 
bright  sun  of  a  good  conscience,  and  the  clear  air  of 
virtue,  than  to  bear  this  oppressive  burden  ! 


MOTIVES    TO    BE    ADDRESSED.  133 

Early  in  appearance,  as  a  motive,  is  the  love  of 
accumulation  and  gain.  The  infant  grasps  his  toy 
and  books,  before  he  can  speak  of  "  the  rights  of 
property."  And  doubtless  he  has  rights  ;  and  even 
then  we  should  sacredly  respect  them.  Let  the  lit- 
tle child  say,  "  This  is  mine,  and  this  yours,"  for  so 
will  he  learn  to  take  care  of  his  own.  Yet  beware 
lest  his  desire  of  possessions  grow  into  avarice.  I 
would  encourage  a  child  to  amass,  that  he  might  use, 
and  use  well,  what  he  gains.  Let  him  never  be  al- 
lowed to  hoard.  If  your  daughter  desires  to  accu- 
mulate presents,  jewelry,  articles  of  apparel,  or  even 
books,  only  to  store  them  in  her  drawers,  and  feast 
her  own  eyes  by  an  occasional  review  of  them,  or  if 
she  wishes  only  to  show  them  to  others  with  boast- 
ing and  pride,  then  beware,  for  there  he  the  seeds  of 
a  selfish  and  sordid  disposition. 

Prudence  and  economy  are  always  commendable  ; 
they  should  be  taught  to  every  child,  whether  rich  or 
poor.  But  every  child,  in  whatever  circumstances, 
should  also  be  encouraged  to  save,  not  only  for  per- 
sonal wants  and  uses,  but  for  the  express  object  of 
being  able  to  give  of  his  own  to  others.  Show  the 
little  child  the  pleasure  there  is  in  sharing  whatever 
he  has  with  others.  If  you  allow  him  to  lay  aside 
any  dainty  for  his  palate,  let  a  part  of  it  be  reserved 
for  a  brother  or  sister.  Hold  up  to  him  the  meanness 
of  a  greedy  spirit.  Do  not  give  him  large  sums  of 
money,  that  he  may  have  to  bestow  on  others  ;  but 


134  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

teach  him  to  give  away  his  own  things,  to  forego,  for 
example,  his  confectionary,  for  the  sake  of  bestowing 
something  on  a  companion.  Sacrifice,  self-denial, 
privation,  these  are  the  only  basis  of  true  generosity, 
and  of  a  God-approved,  as  well  as  man-approved, 
charity. 

It  is  the  custom  of  many  parents  to  hire  their 
children  to  work  for  them  ;  some  employ  the  pe- 
cuniary motive  until  they  can  obtain  no  service  of  a 
child,  that  is  disagreeable  to  him,  except  by  paying 
him  for  it.  Yet  consider  the  effect  of  such  training  : 
it  stimulates  a  low  passion,  the  love  of  money,  and 
weakens  the  highest  and  best  sentiments  in  the  child. 
It  nullifies  parental  authority  ;  for  the  child  will  do 
nothing  that  he  dislikes  merely  because  he  is  com- 
manded to  do  it.  The  parent,  by  this  course,  is 
brought  down  to  a  level  with  any  one  in  the  street 
who  asks  assistance  of  his  child.  He  must  offer  a 
compensation  or  he  is  boldly  refused  the  assistance. 
Money,  gain,  — not  reverence,  not,  either,  true  love, 
—  becomes  the  all-absorbing  principle  with  a  child 
thus  educated. 

It  may  be  necessary,  in  extraordinary  cases,  to 
hire  the  labor  of  our  children.  There  may  be  a 
natural  indolence,  that  requires  this  stimulus  at  first. 
But  it  should  be  used  with  extreme  caution  ;  for, 
like  every  other  strong  stimulant,  it  becomes  more 
and  more  craving,  until  it  leads,  if  unchecked,  to  fa- 
tal results.     I  would  make  my  children  presents  ; 


MOTIVES    TO    BE   ADDRESSED.  135 

but  they  should  not  be  in  the  form  of  rewards.  A 
gift  does  your  child  good  ;  it  calls  forth  his  affection 
for  you,  and  awakens,  or  should  awaken,  his  grati- 
tude. But  to  pay  him  wages  degrades  both  him  and 
yourself.  Train  your  daughter  to  be  useful  at  home, 
for  the  sake  of  pleasing  you.  The  habit  once 
formed,  she  will  ask  no  higher  reward  ;  she  will  not 
dream  of  being  paid  for  every  duty  she  performs  in 
your  chambers  or  parlour. 

There  is  no  harm  in  promising  a  child  something 
if  he  will  correct  a  certain  bad  personal  habit,  not 
of  a  moral  character,  but  rendering  him  awkward  or 
disagreeable.  It  calls  his  attention  to  the  habit,  and 
impresses  on  his  mind  its  evil,  and  the  necessity  of 
amending  it.  This  is  a  harmless  reward,  while  to 
hire  a  child  to  be  good,  to  obey  you,  or  to  do  his 
duty,  is  substituting  an  impure  for  a  pure  motive  ;  it 
is  putting  "  hay,  wood,  and  stubble  "  at  the  foun- 
dation of  the  character. 

Still  higher  in  the  scale  of  motives  ranks  the  love 
of  approbation.  The  young  mind  is  exquisitely  alive 
to  praise  and  blame.  If  with  the  adult  we  see  it 
everywhere  true  that  this  quality  is  a  criterion  of  char- 
acter, and  "  as  the  fining-pot  is  to  the  silver,  and  as 
the  furnace  is  to  gold,  so  is  a  man  to  his  praise,"  it 
is  emphatically  so  with  children.  We  hold  in  our 
hands,  as  parents  and  instructors,  no  instrument  of 
culture  so  powerful,  and  at  the  same  time  so  delicate 
in  its  construction  and  uses,  as  this.     I  apprehend 


136  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

we  commit  more  errors  on  this  point  than  any 
other.  We  misunderstand  the  motives  of  children, 
why  they  act  as  they  do,  how  we  may  expect  them 
to  act,  and  by  what  means  we  should  try  to  induce 
them  to  pure  action.  Hence,  in  our  whole  system 
of  praise  and  blame,  and  rewards  and  punishments, 
we  go  sadly  astray. 

Let  one,  for  example,  look  through  a  day,  and 
see  how  much  oftener  he  censures  than  commends  his 
child.  The  ninety-and-nine  good  deeds  are  passed 
by  unnoticed,  while  the  hundredth  evil  deed  is  sharp- 
ly rebuked.  That  must  be  a  reprobate  creature  who 
does  more  wrong  than  right  things.  Where  is  the 
child,  for  example,  who  tells  more  falsehoods  than 
truths  in  the  day  ?  Where,  then,  is  the  justice  of 
bestowing  more  blame  than  praise  .''  Only  be  as 
watchful  for  the  good  as  you  now  are  for  the  evil, 
and  you  will  change  the  entire  complexion  of  each 
passing  day.  How  many  homes  made  happy  should 
we  have  by  this  one  reform  ! 

Many  parents  administer  rewards  and  punishments, 
not  according  to  the  actual  deserts  of  their  children, 
but  according  to  the  mood  they  are  themselves  in  at 
the  moment.  Are  they  in  good  humour,  then  every- 
thing suits  them  ;  they  are  pleased,  and  they  praise 
liberally.  But  are  they  not  in  good  humour,  does 
their  business  perplex  them,  or  do  their  domestic  af- 
fairs go  wrong,  or  are  they  for  any  cause  excited  and 
irritated,  then  no  act  of  their  child  seems  right,  and 


MOTIVES    TO   BE   ADDRESSED.  137 

tlie  harsh  word  and  the  quick  blow  come,  as  unjust 
as  they  are  frequent.  On  how  many  occasions  do 
we  lose  sight  of  the  motive,  in  our  displeasure  at  the 
consequences,  of  an  act  !  The  daughter  breaks  an 
article  of  furniture  ;  the  mother  is  exasperated.  She 
does  not  stop  to  inquire  whether  it  was  done  inten- 
tionally, or  even  carelessly,  but  proceeds  at  once  to 
punish,  according  to  the  value  of  the  article.  The 
child  has  a  keen  sense  of  justice,  and  sadly  and  most 
culpably  is  it  wounded  by  these  unmerited  castiga- 
tions.  Better  lose  the  half  of  your  household  ef- 
fects than  thus  violate  this  sacred,  God^implanted 
principle  of  justice  in  a  youthful  breast. 

I  once  knew  a  father  who  brought  a  load  of  wood 
from  the  forest  to  his  door  on  a  cold  winter's  noon. 
While  he  partook  of  his  dinner,  his  sons,  to  relieve 
their  parent,  threw  the  wood  from  his  wagon. 
They  went  in  joyfully  to  tell  him  of  their  good  ser- 
vice. But  he,  instead  of  commending  them  for 
their  generous  intentions,  was  at  first  silent,  and  then 
coldly  censured  them,  because  the  wood  was  not 
thrown  precisely  in  the  spot  he  desired.  Were  it 
not  wiser  to  blame  according  to  a  child's  motive  .'' 
Does  your  child  make  you  a  present,  receive  it  not 
as  it  may  benefit  you  or  otherwise,  but  in  the  spirit 
in  which  it  is  given.  Consider  always  the  motive, 
and  if  you  err,  let  it  be  on  the  side  of  charity. 
Give  too  much,  rather  than  too  little  credit  ;  for  this 
is  far  better  in  its  bearing  on  a  child's  character. 


138  THE    CHRISTIAN    PAKENT. 

Over  and  over  say  unto  yourself,  —  "  What  did  he 
mean  by  this  and  that  action  ?  Let  me  give  him  his 
full  desert."  In  one  word,  be  calm,  be  deliberate, 
judge  not  in  haste,  still  less  in  passion  ;  then  will  you 
judge  and  give  credit  aright.' 


t 
CHAPTER   XI. 

MOTIVES   TO    BE   ADDRESSED. CONTINUED. 

Children  are  much  influenced  by  what  I  may 
call  the  family  opinion.  There  are  certain  ideas 
current  in  every  household,  and  a  corresponding 
standard  of  conduct.  There  is  an  average  of  prin- 
ciples ;  and  there  is  a  moral  tone,  which  does  much 
to  decide  the  characters  of  the  children.  We  see 
some  schools  governed  almost  entirely  by  the  school 
opinion.  Where  it  embraces  the  prominent  virtues 
of  diligence,  punctuality,  order,  &c.,  these  qualities 
prevail.  Such  is  its  power,  that  it  often  enables  the 
teacher  to  secure  good  discipline,  and  much  strict- 
ness even,  without  employing  corporal  chastisement, 
or  any  undue  severity.  It  sometimes  rises  so  high 
as  to  give  correct  views  of  the  whole  circle  of  moral 
and  religious  duties. 

Now,  why  cannot  parents  establish  a  similar  public 
opinion  in  the  family  ?  Why  may  they  not  render 
incorrect  principles,  and  impure  actions,  words,  and 
even  thoughts  and  feelings,  so  unpopular,  that  they 
shall  be  excluded  from  the  conduct  and  conversation 


140  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

of  every  child  in  the  circle  ?  Let  elevated  exam- 
ples of  virtue  be  familiarly  spoken  of,  and  constantly 
commended.  Encourage  a  mild,  but  frank  and  de- 
cided, rebuke  of  every  shade  of  wrong-doing.  Let 
the  children  become  sincere  helpers  of  one  another 
in  the  great  work  of  right  thinking  and  right  deport- 
ment. Only  keep  the  spirit  of  love  constantly  alive, 
and  father  and  mother,  son  and  daughter,  brother  and 
sister,  will  become  mutual  teachers  in  one  grand 
Christian  school. 

A  pure  motive,  and  one  we  may  often  address,  is 
love  to  the  parent.  The  child  who  desires  to  please 
father  and  mother  is  kept  easily  in  the  path  of  virtue. 
That  sweet  smile  is  sunshine  to  his  heart,  and  those 
approving  tones  are  his  daily  music.  Nor  does  ab- 
sence weaken  this  stimulus.  Throughout  the  day  he 
anticipates  a  delicious  recompense  for  the  tempta- 
tions he  has  resisted,  and  the  progress  he  has  made  in 
whatever  is  pure  and  praiseworthy,  when  at  night  he 
shall  meet  those  dear  faces.  And  in  later  years, 
when  toil  and  gain  have  borne  us  far  from  the  loved 
abode  of  our  early  days,  we  rejoice  to  look  over  the 
space  that  parts  us  from  those  snow-crowned  heads, 
and  again,  buoyant  with  our  childhood's  reminiscen- 
ces, guided  by  the  star  of  home, 

"  we  come, 
Our  toils  and  dangers  past,  to  seek  rest, 
And  love,  and  welcoming  eyes,  and  gentle  hearts." 

*'  Love  is  first  to  be  instilled,"  in  the  words  of 


MOTIVES    TO    BE    ADDRESSED.  141 

Coleridge,  "  and  out  of  love  obedience  is  to  be 
educed."  The  value  of  filial  obedience  depends  on 
its  being  affectionate  and  cheerful.  If  it  be  cold  and 
reluctant,  it  loses  half  its  merit.  Love  to  man,  a 
tender  and  sympathetic  spirit,  and  a  generous,  for- 
bearing and  forgiving  disposition,  are  of  transcen- 
dent importance.  But  how  shall  the  fountain  of  these 
holy  sensibihties  be  opened  in  the  soul  ?,  It  is  the 
mother  who  can  do  most  to  awaken  in  her  child  the 
social  and  amiable  sentiments.  If  true  to  her  office, 
she  will  repress  every  selfish  propensity,  and  encour- 
age all  that  is  disinterested  and  self-denying  in  her 
children.  She  will  open  the  shutters  of  their  hearts, 
and  let  in  the  sun  of  love  upon  them.  The  wise  fa- 
ther will  sedulously  inculcate  on  his  sons  the  duty  of 
living  out  of  themselves.  He  will  represent  it  as 
their  privilege  to  cause  as  much  happiness,  and  that, 
too,  in  as  pure  ways  as  possible,  among  their  rela- 
tives, associates,  and  friends.  He  will  teach  them 
to  be  merciful,  and  never  forget  that 

"  To  err  is  human  ;  to  forgive,  divine." 

Indeed,  love  in  any  form,  and  to  any  being,  is  an  el- 
evating motive.  It  is  good  that  a  child  be  taught  to 
love  the  very  animals. 

"  Let  there  he  something,  though  a  hird,  which  he 
May  spend  a  little  kindness  on." 

Cowper  was  full  of  tenderness  to  the  brute  crea- 
tion ;  his  rabbits  interest  every  lover  of  his  writings, 


142  THE   CHRISTIAN   PABENT. 

and  who  can  doubt  that  many  a  heart,  both  of  the 
happy  and  sad,  has  been  made  better  by  the  multi- 
tudes of  parrots,  lap-dogs,  canaries,  &c.,  which 
have  been  objects  of  affection  ? 

Nothing  is  unimportant  which  serves  to  take  us 
away  from  ourselves.  Whatever  gives  strength  to 
our  regard  for  a  particular  individual,  or  expands  our 
affections  toward  more  and  more  persons,  should  be 
nourished  in  children.  If  it  is  but  to  divide  an  apple 
with  a  schoolmate,  that  is  the  germ,  it  may  be,  of  a 
love  that  years  cannot  quench.  Talk  to  your  chil- 
dren of  the  sick,  the  poor,  the  imprisoned,  the  en- 
slaved ;  interest  them  in  all  that  concerns  the  good 
of  their  race,  —  in  peace  and  purity,  temperance, 
education,  humanity.  An  eminent  divine  was  ac- 
customed to  select  some  topic  of  this  kind  whenever 
he  met  his  children  at  the  table.  This  may  be  too 
formal  ;  but  how  often  may  we  incidentally  blend 
with  the  social  repast  or  the  evening  hours  some 
word  that  shall  kindle  a  disinterested,  perhaps  a 
world-embracing,  spirit  in  the  young  beings  around 
us.     Let  us  not  lose  this  precious  seed-time. 

Encourage  in  yorr  child  a  desire  of  superiority. 
Much  is  said  of  the  evils  of  emulation  ;  and,  when 
excited  by  ranks,  medals,  and  rewards  in  the 
school-room,  it  doubtless  does  harm.  But  there 
may  be  a  generous  emulation,  a  rivalry  with  the 
good  and  the  pure,  that  is  healthful  and  invigorating. 
When  we  admire  the  elevated  character  of  another, 


MOTIVES   TO    BE   ADDRESSED.  143 

we  should  set  forth  at  once  to  emulate  that  charac- 
ter. If  your  son  read  of  excellence  in  others,  it 
should  fire  his  own  spirit  to  go  and  do  likewise. 
Let  him  not  be  content  to  look  up  to  such  emi- 
nence, but  incite  him  to  rise  to  it  himself.  Wher- 
ever he  shall  see  or  hear  of  any  rare  worth,  and  love 
and  commend  it,  teach  him  that  he  has  power,  if  he 
have  but  faith,  to  imitate,  to  equal,  it  may  be  to  sur- 
pass it.  Bind  on  his  frontlet  the  noble  motto,  — 
"  What  I  admire,  that  I  will  6e." 

A  high  motive  of  conduct  is  the  love  of  improve- 
ment. Every  child  desires  knowledge  ;  he  never 
knows  enough  to  satisfy  that  desire.  Why  should 
not  the  young  thirst  for  progress  in  virtue,  as  they 
do  to  learn  something  new  ?  If  there  is  pleasure  in 
solving  a  difficult  problem,  and  mastering  a  new 
study,  so  is  there  pleasure  in  gaining  new  triumphs 
over  the  difficulties  with  which  passion  and  appetite, 
self  and  sin,  obstruct  our  course.  It  is  no  less  prac- 
ticable —  did  we  bestow  equal  labor  on  the  task  — 
to  educate  the  moral  than  the  intellectual  nature. 
Teach  your  boy,  as  he  advances  from  branch  to 
branch,  and  rises  from  school  to  school,  so  also  to 
advance  in  kindness,  self-control,  industry,  patience, 
and  every  virtue.  Once  wake  him  to  a  love  of  per- 
sonal improvement,  and  there  is  no  height  he  may 
not  reach.  He  will  seek  to  overcome  his  faults, 
and  to  strengthen  his  good  affections,  and  confirm 
his  pure  habits.    He  will  provide  himself  with  an  out- 


144  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

fit,  and  hasten  to  that  captivating  region  where  a 
treasure  better  than  gold  is  accumulated,  and  where 
no  sickness  is,  and  no  enemy  can  destroy,  but  where 
life,  even  eternal  hfe,  will  be  his  sure  possession. 

I  now  approach  the  culminating  point  of  human 
motives,  by  introducing  the  virtue  of  conscientious- 
ness. Let  this  be  prominent  in  your  child's  charac- 
ter, and  you  have  much  to  hope  for  in  his  fututre 
course.  Let  there  be  an  earnest  desire  to  do  right 
in  everything,  and  let  this  desire  be  enlightened  and 
healthful,  and  we  have  secured  nearly  all  that  educa- 
tion, morally  speaking,  can  accomplish. 

We  should  never  rest  content  with  motives  which 
originate  in  outward  relations  and  circumstances.  I 
have  said  that  the  little  child  leans  on  the  judgment 
of  his  mother  to  decide  for  him  what  is  right.  But, 
as  he  grows  up,  he  should  be  weaned  from  her  in 
this  respect.  He  must  now  seek  his  moral  nutri- 
ment, and  his  chief  spiritual  sustenance,  elsewhere. 
Let  not  the  daughter  be  trained  to  depend  on  her 
mother  at  sixteen,  as  entirely  *as  she  did  at  six,  to 
know  what  she  ought  to  do.  Her  own  sense  of  du- 
ty should  before  this  have  been  so  exercised  as  to 
point  out  to  her  what  is  right  and  what  wrong. 
Where  the  conscience  is  well  developed,  a  child 
becomes  keen-sighted  to  evil  and  good.  The  boy 
loves  truth  so  fervently  that  he  shuns  every  form  of 
deception.  He  is  not  satisfied  with  telling  no  abso- 
lute lies  ;  he  is  anxious  to  have  his  feelings,  as  well 


MOTIVES   TO    BE    ADDRESSED.  145 

as  his  words,  true.  He  will  not,  for  example,  hide 
a  knife  or  a  top  which  he  has  found,  and  then  say  he 
does  not  know  who  owns  it  ;  he  will  take  pains  to 
find  the  owner. 

A  child's  conscientiousness  must  be  so  strong,  that 
he  will  do  right  when  alone,  no  less  than  while  in 
presence  of  others.  He  should  fear  the  rebuke  of  his 
own  spirit  more  than  that  of  his  teacher  or  his  par- 
ents. Every  boy  has  opportunities  to  do  good  in 
secret.  If  you  can  lead  him  to  perform  such  acts, 
to  give  things  to  others  indirectly  and  unseen,  or  to 
defend  a  playmate  who  is  spoken  against  in  his  ab- 
sence, or  to  help  a  poor  man  whom  he  will  never 
see  again,  you  strengthen  his  conscience,  and  help 
hira  to  form  a  noble  character. 

Some  children  incline  to  cover  up  tlieir  faults  ; 
they  are  naturally  secretive.  Such  should  be  taught 
the  duty  of  confession.  Let  there  be  no  false  pride, 
no  pretending  to  perfection  ;  but  show  every  child 
that  he  has  faults,  like  all  human  beings,  and  that  he 
is  bound  to  confess  them.  Inspire  your  daughter 
with  the  magnanimous  disposition  to  do  justice  to 
others,  and  to  acknowledge  her  own  errors.  This 
is  a  difficult  lesson  ;  it  is  worth  the  toil  of  a  whole 
life  to  learn  it.  Commence  the  task,  then,  with  your 
child  from  his  earliest  years. 

Let  not  your  son  slight  any  work  you  give  him  to 
do  ;  and  show  him  that  the  wrong  of  doing  so  is 
greater  where  he  conceals  it  from  you,  tlian  if  you 
10 


146  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

saw  it.  There  are  a  thousand  cases  in  the  day 
where  a  conscientious  child  will  be  faithful  in  secret. 
And  if  conscience  be  miseducated,  there  will  be 
constant  opportunities  and  temptations  to  practise 
deceptions  which  shall  pass  without  detection. 

I  would  now  say  that  a  child's  conscience  may  be 
over-sensitive.  He  may  study  his  own  feelings  too 
closely,  and  have  a  morbid  dread  of  inward  re- 
proach. This  is  the  case  when  he  thinks  more 
about  his  own  feelings  than  what  occasions  those 
feelings.  If  your  daughter  shs,  hour  after  hour, 
brooding  over  the  state  of  her  mind,  and  fearful  it 
is  a  wrong  one,  her  mental  condition  is  unhealthful. 
Let  her  go  abroad,  and  do  good  to  others,  and  she 
will  then  have  a  sound  and  an  approving  conscience. 

It  is  not  enough  that  we  act  conscientiously  ;  we 
must  also  enlighten  our  conscience.  The  world  is  full 
of  examples  of  error  and  sin  that  spring  from  the  light 
within  becoming  darkness.  Bigotry,  persecution, 
and  martyrdom  have  all  sheltered  themselves  under 
the  plea  of  conscience.  It  is  not  enough  for  a  child 
to  say,  "  I  know  I  am  right "  ;  he  must  be  able  to 
give  a  reason  for  this  confidence.  Any  one  can 
protest  his  innocence,  and  cry  aloud  against  all  who 
oppose  him.  But  not  every  one  can  show  good 
grounds  for  such  protestations  ;  and  that  because  so 
many  are  influenced  by  a  blind  obstinacy,  instead  of 
an  intelligent  and  candid  spirit. 

Above   all,  we   should   strive   to  keep  a  child's 


MOTIVES  TO  BE  ADDRESSED.  147 

conscience  active  up  to  his  own  standard  of  right. 
Do  not  let  him  be  satisfied  with  merely  being  as 
good  as  most  of  the  boys  at  his  school.  He  should 
be  directed  to  a  law  higher  than  this  world  would 
impose,  —  the  law  of  his  own  breast.  Because 
others  play  truant,  that  is  not  to  excuse  him  in  it. 
They  may  break  their  promises,  but  this  is  no  apol- 
ogy for  his  doing  so.  Though  every  boy  should 
strike  back  the  blows  of  his  associates,  let  it  not 
shield  yours  in  such  guilt.  Never  permit  your 
daughter  to  return  anger  for  anger,  but  so  educate 
her  conscience  that  she  shall  be  meek  and  forgiving, 
like  Jesus. 

Such  is  the  long  scale  of  the  moral  motives  to  be 
addressed  by  the  parent.  What  wisdom  does  he 
need,  where,  if  he  commence  low,  he  must  ascend 
constantly  higher  !  He  may,  he  must,  in  some  in- 
stances, "begin  in  the  flesh"  ;  but  alas  for  his  child, 
if  he  never  go  beyond  that !  Earnestly  should  he  pray, 
that,  with  each  advancing  year  of  their  intercourse, 
he  may  learn  to  touch  the  purest  springs  in  his 
breast.  Through  lack  of  wisdom,  the  parent  some- 
times fosters  those  very  propensities  he  must  after- 
ward repress.  The  subtle  fox  is  brought  in  by  his 
own  hand  among  the  tender  grapes.  He  encourages 
untruth  or  ill  temper  by  smiling  at  its  first  manifesta- 
tions ;  he  nourishes  pride  by  excessive  flattery. 
The  mother  cherishes  a  passion  for  finery  of  dress, 
which  at  length  eats  out  the  soul  of  her  child,  and 


148  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

"  vanity  of  vanities  "  is  written  on  her  every  step. 
Our  children  are  sometimes  taught  anger  and  revenge 
by  being  trained  to  beat  whatever  does  them  harm, 
perhaps  an  innocent  chair  ;  and  they  learn  cruelty 
by  being  allowed  to  torture  helpless  creatures.  In- 
solence and  tyranny  are  the  fruit  of  an  indulged 
rudeness  to  the  beggar  or  the  cripple.  Envy  of 
those  richer  than  themselves,  and  jealousy  of  those 
below  them,  become  the  rank  growth  of  parental 
conversation  aimed  at  neighbours  and  rivals.  Often 
does  the  unwary  father  or  mother  thus  inflame  low 
and  unhallowed  sentiments,  and  the  little  children  are 
not  suffered  to  come  unto  Christ.  As  we  look  on  the 
parental  relation,  we  see  these  immortal  germs, 

"  the  buds  of  being,  rise 
From  cradle  dreams,  like  snowdrops  meek, 

While  through  their  mind-illumined  eyes 
A  deathless  principle  doth  speak  ; 

Already  toward  a  brighter  sphere 

They  turn,  from  this  terrestrial  spot  "  ;  — 

and  we  cannot  but  cry  from  our  hearts  to  their 
God-commissioned  guardians,  — 

"  Fond  parents  !  —  florists  kind  and  dear  ! 
Hinder  them  not." 

What  skill  must  we  have  to  comprehend  the  mo- 
tives of  our  children,  and  what  conscientiousness  do 
we  need,  to  address  only  what  is  purest  within  them. 
In  a  family  we  find  no  two  sons  or  daughters  alike. 
The  discipline  that  suits  the  disposition  of  one  would 


MOTIVES    TO    BE    ADDRESSED.  149 

be  pernicious  to  the  other.  The  phlegmatic  require 
stimulants,  —  the  sanguine,  restraints  ;  the  mild  must 
be  treated  tenderly,  —  the  obstinate,  with  firmness. 
This  boy  is  sordid,  and  you  must  therefore  teach 
him  generosity  ;  that  boy  is  liberal  to  excess,  and 
you  must  keep  his  purse  from  him.  One  must  be 
encouraged,  another  kept  back.  How  difficult  to 
discriminate,  how  hard  to  be  just  !  Rare  is  the  ca- 
pacity of  that  mother  who  never  misjudges,  and  is 
never  unjust  to  her  daughter  !  Blessed  faculty, 
when  this  delicate  instrument,  a  child's  mind,  is  be- 
fore us  ! 

"  To  be  master  of  the  lute,  and  know 
How  every  note  is  touched." 

Our  motives  are  always  mingled  and  complex. 
To  thread  the  mazes  of  a  human  heart  is  given  to 
but  few.  Yet  how  essential  is  this  gift  to  the  par- 
ent !  Let  him  covet  it  earnestly  ;  let  him  desire, 
let  him  pray  without  ceasing  for,  the  grace  of  pen- 
etration !  If  he  can  discern  clearly  between  the 
good  and  the  evil,  and  call  forth  none  but  pure  feel- 
ings, correct  purposes,  holy  impulses,  generous  dis- 
positions in  his  child,  then  shall  the  virtue  of  that 
child  be,  not  like  the  streahi  which  rises  in  some 
parched  land  only  to  flow  on  for  a  season,  and  then 
be  lost  in  the  sand  ;  but  it  shall  be  a  noble  river,  full 
to  its  banks,  and  rolling  majestically  on  to  the  sea  of 
eternity. 

To  reach  that  blessed  consummation,  direct  your 


150  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

child  for  his  first  and  last  motive  in  every  act  to  the 
approbation  of  his  God  and  Father.  Point  him  to 
that  Being  who  looks  at  his  inmost  heart,  and  who, 
when  man  misjudges  us,  always  sees  us  aright,  and 
knows  our  true  deserts.  Let  him  fear  to  offend 
him  ;  let  him  thirst  for  his  favor,  "  as  the  hart  pant- 
eth  for  the  water-brooks."  So  shall  he  learn  to  live, 
not  with  eye-service,  as  a  man-pleaser,  but  in  single- 
ness of  heart  ;  and  whatsoever  he  does  will  Ije  done 
heartily,  as  to  the  Lord,  and  not  unto  men.  •  And 
then,  in  the  day  of  the  great  vintage  above,  no  in- 
sidious foes  shall  have  spoiled  the  vines,  but  the  fruit 
shall  be  abundant,  and  the  ingathering  shall  give 
everlasting  joy. 


CHAPTER    XII. 

SYMPATHY   WITH   CHILDHOOD. 

• 

The  character  of  our  Saviour  is  presented  to  us 
in  the  New  Testament  in  the  light  of  an  example  to 
the  teacher  and  the  parent.  He  is  represented,  in 
more  than  one  instance,  as  being  deeply  interested  in 
the  young.  Now  he  calls  a  little  child  to  him  and 
sets  him  in  the  midst  of  his  disciples,  and  holds  him  up 
in  his  arms  as  a  pattern  of  humility.  And  how,  with 
a  winning  affection,  he  takes  young  children  that  were 
brought  to  him  to  his  bosom,  puts  his  hands  upon 
them,  and  blesses  them.  These  little  ones  never 
mistake  their  true  friends  ;  they  knew  Jesus  was 
their  friend,  and  most  touchingly  did  they  testify 
their  attachment  to  him.  For  when  he  entered  Je- 
rusalem in  triumph,  we  find  the  children  crying  in 
the  temple,  "  Hosanna  to  the  son  of  David  !  " 

Observe  how  different  was  the  reception  given  to 
little  children  by  our  Saviour  and  by  those  who  stood 
around  him.  The  chief  priests  and  the  scribes 
were  sore  displeased  at  their  hosannas.  "  Hearest 
thou,"    asked   they,  with   contempt,    "  what  these 


152  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

say  ?  "  The  reply  of  Jesus,  while  reproving  ihem, 
at  the  same  time  exalts  childhood.  "  Have  ye  nev- 
er heard,  Out  of  the  mouths  of  babes  and  sucklings 
thou  hast  perfected  praise  .'' "  And  his  very  disci- 
ples —  so  little  did  they  enter  into,  or  -even  compre- 
hend, his  appreciation  of  the  young  —  rebuked  those 
that  brought  children  unto  him.  They  thought  it 
beneath  his  dignity  to  notice  a  child,  or  they  were 
unwilling  he  should  be  delayed  by  such  uninaportant 
matters  as  blessing  Httle  children.  How  slow  has  the 
world  been  to  correct  this  great  error  !  How  com- 
paratively few  have  had  that  hearty  sympathy  with  the 
young  which  invites  tlieir  approach  and  secures  their 
confidence  !  Age  after  age  has  come  short  of  a  true 
moral  and  religious  education  of  the  young,  because 
they  took  their  stand  with  the  disciples.  They  3id 
not  open  their  hearts,  and  open  their  arms,  like  Je- 
sus, and  say  to  all  who  would  repel  them,  "  Suf- 
fer litde  children  to  come  unto  us,  and  forbid  them 
not." 

Were  I  called  to  write  on  the  door-post  of  every 
house  a  sentence  that  should  embody  the  law  of  pa- 
rental instruction  and  discipline,  it  should  be  this  :  — • 
To  teach  a  child  well,  you  mmt  have  the  spirit  of  a 
child.  It  is  not  until,  laying  aside  our  manhood 
and  going  back  to  our  own  early  days,  we  enter  into 
Ills  feelings,  his  mind  becoming  for  the  time  our 
mind,  and  his  heart  our  heart,  that  we  can  gain  ac- 
cess to  his  inner  being,  and  truly  educate,  that  is, 


SYMPATHY   WITH   CHILDHOOD.  153 

call  forth,  the  powers,  sentiments,  and  faculties  that 
are  wrapped  up  within  him. 

The  principle  of  adaptation,  based  upon  sympa- 
thy, was  admirably  exhibited  in  the  character  and 
teachings  of  the  Apostle  Paul.  Whatever  class  he 
approached,  he  threw  himself,  for  the  time  being,  in- 
to their  precise  situation.  He  had  but  one  purpose, 
to  bring  all  men  to  Christ.  Therefore  it  was  that 
unto  the-  Jew  he  became  as  a  Jew,  that  he  might 
gain  the  Jews  ;  and  to  the  weak  he  became  as  weak, 
that  he  might  gain  the  weak.  In  this  high  and  pure 
sense  he  was  "  made  all  things  to  all  men,"  and  by 
such  means  did  he  save  multitudes  of  souls. 

By  no  other  method  than  this  can  we  save  our 
children.  The  parent  who  keeps  himself  apart  in 
spirit  from  his  offspring  never  succeeds  in  acquiring 
a  deep  and  permanent  influence  over  them.  "  Of 
such,"  said  Jesus,  "  is  the  kingdom  of  heaven  "  ; 
and  there  is  but  one  gate  whereby  we  can  enter  that 
kingdom.  If  we  are  unwilling  to  stoop  to  the  child, 
and  become,  like  him,  humble,  docile,  unambitious, 
then  can  we  not  instruct  him.  We  need  to  be  con- 
verted ;  we  need  to  come  down  from  our  self-exalta- 
tion, to  sit  by  his  side,  to  catch  his  temper,  to  come 
into  full  sympathy  with  him.  Then  shall  we  be  able 
to  lead  him  to  God  and  goodness. 

The  error  of  past  times  has  been,  to  make  the 
widest  possible  separation  between  teacher  and  pu- 
pil, parent  and  child.    Our  Pilgrim  ancestors  thought 


154  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

it  dangerous  to  encourage  familiarity  in  the  young. 
They  imagined  it  would  break  down  family  author- 
ity, and  destroy  respect  for  fathers  and  mothers. 
Who  is  there  in  mid-life  that  has  not  experienced,  or 
has  not  witnessed,  at  least,  the  unhappy  effects  of  this 
error  ?  To  how  many  minds  has  it  brought  a  cloud 
over  the  memory  of  a  departed  father  !  There  was 
reverence,  it  is  true,  for  that  father  ;  but  love  never 
entered  the  heart.  We  have  the  grand  outlines  of 
the  Christian  character  in  the  picture  left  of  him. 
There  are  stern  principle,  unbending  integrity,  truth- 
fulness, fidelity,  and  justice  ;  but  the  delicate  shades 
and  the  softer  tints  of  affectionate  manners,  pleasing 
tones,  the  ever-beaming  countenance,  that  speaks  of 
a  childlike  spirit,  —  these  we  miss. 

I  once  saw  at  St.  Paul's,  in  London,  a  gathering 
of  some  seven  thousand  children  from  the  charity 
schools.  They  were  neatly  clad  ;  their  outward 
condition  had  been  evidently  cared  for  with  a  Chris- 
tian liberality.  The  officials  who  had  charge  of 
them  appeared  all  watchful  and  faithful  to  their  trust. 
But  one  thing  was  wanting.  Those  children  all 
wore  a  grave,  not  to  say  a  sad  countenance  ;  their 
little  hearts  had  never  throbbed  in  response  to  a 
mother's  tenderness  ;  they  bore  the  marks  of  no 
gentle  intercourse  with  loving  superiors  ;  they  had 
never  felt  a  ray  of  genuine  sympathy  ;  charity 
seemed  to  have  frozen  their  young  being  by  that 
very  touch  which  ministered  tq  their  bodies  and  their 


SYMPATHY   WITH    CHILDHOOD.  155 

minds.  A  short  time  since,  I  saw  another  gathering 
of  thousands  of  children.  It  was  in  our  own  land, 
and  in  the  metropolis  of  the  most  favored  portion  of 
that  land.  But  how  marked  was  the  contrast !  Here 
every  face  beamed  with  happiness.  Not  only  was 
the  apparel  neat  and  entire,  but  the  being  it  covered 
was  manifestly  replete  with  joy.  The  parents  and 
teachers  and  patrons  of  the  day  were  wreathed  in 
smiles.  Cheerfulness  rang  through  the  songs  and 
speeches.  Piety,  purity,  and  benevolence  were 
made  gladsome  themes  on  the  occasion.  Jesus  was 
himself  there  ;  his  benignant  eye  sent  a  benediction 
over  that  assembly  ;  for  there  was  none  to  rebuke, 
none  to  "  forbid  "  the  least  of  those  children  from 
coming  up  for  the  blessing  poured  forth  through 
those  childlike  disciples. 

An  eminent  writer  has  given  us  the  clew  to  parental 
education  in  these  three  words,  —  "Discern,  follow, 
lead."  That  is,  first  catch  the  thought  in  the  child's 
mind  ;  then  go  on  with  the  same  train  a  little  way  ; 
and  at  last  give  it  a  new,  though  not  an  opposite,  di- 
rection. But  we  cannot  catch  a  child's  thought  un- 
less, for  the  moment,  we  become  children  ourselves. 
If  we  look  only  for  the  maturity  of  manhood,  we 
shall  be  sure  of  disappointment.  If  we  demand  of 
the  little  girl  the  judgment  of  a  woman,  then  we 
lack  the  capacity  to  influence  her  mind.  The  par- 
ent, if  he  would  touch  the  very  springs  of  his  child's 
life,  must  descend  and  condescend.     In  vain  will  he 


156  THE   CHRISTIAN    PAEENT. 

hope  to  call  forth  his  best  nature  while  he  keeps  him- 
self up  in  a  higher  region  of  thought  and  feeling. 
In  many,  perhaps  most  respects,  on  reaching  man- 
hood, we  should  put  away  childish  things  ;  but  as 
teachers  of  the  young  we  can  do  little  except  we  still 
speak  as  a  child,  understand  as  a  child,  think  and 
feel  as  a  child. 

There  is  a  philosophy  in  this  influence  which  the' 
parent  should  fully  understand.  We  are  all  affected 
more  or  less  in  our  views  and  conduct  by  sympathy 
with  others.  We  adopt  easily  the  opinions  of  those 
whom  we  love  ;  our  tastes,  also,  influence  our  judg- 
ment. The  likes  and  dislikes  we  entertain  toward 
others  induce  us  to  shun  or  imitate  their  examples. 

But  if  this  be  true  of  the  adult,  it  is  preeminently 
so  of  children.  They  are  governed  far  less  by  rea- 
soning, and  even  by  principle,  than  they  are  by  sym- 
pathy. Why  is  your  little  boy  so  easily  led  away  to 
think  and  act  like  some  boy  in  the  streets,  rather 
than  like  you  ?  Because  he  fancies  that  boy,  and 
probably  loves  him  better  than  he  does  his  own  fa- 
ther. We  hear  mothers  sometimes  complain,  that 
their  little  girls  adopt  the  notions  or  imitate  the  man- 
ners of  a  domestic,  instead  of  their  own.  There  is 
no  mystery  in  this  ;  for  they  love  that  domestic. 
She  takes  more  pains  than  their  mother  or  sisters  to 
interest  them,  by  entering  into  their  schemes  and 
their  feelings. 

When  you  truly  sympathize  with  your  children  in 


SYMPATHr    WITH    CHILDHOOD,  157 

all  their  little  affairs,  they  connect  pleasant  associa- 
tions with  your  opinions,  and  hence  readily  embrace 
them.  They  love  to  dwell  on  your  character,  and 
msensibly  copy  its  traits.  They  catch  the  expres- 
sion of  your  countenance,  the  tones  of  your  voice, 
your  manners  and  peculiarities  ;  they  imitate  what, 
if  they  did  not  love  you,  they  would  only  mimic  and 
ridicule. 

The  father  gives  his  son  set  lectures  upon  good 
principles  and  conduct  ;  his  arguments  are  all  sound, 
and  he  thinks  that  is  sufficient,  —  of  course  the  boy 
will  follow  his  advice.  But,  to  his  surprise,  his 
counsels  fail  of  their  effect.  Other  persuasions,  and 
other  arguments,  are  daily  leading  him  astray.  And 
from  whom  do  they  proceed  ?  From  some  person, 
probably  a  companion  of  his  own  age,  whom  he 
loves.  Nay,  without  any  direct  attempt  to  influence 
his  opinions,  or  intention  to  corrupt  him,  you  may 
find  that  mere  contiguity  to  an  evil  but  popular  com- 
panion will  pollute  him.  Indeed,  as  has  been  said 
with  truth  and  force,  "  the  great  prevailing  principle 
of  the  spread  of  vice  is  moral  contagion." 

It  is  not  merely  living  with  our  children  that  will 
produce  a  sympathy  with  them.  We  may  take  our 
meals  together,  and  sit  by  the  same  fireside,  for 
years,  and  yet  our  hearts  never  come  in  contact  with 
each  other.  Father  and  son  may  live  on  under  one 
roof,  and  still  their  hopes  and  fears,  their  pleasures 
and  pains,  be  entirely  unlike.      The  son  does  not 


158  THE   CHEISTIAN   PARENT. 

enter  the  circle  of  his  father's  plans  and  feelings,  and 
the  father  does  not  try  to  enter  his  ;  and  so  they  sit 
side  by  side,  and  walk  and  ride  side  by  side,  until 
the  youth  parts  from  his  home,  heart-strangers  ! 
How  is  it  possible  there  can  be  the  best  parental  in- 
fluences with  this  cold  intercourse  ?  It  is  at  best 
only  command  on  the  one  part  and  obedience  on  the 
other. 

The  true  relation  between  parent  and  child  is  that 
of  free  communication  and  entire  confidence.  The 
mother  should  interest  herself  in  the  pursuits  and 
pleasures  of  her  children,  and  never  think  to  stand 
apart,  in  her  dignity,  from  them.  The  father  should 
talk  with  them,  tell  them  stories,  join  in  their  sports, 
and  thus  imbed  himself  in  their  affections.  If  he  al- 
low himself  to  be  so  absorbed .  in  his  business  as  to 
neglect  these  things,  let  him  not  complain  if  they 
choose  other  associates  than  himself,  and  finally  en- 
ter devious  paths,  and  are  lost.  Many  a  boy  has 
even  been  instructed  well,  and  restrained  abundantly, 
who  afterward  proved  recreant  to  principle  and  vir- 
tue, simply  because  there  was  no  love  to  sweeten  his 
early  instructions,  and  there  were  no  inward  ties 
which  made  the  outward  restraints  appear  wise  and 
good. 

Few  parents  sympathize  aright  with  the  troubles 
of  their  children.  We  are  apt  to  think  these 
troubles  are  all  trivial  ;  but  I  believe  we  err.  The 
child's  reason  is  not  developed  like  ours  ;  he  cannot 


SYMPATHY    WITH   CHILDHOOD.  159 

SO  easily  control  his  self-will  ;  the  wishes  of  his  par- 
ents seem  to  him,  perhaps,  incomprehensible  ;  and 
he  is  compelled,  therefore,  to  put  himself  under  the 
severest  restraint  to  obey  them.  This  is  true  of 
well-disciplined  children.  But  what  if  the  parent  be 
weak,  capricious,  indolent,  indulgent  at  one  time 
and  tyrannical  at  another  ?  What  if  he  does  not  be- 
lieve in  the  troubles  of  his  child,  and  therefore  never 
studies  or  soothes  them  ?  The  young  heart  is  then 
thrown  back  on  itself,  and  left  only  to  submit  and 
suffer.  These  are  real  trials,  —  trials  which,  seen  in 
manhood,  would  awaken  our  sympathy  ;  and  why 
should  they  not'  when  witnessed  in  a  child  ? 

Great  power  over  children  is  gained  by  placing 
confidence  in  them.  If  they  are  distrusted,  and  sub- 
jected to  constant  suspicion  and  a  petty  blame,  we 
at  length  render  them  miserable,  and  perhaps  indif- 
ferent to  all  censure.  Some  children  are  naturally 
sensitive  to  blame,  and  it  is  both  pernicious  and  cruel 
to  goad  such  spirits  with  continual  fault-finding. 
Others  are  made  morbidly  alive  to  censure  by  their 
parents.  They  have  reason  to  feel  that  "  your 
acid-sensitive  and  your  coldly-querulous  people  need 
to  have  angels  to  live  with  them."  How  melan- 
choly the  spectacle  of  those  daily  propagating  these 
very  qualiiies  in  their  families  !  And  sadder  still  is 
the  thought,  that  not  a  few  are  doing  it  unconscious- 
ly, —  they  know  not  what  manner  of  spirit  they 
are  of. 


160  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

We  put  confidence  in  a  child  when  we  make  some 
allowance  for  his  errors  and  faults.  Suppose  we 
sometimes  confess  to  him  our  own  errors.  It  shows 
him  that,  when  he  does  wrong,  he  has  our  sympa- 
thy ;  we  do  not  stand  proudly  apart  from  him,  as 
if  we  were  perfect.  This  leads  him  to  open  his 
heart,  acknowledge  his  wrong  deeds,  and  cast  him- 
self on  our  justice  and  mercy.  It  thus  gives  us  an 
immense  influence  over  his  character. 

It  is  desirable,  for  our  own  sakes,  to  cherish  a 
sympathy  with  childhood.  We  are  brought  by  it  in- 
to the  buoyant  and  happy  temper  of  that  period  of 
life.  A  thousand  springs  of  innocent  pleasure  are 
open  to  one  who  truly  loves  little  children.  He 
possesses  the  genuine  "  elixir  of  life."  He  keeps 
himself  perpetually  young,  by  the  exhilarating  influ- 
ence of  youthful  feelings.  A  house  which  has  no 
children  among  its  inmates  becomes  grave,  dull, 
and  gloomy.  There  is  a  sepulchral  atmosphere 
about  it,  and  the  occupants  grow  prematurely  old. 
The  blankest  selfishness  forbids  one  to  isolate  him- 
self from  childhood. 

On  every  account,  parents  should  commence  early 
a  confidential  intercourse  with  their  children,  and 
continue  it  up  to  their  adult  years.  It  is  said  that 
this  feeling  is  natural  to  us  while  the  child  is  very 
young.  Custom  should  make  it  a  "  second  nature  " 
until  they  leave  our  roof.  Let  no  stranger  heart  come 
in  to  supplant  our  place  in  their  affections  ;  let  there 


SYMPATHY   WITH   CHILDHOOD,  161 

oe  no  break  in  the  chain  which  binds  our  spirits  to- 
gether. If  we  expect  them  to  come  toward  us,  and 
grow  manly  and  womanly,  we  also  must  go  toward 
them,  and  become  childlike,  and  keep  ourselves 
youthful.  Then  will  the  streams  of  all  holy  and  sav- 
ing influences,  as  they  course  through  their  hearts, 
bear  the  hues  of  a  beautiful  parental  infusion. 


11 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

EECEEATIONS,  BOOKS,   COMPANIONS,    OCCITPATION. 

The  parent  should  carry  the  spirit  of  childhood, 
joined  to  the  wisdom  of  age,  into  the  recreations  he 
encourages  m  his  children.  We  are  apt  to  leave 
them,  in  these  things,  entirely  to  themselves.  We 
provide  schools  for  them,  and  we  furnish  them  em- 
ployment. These  are  grave  objects,  worthy  our  at- 
tention ;  but  a  child's  sports,  —  they  are  but  trifles. 
Why  should  we  take  any  interest  in  such  small  af- 
fairs .''  Are  they  indeed  small  affairs  ?  Is  anything 
a  trifle  that  affects  their  characters  ?  Nay,  is  that 
unimportant  which  concerns  merely  their  happiness  .'' 
If  we  look  at  the  various  aspects  of  a  child's  recre- 
ations, we  shall  never  treat  them  as  beneath  our 
notice. 

In  the  first  place,  children  must  have  amusements. 
God  has  so  constituted  them  that  they  cannot  pos- 
sess health,  buoyancy  of  spirits,  elastic  feelings,  and 
a  vigorous  mind,  without  liberal  recreations.  A  boy 
or  a  girl  who  has  neither  brother  nor  sister  is  usually 
sober,  premature,  in  an  undesirable  condition.     The 


RECREATIONS,   BOOKS,    ETC.  163 

fraternal  sympathies  are  essential  to  a  perfect  devel- 
opment of  our  virtue,  no  less  than  to  our  happiness. 
If  the  parents,  however,  cherish  a  youthful  spirit, 
and  participate  in  the  sports  of  their  lonely  child,  the 
defect  may  be  partially  supplied.  In  every  family 
circle,  father  and  mother  should  be,  to  some  extent, 
playmates  with  their  children.  "  For  many  years," 
said  a  parent,  as  he  wept  over  a  lost  child,  "  I  was 
not  only  the  preceptor,  but  the  playfellow,  of  my 
dear  son  ;  and  many  a  gleeful  hour  have  we  passed 
together,  either  in  trundling  our  hoops,  whipping  our 
tops,  -flying  our  kites,  or  brandishing  our  battle- 
doors."  Were  this  the  ordinary  practice,  we  should 
do  much  to  secure  the  young  against  impure  recrea- 
tions, and  we  should  throw  a  charm  about  their  home 
which  no  length  of  years  would  efface  from  their 
memory. 

Nor  is  this  all  ;  we  should  thus  keep  their  minds 
open  for  our  graver  instructions  ;  we  should  also  pre- 
pare the  way  for  an  easier  parental  discipline.  We 
desire  obedience  ;  and  how  can  we  so  well  secure  it 
as  by  first  securing  a  place  in  the  heart  of  the  child  ? 
Enter  into  that  which  interests  your  boy,  and  he  will 
repay  you  with  a  new  love.  And  "  love  is  the  medi- 
ator," as  another  has  well  said,  "  between  power 
and  dependence  ;  that  which  meekens  authority  ; 
that  which  ennobles  submission.  Only  love  can 
subdue  the  selfish  will  in  either  doing  or  forbearing  ; 
only  this  can  give  sweetness  to  command,  and  cheer- 


164  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

fulness  to  obedience."  To  implant  yourself  in  the 
affection  and  confidence  of  your  children,  share  with 
thorn  their  amusements,  become  yourself  a  child. 
It  will  improve  your  own  temper  and  disposition,  and 
give  you  a  lasting  control  over  theirs. 

I  heard  a  father  relate  a  method  he  had  used  of 
filling  up  a  holiday  of  his  children,  which  seemed  to 
me  both  wise  and  well-principled.  A  muster  was  to 
be  held  in  a  neighbouring  town  ;  they  desired  to  at- 
tend it,  and  asked  his  permission  the  evening  before. 
"Well,"  said  he,  "you  shall  have  a  muster  to-mor- 
row." In  the  morning  they  rose  early  ;  he  had  them 
dressed  neatly,  and  took  the  cars  with  them  for  Bos- 
ton, and  there  had  likenesses  of  himself  and  his  five 
children  taken  by  the  Daguerreotype.  "  Now,  chil- 
dren," said  he,  "  is  not  this  a  good  '  muster '  ?  Here 
we  are,  all  mustered  together  on  this  beautiful  plate." 
So,  by  a  little  personal  effort  and  sympathy,  and  by 
becoming  a  child  for  that  day  himself,  he  succeeded 
in  keeping  them  away  from  those  sights  and  sounds 
which  kindle  in  the  young  mind  a  passion  for  war, 
and  gave  them  also  a  most  delightful  recreation. 

We  desire  the  virtue  of  our  offspring  ;  let  us  then 
strive  to  render  their  home  pleasant.  A  chastened 
facetiousness  adds  an  attraction  to  the  table  and  the 
fireside.  The  humor  of  the  father  is  never  forgot- 
ten ;  the  repartee  of  innocent  mirth  throws  a  halo 
around  the  home  of  our  early  days.  We  may  wan- 
der far  from  that  dear  roof,  but  the  dream  of  it  will 


RECREATIONS,   BOOKS,    ETC.  165 

return  sweetly  on  our  memory.  "  The  green  field 
and  the  wooded  lane  "  will  come  back  to  us,  and 
"  the  shadow  watched  expectingly  from  the  school- 
room window,  as  it  shortens  to  the  noontide  hour. 
There  will  be  family  greetings,  and  thanksgiving 
feasts  ;  there  will  be  the  grasp  of  friendship,  there 
will  be  the  kiss  of  love."  And  not  the  least  of 
those  dear  reminiscences  will  be  the  forms  of  both 
honored  and  beloved  parents,  of  a  father  planning 
with  us  some  scheme  of  home  recreation,  —  author- 
ity abandoned  for  the  hour,  and  a  sweet  compan- 
ionship in  its  place,  —  of  a  mother  laying  aside 
her  serious  cares,  relaxing  her  brow,  and  blend- 
ing in  the  charmed  scenes  of  our  guileless  pastime. 
On  such  days  Jesus  looked  with  approbation.  Joys 
so  pure,  and  connected  with  such  blameles3  associa- 
tions, are  a  part  of  that  great  life  w^hich  prepares 
both  the  little  child  and  the  man  for  His  kingdom  in 
whose  presence  is  fulness  of  joy,  and  at  whose  right 
hand  are  pleasures  for  evermore. 

We  need  the  spirit  of  childhood  to  aid  us  in  form- 
mg  among  our  youth  a  taste  for  books  and  correct 
habits  of  reading.  There  are  few  of  our  native  pop- 
ulation who  have  not  the  ability  to  read.  Years  up- 
on years  our  children  are  trained  to  this  capacity  in 
the  schools.  But  how  little  is  done  in  comparison 
to  give  a  right  direction  to  the  use  of  this  capacity  ! 
We  influence  our  children  enduringly  through  the 
books  we  encourage  them  to  read,  and  by  the  man- 


166  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

ner  in  which  we  invite  or  compel  their  perusal  of 
them.  The  character  at  every  age  is  very  much 
swayed  by  our  reading  ;  in  childhood  it  is  often 
moulded "  decisively  by  this  power.  A  good  book 
not  only  imparts  a  knowledge  of  the  right,  but  it  in- 
cites to  the  performance  of  it.  The  parent  who  se- 
lects such  a  book  for  his  child,  and  reads  'it  to  him, 
or  hears  him  read  it,  or  encourages  him  to  read  it 
alone,  renders  him  a  service  which  no  length  of  time 
can  appreciate. 

If  I  desired,  on  the  other  hand,  to  mar  the  beauty 
of  a  child's  character,  by  repelling  him  from  God 
and  duty,  I  would  walk  in  their  steps  who,  of  old, 
in  their  unfortunate  error,  sought  to  force  on  their 
children  the  reading  of  religious  books.  I  have 
heard  of  one  who,  before  going  to  church,  fastened 
her  little  children  each  in  a  chair,  and  put  Bibles  in 
their  hands.  One  of  them,  it  was  said,  soon  learned 
the  art  of  concealing  a  picture-book  in  his  Bible, 
which  he  read  of  course  with  avidity.  Milton  tells 
us  of  certain  teachers  who  present  the  young  "  at 
first  with  the  most  intellective  abstractions  of  logic 
and  metaphysics."  As  might  be  expected,  they 
"^roif,"  he  says,  ^^  into  hatred  and  contempt  of 
learning. ^^  This  result  is  quite  as  sure  to  follow 
from  premature  moral  and  religious  reading,  as  from 
forcing  the  intellect  by  studies  too  advanced  for  a 
child's  years. 

I  would  advocate  the  parent's  directing  his  child's 


KECEEATIONS,    BOOKS,    ETC.  167 

mind  in  the  choice  of  books  ;  but  that  direction 
should  be  given  in  sympathy  with  childhood.  If  we 
select  grave  books,  those  which  are  loaded  with 
moral  precepts,  for  the  young,  we  repress  the  very 
disposition  we  would  cherish.  Perhaps  Dr.  John- 
son went  too  far  in  his  view  of  this  subject,  but  there 
is  wisdom  in  his  language.  "  I  would  let  a  boy," 
says  he,  "  at  first  read  any  book,  because  you  have 
done  a  great  deal  when  you  have  brought  him  to 

have  entertainment  in  reading Sunday,"  he 

continues,  "  was  a  heavy  day  to  me  when  1  was  a 
boy.  My  mother  confined  me  on  that  day,  and 
made  me  read  '  The  Whole  Duty  of  Man,'  from  a 
great  part  of  which  I  could  derive  no  instruction." 

What  numbers  in  after  days  lose  even  the  desire 
to  read  profitable  books  !  Not  a  few,  indeed,  sel- 
dom read  anything  more  substantial  than  the  newspa- 
per, or  at  most  the  thin  periodical.  There  is  a  waste 
of  the  ^results  of  education  in  this  respect,  which, 
in  a  nation  so  devoted  as  ours  is  to  the  "Economies," 
is  truly  amazing.  Nor  is  the  loss  of  time  and  money 
the  chief  sacrifice  in  the  case.  Our  people  lose  — 
or  rather,  many  of  them  never  form  —  the  taste  for 
reading  at  all.  In  a  world  abounding  with  the  print- 
ed records  of  human  thought,  they  are  blind  to  the 
glorious  spectacle.  They  are  walking  daily  over 
mines  of  untold  wealth,  the  riches  of  science  and 
literature,  the  treasures  of  history,  philosophy,  po- 
etry, truth,  and  fiction,  and  yet  they  never  penetrate 


168  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

even  the  surface  of  the  soil  beneath  their  feet.  The 
voice  of  wisdom  sounds  along  the  ages  of  the  past, 
and  the  present  utters  its  sweet  melodies  around 
them,  but  their  heart  is  waxed  gross,  and  their  ears 
are  dull  of  hearing.  They  live  and  they  die  utterly 
neglectful  of  one  of  the  dearest  privileges,  and  one 
of  the  most  inestimable  tastes,  which  the  Father  has 
placed  within  our  powers  of  acquisition. 

But,  beyond  question,  few  ever  acquire  a  taste  for 
reading  late  in  life.  If  the  young  man  does  not  keep 
alive  his  interest  in  'books,  seldom  does  the  old  man 
revive  it.  Let  it  be  neglected  in  childhood,  and  it 
is  not  often  formed  anew  in  riper  years.  How  many 
merchants  have  retired  from  business  with  a  fortune, 
but  become  restless  and  miserable  without  city 
excitements,  because  they  had  no  love  of  books. 
With  a  fondness  for  reading,  we  need  never  expe- 
rience ennui.  We  can  always  have  company  ;  and 
we  can  choose  our  own  society  too  ;  you  have  but 
to  go  to  your  library,  and  in  whatever  mood,  wheth- 
er cheerful  or  sad,  languid  or  excited,  you  can  se- 
lect a  companion  suited  to  the  hour.  You  have 
materials  for  thought,  subjects  for  conversation, 
fountains  of  happiness  opening  up  around  you,  pure 
and  perennial. 

What  parent,  then,  will  not  do  all  he  can  to  culti- 
vate in  his  children  this  delightful  and  ennobling 
taste  ?  As  an  instrument  of  personal  improvement, 
as  a  means  of  suggesting  good  thoughts,  imparting 


RECREATIONS,    BOOKS,    ETC.  169 

correct  principles,  and  cherishing  right  dispositions 
and  affections  in  the  child  and  the  man,  I  would  urge 
every  parent  to  incite  both  his  sons  and  daughters  to 
a  love  of  reading.  The  books  they  peruse  will  tell 
on  their  characters  for  ever.  They  will  be  pious  or 
thoughtless,  benevolent  or  selfish,  pure  or  impure,  to 
a  very  great  degree,  according  as  their  early  guar- 
dians shall  influence  their  reading. 

To  secure  the  greatest  benefit  from  this  habit,  the 
parent  must  mould  his  child's  taste  by  first  becoming 
a  child  himself.  I  have  known  those  who  required 
their  children  to  read  aloud  to  them  such  books  as 
suited  their  own  mature  minds.  They  desired  a 
personal  gratification,  or  thought,  perhaps,  to  do  the 
child  good  by  compelling  him  to  pore  over  a  grave 
and  solid  work.  How  unwise  this  course  !  Turn 
back,  you  who  would  do  thus,  to  your  own  child- 
hood. Did  you  take  pleasure  at  that  age  in  reading 
works  on  theology,  moral  treatises,  or  dry  history  ? 
Why,  then,  constrain  this  boy  to  do  it  now  ?  If  you 
would  do  him  good,  let  him  select  his  own  book  ;  that 
he  will  read  with  interest ;  and  though  it  appear  child- 
ish to  your  sober  years,  yet  bear  the  privation  cheer- 
fully, for  so  you  may  help  this  child  to  form  a  taste 
which  will  go  with  him  through  life,  and  fill  him  with 
joy,  and  quicken  him  to  an  unfading  excellence. 

Carry  the  same  spirit  into  the  formation  for  your 
children  of  their  companionships.  "  There  is,"  as 
has  been  well  observed,  "  a  mysterious  power  which 


170  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

discovers  and  selects  friends  for  us  in  our  child- 
hood." We  know  not  the  affinities  by  which  two 
little  girls  inchne  to  one  another  ;  "sit  together  in 
school  ;  walk  together  after  school  ;  tell  each  other 
their  manifold  secrets,  and  write  long  and  impas- 
sioned letters  to  each  other  in  the  evening."  But 
something  may  be  done  to  guide  this  selection.  The 
conversation  of  the  family  may  turn  often  on  its  im- 
portance. Questions  may  be  put  in  regard  to  those 
whose  society  a  child  seeks  and  enjoys,  like  these  : 
—  Is  he  a  good  boy  .''  Does  he  give  you  good  ad- 
vice ?  Is  his  language  pure  .''  Does  he  set  you  the 
right  example  .''  We  can  sometimes  see  a  change 
in  our  children  on  adopting  a  new  companion.  Ac 
cording  as  it  is  for  the  better  or  the  worse,  so  should 
we  comment  upon  it. 

The  character  of  a  child,  while  he  is  in  society, 
should  be  "  like  an  upright,  elastic  tree,  which 
bends,  accommodating  itself  a  little  to  each  wind  on 
every  side,  but  never  loses  its  spring  and  self-de- 
pendent vigor."  Neighbourhood  has  a  vast  inflence 
on  the  characters  of  our  children.  There  seems  to 
be  a  fatalism  —  if  the  Christian  may  ever  apply  that 
word  to  his  circumstances  —  in  the  class  by  which  a 
boy  or  girl  happens  to  be  surrounded.  If  they  are 
pure,  so  is  he  or  she  ;  if  they  are  noisy,  profane, 
vulgar,  or  untruthful,  happy  for  us  if  our  own  children 
become  not  like  them.  It  requires  wisdom,  here  as 
everywhere  else,  to  excite  and  to  restrain,  in  due 


/ 

KECKEATIONS,   BOOKS,    ETC.  171 

proportions  ;  but  one  grand  rule  the  conscientious 
parent  must  firmly  adopt.  At  the  risk  of  offending 
the  nearest  relative,  or  most  valued  friend  on  earth, 
and  however  painful  to  himself  or  his  child,  he 
should  never  permit  him  to  associate  intimately  with 
one  who  he  sees  and  knows  is,  both  by  example  and 
persuasion,  infusing  a  daily  poison  into  his  mo^al  life- 
blood. 

Notice  the  earliest  biases  of  your  children  in  re- 
gard to  a  future  occupation.  There  are  parents  who 
predetermine  what  employment  a  son  shall  pursue. 
Perhaps  he  is  to  enter  a  store,  study  a  profession,  or 
acquire  some  trade.  They  come  to  this  decision  from 
their  own  point  of  view  alone.  Were  it  not  wiser 
to  set  aside  their  own  tastes  and  preferences,  and 
look  directly  at  their  child  ?  What  are  his  physical 
energies,  what  is  his  mental  capacity,  and  what  his 
prevailing  inchnation  .'*  If  he  desire  a  pursuit  that  is 
honest  and  honorable,  then  why  throw  impediments 
in  his  way  ^ 

The  only  case  in  which  a  parent  can  safely  forbid 
his  child  to  choose  an  occupation  for  himself  is  that 
of  his  being  governed  in  his  choice  by  fashion,  by 
companions,  or  by  other  influences,  independent  en- 
tirely of  his  personal  qualifications.  Taste  and  ca- 
pacity usually  indicate  a  boy's  destiny  in  regard  to 
an  occupation.  Where  they  are  evidently  at  vari- 
ance with  each  other,  the  parent  must  exercise  his 
authority,  and  decide  what  shall  be  his  son's  pursuit. 


172  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

But  close  observation  and  judicious  management  will 
ordinarily  bring  the  views  of  parent  and  child  into 
harmony  on  this  important  subject. 

The  moral  influence  of  every  calling  in  life  a  faith- 
ful parent  will  always  regard.  Teach  your  boy  that 
he  was  not  sent  into  this  world  Ijy  his  Heavenly  Fa- 
ther merely  to  make  money,  but  that  character  is  to 
be  first,  midst,  and  last,  in  every  plan  he  shall  form. 
Two  things  must  be  indehbly  stamped  on  his  mind. 
First,  that  no  pursuit  is  laudable,  not  though  it  yield 
the  riches  of  the  "West  and  East  combined,  which 
presents  irresistible  temptations  either  to  fraud  or  to 
avarice.  The  other  point  is  this  :  —  Your  son  must 
have  some  regular  occupation.  "  He  who  merely 
hangs  as  a  burden  on  the  shoulders  of  his  fellow- 
men,  who  adds  nothing  to  the  common  stock  of 
comfort,  and  only  spends  his  time  in  devouring  it," 
is  not  only  "  a  public  nuisance,"  but  an  offender 
against  God  as  well  as  man.  The  little  child  is  a 
model  of  industry.  Let  his  spirit,  cherished  by  our- 
selves, be  carried  forward  through  every  succeeding 
period  ;  for  industry,  it  cannot  be  too  often  repeat- 
ed, is  a  moral  safeguard,  and  a  religious  duty  ;  it  is 
a  source  of  unfailing  happiness,  and  a  prerequisite  for 
that  kingdom  whose  type  and  temper,  in  this  respect, 
as  in  many  others,  are  seen  now  in  the  little  child. 


CHAPTER    XIV. 


EELIGIOUS    EDUCATION. 


In  concluding  the  chapters  upon  the  motive  pow- 
ers to  be  employed  in  the  education  of  the  young,  I 
spoke  of  the  approbation  of  God  as  the  highest  and 
purest  of  all  possible  motives.  This  being  true, 
the  great  aim  of  the  parent  should  be  to  awaken  in 
his  child's  mind  a  sense  of  the  Divine  presence,  and 
to  lead  him  to  refer  every  action  of  his  life  to  Him. 
Whatever  other  graces  or  virtues  he  may  strive  to 
call  forth  in  him,  they  should  be  regarded  but  as 
planets  in  a  great  moral  system,  whose  sun  and  cen- 
tre is  personal  piety.  His  education  is  to  begin, 
continue,  and  terminate  —  so  far  as  education  can  ev- 
er terminate — 'With  his  relations  to  our  common  God 
and  Father.  We  may  set  before  our  children  other 
and  subordinate  inducements,  such  as  a  desire  for 
human  approbation,  the  preparation  for  this  hfe,  the 
desire  of  property,  or  the  love  of  other  persons  ;  but 
we  are  never  to  rest  in  these.  We  must  teach  them 
to  look  into  their  own  hearts  continually,  and  from 
them  to  look  up  to  Him  who  searcheth  and  knoweth 
every  secret  thing. 


174  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

The  Author  of  our  nature  has  indicated  the  pa- 
rental duty  in  this  respect  by  the  very  constitution  of 
the  child.  He  has  made  the  infant  mind  capable  of 
knowing  something  of  himself.  There  are  instincts 
which  draw  the  young  being,  almost  froip  his  cradle, 
up  to  the  Father.  He  is  then  susceptible  to  impres- 
sions from  all  sources,  but  from  none  are  they  so 
deep  and  so  strong  as  from  this.  The  love  called 
forth  by  a  mother's  voice  expands  naturally  into  a 
love  for  the  Divine  Parent.  Every  pure  affection  is 
a  part  of  the  rich  soil  in  which  the  spiritual  may  be 
sown,  and  from  the  germs  of  this  mortal  existence 
there  may  spring  up  an  everlasting  life.  When  you 
speak  of  heavenly  things,  the  child  sits  at  your  feet 
a  willing  hstener  ;  and,  as  face  answers  to  face  in  a 
glass,  so  he  reflects  back  your  devoutest  word  and 
your  most  pious  emotion. 

This  is  true  of  every  relation  in  which  we  may 
choose  to  represent  the  Divine  Being.  Do  w'e  speak 
of  Him  as  a  witness, — as  one  who  can  see  our  inmost 
thought  and  feeling  ?  This  is  at  once  received  as 
true  ;  the  man  may  doubt  and  question  and  disbe- 
lieve, but  the  Httle  child  at  once  beHeves.  He  is 
full  of  inquiries  and  speculations  in  regard  to  what 
he  sees  and  hears  around  him.  There  are  things 
which  seem  to  him  incredible  ;  he  will  ask  of  the 
account  you  give  him,  or  of  the  story  he  reads, 
in  which  marvels  occur  in  relation  to  men,  "  Is  this 
true  .? "     But  when  you  tell  him  of  God,  of  his  uni- 


RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION.  175 

versal  presence,  his  unbounded  power  and  knowl- 
edge, you  have  but  to  employ  some  simple  illustra- 
tion, hke  that  in  which  Jesus  compares  the  opera- 
tions of  the  Divine  Spirit  to  the  wind,  and  you  find 
him  predisposed  to  accept  it.  Though  he  cannot 
see  God,  yet  readily  does  his  mind  believe,  and  his 
heart  joyfully  respond  to  it,  "  Thou,  God,  seest 
me." 

Do  we  represent  this  omniscient  Being  as  a  moral 
Judge  ?  Do  we  say  he  will  bring  secret  things  to 
light,  and  reward  the  innocent  and  punish  the  guilty  ? 
Every  such  statement  meets  from  the  child  a  re- 
sponse. He  has  an  intuitive  perception  of  justice 
in  his  own  breast,  and  most  readily  does  he  confess 
that  God  must  be  more  just  than  man,  and  the  eyes 
of  the  Lord  must  behold  the  good  and  the  evil.  He 
believes  not  only  that  God  is,  but  that  he  is  the  re- 
warder  of  all  who  do  right.  This  truth  is  not  with 
him  a  matter  of  argument,  but  of  faith.  How  often, 
when  we  go  about  coldly  to  reason  of  God,  and  be- 
come "  in  endless  mazes  lost,"  do  we  blush  as  we 
look  on  the  Httle  child,  and  see  his  steady  and  beau- 
tiful trust  ! 

But  preeminent  is  the  disposition  of  the  child  to 
regard  God  as  a  Father.  His  experience  of  the  filial 
relation  qualifies  him  to  receive  the  purest  and  best 
of  beings  as  a  Parent.  Teach  him  his  entire  de- 
pendence, and  begin  with  the  simplest  illustrations. 
Say  to  him,    "  Put  your  finger  on  your  wrist,  and 


176  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

notice  the  pulse  ;  who  causes  it  to  beat  ?  You  do 
not  do  it  yourself ;  neither  can  it  beat  by  its  own 
power.  Observe  the  constancy  and  regularity  of 
your  breath.  Who  sustains  this  marvellous  play  of 
the  lungs  ?  "  The  child,  like  the  philosopher,  will 
answer,  "  It  is,  it  must  be,  an  Almighty  Power." 
It  needs  no  deep  metaphysics,  it  needs  only  an  in- 
corrupt heart,  to  say,  with  the  pious  Quarles,  "God 
blows  the  bellows  ;  we  only  touch  the  keys."  The 
great  truth  discovered  by  Newton  commends  itself  to 
the  youngest  of  minds,  that  all  nature  obeys  a  single 
law,  and  that  it  is  God  in  whom  "  we  live,  and 
move,  and  have  our  being." 

The  paternal  character  of  God  is  nowhere  more 
strikingly  illustrated  than  amid  the  scenes  of  Nature. 
At  every  period  of  our  lives, 

'*  the  air,  the  fruit,  the  flower, 
Doth  own  to  us  a  high,  superior  charm." 

And  this  power  is  apparent  at  every  changing  season. 

"  Mark  the  soul's  radiance,  in  the  wintry  hour, 
Fling  a  sweet  summer  halo  round  us,  warm," 

"  when  nature  dresses, 
There  seems  a  kindly  feeling  in  it,  as  though 
A  spirit  of  goodness  peeped  from  out  the  earth 
To  shield  decay." 

Nothing  is  better  suited  to  awaken  spiritual  feel- 
ings than  communion  with  the  w^orks  of  God.  The 
smallest  child  can  comprehend  the  need  of  sun  and 


And 


RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION.  177 

showers,  of  light  and  warmth,  to  call  forth  the  ver- 
dure of  spring.  He  can  see,  that,  without  these,  man 
would  toil  on  the  earth  in  vain.  And  he  can  be 
made  early  to  feel  what  a  debt  we  owe  to  the  Au- 
thor of  these  gifts.  He  has  but  to  pass  a  few  years 
on  this  planet,  when  the  mighty  truth  will  dawn  upon 
him,  that  day  and  night,  seed-time  and  harvest,  cold 
and  heat,  run  a  never-tiring,  never-failing  round  ; 
and  he  will  see  the  finger  of  God  so  moving  this 
earthly  ball  as  to  produce  these  grand  results. 

"I  shall  not  be  contradicted,"  says  Paley,  "when 
I  say  that,  if  one  train  of  thinking  be  more  desirable 
than  another,  it  is  that  which  regards  the  phenomena 
of  nature  with  a  constant  reference  to  a  supreme,  in- 
telKgent  Author.  The  world  thenceforth  becomes  a 
temple,  and  life  itself  one  continued  act  of  adora- 
tion." What,  then,  so  important  as  the  cultivation 
6f  this  spirit  in  childhood  ?  The  man  may  dwell  in 
the  very  midst  of  these  glorious  tokens  of  God's 
presence  and  goodness,  and  still  never  feel  their 
power.  Habit  may  blunt  his  perceptions  ;  sensuality 
may  dim  his  spirit  ;  care  and  labor  may  engross  his 
whole  being.  How  essential,  therefore,  is  it,  to  pre- 
occupy the  mind  in  youth  with  this  sublime  subject ! 

If  I  regarded  the  happiness  of  my  child  alone,  I 
would  cherish  in  him  a  love  of  Nature.  For  in  all 
years  it  affords  the  pure  taste  an  exquisite  pleasure 
to  visit  her  green  fields,  and  walk  through  her  deep 
forests,  and  wander  by  her  silvery  streams.  There 
12 


178  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

is  HO  joy  beyond  his  who  looks  lovingly  on  the 
ever-rolling  heavens  and  the  dear,  old  moon,  with  her 
starry  train.  Deep  and  substantial  are  his  gratifica- 
tions, who  delights  at  times  to  flee  from  the  hum  and 
fret  of  the  busy  world,  and  listen  to  the  wood-bird 
wild,  and  gather  the  gentle  flowers,  and  inhale  the 
delicious  perfumes,  of  each  blossoming  tree  and 
shrub.  Majestic  are  his  thoughts,  and  noble  his 
pleasures,  who  looks  out  with  sympathy  on  the  migh- 
•ty  ocean,  and  bathes  his  spirit  in  the  music  of  its 
world-filling  symphonies.  But  higher,  because  ho- 
lier, is  his  joy,  who,  as  he  luxuriates  amid  the  riches 
of  nature,  feels  in  every  scene  the  silent  and  sacred 
aspiration,  "  My  Father  made  them  all." 

As  a  moral  safeguard,  I  would  cherish  in  the 
young  a  love  of  Nature.  When  they  have  once 
drank  in  her  beauty,  the  scenes  of  folly  and  guilt  be- 
come less  and  less  attractive  to  them.  She  inspires 
a  taste  for  tranquil  joys  ;  and  amid  her  soothing  in- 
fluences the  boy  is  happy,  and  the  youth  never  thirsts 
for  the  exciting  and  corrupting  pleasures  of  the  inebri- 
ate and  the  gamester  and  the  debauchee.  Cherish  in 
your  daughter  a  love  of  flowers,  those  apostles  of 
piety  and  purity  ;  give  her  a  little  plot  in  the  garden 
to  cultivate  for  herself.  Take  your  children  to  ride, 
now  in  midwinter,  when  the  snows  are  preaching 
their  spiritual  discourses,  and  the  ice-king  celebrates 
his  coronation,  and  now  when  the  leaf  and  bud  are 
bursting  their  cerements.     Walk  with  them  in  sunny 


EELIGIOTTS   EDUCATION.  179 

days,  when  the  bee  and  the  bird  chant  their  rich  an- 
thems, and  fill  their  souls  with  the  glorious  hues  of 
the  autumn  foliage,  and  with  the  rainbow-tints  of  its 
manifold  fruits.  Let  the  heart  be  thus  early  pre- 
occupied by  the  works  of  God,  and  it  is  thrice  armed 
against  the  pollutions  of  society.  The  memory  of 
these  delicious  hours  will  go  with  your  children  as  a 
talisman  amid  future  temptations,  and  to  their  last 
hour  they  will  turn  gratefully  to  those  pleasant  scenes 
associated  with  parental  and  fraternal  forms,  and  with 
youthful  recreations  that  leave  no  sting  behind. 

We  have  an  aid  to  spiritual  instruction  furnished 
by  that  love  of  the  forms  and  institutions  of  religion 
which  is  so  natural  in  childhood.  Some  contend 
that  a  child  should  not  be  taken  to  church  before  he 
can  understand  the  sermon.  To  such  I  would  say, 
that  if  the  habit  of  attending  church  is  ever  to  be 
formed,  it  can  be  done  most  easily  in  childhood. 
How  often  do  we  hear  it  said,  "  I  was  brought  up 
to  go  to  church  from  a  child  ;  the  question  was  never 
asked  whether  I  should  go  or  not,  and  therefore  I 
love  to  go  now."  We  should  "  choose  "  for  our 
children,  as  for  ourselv.es,  "  what  is  most  proper  ; 
custom  will  render  it  most  agreeable."  As  respects 
a  child's  not  understanding  the  sermon,  I  would  an- 
swer, that  we  go  to  church,  or  should  go,  to  worship, 
not  primarily  to  hear  a  sermon.  The  little  child 
should  be  taught  this,  and  he  should  be  led  to  prac- 
tise accordingly.     He  can  enter  into  the  spirit  of  the 


180  THE  :hristian  parent. 

prayer  and  of  the  singing,  if  he  does  not  understand 
their  words,  and  it  is  good  to  bring  him  into  the  at- 
mosphere of  these  sacred  services. 

Besides,  there  are  few  who  do  not  enjoy  at  that 
period  attendance  at  church.  The  varying  exercises 
of  the  prayer,  the  sacred  song,  and  the  sermon,  at- 
tract and  interest  them.  Let  this  disposition  be  sed- 
ulously encouraged.  Teach  your  children  to  join  in 
each  portion  of  the  services  ;  never  allow  them  to  go 
to  church  for  the  sake  of  conversation  while  there, 
or  to  read  a  book,  or  gaze  listlessly  around  them. 
They  should  reverence  the  sanctuary,  and  realize  — 
while  there,  if  they  do  not  anywhere  else  —  that  the 
eye  of  God  is  upon  them.  Lead  them  by  your  own 
example  to  prize  these  religious  privileges.  I  can- 
not but  think,  that,  did  parents  frequent  the  church 
constantly  themselves,  and  speak  of  it  as  a  privilege, 
and  talk  with  their  children  about  the  discourse,  they 
might  make  it  the  centre  of  a  life-enduring  interest  ; 
and  its  doors  would  thus  be  thronged  with  regular 
and  earnest  worshippers,  and  preachers  would  be 
cheered  and  people  quickened  to  an  unaccustomed 
devoutness  ;  and  so  in  the  end  not  only  the  church, 
but  the  world,  would  become  consecrated  ground. 

The  children  in  our  age  are  connected  almost  uni- 
versally with  the  Sunday  school.  The  good  this 
will  accomplish  depends,  however,  very  much  on 
the  parent.  If  fathers  and  mothers  exert  themselves 
to  send  their  children  constantly,  and  if  they  coop- 


RELIGIOUS   EDUCATION  181 

erate  with  the  teacher  by  frequent  conversations  at 
home  on  the  exercises  of  the  school,  then  this  insti- 
tution will  be  a  nursery  of  genuine  piety.  It  will  lay 
deep  the  foundations,  and  build  high  the  walls,  of 
these  living  temples  of  God.  But  the  mere  exist- 
ence of  a  Sunday  school  in  a  parish  cannot  save  our 
youth  ;  it  exerts  no  spell,  it  cannot  coerce  the  chil- 
dren ;  it  is  but  a  voluntary  agency. 

We  have  the  testimony  of  a  minister  at  large, 
showing  that  the  Sunday  school  may  fail  of  its  end. 
*'  I  have  repeatedly  interrogated  on  this  point,"  he 
says,  "  even  the  lads  and  others  who  have  been  ar- 
raigned as  offenders  against  our  laws  ;  and  it  is  sel- 
dom that  they  have  not  acknowledged  themselves,  or 
been  proved,  on  satisfactory  evidence,  to  have  been 
no  strangers  within  the  walls  of  a  Sabbath  school." 
What  a  startling  fact  is  this  !  It  shows  clearly  that 
we  cannot  lean  on  the  Sunday  school,  as  many  ap- 
parently now  do,  with  safety,  for  the  whole  moral 
and  religious  education  of  our  youth.  It  reveals  a 
fearful  amount  of  parental  delinquency,  and  shows 
that  home  may  counteract  the  best  of  other  institu- 
tions for  the  young. 

When  all  it  calls  upon  meet  the  demand,  when 
our  young  men  and  young  women  are  encouraged 
and  induced  to  take  classes  in  the  school  for  their 
own  moral  benefit,  as  well  as  the  children's,  it  does 
great  good.  But  when  fathers  and  mothers  sacrifice 
somewhat  of  their  own   comfort  and  convenience, 


182  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

and  come  joyfully  to  the  work  of  the  Sunday  school, 
and  carry  forward  also  the  same  work  at  the  fireside, 
then  it  is  a  blessed  institution  ;  then  we  cannot  easily 
exaggerate  its  beneBcent  influence. 

The  failures  of  the  Sunday  school  may  be  traced 
to  what  I  regard  as  a  growing  error  in  all  our  sys- 
tems of  education.  It  is  the  evil  of  placing  the  cul- 
ture of  the  intellect  higher  than  that  of  the  affections, 
and  of  the  moral  and  religious  character  in  general. 
Milton  affirms  that  "  all  wickedness  is  weakness  "  ; 
this  is  substantially  true.  It  is  in  vain  to  load  the 
intellect  with  knowledge,  or  to  develop  any  of  its 
powers,  if  you  leave  the  spiritual  nature  unaffected. 
The  knowledge  of  God  is  the  highest  knowledge  ; 
and  that  is  to  be  gained  not  so  much  from  books  as 
from  religious  culture  and  personal  piety.  Unless 
you  add  to  his  Sunday-school  instructions  a  corre- 
sponding development  of  a  child's  moral  and  relig- 
ious principles,  you  do  very  little  to  secure  him 
against  temptation  and  sin.  Hand  in  hand  with  his 
mental  improvement  should  go  the  progress  of  his 
character  in  piety,  purity,  and  love.  He  should  re- 
flect as  much  as  he  reads,  and  learn  to  do  right  as 
he  advances  from  stage  to  stage  in  his  religious  les- 
sons. 

Having  spoken  of  the  hours  a  child  passes  at 
church  and  in  the  Sunday  school,  the  question  sug- 
gests itself,  How  shall  he  occupy  the  remaining  part 
of  the  Sabbath  ?     I  would  say,  let  Sunday  be  made 


EELIGIOUS    EDUCATION.  183 

a  pleasant  day,  and  combine  with  this  influence  as 
much  profit  as  possible.  This  day  should  be  marked 
by  some  difference  from  all  others.  Take  the  low- 
est view  of  it,  regard  it  only  as  a  period  for  rest, 
and  you  must  distinguish  it  from  that  portion  of  time 
devoted  to  labor.  The  first  thing  to  be  secured  is 
quiet.  If  there  be  loud  conversation,  noisy  move- 
ments, a  bustle  with  playthings,  then  the  Sabbath  is, 
to  all  good  purposes,  obliterated. 

The  day  was  given  to  refresh  and  elevate  the 
mind.  It  is  not,  then,  sufficient  to  keep  it  by  absti- 
nence from  manual  labor,  and  by  bodily  repose.  We 
need  also  "a  Sabbath  of  the  sottZ."  Consequent- 
ly, children  should  not  be  permitted  to  read  frivolous 
books.  If  the  novel  be  laid  aside  on  this  day  by  the 
Christian  adult,  as  it  is  presumed  to  be,  why  should 
the  trifling  story-book  be  given  to  the  child  ?  Keep 
in  mind  that  Sunday  is  for  the  spirit  as  well  as  the 
body,  and  you  can  easily  decide  how  a  child  ought 
to  spend  it.  What  he  does  outwardly  is  not  the 
whole,  nor  the  best  part,  of  his  observance  of  the 
day.  A  walk  at  sunset,  amid  the  fair  works  of  God, 
or  a  visit  to  a  sick  or  a  poor  neighbour,  will  often  do 
a  child  as  much  spiritual  good  as  the  sanctuary  or  the 
Sunday-school  hours.  Let  the  day  be  filled  up  with 
a  variety  of  employments  ;  it  matters  little  what  the 
particular  act  is,  so  it  be  quiet,  and  tend  to  purify  the 
heart,  lifting  it  toward  the  Father,  and  enlarging  its 
love  to  man. 


184  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

(^  Some  of  us  have  happy  reminiscences  of  an  hour 
spent  each  Sunday,  while  we  were  children,  in  re- 
peating hymns  together  in  the  family  circle.  We  re- 
member the  venerated  form  of  a  father,  as  he  direct- 
ed the  exercise,  and  the  dear  face  and  pleasant  tones 
of  a  prompter  mother.  There,  also,  sat  brothers 
and  sisters,  some  of  whom  are  now  parted  by  seas 
or  lands  from  that  early  home,  and  some  have  gone 
up  to  that  long  home  where  we  hope  to  meet  again 
and  reunite  our  voices  in  sacred  exercises.  Let  us 
prepare  our  own  children  to  job  in  that  heavenly 
service.  We  shall  thus  add  a  new  and  unfading  as 
sociation,  one  as  pure  as  it  is  sweet,  to  the  memories 

^of  home. 

For  many  reasons,  children  should  be  encouraged 
to  store  their  minds  well  with  sacred  poetry.  They 
will  find,  as  we  often  have,  that  a  verse  of  some 
hymn,  learned  in  childhood,  will  come  up  occasion- 
ally to  fill  a  vacant  moment,  to  soothe  us  in  the 
night-season  to  sleep,  or  to  arm  us  in  the  morning 
for  the  work  we  are  to  do.  These  treasures  are 
dwelt  upon  in  moments  of  suffering,  gloom,  and  anx- 
iety. They  recur  to  us  in  bereavement  and  afflic- 
tion ;  they  lead  us  to  penitence  and  peace  ;  they 
arouse  the  spirit  to  fortitude  ;  they  often  renew,  and 
sometimes  create,  a  beautiful  trust  in  Providence. 
The  hymn  they  learned  at  home  will  be  a  talisman 
to  our  children,  —  it  may  be  their  spiritual  men- 
tor   through    hfe.      Let  us    not    leave   it    to    the 


RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION.  185 

Sunday  school  alone,  nor  to  any  one  beyond  our 
own  fireside,  to  provide  for  them  this  precious  pos- 
session. 

We  are  led  naturally  to  say  here,  that  nothing 
can  supersede  the  demand  for  daily  personal  relig- 
ious instruction  on  the  part  of  the  parent.  The 
idea  of  God  should  be  blended  with  every  event 
in  the  life  of  a  child.  It  is  not  by  set  lectures  or 
forced  conversations,  but  by  casual  remarks,  that  the 
most  permanent  impressions  are  made  on  the  mind. 
The  conscience  of  the  child  is  always  active,  and, 
did  the  parent  watch  its  operations,  a  single  word 
might  often  turn  the  current  toward  God  and  the 
right.  Has  your  son  done  wrong,  at  the  quiet  hour 
of  his  retiring  to  rest,  speak  of  it  as  displeasing  to  his 
Father  in  heaven.  Then  conscience  is  tender,  and 
your  admonition  will  sink  into  the  springs  of  his 
being  and  action.  Accustom  him  to  blend  the 
thoughts  of  heaven  and  immortality  with  pleasant 
scenes.  Whenever  he  is  happy,  introduce  allusions 
to  our  Heavenly  Father,  —  trace  his  every  experi- 
ence up  to  that  kind  Being.  Do  not  reserve  all  ref- 
erence to  religion  to  times  of  sorrow,  bereavement, 
and  grief,  but  connect  it  with  gladsome  events.  It 
will  then  present  itself  naturally  in  the  hour  of  trouble. 
That  Divine  face  will  be  familiar,  and  that  spirit- 
voice  will  soothe  and  sustain  amid  the  deep  waters, 
and  the  feeble  one  shall  not  sink,  but  rise  and  re- 
ceive a  new  spiritual  vigor. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

I  AM  prompted  in  this  place  to  speak  of  the  sub- 
ject of  death.  This  event  is  invested  by  most 
Christians  with  gloom  and  terror.  It  is  represented 
in  an  entirely  different  aspect  from  that  given  to  it 
by  our  Saviour.  We  profess  to  believe  that  the  de- 
parted good  are  still  alive,  and  are  in  a  happier  and 
better  world.  Yet  we  clothe  ourselves  in  black,  and 
shun  the  room  where  they  died  ;  we  speak  of  them 
with  compassion,  as  if  a  calamity  had  befallen  them  ; 
and  we  utter  heart-rending  sobs,  and  suffer  our  tears 
to  flow  without  restraint. 

But  if  a  departed  friend  has  merely  passed  on, 
gone  to  ^he  spirit-land  a  little  before  us,  why  should 
we  speak  and  appear  and  feel  as  though  the  separa- 
tion was  eternal  .-*  Our  children  receive  only  the 
darkest  impressions  of  death  from  our  deportment. 
Can  we  not  do  something  to  change  this  melancholy 
condition  of  the  Christian  world  ?  Shall  we  not  ex- 
ert ourselves  to  present  more  elevated  and  spiritual 
views  of  the  dead  to  the  young  .'' 


RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION.  187 

Let  the  parent  revolve  frequently  in  his  mind 
these  great  truths.  Death  is  not  the  extinction  of 
our  being  ;  it  is  only  one  among  several  changes 
through  which  we  pass.  All  must  die  ;  why,  then, 
should  we  not  treat  this  event  as  a  natural  one,  and 
speak  of  it  familiarly  ?  If  we  are  virtuous  and  de- 
vout, death  will  be  to  us  a  blessed  change.  To  go 
to  our  Father  in  heaven,  to  see  and  dwell  with  Je- 
sus, to  meet  the  best  men  who  have  ever  lived,  to 
be  reunited  to  our  lost  relatives  and  friends,  —  what 
is  it  but  a  privilege  .''  It  will,  indeed,  give  us  grief  to 
part  from  the  dear  ones  we  leave  behind  ;  but  how 
short  will  be  our  separation  !  We  cannot  but  weep 
over  the  dead,  but  it  should  be  only  with  modera- 
tion, as  for  a  brief  absence  on  a  journey. 

There  are  but  two  things  which  can  account  for 
the  terrors  we  now  feel  at  the  thought  of  death. 
The  first  is,  a  sense  of  unfitness  for  the  exchange  of 
worlds  ;  "  the  sting  of  death,"  so  far  as  this  view 
is  concerned,  "  is  sin."  But  a  comparatively  small 
share  of  our  gloom  comes  from  that  source.  Most 
of  us  do  not  dread  so  much  to  be  dead  as  to  die. 
This  dread  is,  to  a  great  extent,  unnatural,  and  pro- 
duced by  circumstances  within  our  control. 

The  second  cause  of  our  terror  is  an  injudicious 
education.  Why  do  so  many  pious  people,  who 
have  a  firm  trust  in  God,  fear  to  die  .''  It  may  be 
partly  constitutional,  but  it  is  far  more  the  result  of 
early  associations.     Darkness  and  gloom,  and  a  mys- 


188  THE   CHEISTIAN   PARENT. 

terious  terror,  were  written  on  the  faces  of  their  par- 
ents and  teachers  at  the  mention  of  death.  Hence 
they  now  strive  in  vain  to  array  it  with  cheerfuhiess. 
Reason  and  religion  are  too  feeble  to  do  this  ;  and 
their  only  resource  is  to  drive  the  subject  from  their 
thoughts  as  far  as  possible.  They  are  unwilling  to 
speak  of  the  death  of  a  relative,  still  more  of  their 
own  dissolution.  They  cannot,  perhaps,  bring  them- 
selves to  adjust  their  affairs  by  making  a  will.  They 
feel  an  invincible  repugnance  at  considering  anything 
even  remotely  connected  with  this  banished  topic. 

Let  us  earnestly  hope  that  our  children  are  not  to 
be  trained  up  in  this  servile  fear  of  death.  Its  ten- 
dency is  to  prevent  all  meditation  on  a  future  state, 
to  throw  a  shade  over  every  path  of  life,  to  enfeeble 
the  mind,  and  to  depress  the  whole  character.  That 
a  child  might  be  so  educated  as  to  escape  these 
mournful  evils  is  evident.  Miss  Hamilton  gives  us 
two  examples,  in  her  work  on  education,  which  show 
that  this  is  practicable. 

The  first  is  that  of  a  noble  lady,  who  received  in 
infancy  an  impression  of  terror  at  death  ;  and  this 
impression  was  aggravated  by  injudicious  language  in 
the  nursery,  until  this  event  became  associated  with 
all  the  images  of  horror  which  her  imagination  could 
conceive.  This  effect  was  never  afterward  re- 
moved, although  she  possessed  a  strong  mind,  and 
had  received  a  superior  education. 

"  Exemplary  in  the  performance  of  every  relig- 


EELIGIOITS    EDUCATION.  189 

lous  and  social  duty,  full  of  faith  and  good  works," 
yet  "  she  never  dared  to  dart  a  glance  of  hope  be- 
yond the  tomb.  And  when  sickness  brought  the 
subject  to  her  view,  her  whole  soul  was  involved  in 
a  tumult  of  horror  and  dismay.  It  became  the  busi- 
ness of  her  family  and  friends  to  devise  methods  of 
concealing  from  her  "  the  least  "  real  danger.  Ev- 
ery face  was  then  dressed  in  forced  smiles,  and  every 
tongue  employed  in  the  repetition  of  flattering  false- 
hoods. To  mention  the  death  of  any  person  in  her 
presence  became  a  sort  of  petit  treason  in  her  fam- 
ily.    She  might,  indeed,  be  said 

'  To  die  a  thousand  deaths  in  fearing  one.' 

And  she  had  often  suffered  much  more  from  the  ap- 
pr€hension,  than  she  could  have  suffered  from  the 
most  agonizing  torture  that  ever  attended  the  hour  of 
dissolution." 

Let  us  now  look  at  a  case  of  an  opposite  charac- 
ter. A  lady,  whose  cheerfulness  and  composure,  on 
the  threatened  approach  of  death,  was  spoken  of  in 
her  presence  with  admiration,  remarked  thus  :  — 
"  The  fortitude  you  so  highly  applaud,  I  indeed  ac- 
knowledge as  the  first  and  greatest  of  blessings  ;  for 
to  it  I  owe  the  enjoyment  of  all  the  mercies  which  a 
good  Providence  has  graciously  mingled  in  the  cup 
of  suffering.  But  I  take  no  merit  to  myself  on  its 
account.  It  is  not,  as  you  suppose,  the  magnan- 
imous effort  of  reason  ;  and  however  it  may  be  sup- 


190  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

ported  by  that  religious  principle  which  inspires  hope 
and  teaches  resignation,  while  I  see  those  who  are 
my  superiors  in  every  Christian  grace  and  virtue  ap- 
palled by  the  terrors  of  death,  I  cannot  attribute  my 
superior  fortitude  to  religion  alone.  For  that  forti- 
tude I  am,  under  God,  chiefly  indebted  to  the  judi- 
cious friend  of  my  infancy,  who  made  the  idea  of 
death  not  only  familiar,  but  pleasant,  to  my  imagina- 
tion. The  sudden  death  of  an  elderly  lady,  to  whom 
I  was  much  attached,  gave  her  an  opportunity,  be- 
fore I  had  attained  my  sixth  year,  of  impressing  this 
subject  on  my  mind  in  the  most  agreeable  colors." 

The  world  is  full  of  instances  that  show  the  power 
we  have  over  children,  to  excite  or  to  allay  in  them 
a  thousand  petty  alarms  and  foolish  fears  and  ground- 
less apprehensions.  We  should  cultivate  in  them  an 
habitual  calmness  and  tranquillity  of  temper.  This 
will  do  much  to  prepare  them  to  take  right  views  of 
death.  It  is  well  to  take  a  child  to  funerals  quite 
young,  and  to  explain  to  him,  as  early  as  possible, 
all  you  can  in  relation  to  the  departed.  ^  Were  these 
occasions  conducted  more  in  the  spirit  of  Christian- 
ity, it  would  be  easy  to  give  our  children  correct  im- 
pressions on  this  subject.  Suppose  the  relatives  of 
the  deceased  were  to  dress  in  light  instead  of  dark 
garments,  and  to  think  and  speak,  not  of  their  own 
loss,  but  of  the  gain  of  the  ascended  one  ;  suppose 
the  coffin  was  laid  on  a  bright  hearse,  and  covered 
with  a  white  pall,  and  the  pastor  should  speak  and 


RELIGIOUS    EDUCATION.  -  191 

pray  as  Jesus  would,  and  turn  off  the  mind  from  the 
body,  and  fasten  it  upon  the  spirit  ;  —  how  much 
would  these  few  changes  do  to  take  away  the  gloom 
which  now  gathers  around  the  grave  ! 

I  rejoice  that  in  this  age  we  see,  in  many  instan- 
ces, the  body  surrounded  with  fair  flowers,  and  our 
cemeteries  adorned  and  made  cheerful.  Let  all  our 
arrangements  in  relation  to  the  dead  correspond  with 
this  grateful  change.  Let  no  word  or  look  come  in 
to  mar  this  new  impression.  Parents  cannot  expend 
too  much  thought  on  this  topic.  Did  they  give  their 
children  no  other  instruction,  they  would  do  well  in 
giving  them  bright  views  of  death.  Could  they  train 
them  no  farther,  this  were  a  blessed  work  to  raise 
them  so  near  to  their  Saviour  that  they  should  be 
"  dehvered  from  the  bondage  of  the  fear  of  death." 

Do  not  dwell  on  general  topics,  but  be  minute  and 
particular  ;  the  bread  of  heaven  must  be  broken  into 
small  fragments,  or  it  will  not  nourish  a  child.  You 
may  say  to  him,  God  is  good  ;  but  that  is  a  vague 
idea.  Show  Lim  how  the  hand  of  God  gave  him 
some  particular  thing,  raised  him  from  sickness,  or 
saved  him  in  danger  ;  this  is  a  definite  object,  and 
he  will  never  forget  the  occasion.  The  inductive 
method,  as  in  philosophy,  so  in  education,  is  the  ouly 
safe  method.  It  is  the  only  course  to  render  a  child 
sincerely  pious.  He  can  be  made  to  repeat  cate- 
chisms, and  go  over  dogmas  and  abstractions  inter- 
minably, and  yet  not  one  genuine  emotion  of  love  to 


192  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT.  ' 

God  be  awakened  by  it  in  his  breast.  He  is  then 
the  mere  echo  of  your  voice  ;  you  make  him  ex- 
press what  he  never  yet  felt.  Shun  this  fatal  error  ; 
whatever  he  repeats  or  does  or  says  in  the  name  of 
God  and  Christ,  be  sure  it  comes  from  the  heart. 
And,  to  gain  that  assurance,  let  his  own  life  be  the 
great  mine  where  you  dig  for  the  heavenly  treasure. 
Connect  what  he  has  himself  seen,  heard,  thought, 
and  felt  with  your  religious  instructions,  and  you  im- 
bed them  in  his  character. 

The  remarks  now  made  apply  with  great  force  to 
the  exercise  of  prayer.  Children  usually  take  pleas- 
ure in  the  repetition  of  forms  ;  but  let  it  not  be  the 
mere  form  which  excites  their  interest.  This  can  be 
easily  avoided  ;  for  how  often  do  we  see  a  little 
child,  whose  intellect  is  yet  undeveloped,  become  ir- 
radiated with  light  and  beauty,  while  he  pours  forth 
his  own  happy  prayers  !  He  will  take  pleasure  in 
repeating  after  you  the  simple  form,  "  Now  I  lay  me 
down  to  sleep."  And  soon  he  loves  to  express  his 
prayer  in  his  own  language.  I  have  heard  of  a  litde 
girl  who  knelt  down  of  her  own  accord,  when  un- 
dressed to  go  to  bed,  and  said,  "  Our  Father  who 
art  in  heaven,  forgive  me  for  striking  my  little  broth- 
er to-day,  and  help  me  not  to  strike  him  again  ;  for 
O,  if  he  should  die,  how  sorry  I  should  be  that  I 
struck  him." 

It  is  well  to  teach  children  to  follow  us  in  prayer, 
word  by  word  ;  yet  let  us  never  end  with  this.     I 


EELIG-OUS    EDUCATION.  193 

would  have  a  child  taught  to  pray  in  his  own  lan- 
guage also.  Let  the  form  lead  him  up  to  a  still 
higher  elevation.  "When  he  has  the  spirit  of  prayer, 
the  form  becomes  sanctified.  Unite  the  two  meth- 
ods, and  you  teach  him  to  pray  without  ceasing. 

"  Hold  the  little  hands  in  prayer,  teach  the  weak  knees  their 

kneeling ; 
Let  him  see  thee  speaking  to  thy  God  ;  he  will  not  forget  it 

afterward ; 
When  old  and  gray  will  he  feelingly  remember  a  mother's 

tender  piety, 
And  the  touching  recollection  of  her  prayers  shall  arrest  the 

strong  man  in  his  sin." 

I  close  this  enumeration  of  the  instrumentalities  of 
domestic  religion  by  recommending  to  the  parent  an 
habitual  reference  to  the  Bible,  as  a  light  and  support 
in  the  discharge  of  his  arduous  duties.  That  should 
be  the  code  from  which  he  draws  his  every  rule  and 
precept,  and  the  sanction  he  refers  to  at  all  times. 
Present  Jesus  Christ  as  the  model  for  your  child, 
and  induce  him  to  prize  the  record  of  his  hfe,  to 
reverence  his  character,  to  be  grateful  for  his  sacri- 
fice, and  love  his  memory. 

A  love  of  the  Bible  should  be  cherished  in  child- 
hood. That  book  should  be  held  up  as  the  banner 
of  success,  both  for  this  life  and  the  life  to  come. 
To  how  many  has  it  brought  treasures,  by  its  influ- 
ence on  their  principles  and  character,  on  earth  as 
well  as  in  heaven  !  We  are  told  of  a  certain  Quaker 
13 


194  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

in  France,  that  he  was  once  waited  upon  by  four  of 
his  workmen,  to  receive  their  usual  new  year's  gifts. 
"  Well,  my  friends,"  said  he,  "here  are  your  gifts  ; 
choose  either  fifteen  francs  or  the  Bible."  "I  don't 
know  how  to  read,"  said  the  first,  "  so  I  take  the 
fifteen  francs."  "  I  can  read,"  said  the  second, 
"but  I  have  pressing  wants."  He  then  took  the 
money.  The  third  also  made  the  same  choice. 
He  now  came  to  the  fourth,  a  lad  of  about  fourteen. 
The  Quaker  looked  at  him  and  asked,  "  Will  you 
take  these  three  pieces,  which  you  can  earn  any  time 
by  your  labor  ?  "  "  As  you  say  the  book  is  good," 
replied  the  boy,  "  I  will  take  it,  and  read  it  to  my 
mother."  He  took  the  Bible,  opened  it,  and  fouad 
between  the  leaves  a  gold  piece  of  forty  francs. 
How  few  lads  would  have  done  like  him  !  and  yet, 
by  taking  that  Bible,  he  made  himself  richer  than  his 
associates,  for  this  world  no  less  than  the  next. 

Parents,  do  all  in  your  power  to  make  your  chil- 
dren love  this  precious  volume  better  than  silver  and 
gold.  For  this  purpose,  read  it  with  them,  not  in 
course,  but  with  wise  selections.  Let  it  not  be  a 
strange  work,  but  let  it  be  adverted  to,  its  authority 
recognized,  and  its  spirit  imbibed  continually.  Nev- 
er allow  the  flashy  literature  of  the  day  to  crowd  out 
the  sacred  volume.  Remember  that  what  the  spinal 
column  is  to  the  body,  —  its  main  pillar,  its  prime 
support,  its  life-channel,  —  the  Bible  is  to  the  soul 
of  your  child. 


RELIGIOUS   EDUCATION.  195 

And  here  the  question  may  be  raised,  "  What 
doctrines  are  we  to  teach  our  children  from  the  Bi- 
ble ?  "  Some  may  ask,  "  Shall  we  teach  them  any 
doctrines  whatever  ?  "  I  reply,  that  every  child 
should  be  taught  absolute  doctrines,  that  is,  religious 
truths.  But  the  less  of  controversial  doctrines  we 
inculcate  —  especially  upon  young  children  —  the 
better.  Give  them  distinct  ideas  in  regard  to  God, 
and  Christ,  and  man,  and  their  various  relations  to 
each  other.  But  let  these  ideas  be  taken  fresh  from 
the  Bible  itself,  not  from  any  creed,  or  any  church, 
or  any  sect  upon  earth.  We  should  never  embarrass 
a  child  with  conflicting  dogmas.  It  is  better  to  give 
him  one  single,  simple  view  of  a  divine  truth,  and  let 
his  mind  rest  on  that. 

"  Whose  view,"  it  will  be  asked,  "  shall  we  give 
him  ? "  We  can  honestly  give  him  no  other  than 
our  own.  What  seems  to  us,  after  a  dihgent  and 
prayerful  search  of  the  Scriptures,  to  be  true,  that 
we  should  teach  our  children.  It  may  not  be  the 
pure  truth  ;  but  if  it  is  as  pure  as  we  can  obtain,  that 
is  sufficient.  Let  the  child  receive  it  at  first,  as  he 
does  other  things  from  us,  on  authority.  If  we  teach 
him  error,  he  will  have  an  opportunity  in  future  years 
to  detect  it.  And  it  is  better  to  teach  a  child  some 
errors,  than  to  give  him  no  truth.  It  is  a  sad  mis- 
take,, and  a  calamity  to  the  character,  to  have  no 
clear  views  of  religious  truth  implanted  in  child- 
hood. 


196  THE   CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

■  But  while  we  impart  truth  to  the  mind,  let  us  fill 
the  heart  also  with  charity.  A  child  should  be  made 
to  believe  that  there  are  Christians  in  all  denomina- 
tions, and  that  he  is  never  to  avoid  another  person, 
or  to  feel  unkindly  toward  him,  on  account  of  his  re- 
ligious opinions.  Infuse  early  into  the  spirit  a  tol- 
erancfe  as  broad  as  that  felt  by  our  Saviour  toward 
the  Samaritan  and  the  heathen  ;  and  let  this  liberal 
temper  shine  out  from  your  own  heart  and  conversa- 
tion. We  may  derive  great  aid  in  this  course  from 
the  growing  liberality  of  the  Christian  community. 
Less  and  less  is  thought  of  creeds,  and  more  and 
more  of  character,  every  year  that  passes.  So  may 
it  ever  be  ;  while  we  seek  the  truth,  and  lead  our 
children  also  to  do  it,  let  us.  be  careful  to  grow  in 
charity.  We  can  promote  this  good  cause  by  en- 
couraging them  to  associate  with  those  of  different 
denominations.  Let  them  join,  too,  in  the  philan- 
thropic enterprises  of  the  day.  Children  who  feel  a 
common  interest  in  temperance,  freedom,  and  peace, 
in  relieving  the  poor,  reforming  the  vicious,  and  as- 
sisting all  who  suffer,  cannot  be  deeply  estranged  by 
a  mere  diversity  of  doctrinal  opinions. 

Let  religion  be  presented  to  your  children,  not 
as  a  thing  to  be  simply  respected,  but  as  a  personal, 
individual  concern  ;  not  as  an  occasional  visitor, 
but  as  an  ever-present  friend,  a  never-failing  guide. 
The  master  painter  always  has  one  figure  in  his 
group  around  which  all  the  rest  cluster,  and  to  which 


KELIGIOirS    IDUCATION.  197 

the  eye  ever  returns.  Let  personal  piety  be  the  cen- 
tral figure  in  the  character  of  your  child.  The 
world,  its  gains,  honors,  pleasures,  may  wait  round 
it,  and  while  they  do  its  bidding  they  fill  their  place. 
But  woe  to  that  youth  who  puts  either  of  these  as 
the  central  figure  in  liis  life-picture  !  It  is  sad  to 
think  how  often  this  is  done  ;  it  is  mournful  to  wit- 
ness these  attempts  to  unite  God  and  Mammon,  the 
flesh  and  the  spirit,  self  and  duty. 

"  God  and  the  world  we  worship  both  together  ; 
Draw  not  our  laws  to  him,  but  his  to  ours  ; 
Untrue  to  both,  so  prosperous  in  neither. 
The  imperfect  will  brings  forth  but  barren  flowers." 

Do  not  encourage  in  your  child  this  fatal  compro- 
mise. Set  up  religion  as  supreme  ;  let  the  question 
never  be  raised,  "  Which  am  I  to  take,  God  or 
man,  for  my  guide  ? "  Show  him  the  Father,  habit- 
ually, and  say,  "  There  is  your  law." 

And,  to  give  effect  to  your  instructions,  take  that 
holy  Being  as  your  own  monitor  and  guide.  You 
can  do  little  without  personal  religion.  How  can 
you  render  these  children  grateful  to  God,  if  you 
never  feel  that  gratitude  yourself  ?  The  words  of 
pious  instruction  will  often  freeze  on  your  lips  ;  your 
very  countenance  will  betray  the  coldness  of  your 
heart.  But,  O,  if  you  first  love  and  live  in  the  Fa- 
ther, then  when  you  speak  of  him  to  your  child 
your  face  will  be  as  the  face  of  an  angel.  Nay,  your 
very  silence  will  be  eloquent  with  instruction  ;  for  he 


198  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

sees  God  in  your  eye,  and  reads  of  him  in  your  ev- 
ery feature. 

Now,  then,  while  the  wax  is  warm,  set  the  seal  of 
God  in  these  youthful  hearts.  If  you  do  not  feel 
qualified  to  teach  them  of  heavenly  things,  enter  the 
great  normal  school  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  begin  your 
preparation.  Life  is  short,  and  why  should  you  de- 
lay .''  Be  pious  yourself,  and  ask  the  Father,  and  he 
will  enable  you  to  render  them  pious  also.  Then 
will  they  be  fitted  for  the  stern  tasks  of  this  life  ;  and 
honor,  virtue,  success,  and  well-doing  will  be  their 
meed  at  every  stage.  Or  if  they  be  taken  early 
from  you,  they  shall  go  forth  in  celestial  apparel,  and 
with  praise  on  their  faltering  tongues.  Or  if  you  be 
called  first,  you  will  enjoy  the  sweet  recollection  of 
a  persevering  fidelity  in  training  them  up  for  earth 
and  for  heaven.  And,  as  scene  after  scene  fades 
from  your  vision,  and  the  ties  to  this  world,,  one  and 
another,  seem  to  fail  and  break,  the  last  will  be  that 
which  binds  you  to  your  children  ;  and  as  that  link, 
too,  is  being  severed,  you  will  trustfully  commit 
them  to  that  Divine  Parent  with  whose  guardian  love 
they  are  already  filled,  and  who  assures  you  he  will 
be  their  deliverer  in  the  temptations  of  hfe,  their 
refuge  in  its  storms,  and  their  high  and  unending 
reward. 


CHAPTER    XVI. 


DOMESTIC    WORSHIP. 


It  is  an  ancient  custom,  to  be  traced  back  to  that 
thrice-happy  family  who  dwelt  in  Eden,  and  contin- 
ued down  through  patriarchs,  prophets,  and  kings, 
for  the  master  of  each  household  to  offer  up  with 
them,  morning  and  evening,  the  incense  of  prayer 
unto  God.  The  custom  was  sanctioned  from  above, 
and  is  beautiful  in  itself.  What,  indeed,  is  more 
natural,  what  more  becoming  or  more  truly  beneficial, 
than  worship  at  the  family  altar  ?  In  attempting  to 
enumerate  its  advantages,  one  is  soon  lost  amid  their 
numbers  and  claims. 

Here  is  a  circle  who  share  the  same  mercies  from 
Heaven,  surround  one  board,  mingle  in  common  in- 
terests, pleasures,  and  pursuits.  They  rise  in  the 
morning,  and  go  forth  to  their  labors  from  a  single 
abode.  When  evening  comes  on,  they  gather  them- 
selves together  and  lie  down  in  their  dwelling  be- 
neath the  same  sheltering  wing.  And  can  they 
withhold  their  gratitude  .''  Can  they,  if  they  con- 
sider their  condition,  go  each  to  the  duties  of  the 


200  THE   CHBISTIAN    PARENT. 

day,  unmindful  of  the  Father  of  them  all  ?  Does 
no  inward  monitor  bid  them  assemble  for  prayer  ? 
Shall  there  be  no  act  by  which  they  recognize  their 
common  dependence  upon  God  ?  And  when  the 
toils  of  the  day  are  over,  does  not  nature  call  upon 
them  to  commit  themselves,  by  some  general,  social 
service,  to  the  care  of  Him  who  never  slumbers  or 
sleeps  ?  Is  it  enough,  even,  that  each  retire  to  his 
closet,  and  send  up  his  petitions  and  acknowledg- 
ments in  solitude  ?  O,  no  !  Religion,  reason  even, 
says  no.  Wisdom  herself  crieth  at  their  doors,  "  Let 
there  be  some  voice  of  thanksgiving  ascending  in  the 
name  of  them  all  to  Him  who  has  watched  and  pre- 
served and  blessed  them  together.  Let  hira  who  is 
placed  in  Providence  at  the  head  of  these  brethren 
speak  unto  the  Lord  in  their  behalf,  and  bear  up  for 
them  a  token  of  praise  and  love." 

In  a  family  are  found  individuals  who  have  equal 
wants.  They  all  need  daily  the  bounties  of  God,  — 
life,  health,  friends,  peace  of  mind,  the  possession 
oF  reason  and  conscience,  and  a  mutual  love.  And 
these  are  the  most  precious  of  all  human  possessions. 
How  befitting  their  relation,  then,  that  they  present, 
each  day  that  returns,  their  united  and  hearty  peti- 
tions for  these  gifts  !  Shall  the  morning  dew,  as  it 
ascends  on  high,  bear  up  no  holy  words  from  them  ? 
Shall  the  setting  sun,  the  hour  of  nightfall,  and  the 
season  for  rest,  pass  by,  and  they  remain  prayerless  ? 
A  large  portion  of  our  blessings  consist  of  social 


DOMESTIC    WORSHIP.  201 

enjoyments,  and  all  of  them  derive,  to  some  ex- 
tent, their  ^value  and  relish  from  being  shared  with 
others.  Can  we,  then,  keep  .silence  before  Him 
who  gives  us  all  we  have  ?  Nay,  if  our  minds  per- 
ceive their  wants,  and  our  hearts  feel  how  much  we 
owe  to  our  Universal  Father,  we  shall  be  constrained 
to  join  in  prayer.  We  shall  sometimes,  in  a  full 
view  of  our  heaven-born  happiness,  feel  that  we  can- 
not withhold  a  tribute  of  gratitude  and  praise  for  this 
happiness. 

How  much,  again,  do  their  united  devotions  serve 
to  promote  a  spirit  of  forbearance  and  forgiveness 
among  those  who  are  of  one  household.  There  is 
much  in  our  intercourse  even  with  those  nearest  our- 
selves, that  demands  a  kind  and  patient  temper. 
Our  opinions  sometimes  differ.  Our  constitutional 
temperaments  and  our  natural  dispositions  are  of  all 
possible  varieties.  If  there  be  no  one  in  the  circle 
who  strives  to  ward  off  exciting  topics,  none  to  yield 
contested  points,  and  none  who  are  willing  to  bear 
and  forbear,  who  does  not  see  that  in  many  instances 
a  house  must  be  divided  against  itself  ?  But  on 
whom  does  this  duty  devolve  ?  Not,  surely,  upon 
a  portion  of  the  family  alone.  The  mere  fact  that  a 
particular  individual  is  the  oldest,  or  the  head  of  the 
family,  does  not  exempt  him  from  mildness  and  con- 
cessions. Still  less,  because  he  has  superior  strength, 
does  Christianity  allow  hi»ii  to  trample  on  the  feelings, 
or  disregard  the  comfort,  of  all  under  his  roof.     No  ; 


202  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

the  youngest  and  the  feeblest  has  rights,,  no  less  than 
himself.  But  how  shall  he  be  persuaded  of  this  .'' 
How,  rather,  shall  he  be  prevented  from  ever  usurp- 
ing what  belongs  unto  them  all  ?  We  answer,  Let 
there  be  an  altar  set  up  in  that  house,  and  let  the 
master  of  the  family  go  daily  unto  it.  With  meek- 
ness and  confession  let  him  pour  forth  his  soul  with 
theirs.  Let  him  remind  himself  that  his  Master  also 
is  in  heaven,  and  that  there  all  are  servants  of  that 
Being.  He  now  takes  the  very  readiest  course  to 
maintain  and  magnify  the  spirit  of  good-will  and 
charity,  not  only  in  himself,  but  in  the  bosoms  of  all 
who  respond  to  his  prayer. 

It  is  a  law  of  Christianity  that  we  love  one  anoth- 
er. But  in  a  family  there  are  influences  which  tend 
to  make  us  regardless  of  this  duty.  Children  are 
exposed  to  a  spirit  of  envy  ;  they  think,  perhaps, 
that  a  brother  or  sister  receives  more  of  a  parent's 
favor  than  themselves.  And  the  father  is  prone  to 
give  occasion  for  this  murmur,  or  the  mother  selects 
some  one  as  her  favorite,  and  leaves  the  others  to 
suffer  by  her  partiality.  Now  this  partiality  is  a  vio- 
lation of  the  commands  of  Scripture.  And  it  is  not 
a  trifling  fault,  —  something  of  which  we  may  say, 
"  I  know  it  is  wrong,  but  still  I  cannot  help  it." 
No,  this  and  every  other  form  of  self-love  —  or 
rather  I  would  say,  for  such  is  its  root,  of  selfish- 
ness—  must  be  banished  from  our  families.  The 
only  inquiry  with  a  true  follower  of  Clirist  will  be, 


DOMESTIC    WORSHIP,  203 

*'  How  can  I  amend  and  forsake  this  fault  ?  "  We 
answer,  By  united  prayer.  Parents,  go  with  your 
offspring,  children,  go  with  each  other,  to  the  God 
of  all  hearts.  Bow  as  one  ;  confess  your  common 
transgressions,  and  ask  for  defence  against  your  com- 
mon temptations.  Then  may  you  hope  for  that 
"  wisdom  from  above,  which  is  full  of  good  fruits, 
without  envy,  and  without  partiality." 

Family  devotion  interrupts  that  tone  of  earthliness 
which  so  easily  pervades  those  hearts  which  are  nev- 
er le,d  statedly  to  meditate  upon  the  spiritual  world. 
Amid  the  pressure  of  business,  we  find  not  seldom 
that  even  our  most  lonely  and  sacred  hours  are  dis- 
turbed by  schemes  of  a  worldly  nature.  It  is  right 
that  while  the  day  lasts  we  should  work  with  our 
might.  But  it  is  not  right  that  we  commence  these 
labors  without  seeking  the  guidance  of  God.  It  is 
not  right  that  we  close  our  eyes  before  giving  thanks 
for  our  success  to  Him  who  has  sent  it.  Yet,  frail 
mortals,  we  are  easily  borne  away  from  all  heavenly 
aspirations  !  Almost  insensibly,  we  pass  through 
the  day  without  having  God  in  our  thoughts. 

So  is  the  world  forming  a  crust  over  our  spirits. 
And  if  we  do  not  begin  to  break  through  it  now,  the 
chance  is  —  nay,  the  certainty  will  soon  be  —  that  of 
us  it  shall  ere  long  be  said,  "  Can  the  Ethiopian 
change  his  skin,  or  the  leopard  his  spots  .'' "  What, 
then,  shall  we  do  to  check  this  polluting  torrent  ? 
How  are  we  effectually   to  break   that   iron   band 


204  THE    CHRISTIAN    PAEENT. 

which  our  daily  occupation  is  binding  around  us  ? 
I  answer,  Among  other  means,  introduce  the  accus- 
tomed, regular  approach  unto  a  spiritual  Father. 
That  family  who  truly  and  heartily  unite  in  a  prayer 
take  to  themselves  weapons  from  the  armory  of 
God.  They  go  not  forth  in  their  own  strength  ; 
they  each  feel,  as  they  turn  from  that  holy  service, 
that  they  are  not  alone,  but  the  Father  is  with  them. 
In  the  transactions  of  the  day,  amid  the  tumult  of 
life,  the  thought  ever  and  anon  steals  through  their 
minds,  I  must  buy  as  though  I  possessed  not  ;  I 
must  use  this  world  as  not  abusing  it,  for  the  fashion 
thereof  passeth  away.  And,  should  some  besetting 
sin  threaten  their  virtue,  and  almost  overwhelm  their 
sternest  resolution,  a  still,  small  voice  comes  on  their 
ear,  "How  will  you  appear  with  that  stain  upon 
you  at  the  hour  of  your  family  devotions  ?  "  And 
thus  an  arm  is  let  down  from  above,  and  we  are 
saved  as  by  fire. 

Domestic  worship  establishes  among  the  members 
of  a  family  a  pure  standard  of  conduct.  By  our  ha- 
bitual intercourse  in  society,  we  are  extremely  prone 
to  derive  our  rules  from  abroad,  and  refer  our  ac- 
tions to  the  world.  We  are  hardly  aware  how  ex- 
clusively we  lean  on  the  approbation  of  man.  It 
would  amaze  us,  were  it  not  for  the  very  familiarity 
of  the  practice,  that  beings  who  profess  a  belief  in 
God,  a  sense  of  accountableness  to  him,  and  a  con- 
viction of  their  own  immortality,  should  live  so  com- 


DOMESTIC   "WORSHIP.  205 

pletely  regardless  of  these  great  truths  in  their  daily 
deportment.  Creatures  of  yesterday,  the  bounds 
of  whose  habitation  on  earth  are  fixed,  —  secure  not 
even  of  to-morrow's  sun,  —  we  still  move  and  speak 
and  appear  like  men  sure  of  inhabiting  these  bodies 
for  ever.  Let  us  subscribe  to  what  doctrine  we 
may,  our  actione  are  continually  saying,  "  My  moun- 
tain shall  stand  ;  I  shall  never  go  hence." 

Now  this  course  is  mournfully  wrong.  It  is  faith- 
lessness to  our  Master  ;  and  if  not  speedily  changed, 
it  will  bring  disaster  and  woe  upon  ourselves.  But 
how  shall  we  break  from  the  tyranny  of  human  opin- 
ion, and  of  things  seen  and  heard,  and  make  God 
and  his  holy  revelation  our  practical  guide  ?  I  be- 
lieve that  nothing  will  so  strengthen  us  in  this  task  as 
sincere  domestic  prayer. 

The  great  trials  of  the  Christian  come  upon  him 
while  abroad.  He  needs,  therefore,  a  preparation 
for  them  at  home.  He  must  take  the  shield  of  faith 
from  his  own  fireside.  He  must  see  that  his  princi- 
ples are  so  firm  that  the  gates  of  sin  are  not  likely  to 
prevail  against  them.  In  the  business  of  the  day  his 
temper  will  be  tried,  —  his  passions  often  kindling 
almost  to  a  flame.  How  can  they  be  calmed  and 
repressed  ?  There  are  times  when  the  presence  of 
man  will  not  suffice  ;  the  authority  of  God  will  be 
all  which  can  do  it.  Let  us  go  from  the  altar  of 
prayer,  our  garments  fragrant  with  the  odor  of  its  in- 
cense, and  we  can  repel  our  tempters,  —  we  shall 


206  THE   CHEISTIAN   PAKENT. 

say  unto  every  wicked  one,  "  Get  thee  behind  me, 
for  thou  savourest  not  the  things  which  be  of  God, 
but  the  things  which  be  of  men." 

Family  worship  impresses  most  favorably  the 
younger  members  who  are  accustomed  to  hear  it. 
True,  they  may,  on  the  introduction  of  this  service, 
manifest  a  restlessness  or  indifference..  But  let  us  not 
be  disheartened  by  this.  As  they  listen  longer  to 
these  holy  sounds,  their  ear,  and  thence  their  heart, 
will  be  won  by  it.  If  the  father  be  a  sincere  worship- 
per of  God,  the  children  will  observe  it  in  his  man- 
ner, his  voice,  his  tone  and  countenance.  The  very 
atmosphere  they  breathe  at  these  seasons  will  solem- 
nize their  feelings  ;  and  though  they  should  be  too 
young  to  comprehend  his  language,  they  will  not  be 
too  young  to  feel  it.  There  will  be  a  sacredness  in 
their  view  of  the  act  ;  and  their  minds  as  well  as 
their  bodies  will  be  fixed  in  a  reverent  posture. 

At  times  the  younger  members  of  the  family  will 
hear  a  parental  supplication  for  themselves.  The 
simple  petition,  "  Bless  these  our  httle  ones,"  will 
arrest  their  attention  and  touch  their  spirits.  Can 
they  indeed  hearken  to  one  whom  they  so  tenderly 
love,  as  he  asks  that  wisdom,  knowledge,  piety,  and 
all  kind  affections  may  descend  upon  them,  without 
forming  a  resolution  to  gain  these  qualities  .''  Will 
not  the  seriousness  of  that  hour  seem  to  them  a  mes- 
sage from  above  ? 

No  one  who  has  marked  these  sanctifying  influen- 


DOMESTIC    WORSHIP.  207 

ces  can  doubt  that  family  prayer  is  among  the  surest 
methods  of  a  beneficent  Providence  for  keeping  chil- 
dren in  the  paths  of  virtue.  And  if  by  some  bane- 
ful cause  a  son  has  strayed  from  a  parent's  care,  and 
is  vi^asting  his  time  and  substance  in  the  ways  of 
wickedness,  let  him  but  remember  the  daily  prayer 
of  home,  and  consider  that,  as  he  muses,  it  may  be 
even  now  going  up  on  his  behalf,  and  it  shall  be  to 
him  a  voice  at  which  his  flesh  shall  tremble,  —  a 
voice  that  will  cry  unto  him,  in  piercing  accents, 
"  Son,  why  hast  thou  dealt  thus  with  us  ? " 

Let  fathers  reflect,  also,  how  consistent  this  act 
would  be  with  their  other  services  for  their  offspring. 
We  count  him,  in  accordance  with  the  Scriptures, 
"  an  infidel,"  who  provides  not  food  for  his  family. 
There  is  not  one  who  would  not  be  shocked  at  the 
conduct  of  him  who,  to  the  famishing  child  that 
begged  of  him  bread,  should  offer  a  stone.  What 
toils  and  privations  and  sufferings  do  parents  cheer- 
fully endure  to  bring  home  meat  and  raiment  for  their 
children  !  And  shall  they,  as  heads  of  these  fam- 
ilies, do  nothing  to  give  them  spiritual  food  ?  Will 
they  not  so  much  as  implore  with  them  the  blessing 
of  God  on  their  worldly  labors  ?  Do  not  those  who 
neglect  family  prayer  stand  condemned  of  incongru- 
ous actions  out  of  their  own  mouths  .''  I  beseech 
every  father  of  a  family  to  look  at  our  subject  in  this 
light,  and  to  say  if  he  believes  that  the  Holy  Spirit 
is  a  less  worthy  gift  than  the  things  he  so  faithfully 


208  THE   CHRISTIAN    PABENT. 

provides  for  his  children.  O,  let  not  one  who  es- 
teems the  souls  of  his  offspring  at  their  real  value 
omit  to  render  unto  them  this  great  bene6t !  Though 
it  cost  him,  each  day  he  lives,  the  severest  effort  to 
speak  unto  God  in  their  behalf,  let  him  not  so  wrong 
their  immortal  natures  as  to  refuse  to  open  his  lips  in 
prayer  with  and  for  them. 

Think,  again,  of  the  importance  of  domestic  de- 
votion in  the  day  of  trouble.  Your  family  are  all 
now,  it  may  be,  spared  to  you,  and  sitting  around 
you  in  the  fulness  of  health.  But  will  it  be  always 
so  ?  Has  it  been  always  so  .''  There  was  a  time- — 
it  can  hardly  have  been  otherwise  — when  one  of  your 
circle,  endeared  to  you  by  a  thousand  ties,  was  taken 
from  her  labors  and  brought  low  by  disease.  It  was 
whispered  —  and  you  heard  the  fearful  sounds  —  that 
the  symptoms  in  her  case  were  alarming.  You  im- 
agined, in  the  anguish  of  the  moment,  that  life  to  be 
quenched  in  death.  O,  how  bitter,  how  withering, 
was  the  thought  !  Were  you  not  impelled  by  some- 
thing within  to  look  above,  —  to  implore  the  Al- 
mighty One  in  mercy  to  save  that  hfe  .''  Could  you 
meet  your  family  in  the  morning,  and  read  the  silent 
anxiety  that  sat  on  their  countenances,  without  ever 
wishing  to  join  with  them  in  asking  the  Preserver  of 
men  to  stay  that  disease  ?  And  now,  shall  another 
and  another  be  stricken  with  illness,  and  you  forget 
those  former  aspirations  ?  Will  you  not  to-day  heed 
the  admonition  you  then  felt,  and  set  up  a  family  altar .'' 


DOMESTIC    WORSHIP.  209 

And  what  if  our  Father  in  heaven  should  please, 
in  his  unsearchable  wisdom,  to  remove  from  our  fam- 
ily some  one  of  these  our  kindred  ?  We  know  not 
how  soon  we  may  be  robbed  of  either  or  all  of  these 
treasures.  There  are  those  now  sitting  in  solitary 
places,  who  were  once  surrounded  by  as  many  and 
as  dear  connections  as  ourselves.  If  that  seat  so 
long  occupied  at  our  table  shall  ere  long  be  vacant, 
to  whom  shall  we  go  for  consolation  .''  The  waves 
of  sorrow  and  death  are  rolling  high  and  terribly 
around  us  !  Who  can  tell  that  some  one  may  not 
soon  break  on  our  devoted  dwelling  ?  And  should 
it  be  so,  are  we  ready  to  unite  at  our  fireside  in  say- 
ing, "  The  will  of  the  Lord  be  done  "  ?  Father, 
could  you  behold  that  tender  child  in  the  destroyer's 
band,  without  desiring  to  pray,  with  the  wife  of  your 
bosom,  that  you  might  bear  the  stroke  with  Christian 
submission  ?  Could  you  pass  through  the  night  of 
that  day  which  removed  him  to  God,  and  feel  no  in- 
clination to  pour  forth  with  those  who  survive  a  pe- 
tition for  heavenly  support  ?  O,  no  !  the  depths  of 
your  spirit  would  be  so  stirred  and  agitated,  — your 
companion  would  so  plead,  by  her  tears,  for  a  com- 
mon utterance  unto  God,  — your  little  children  would 
look  up  to  you  with  such  entreating  eyes,  —  that  you 
would  be  driven  to  cry  out  with  them  and  for  them 
unto  the  living  God. 

Where,  indeed,  is  the  husband,  the  brother,  the 
child,  that  is  not  prompted  to  flee  to  religion  in  the 
14 


210  .  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

hour  of  affliction  ?  We  feel  then,  what  we  per- 
haps never  before  felt,  that  it  is  faith  in  Christ,  and 
a  communion  with  his  God  and  our  God,  which 
alone  give  peace  amid  the  bereavements  of  earth. 
How  often  under  these  events  has  the  Christian  min- 
ister been  called  to  lift  up  a  voice  of  prayer  in  abodes 
where  such  sounds  were  altogether  strange  !  How 
has  he  besought  that  Being,  to  whom  all  things  are 
possible,  that  the  angel  of  death  might  convert  every 
dwelling  it  has  entered  into  a  house  of  prayer  !  And 
what  consolation  has  he  received  in  the  funeral  hour, 
when  he  could  feel  that  the  friends  joined  in  his  pe- 
titions, as  they  were  wont  to  day  by  day,  and  that 
he  laid  not  the  fire  of  his  devotion  on  a  cold  hearth  ! 
In  such  situations  he  could  say,  with  unmingled  sat- 
isfaction, "  Our  friend  is  not  dead,  but  sleepeth." 
He  is  withdrawn,  indeed,  from  our  sight,  but  you 
and  your  pastor  together  feel  that  he  is  but  raised 
to  a  wider  mansion  in  that  house  you  hope  soon  to 
reach. 

This  brings  me  to  speak  of  another  advantage  m 
the  act  recommended.  Where  the  head  of  a  family 
offers  up  their  daily  prayers,  religion  is  habitually  felt 
to  be  a  reality.  It  is  not  looked  upon  as  some  shad- 
owy thing,  an  unaccustomed  visitant,  that  is  to  enter 
their  house  only  in  sickness  and  affliction.  It  has  in 
their  minds,  as  it  were,  a  form  and  body  ;  it  is  an 
abiding  presence.  And  it  needs  only  to  be  thus 
seen  and  acknowledged,  to  exert  its  most  renovating 


DOMESTIC   WOESHIP.  211 

effects.  If  we  join  in  prayer,  our  sympathies  are 
strengthened  ;  we  acquire  a  deeper  interest  in  each 
other's  welfare  and  progress  ;  we  are  less  selfish, 
and  more  easily  led  by  every  other  religious  service 
to  a  holy  and  benevolent  life. 

Nor  does  the  good  work  terminate  here.  There 
grows  up  between  us  that  regard  which  exists  be- 
tween fellow-travellers  who  are  to  take  up  their  res- 
idence in  some  foreign  land.  We  advise  each  other 
on  the  provision  we  should  make  for  our  eternal 
home.  It  is  with  us  a  settled  and  solemn  convic- 
tion, that  we  are  strangers  and  pilgrims  here  ;  and 
therefore  we  look  for  our  chief  enjoyments  with 
each  other  to  that  city  whose  builder  and  maker 
is  God.  When  we  say,  "  We  hope  to  meet  in 
heaven,"  there  is  in  those  few  words  a  rich  signif- 
icance, a  spiritual  meaning,  which  the  world  hath 
not  known. 

But  is  it  not  affecting  to  witness  a  prayerless 
family  .''  The  husband  and  wife,  the  mother  and 
daughters,  hope  for  a  reunion  when  the  day  of  be- 
reavement is  upon  them.  Yet  in  what  are  they  to 
unite  ?  Have  they  any  common  attachment  to  in- 
visible things  ?  Has  any  bond  been  formed  between 
them  and  the  Father  ?  And  how  will  those  harps 
accord  in  heaven  which  were  not  attuned  on  earth  ? 
O,  then,  father,  husband,  head  of  that  household, 
stand  up  before  them  in  the  name  of  the  Lord  ! 
Pray  now,  upon  earth,  at  one  and  the  same  altar, 


212  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

with  these  beloved  inmates.  Then  will  you  go  with 
them  to  that  holy  company  where  you  will  renew 
the  song  which  the  grave  had  but  interrupted  for  a 
season. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

OBJECTIONS   TO   FAMILY   PKAYER. 

Sufficient,  I  believe,  has  now  been  said,  to 
convince  one  that  in  every  Christian  family  there 
should  be  a  daily  offering  of  prayer  and  praise. 
But,  after  admitting  the  beneficial  influences,  and 
even  the  duty,  of  this  service,  many,  it  is  feared, 
will  plead  some  peculiar  personal  circumstances 
which  they  think  justify  their  saying,  "  I  pray  thee 
have  me  excused." 

It  is  my  object  in  the  present  chapter  to  meet, 
and,  as  far  as  practicable,  to  obviate,  these  objec- 
tions. 

A  reason  with  not  a  few  for  omitting  this  service 
IS  found  in  their  impression,  that  it  belongs  only 
to  professors  of  religion  to  pray  in  their  families. 
While  they  remain  without  the  pale  of  the  Church,  it 
does  not  occur  to  them  that  they  have  any  share  in 
this  work.  They  acknowledge  that  they  owe  many 
duties  to  their  children,  —  that  they  ought  to  provide 
for  them,  furnish  them  the  means  of  religious  instruc- 
tion, educate  them  well,  and  walk  before  them  in  a 


214  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

good  and  praiseworthy  example.  But  to  perform  in 
their  presence  so  solemn  a  service  as  prayer  would 
be  their  duty  only  after  they  had  publicly  professed 
to  be  Christians. 

But  is  it  true  that  we  are  not  bound  to  perform 
any  religious  duty  until  we  declare  to  the  world  that 
we  intend  to  do  so  ?  May  not  the  same  reasoning 
apply  to  all  other  objections  of  this  kind  ?  Yet  no 
one  would  maintain  that  he  was  blameless  in  setting 
his  children  a  wicked  example,  because  he  had  never 
"  professed  "  to  give  them  a  good  one.  Family 
worship  is  rendered  unto  God.  It  depends  for  its 
obligation  upon  God.  He  who  is  placed  by  that 
being  at  the  head  of  a  circle  of  immortal  souls  is 
accountable  to  him  for  all  the  influence  he  exerts  on 
them.  And  whatever  he  has  promised  unto  man, 
whether  he  has  "owned  a  covenant"  or  not,  sub- 
scribed to  a  formal  creed  or  not,  and  commemorated 
the  dying  love  of  his  Saviour  or  neglected  that  rite, 
can  in  no  possible  way  affect  this  obligation. 

"  But,"  says  another,  "  my  life  would  not  cor- 
respond to  this  act.  People  would  say  they  could 
see  no  difference  between  my  conduct  and  that  of 
ray  neighbours,  although  there  were  prayers  in  my 
house."  Who  would  say  this  ?  The  men  who 
themselves  kept  this  commandment  of  the  Lord  .? 
Never  !  Besides,  ought  you  not  to  lead  so  exem- 
plary a  life  that  this  inconsistency  would  not  exist  ? 
Will  it  atone  for  an  imperfect  obedience  to  God,  to 


OBJECTIONS    TO    FAMILY    PRAYER.  215 

aver  that  we  do  not  pray  with  our  families  ?  Are 
we  excusable  on  this  account  in  any  moral  offence  ? 
Should  not  a  man  tremble  to  confess  that  he  is  lead- 
ing daily  a  life  so  enslaved  to  this  world,  so  opposed 
to  devotion,  that  the  worship  of  God  would  not 
comport  with  it  ?  Let  all  who,  in  the  secret  of 
their  souls  even,  have  harboured  this  apology,  look 
seriously  at  it,  and  ask  themselves  whether,  instead 
of  thus  shielding  their  neglect,  they  ought  not  to 
commence  the  good  work  at  once  ;  and  instead  of 
conforming  in  this  respect  to  their  lives,  whether 
they  ought  not  to  begin  a  family  service,  and  live  as 
they  pray.  Who  can  tell  but  this  very  habit  would 
lead  them  to  a  watchful  and  obedient  life,  and  thus 
prove  to  them^  of  all  men,  most  beneficial  ? 

But  perhaps  this  is  not  your  objection.  The 
great  obstacle  in  your  way  i§  the  mixed  character  of 
your  family.  You  can  think  of  one,  or  a  few,  per- 
haps, who  would  unite  with  you  cordially  in  this  ser- 
vice. But  there  are  others  to  whom  you  believe  it 
would  bring  an  unwelcome,  wearisome  hour.  This 
class,  I  beheve,  is  usually  small  ;  where  prayer  Is 
offered  with  simplicity  and  sincerity,  it  has  an  intrin- 
sic power  to  excite  an  interest.  If  it  be  a  dull  ex- 
ercise in  itself,  or  in  the  manner  of  its  performance, 
of  course  it  must  be  wearisome  to  the  listener.  But 
this  need  never  be  of  necessity. 

To  some  in  your  family  you  fear  —  and  this  fear 
is  a  very  prevalent  hindrance  to  domestic  worship  — 


216  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

it  would  be  an  occasion  for  a  smile  or  a  jeer.  But 
has  it  come  to  this  ?  Are  there  those  who  sit  daily 
at  your  board,  so  thoughtless  and  irreverent  that  they 
would  make  light  of  a  service  offered  in  their  pres- 
ence to  the  God  of  heaven  ?  How  long  shall  it 
be  so  ?  With  the  feelings  and  principles  suitable 
to  your  station,  —  placed,  as  you  are,  at  the  head 
of  a  family,  —  how  long  can  you  consent  to  leave 
these  persons  ready  to  n?ock  at  the  most  sacred 
things  ?  Have  you  no  duty  to  perform  to  them  ? 
Can  you  do  nothing  to  stay  that  spiritual  pestilence 
that  is  wasting  within  them  ?  Will  you  not  make 
the  attempt  ?  If  you  reahze  the  account  you  must 
render  on  high,  you  will,  both  by  prayer  and  by 
friendly  advice,  do  something  to  awaken  in  them  a 
better  spirit.  If  you  cannot  inspire  them  with  any 
personal  seriousness,  you  may  at  least  lead  them  to 
pay  a  decent  regard  to  religion  itself  and  to  religious 
exercises. 

"  But,"  says  some  one,  "  my  situation  is  peculiar. 
There  are  those  in  my  household  whose  opinions  on 
the  subject  of  religion  differ  from  my  own.  I  fear 
they  would  not  join  with  me  in  prayer."  What  are 
the  grounds  of  this  fear  ?  Have  they  actually  refused 
to  unite  with  you  ?  Do  they,  think  you,  not  pray 
in  secret  ?  Why  should  they  decline  to  do  so  at 
the  fireside  ?  Might  not  this  very  service  do  some- 
thing to  conciliate  their  Christian  affection  for  you  ? 
May  they  not  have  urged  your  neglect  of  family  wor- 


OBJECTIONS    TO    FAMILY   PRAYER.  217 

ship  as  a  proof  of  the  error  of  your  doctrine  ?  If 
you  beheve  in  the  value  and  efficacy  of  prayer,  are 
you  not  solemnly  called  upon  to  testify  this  belief,  — 
to  convince  these  individuals  that  you  serve  your 
God  as  truly  and  as  devoutly  as  any  Christian  upon 
earth,  and  that,  though  you  dislike  a  display  of  one's 
faith,  and  would  never  obtrude  your  own,  yet  you 
are  not  ashamed  of  the  Gospel  of  Christ  ?  We 
cannot  easily  estimate,  I  believe,  the  respect  it 
would  gain  for  our  views  of  religion,  the  advance- 
ment it  would  furnish  to  the  cause  of  Christianity,  — 
to  pass  over  its  benign  and  sanctifying  effects  on  our- 
selves, —  should  the  head  of  each  family  set  up  an 
altar  unto  the  common  Father  of  all  sects  and  all 
Christians. 

Are  we  told  by  others,  that  their  business  pre- 
vents an  attendance  to  this  duty,  —  that  they  cannot 
find  time  for  it  ?  This,  we  suspect,  is  an  apology 
that  prevails  among  very  many,  and  gives  them  sat- 
isfaction. They  regard  their  work  as  essential.  If 
a  man  "  who  provides  not  for  his  household  be 
worse  than  an  infidel,"  they  imagine  that  he  who 
does  provide  for  them  must  be  a  Christian,  —  that 
he  can  serve  his  Maker  in  no  more  acceptable  way 
than  by  earning  bread  for  his  children. 

But  I  would  ask  such  an  one.  Does  the  labor  of 
your  hands  accomplish  all  this  work  .■'  Is  the  glory 
of  sending  the  showers  on  your  lands,  of  causing  the 
sun   to   invigorate   your    plants,    of    supplying   you 


218  THE   CHRISTIAN   PAEENT. 

Strength  to  toil,  or  of  crowning  your  business  with 
success,  —  is  all  this  your  own  ?  Why,  then,  will 
you  not  confess  who  is  the  Giver  ?  And  when  you 
have  begun  here,  why  will  you  not  go  on,  and  re- 
hearse all  his  blessings  in  supporting  the  life  and  con- 
tinuing to  you  the  friendships  of  your  nearest  con- 
nections, in  the  forgiveness  of  your  common  and 
mutual  offences,  and  entreat  him  to  impart  to  you 
spiritual  gifts,  and  seek  an  obedient  and  submissive 
heart  at  his  hand  ? 

Do  you  still  say,  "  I  have  no  time  for  prayer  ;  it 
is  well  for  those  who  have  leisure  to  discharge  this 
duty  "  ?  No  time  for  prayer  !  Have  you  no  time 
for  pleasure  ?  Is  no  hour  in  the  day  wasted  in  idle 
conversation  ?  If  some  gainful  scheme  was  pro- 
posed, could  you  not  find  a  few  minutes,  morning 
and  evening,  to  attend  to  it  ?  Could  you  not,  if 
your  life,  or  even  your  honor  and  comfort  alone, 
were  concerned,  take  a  small  portion  of  time  from 
the  season  of  sleep  ?  O,  then,  be  as  liberal  unto 
God  as  you  are  to  yourself.  Offer  him,  at  least, 
this  small  return  for  his  loading  you  daily  with  ben- 
efits. And  when  you  plead  this  excuse,  ask,  Must 
I  find  no  time  for  sickness  and  for  death  ?  Should 
I  in  my  last  moments  lament  the  losses  I  have  suf- 
fered, in  respect  to  time,  from  prayer  ?  Should 
I  not  mourn  and  weep  at  this  poor  excuse,  — "  no 
time  for  prayer  "  }  Let  us  live  as  we  shall  wish  we 
had  lived  when  we  are  called  to  go  hence. 


OBJECTIONS    TO   FAMILY   PRAYER.  219 

But  when  all  these  »bstacles  are  about  to  be  over- 
come, a  greater  still  is  seen  often  to  arise.  It  is  the 
plea  of  inability  to  perform  the  service.  There  are 
numbers  of  pious  and  exemplary  Christians,  who, 
though  persuaded  of  the  efficacy  of  this  service, 
continue,  for  this  reason,  to  omit  it.  It  may  be, 
they  feel  their  education  to  be  deficient.  They 
have  children  more  learned  than  themselves,  before 
whom  they  feel  incompetent  to  address  their  Cre- 
ator. Should  they  make  the  attempt,  a  failure  in 
propriety  or  readiness  of  expression  might  ensue. 
Their  safety,  they  believe,  is  in  silence.  To  such 
we  would  say,  their  fears  are  doubtless  unfounded. 
Let  the  heart  be  warm  with  the  spirit  of  prayer,  and 
the  form  and  the  mere  words  are  seldom  found  want- 
ing. Out  of  the  abundance  of  the  heart  the  mouth 
speaketh.  If  a  man  have  aught  to  communicate, 
language  will  usually  come  at  his  bidding.  Let  him 
be  in  earnest,  let  the  subject  interest  and  take  deep 
hold  of  him,  and  how  rarely  does  he  labor  for  expres- 
sions. So  is  it  in  the  act  of  devotion.  The  feel- 
ing is  far.  more  closely  connected  with  the  utterance 
than  we  commonly  imagine. 

As  regards  fitness  of  language,  the  more  plain  and 
simple  this  is,  the  more  acceptable  to  God.  And 
when  the  hearer  perceives  you  to  be  hearty  and  sin- 
cere in  the  act,  you  disarm  him  of  a  critical  spirit. 
If  children  be  made  aware  of  the  objects  of  this  ser- 
vice, they  will  be  too  humble,  too  sensible  of  their 


220  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

faults  and  of  their  spiritual  w«nts,  to  indulge  at  that 
hour  the  unworthy  disposition  of  fault-finding.  If 
they  do  not  possess  the  right  views  of  prayer,  and 
the  feelings  suitable  for  its  performance,  we  should 
strive  to  enlighten  them,  and,  with  the  Divine  aid,  to 
impress  their  minds  and  hearts  with  a  sense  of  relig- 
ion. But  do  not,  in  any  event,  allow  their  criminal- 
ity to  remain,  and  yourself  to  be  forced  to  keep  si- 
lence before  God,  through  fear  of  their  criticisms. 

Should  there  be  those  so  painfully  conscious  of 
their  inabilities  as  to  shrink  from  the  duty  recom- 
mended, I  would  suggest  to  them  the  use  of  some 
form  of  prayer.  When  Jesus  was  on  earth,  he  pre- 
scribed for  his  disciples  a  form,  —  that  inimitable 
model  of  devotion  termed  the  Lord's  Prayer.  Why 
may  not  we,  if  circumstances  demand  it,  read  this  and 
similar  forms  in  presence  of  our  families  ?  The  sen- 
timents it  contains  might  surely  be  listened  to  and 
felt.  For  prayer  depends  for  its  acceptance,  not  on 
the  mode,  but  on  the  state  of  the  affections  in  which 
it  is  offered. 

In  all  ages  of  the  Church,  written  aids  to  devotion 
have  been  employed  ;  and  let  us  not  consider  them 
without  value.  Let  the  head  of  a  household  com- 
mence, if  he  choose,  with  a  form.  A  growth  in  ho- 
ly emotions,  and  the  facility  given  by  exercise,  will 
soon  lead  him  to  dispense  with  it.  Better,  indeed, 
read,  if  it  were  but  a  portion  of  Scripture,  morning 
and  evening,  in  presence  of  his  family,  than  neglect 


OBJECTIONS    TO    FAMILY   PRAYER.  221 

all  the  appearances  of  a  house  occupied  by  immortal 
beings. 

I  have  spoken  of  domestic  worship  as  an  unques- 
tionable duty.  It  may  be  objected,  that  it  is  no- 
where expressly  commanded  in  Scripture.  I  reply, 
that  we  have  abundant  examples  of  it,  if  there  be 
no  special  command  for  it,  in  the  Bible.  The 
worship  of  families  is  a  practice  as  old  as  our 
race.  Look  at  the  patriarchs  and  saints  of  old,  — 
Abraham,  David,  Joshua,  Job  ;  among  the  pious 
services  of  these  men,  this  was  never  forgotten.  A 
blessing  was  pronounced  on  parents  and  children 
who  joined  in  their  acts  of  faith  and  intercession. 
A  withering  denunciation  was  uttered  against  the 
famihes  that  "called  not  on  the  name  of  the  Lord." 
All  nations,  Jew  and  Gentile,  nay,  Mahometan  and 
Pagan,  have  scrupulously  discharged  this  duty.  Our 
honored  forefathers  —  every  household  —  were  men 
of  prayer.  Shall  we  put  an  end  to  this  blessed  cus- 
tom ?  Shall  the  torch  of  fireside  devotion  expire  in 
our  hands  .''  Are  we  willing  to  have  our  dwellings 
stand,  like  the  houses  of  the  Egyptians,  with  no 
mark  of  the  Lord's  impression  upon  them  .'' 

Christianity,  it  cannot  be  too  often  repeated,  is  a 
social  religion.  It  calls  us,  not  only  to  promote  our 
own  virtue  and  happiness,  but  also  that  of  others. 
And  if  it  be  true  of  charity,  it  is  equally  so  of  piety, 
that  it  begins  at  home.  Each  member  of  a  family 
owes  something,  in  this  Hght,  to  all  who  compose  it. 


222  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

And  the  father,  holding  the  station  of  most  influ- 
ence, is  under  the  highest  obligations.  Can  he,  then, 
say,  when  a  question  comes  up  involving  the  pres- 
ent and  the  eternal  well-being  of  his  household,  "  I 
may  please  myself.  I  may  discharge  or  neglect  this 
.  duty  "  ?  Shall  he  take  shelter  in  the  thought  that  he 
is  not  a  professor  of  religion  ?  Shall  he  stop  to  in- 
quire whether  this  or  that  individual  believes  as  he 
does,  or  would  approve  of  the  step  ?  Can  he  find 
it  in  his  heart  to  say,  "I  do  not  hve  like  a  Christian, 
and  therefore  I  am  excused  from  prayer  "  ?  Or, 
when  the  moral  and  spiritual  good  of  his  children 
and  other  inmates  are  at  stake,  when  their  im- 
provement or  degradation  are  concerned  in  the  issue, 
will  that  man  —  dare  he  —  begin  to  say,  "I  have 
no  time  for  this  duty  ;  my  business  presses  ;  it  is  not 
convenient  "  .''  No  ;  as  he  reflects  on  the  case,  he 
will  rather  take  this  ground  :  —  "  Jesus,  my  master, 
commands  me,  on  the  pain  of  exclusion  from  the 
favor  of  God,  to  confess  him  before  men.  I  will 
not,  then,  permit  the  fear  of  man,  a  treacherous 
pride,  or  a  Peter-like  shame,  to  seal  my  lips  and  pre- 
vent my  pethions  with  and  for  my  household.  I  will 
endeavour,  as  in  other  respects,  so  in  this,  to  show 
myself  his  consistent  disciple." 

Let  us  this  day  set  the  mark  before  ourselves,  that, 
if  not  now,  yet  some  time,  and  that  soon,  our  voices 
shall  be  heard  lifted  unto  our  God  and  Father  in  behalf 
of  our  bosom  companion  and  our  beloved  children. 


OBJECTIONS    TO    FAMILY   PRAYER.  223 

Let  not  the  time  be  distant  when  the  word  of  God, 
and  some  mode  of  prayer,  shall  find  utterance  from 
our  mouths,  —  when,  let  the  trial  be  severe  as  it 
may,  we  will  take  up  the  cross  and  follow  our 
Lord. 


CHAPTER    XVIII. 

THE   BIBLE. SINGING. 

Although  something  was  said  in  a  previous 
chapter  on  the  use  of  the  Bible  in  a  system  of  rehg- 
ious  education,  yet  the  topic  is  too  important  to  be 
dismissed  without  further  remarks.  This  volume 
lies  at  the  foundation  of  all  sound  culture,  whether 
mental  or  moral.  The  student  should  make  it  his 
daily  companion  ;  men  in  every  profession  and  ev- 
ery occupation  should  be  familiar  with  its  pages,  and 
possessed  of  its  truths  and  its  spirit.  There  is  a 
growing  disposition,  it  is  feared,  to  neglect  the  pe- 
rusal of  the  Scriptures.  In  some  instances  the  vol- 
ume is  not  owned  by  the  individual,  and  in  others 
—  who  can  tell  how  many  —  conscience  is  satis- 
fied with  the  mere  possession  of  it.  It  lies  year 
after  year  on  the  table,  emphatically  a  "  neglected 
Bible." 

But  no  faithful  parent  will  yield  to  this  custom. 
"We  are  admonished  by  it  rather  to  make  special  ef- 
forts to  restore  the  Bible  to  that  elevated  place, 
where,  in  all  ages,  it  belongs.     A  child  should  be 


THE    BIBLE.  225 

taught,  from  his  earUest  years,  that  this  is  "  the 
Book,"  as  its  name  imports,  —  the  best  of  all  books. 
It  should  be  always  at  hand,  treated  with  reverence, 
appealed  to  in  conversation,  and  made  the  standard 
in  the  family  for  all  opinions,  principles,  feelings,  and 
actions.  The  experiment  has  never  been  tried  of 
training  a  generation  lost  to  all  due  respect  for  the 
Scriptures.  Let  not  the  parents  now  on  the  stage 
incur  the  tremendous  risk  of  trying  that  experiment. 

It  is  well  to  estabhsh  the  practice  of  each  person 
reading  a  verse  or  two  of  the  Bible  in  turn  at  the 
time  of  family  worship.  Our  business  habits,  the 
arrangements  of  school  hours,  and  our  other  pur- 
suits, often  interfere  sadly  with  this  desirable  custom. 
But  if  it  be  neglected  some  days,  or  even  every  day 
in  the  week,  on  the  Sabbath  it  should  be  sacredly 
regarded.  I  know  of  no  more  interesting  spectacle 
than  that  of  a  family  group  gathered  round  the  table 
on  the  evening  of  that  day  to  read  aloud  some  por- 
tion of  Scripture.  The  father  and  mother,  the  old- 
est and  the  youngest  of  the  brothers  and  sisters, 
there  they  sit,  side  by  side,  engaged  in  a  service  that 
places  an  "  incorruptible  crown  "  on  all  the  previous 
exercises  of  the  day.  They  recognize  their  com- 
mon dependence  on  that  Being,  the  record  of  whose 
word  they  are  now  perusing.  Link  by  link  they  are 
passing  round  one  another  that  golden  chain  which  is 
to  bind  them  together  in  toil,  trials,  troubles,  blessings, 
and  joys  on  earth,  and  in  the  immortal  hope  of  find- 
15 


226  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

ing  their  names  written  together  at  last  "  in  the 
Lamb's  book  of  life." 

In  the  education  of  his  children,  the  parent  will 
find  an  ever-ready  aid  in  the  Bible.  It  will  furnish 
him  with  all  the  variety  of  characters  and  scenes,  of 
instructions  and  commands,  of  invitations,  promises, 
encouragements,  and  sanctions,  which  he  needs. 
There,  too,  he  will  find  plans  and  methods  of  relig- 
ious culture  of  the  highest  practical  value.  "  The 
letter  "  is  there,  important  to  be  lodged  in  the  child's 
mind,  and  without  which  he  cannot  gain  "  the  spirit " 
which  "  giveth  life." 

It  is  important  that  we  consider  well  the  nature  of 
a  child's  mind,  if  we  would  interest  and  instruct  him 
aright  in  the  Bible.  As  far  as  it  is  reasonable,  we 
should  allow  our  children  to  select  for  themselves 
the  portions  of  Scripture  they  are  to  read  ;  for  it  al- 
ways gives  a  relish  to  our  pursuits  to  have  them  vol- 
untary. We  may  find  them  choosing  generally  the 
narratives  alone.  But  these  narratives,  such  as  the 
stories  of  Joseph,  of  Samuel,  of  Daniel,  and  others, 
are,  for  the  most  part,  of  a  moral  and  religious  char- 
acter. And  were  they  not  so,  it  is  a  great  point 
to  interest  a  child,  in  some  way,  in  the  reading  of  the 
Bible.  For  then  you  may  hope  that  in  after  life  he 
will  pass  from  its  stories  to  its  abstract  doctrines  and 
precepts. 

The  writer  recollects  with  pain  an  opposite  course 
pursued  with  himself  in  childhood.     He  was  hired 


THE    BIBLE.  227 

to  read  the  Bible  through  in  course.  This  reduced 
it  all  literally  to  a  dead  level  in  his  estimation,  — 
the  whole  being  regarded  as  a  task-book.  He  was 
also  required  to  read  the  obscure  parts  at  the  fire- 
side ;  and,  as  if  this  would  not  effect  the  end  so  un- 
fortunately set  before  him,  he  was  compelled  to  read 
the  Bible  in  course  at  school  ;  and  at  the  end  of  the 
term  came  a  public  exhibition  in  the  meeting-house, 
where  the  scholars  were  to  recite,  for  prizes  of 
Dooks,  as  many  chapters  as  possible  from  memory. 
Bitter  are  his  reminiscences  of  repeating  page  after 
page  of  Paul's  Epistles  to  the  Romans  and  Ephe- 
sians,  in  which  the  words  "  election,"  "  foreknowl- 
edge," "  predestination,"  and  their  kindred  expres- 
sions, rose  cloud  upon  cloud  over  his  view  of  the 
sacred  volume,  and  made  it  his  aversion,  instead  of 
being,  as  it  should  have  been  made,  his  delight. 

There  are  many  methods  by  which  the  Scriptures 
may  be  clothed  with  interest  to  a  child.  We  may 
procure  for  him  well-executed  prints  of  their  scenes 
and  characters  ;  and  we  may  give  him  a  good  map  of 
Palestine,  and  assist  him  to  draw  one  for  himself. 
It  is  desirable  to  place  in  his  hands  biographies, 
tales,  and  sketches,  written  in  a  close  connection  with 
Scripture  characters  and  events.  And  even  the 
smallest  child  may  acquire  a  pleasant,  as  well  as  a 
true,  idea  of  many  passages  in  the  Bible  through  his 
toys.  I  have  seen  a  litde  toy  called  Noah's  ark. 
Suppose,  now,  after  the  story  of  Noah,  you  ask  your 


228  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

child  to  take  a  little  ark  of  this  kind,  place  the  an- 
imals in  order,  with  the  patriarch  and  his  family  at 
their  head.  You  may  launch  the  ark  in  water,  and 
you  will  find  a  multitude  of  questions  put  to  you,  in 
answering  which  you  can  convey  much  valuable  in- 
struction. 

By  every  method  in  our  power  let  us  create  an  in- 
terest early  in  the  Bible,  and  keep  it  alive  at  every 
succeeding  stage,  until  our  children  are  of  an  age  to 
read  and  understand  and  apply  to  practice  the  sacred 
volume  for  themselves.  Let  the  Sermon  on  the 
Mount,  and  other  similar  portions  of  it,  be  treasured 
in  the  memory  ;  they  will  be  a  support  amid  tempta- 
tion, and  a  solace  in  trou&le,  to  the  latest  hour  of 
their  lives.  Explain  to  them  especially  the  New 
Testament.  Offer  them  up  in  baptism  ;  give  the 
lambs  unto  Jesus,  and  unfold  afterward  to  them  the 
significance  of  this  beautiful  rite.  Lead  them  to 
dedicate  themselves,  in  their  youth,  to  Father,  Son, 
and  Spirit.  With  characters  so  established,  they 
will  be  disposed  early  to  avow  themselves  disciples 
of  Jesus,  and  come  voluntarily  and  joyously  to  the 
table  of  his  love. 

In  connection  with  the  reading  of  the  Bible,  I 
would  recommend  the  introduction  of  vocal  music. 
Let  a  hymn  be  sung  as  a  part  of  the  family  worship, 
and  let  the  smaller  children  join  in  this  act.  It  is 
now  believed  that  nearly  every  child  has  the  capacity 
for  singing.     For  many  reasons,  this  gift  should  be 


SINGING.  229 

early  exercised,  and  never  afterward  neglected.  Sa- 
cred music  promotes  devotional  feeling  hardly  less 
than  direct  acts  of  prayer.  And  if  the  listener  is 
thus  benefited,  how  much  more  must  the  performer 
be  himself,  when  he  sings  with  the  spirit  as  well  as 
the  understanding  ! 

Music  is  a  means  of  individual  happiness  ;  it  has 
been  well  called  "  the  universal  language  of  the  feel- 
ings." We  often  find  ourselves  in  joyous  moments 
expressing  our  feelings  in  its  tones.  How  many 
weary  hours  may  it  beguile,  how  many  pangs  may  it 
soothe  !  I  recently  heard  of  an  eminent  Christian, 
who,  amid  the  tedious  hours  of  her  last  sickness, 
would  often  ask  her  companion,  at  midnight,  when 
she  found  him  awake,  to  join  with  her  in  singing 
some  favorite  stanza.  So  is  it  that,  in  health  and 
joy,  amid  pain  and  trouble,  under  all  the  vicissi- 
tudes of  this  eventful  life,  we  have  occasion  to  give 
thanks  for  music.  The  intelligent  parent,  who  truly 
loves  his  child,  will  therefore  do  all  he  can  to  pro- 
vide for  him  this  inappreciable  blessing. 

Vocal  music  is  of  great  value  in  the  culture  of  the 
intellect.  How  many  precious  truths  are  impressed 
on  a  child's  mind,  by  being  conveyed  to  it  through 
the  aid  of  songs  !  These  lessons  are  prized,  from 
being  often  associated  with  pleasant  scenes,  dear 
friends,  and  happy  hours.  They  are  fixed  in  the 
memory  as  no  mere  language  in  prose  could  have 
fastened  them.     Secular  as  well  as  sacred  instructions 


230  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

are  not  seldom  best  imparted  by  the  help  of  vocal 
music.  "  Let  me  make  the  ballads  of  a  people," 
said  some  one,  "  and  I  care  not  who  makes  their 
laws."  The  history  of  many  barbarous  nations  has 
been  transmitted  on  the  wings  of  poetry  and  music 
combined  ;  and  in  not  a  few  civilized  countries, 
songs  have  been  employed  to  disseminate  ideas  and 
awaken  feelings  among  those  to  whom  books  were 
little  known.  Let  the  parent,  who  would  imprint 
knowledge  of  any  kind  deeply  on  his  child's  mind, 
seek  to  find  for  it,  as  often  as  possible,  some  embod- 
iment in  verse  and  voice. 

It  is  matter  for  rejoicing,  that,  as  in  foreign  lands, 
so  in  our  own,  songs  are  being  introduced  into  our 
schools,  which  in  some  instances  impart  useful  knowl- 
edge, as  well  as  awaken  pure  feelings.  Much  more 
might  be  done  than  now  is  to  make  this  a  delightful 
vehicle  of  wisdom  and  truth  among  our  children.  It 
is  lamentable  that  we  have  so  few  songs  in  this  land 
worthy  of  an  intelligent  and  virtuous  community. 
Instead  of  filling  the  young  mind  with  "  Negro  Mel- 
odies," why  can  we  not  have  popular  airs  accom- 
panied by  words  worthy  of  this  noble  art  .''  Have 
we  no  parents  or  teachers  skilled  in  music,  who  can 
furnish  songs  for  our  children  in  which  the  sentiment 
shall  be  elevated,  as  well  as  the  melody  grateful  to 
the  ear  .'' 

Meantime,  let  us  preoccupy  the  youthful  mind  with 
good  songs  and  hymns,  chants  and  anthems,  so  that, 


SINGING.  231 

from  a  refined  taste,  they  will  reject  what  is  low  and 
frivolous.  I  do  not  object  to  humorous  words  as 
an  occasional  recreation  in  connection  with  music  ; 
let  us  still  have  those  amusing  airs.  But  let  them 
not  be  the  staple  of  our  popular  music.  Our  chil- 
dren should  not  be  imbued,  as  they  now  too  often 
are,  with  insipid  songs,  and  language  which  is  some- 
times worse  than  foolish,  doing  poshive  harm  to  the 
mind  and  morals. 

Vocal  music  is  a  great  aid  to  parental  discipline. 
It  softens  the  spirit,  and  renders  it  plastic  and  obe- 
dient ;  it  quells  those  passions  which  sometimes  ren- 
der family  government  so  difficult  ;  it  allays  peevish- 
ness and  fretfulness,  and  every  jarring  disposition. 
The  parent  finds  himself  at  times  excited  and  dis- 
turbed by  his  business,  or  by  collision  with  others, 
and  he  can  in  no  way  so  well  calm  his  spirit,  and  in- 
spire a  mild  authority  in  his  own  breast,  as  by  asking 
that  some  gentle  air,  or  a  stanza  of  some  hymn,  be 
sung.  When  the  voices  are  once  attuned,  the  in- 
ward discord  w^ill  ere  long  cease  ;  and  the  hearts  of 
all,  parents  and  children,  will  be  soon  melted  into 
harmony. 

One  of  the  most  serious  difficulties  in  domestic 
government  arises  from  the  disputes  among  children. 
The  little  world  is  sometimes  set  on  fire  by  contend- 
ing tongues.  Words  are  perhaps  insufficient  to  al- 
lay the  excitement.  But  let  there  be  music  ;  call  the 
contending  spirits  to  pause  and  join  in  a  song,  and 


232  THE    CHKISTIAN    PARENT. 

you  need  not  fear  a  renewal  of  their  altercations. 
Those  few  tones  will  do  more  than  your  frown,  your 
command,  or  even  the  rod,  can  ever  do  to  restore 
and  preserve  a  spirit-harmony  corresponding  to  the 
harmony  of  their  voices. 

Let  your  children  be  accustomed  to  sing  together, 
and  it  will  diminish  the  desire,  so  common  in  early 
life,  for  a  perpetual  round  of  amusements  beyond  the 
fireside.  The  reunion  of  the  family  at  nightfall  sug- 
gests the  pleasant  recreation  of  domestic  singing. 
Where  the  eldest  daughter  or  son  is  skilled  in  music, 
many  a  happy  hour  may  be  passed  in  their  training 
the  younger  to  the  same  high  accomplishment.  So 
occupied,  they  will  not  thirst  for  scenes  and  circles 
which  tend  to  mental  dissipation.  Still  less  will 
those  educated  to  this  pure  taste  desire  to  roam 
abroad  and  partake  in  amusements  whose  associa- 
tions and  influences  tend  to  debasement  and  vice. 

For  its  moral  advantages,  no  less  than  as  an  inno- 
cent recreation,  the  parent  should  encourage  in  his 
family  the  culture  both  of  vocal  and  instrumental  mu- 
sic. The  desire  of  improvement  in  this  art  affords 
occupation  for  hours  that  would  otherwise  hang  heav- 
ily on  the  hands.  Children  are  incited  by  it  to  ben- 
efit each  other  ;  and  a  love  thus  grows  up  between 
sisters  who  have  sat  side  by  side  at  the  piano-forte, 
which  no  change  of  times  and  no  length  of  years  will 
impair. 

If  your  daughter  prove  a  proficient  in  music,  she 


SINGING.  233 

has  a  noble  opportunity  of  contributing  to  the  hap- 
piness of  others.  Let  her  be  trained  to  perform 
cheerfully  whenever  a  call  is  made  upon  her.  It 
may  inspire  her  with  that  confidence  in  her  own 
powers  so  needful  to  success  in  hfe.  When  the  re- 
quest is  made,  it  is  better  for  her  disposition  that  she 
comply  with  it  readily  than  determinately  refuse  ;  and 
I  believe  that  even  an  inferior  performance  is  less  dis- 
tasteful to  a  party  of  friends  than  an  obstinate  reluc- 
tance to  contribute  to  their  entertainment.  Every 
gift  we  possess,  even  though  it  be  but  "  the  one 
talent,"  comes  from  our  Heavenly  Father,  and 
should  be  used  wherever  it  will  promote  the  inno- 
cent gratification  of  a  fellow-spirit. 

And  not  only  in  the  family  and  the  social  circle, 
but  in  still  wider  spheres,  our  children  may  contrib- 
ute to  the  entertainment  and  the  improvement  of 
others  by  the  culture  and  exercise  of  their  powers 
for  music.  They  can  assist  in  the  singing  of  their 
Sunday  school.  It  is  to  be  regretted  that  so  many 
of  our  scholars,  not  a  few  of  whom  join  in  the  songs 
of  their  week-day  school,  and  hence  show  their  ca- 
pacity to  do  it  here,  decline  singing  in  the  Sunday 
school.  This  practice  may  be  traced  in  part  to  the 
fact,  that  parents  are  remiss  in  their  duty.  Did  they 
enjoin  this  exercise  on  their  children,  and  prepare 
them  for  it  by  encouraging  music  at  home,  we 
should  not  miss  so  many  voices  in  the  sacred  songs 
of  the  Sabbath  school. 


234  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

The  practice,  also,  of  congregational  singing,  is 
now  gaining  favor.  It  needs  only  a  fit  training  of 
our  children  to  enable  the  whole  people  to  join  in 
this  part  of  the  services.  Could  it  be  done  well, 
.who  would  not  rejoice  to  see  it  everywhere  intro- 
duced .''  And  what  is  required  for  its  perfection 
but  the  universal  culture  of  sacred  music  at  our  fire- 
sides .'' 

Let  this  be  done,  and  we  shall  at  least  supersede 
in  most  of  our  churches  the  necessity  of  hiring  oth- 
ers to  sing  for  us.  It  is  difficult  to  secure  the  true 
effect  of  church  music,  that  is,  a  devotional  spirit, 
where  the  performers  come  to  the  service  merely  be- 
cause they  are  paid  for  it.  There  may  be  irrev- 
erence among  a  voluntary  choir,  but  no  one  will  con- 
tend that  this  is  so  hkely  to  be  witnessed  in  their 
case  as  in  that  of  a  choir  who  feel  no  interest  in  the 
music  except  as  an  art  and  as  a  means  of  pecuniary 
gain.  If,  then,  we  would  have  our  church  singing 
sacred,  and  not  profane  music,  why  do  we  not  train 
up  performers  taken  from  the  bosom  of  the  congre- 
gation .-*  The  parent  can  render  no  more  generous 
service  to  the  religious  society  with  whom  he  wor- 
ships, than  to  prepare  his  own  children  to  contribute 
personally  to  the  songs  of  the  sanctuary. 

I  may  add,  that  the  practice  of  singing  is  now  re- 
garded as  most  friendly  to  health.  The  use  of  the 
voice  is  proved  to  be  a  valuable  physical  exercise. 
It  invigorates  the  lungs,  expands  the  chest,  promotes 


SINGING.  235 

the  circulation  of  the  blood,  and  is  favorable  to  di- 
gestion. Let  our  daughters  engage  frequently  in 
singing,  and  we  shall  do  much  to  remove  that  grow- 
ing paleness  of  the  cheek  and  contraction  of  the 
chest  which  augur  so  sadly  in  these  days  for  the 
physical  energies  of  the  coming  generation.  In- 
deed, health,  happiness,  virtue,  and  piety  unite  in 
calling  parents,  guardians,  and  teachers  to  give  re- 
newed attention  to  the  culture  of  music,  both  as  a 
science  and  an  art. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 


EEASONABLE    EXPECTATIONS. 


It  may  appear  singular,  perhaps  paradoxical,  to 
say,  that  by  expecting  little  we  can  gain  much,  in  any 
work  whatever  to  which  we  may  apply  our  hands. 
Still,  is  it  not  often  true  ?  Do  we  not  see  cases 
every  day  in  which  men  are  mortified,  humbled,  and 
enfeebled  by  the  disappointment  of  their  extravagant 
expectations  ?  An  individual  forms  a  false  concep- 
tion of  his  own  abilities,  and  seeks  and  expects  to 
reach  a  position  for  which  he  is  not  qualified,  and  in 
this  attempt  loses  a  situation  for  ever  to  which  his 
powers  were  adapted.  We  see  a  thousand  illustra- 
tions of  this  melancholy  character. 

Not  a  few  parents  fail  in  the  education  of  their 
children,  from  expecting  too  much  of  them.  Did 
they  estimate  their  capacities  aright,  and  regard  them 
according  to  their  age,  that  is,  as  boys  and  girls,  and 
not  as  men  and  women,  they  would  be  saved  from 
a  multitude  of  errors  in  their  method  of  training 
them. 

The  mother  imagines  her  child  is  a  prodigy  ;  her 


REASONABLE    EXPECTATIONS.  237 

son  can  recite  poetry  to  perfection  ;  her  daughter 
can  read  or  sing  belter  than  any  other  girl  of  her 
acquaintance.  Hence,  on  every  occasion,  she  puts 
these  children  forward.  They  do  not  excite  the  ad- 
miration she  anticipated,  and  so  she  is  made  mis- 
erable. Or  if  they  do,  then  they  are  spoiled  by 
flattery.  The  raptures  which  their  exhibition  calls 
forth  deceive  the  mother,  and  render  her  ridiculous  ; 
and  they  stimulate,  at  the  same  time,  the  children's 
vanity,  and  thus  do  them  unspeakable  harm. 

Here  is  a  mother  who  expects  of  her  boys  the  so- 
briety of  manhood.  She  complains  that  they  will 
not  keep  quiet  themselves,  nor  allow  other  people  to 
be  so.  She  is  perpetually  calling  to  them  to  sit  still, 
and  looks  that  they  shall  fold  their  arms  and  do  abso- 
lutely nothing.  But  how  unreasonable  is  this  !  God 
has  filled  them  with  life  ;  they  have  a  bounding  pulse 
and  a  buoyant  spirit,  and  why  should  they  be  thus 
despotically  repressed  ?  Without  this  restless  and 
energetic  disposition,  there  would  be  little  hope  of 
their  accomplishing  much  in  life.  If  we  look  into 
the  future,  we  shall  see  that  the  darkest  of  all  pros- 
pects lies  before  that  boy  who  is  quiet  enough  to  sit 
in  a  chair  hour  after  hour,  doing  nothing  but  keep 
still.  Any  thing  is  better  than  this  perfect  quietism  ; 
better  have  your  ears  stunned,  and  your  furniture  all 
marred,  than  the  opposite  extreme  of  a  mere  passive 
immobility. 

Without  the  restlessness  of  childhood,  we  should 


238  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

never  have  the  force  and  enterprise  needed  or  the 
successful  man.  It  is  this  very  quality  which  gives 
us,  in  after  life,  the  active  merchant,  the  skilful 
mechanic,  and  the  progressive  agriculturist.  With- 
out it,  the  world  had  never  been  blest  by  its 
long  line  of  illustrious  men,  artists,  philosophers, 
statesmen,  discoverers,  and  inventors.  To  it  we 
owe  the  achievements  of  science,  the  power  of 
the  pulpit,  the  administration  of  justice,  the  prac- 
tice and  progress  of  the  healing  art,  and  the  ad- 
vancement of  education.  Repress  it  in  the  boy, 
make  him  satisfied  with  sitting  perfectly  still,  and  in 
that  way  being  good,  and  you  may  be  sure  he  will  be 
left  behind  by  his  companions  in  every  career  of  in- 
terest, usefulness,  and  honor. 

"  But  would  you  give  up  our  houses  to  misrule 
and  disorder  .''  Are  we  to  have  nothing  in  them 
but  noise  and  violence,  lest  we  repress  the  energies 
of  our  children  ?  "  No,  this  need  not  be  ;  I  would 
find  employment  for  these  energies.  The  boy  stud- 
ies at  school  ;  he  should  have  exercise  at  home. 
Do  not,  then,  confine  him  in  a  chair,  and  compel 
him  to  be  idle,  nor  yet  to  read  and  study  alone. 
There  are  continual  calls  for  domestic  occupation,  in 
running  of  errands,  in  waiting  upon  parents,  and  in 
brothers  and  sisters  assisting  each  other.  Why 
should  not  your  son  be  trained  to  do  all  he  can  for 
his  sisters  or  his  younger  brothers  ?  How  many 
little  things  are  constantly  calling  for  efibrt  and  self- 


REASONABLE    EXPECTATIONS.  239 

sacrifice  in  a  family  !  Parents  should  study  to  find 
something  to  occupy  every  child  in  their  circle. 
Let  there  be  a  resolution  to  do  this,  and  the  ways 
and  means  will  readily  present  themselves.  I  do 
not  deny  that  it  may,  in  some  cases,  be  a  salutary 
punishment,  or  a  good  discipline,  for  a  child  to  sit 
still.  But,  as  a  general  habit,  we  should  not  expect 
to  keep  children  quiet  by  our  naked  command.  We 
can  only  do  it  by  providing  substitutes  for  their  noisy 
pursuits. 

We  err,  also,  in  expecting  of  children  the  gravity 
'of  men  and  women.  They  are  eager  for  play,  and 
full  of  vivacity  ;  we  wonder,  perhaps,  why  they  are 
never  satisfied  with  their  sports.  "What  pleasure," 
we  ask,  "  can  they  find  in  this  constant  round  of  tri- 
fling pursuits  ?  Why  do  they  not  love  study  and 
love  work  better  than  these  foolish  amusements  .'' " 
But  were  we  not  children  once  ourselves  ?  And 
did  we  then  love  work  better  than  play  ?  Was  it 
easy  for  us  to  be  sober  and  staid,  and  never  say  a 
childish  thing,  and  never  do  an  unwise  one  ?  We 
forget  the  past,  by  demanding  so  much  of  our  chil- 
dren ;  and  we  show  little  knowledge  of  human  na- 
ture. They  are  such  as  the  Creator  made  them,  — 
not  to  be  old  at  once,  nor  middle-aged,  sedate,  and 
wise  now.  They  are  for  the  present  to  be  chil- 
dren, elastic  in  their  spirits,  lovers  of  sport,  their 
tastes  far  different  from  ours,  yet  none  the  less  fitting 
to  their  age  than  ours  are  to  manhood,  — 


240  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

"  By  Nature's  kindly  law, 
Pleased  with  a  rattle,  tickled  with  a  straw." 

Let  us  not  boast  ourselves  of  superiority  to  them  ; 
for  to  higher  orders  of  being  it  doubtless  appears  that 

"  Some  livelier  plaything  gives  our  youth  delight, 
A  little  louder,  but  as  empty  quite." 

And  at  last  it  is  seen  that 

"  Scarfs,  garters,  gold,  amuse  our  riper  age." 

The  parent  sometimes  perceives  in  his  child  a 
love  of  power,  a  fondness  for  authority,  a  disposition 
to  be  master  in  everything.  He  would  fain,  it  may 
be,  extinguish  this  disposition  ;  or  he  expects  that 
by  a  few  words  he  can  lead  him  to  exercise  it  only 
over  the  right  persons  and  on  the  proper  occasions. 
But  are  these  reasonable  expectations  .-*  The  love 
of  power  may  terminate,  it  is  true,  in  a  domineering 
and  tyrannical  temper.  But  this  is  not  necessary,  and 
we  should  not,  therefore,  desire  to  destroy  it  in  a 
child.  It  is  better  than  a  spirit  which  is  facile  to  a 
fault ;  for  it  is  seldom  that  those  very  easily  persuad- 
ed are  persuaded  to  much  good.  We  need,  in  this 
world  of  error  and  sin,  an  intellectual  and  moral 
firmness,  the  seeds  of  which  should  be  implanted  in 
childhood.  If,  then,  a  daughter  has  the  love  of 
power,  do  not  try  to  destroy  it,  but  so  direct  it  that 
she  shall  aid,  instead  of  lording  it  over,  her  younger 
sisters.  Your  boy,  perhaps,  is  fond  of  power  ;  en- 
courage him  to  exercise  it  aright.     Let  him  take  the 


REASONABLE  i;XPECTATIONS.         241 

part  of  the  weak,  and  lead  his  companions,  but  al- 
ways in  the  right  direction.  Show  him  how  noble  it 
is  to  protect  a  sister,  to  part  boys  who  would  quar- 
rel, to  exercise  justice  and  benevolence  in  connec- 
tion with  authority.  You  may  hope  then  that  what 
seems  to  you  a  dangerous  quality  will  prove  of  the 
utmost  advantage.  It  will  inspire  him  to  protect  the 
weak  everywhere,  and  at  all  periods  of  his  life, 
against  the  oppression  of  the  strong. 

Some  parents  expect  their  children  to  appear  well 
in  company,  while  they  allow  them  to  conduct  them- 
selves as  they  please  when  alone  with  them.  But  is 
this  rational  .-'  "We  know  that  the  very  best  children 
are  excited  by  company,  and  often  do  and  say  things 
before  strangers  which  mortify  their  parents.  What, 
then,  should  be  expected  of  those  ordinarily  subject 
to  no  family  discipline  .''  Suppose  your  little  girl  is 
permitted  to  cry  for  candy  or  cake,  and  never  de- 
nied them,  —  to  throw  the  chairs  about  the  room,  or 
to  soil  your  dress,  as  she  pleases  :  will  she  never 
tease  for  her  indulgences  in  company,  or  romp  about 
the  room  and  do  mischief  before  others  ?  The  pres- 
ence of  a  stranger  may  restrain  some  children,  who 
are  usually,  unrestrained  ;  but  such  cases  are  rare. 
To  look  for  quiet  manners  and  a  respectful  deport- 
ment under  such  circumstances  is  to  expect  wheat 
where  we  have  sown  tares. 

There  is  no  more  bitter  cup  to  a  parent  than  in- 
gratitude. 

16 


242  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

"  How  sharper  than  a  serpent's  tooth  it  is 
To  have  a  thankless  child  !  " 

But  few  pursue  the  best  course  to  awaken  and  secure 
gratitude.  The  mother  thinks  to  make  her  daughter 
grateful  by  unhmited  indulgence,  by  allowing  her  to 
be  idle,  and  doing  everything  for  her.  To  her  sur- 
prise, she  finds  her  daughter  more  and  more  ungrate- 
ful. And  why  should  she  not  be  ?  Indulgence  does 
not  render  the  child  happy ;  it  makes  her  peevish  and 
miserable  ;  and  why  should  she  thank  her  mother  for 
these  fruits  of  her  training  ? 

Still  further,  we  see,  the  world  over,  that  gratitude 
is  not  rendered  in  proportion  to  the  favors  bestowed, 
but  according  to  the  benefits  we  are  conscious  of  re- 
ceiving. If  your  child,  then,  does  not  value  what 
you  do  for  him,  he  will  never  be  grateful  for  it.  But 
unless  you  teach  him  from  the  cradle  to  express  his 
thanks,  he  will  not  feel  disposed  to  do  it.  If  you  al- 
ways wait  upon  your  son,  he  will  not  know  the  labor 
of  doing  it,  and  how  can  he  be  grateful  for  your  ser- 
vice ?  What  is  common  we  do  not  appreciate  ; 
what  is  rare  impresses  us.  Educate  a  child  to  wait 
upon  himself,  ordinarily,  and  then  whenever  you  as- 
sist him  he  will  prize  your  assistance,  and  thank  you 
for  it. 

There  are  self-denying  mothers  who  never  call  the 
attention  of  their  children  to  what  they  do  for  them. 
They  imagine  it  would  be  selfish  to  speak  of  their 
own  efforts.     But  who  will  remind  these  children  of 


REASONABLE    EXPECTATIONS.  243 

their  filial  obligations,  if  their  parents  do  not  ?  It 
seems  to  me  a  false  view  of  duty  to  pursue  this 
course.  For  the  good  of  the  child,  and  not  for  your 
own  sake,  not  as  an  act  of  self-praise,  you  are  bound 
to  set  distinctly  before  him  his  obligations  to  his  par- 
ents. Point  your  children  to  the  suffering  orphan  ; 
let  the  father  describe  the  privations  and  toils  of  the 
mother  ;  and  do  not  let  her  hesitate  to  speak  to  the 
older  of  her  sacrifices  for  the  younger.  It  should 
not  be  done  in  a  tone  of  complaint,  but  mentioned 
calmly,  as  a  fact.  To  neglect  doing  it  is  to  leave  a 
child  utterly  insensible  of  the  value  of  his  home,  and 
of  course  never  grateful  to  those  who  made  it  what 
it  is. 

I  would  suggest  to  a  child,  on  every  suitable  occa- 
sion, the  propriety  of  expressing  his  thanks.  Let 
him  not  receive  all  favors  as  a  matter  of  course  ;  but 
let  each,  as  far  as  possible,  be  traced  to  the  giver. 
If  we  do  not  in  this  way  steadily  cultivate  his  grati- 
tude, if  we  do  not  plant  the  tree  and  water  and  en- 
rich it,  let  us  not  look  for  the  fruits.  If  we  do  cher- 
ish it,  then,  as  our  children  grow  up,  they  will  lay  up 
in  their  hearts  the  sweet  memory  of  benefits  re- 
ceived, and  in  after  years  they  will  welcome  op- 
portunities to  repay  their  early  debt.  They  will  be 
filled  with  gratitude  to  all  who  do  them  good  ;  they 
will  thus  drink  of  a  fountain  of  unfailing  happiness, 
—  a  fountain  sealed  up  to  the  ungrateful  spirit. 

Yet  more,  when  we  render  our  children  grateful 


244  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

to  man,  we  sow  in  their  hearts  the  seeds  of  a  perpet- 
ual thankfulness  to  the  Giver  of  all  good.  We  em- 
bellish for  them  the  whole  outward  universe.  For 
what  appears  so  beautiful  as  a  world  blessed  with  the 
gifts  of  a  divine  love  ?  Let  our  children  be  grate- 
ful, and  they  will  see  the  Father's  bounty  in  every 
opening  blossom,  and  hear  his  inspiring  voice  in  the 
murmuring  stream,  the  song  of  the  bird,  and  the  hum 
of  the  bee.  Our  fondest  anticipations  in  relation  to 
their  purity  of  heart  and  devoutness  of  temper  can 
then  hardly  be  disappointed. 

It  will  temper  our  judgment  of  a  child  to  remem- 
ber that  there  is  one  great  teacher  under  which  he 
has  not  yet  been  placed,  and  that  is  experience.  We 
ought  not  to  look  for  those  qualities  in  the  boy  which 
can  come  only  from  the  discipline  of  the  man.  Per- 
haps he  is  passionate  ;  do  all  you  can  to  control  his 
temper  now.  But  consider  that  his  passion  pro- 
ceeds in  part  from  the  warmth  inseparable  from  his 
age.  Advancing  years  will  naturally  tend  to  allay 
this  heat.  Yet  more,  he  will  see  the  necessity  of 
self-control,  and  learn,  perhaps,  by  stern  experience, 
what  you  cannot  now  teach  him. 

We  must  do  our  duty,  and  wait  and  trust  to  the 
future  for  results.  The  great  point  is  to  make  a 
child's  experience  tell  as  early  as  possible  on  his 
character.  Show  him  what  he  is  gaining  every  day 
where  he  makes  efforts  for  improvement.  Put  your 
finger  on  the  very  spot  where  his  wrong-doing  brings 


REASONABLE   EXPECTATIONS.  245 

suffering  upon  him.  Unfold  to  him  the  peace  of 
conscience  ;  point  him  to  instances  in  his  own  life  in 
which  truthfulness,  kindness,  and  gentleness  have 
rendered  him  happy  and  made  him  useful  to  others. 
A  moral  education  conducted  on  this  principle  can- 
not fail  of  success.  In  some  things  we  may  err,  in 
this  we  cannot  be  mistaken.  Be  patient,  and  your 
patience  will  work  with  your  child's  experience  ;  and 
that  experience  will  be  the  basis  of  a  well-grounded 
hope. 

We  desire,  and  probably  expect,  our  children  to 
be  sympathetic,  charitable  to  the  poor,  and  piteous 
to  the  sufferer  in  body  or  mind.  Will  this  spirit  be 
the  legitimate  consequence  of  our  mode  of  training 
them  ?  If  we  allow  them  to  treat  the  beggar  with 
harshness  and  cruelty,  or  with  utter  indifference,  let 
us  not  complain  that  they  grow  selfish  and  hard- 
hearted. Better  encourage  them  to  notice  the  needy, 
to  bring  them  into  your  house  and  give  them  food, 
or  at  least  to  speak  always  a  kind  word  to  them. 
Let  them  visit  the  dwellings  of  the  destitute,  the  in- 
temperate, and  the  thriftless.  They  will  see  things 
there  which  cannot  but  awaken  their  compassion,  and 
inspire  them  to  help  these  unfortunate  beings. 

It  is  not  uncommon  for  children  to  ridicule  the  de- 
formed, and  make  sport  of  the  aged,  especially  if 
they  have  peculiarities  in  their  language  or  manners. 
There  are  parents  who  do  nothing  to  repress  this 
pernicious  habit  ;  some  even  encourage  -it,  by  join- 


246  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT.       . 

ing  in  the  laugh  and  the  jeer.  But  can  they  be  aware 
of  the  resuhs  of  this  course  ?  There  is  nothing 
which  tends  more  effectually  to  quench  every  noble 
and  generous  feeling  in  the  breast,  than  derision  of 
the  unfortunate.  It  is  wrong  to  ridicule  those  errors 
and  infirmities  which  men  bring  on  themselves.  But 
to  laugh  at  the  deformed,  to  mock  those  whom  God 
has  visited  with  bodily  afflictions,  is  a  sin  of  the 
deepest  dye.  If  there  are  any  beings  on  earth  whom 
we  should  pity,  and  for  whom  and  over  whom  we 
should  weep,  they  are  those  infirm  in  mind  or  mis- 
shapen in  body.  To  add  to  their  calamity  by  scoffs 
and  sneers  is  conduct  worthy  only  of  a  realm  lower 
than  ours.  Let  the  parent  beware  how  he  fosters 
this  unhallowed  disposition  ;  let  him  cherish  in  his 
children  the  utmost  tenderness  toward  those  in  any 
manner  suffering  and  afflicted. 

What  I  have  said  of  the  habit  of  deriding  the  un- 
fortunate applies  to  ridicule  in  general.  As  we  wish 
our  children  to  be  gentle,  kind,  and  forgiving,  we 
must  beware  of  treating  them  with  sarcasm.  Some 
parents  say  things  which  cut  a  child  to  the  heart,  and 
then  wonder  at  the  evil  spirit  he  manifests.  How 
can  it  be  that  the  boy  who  is  mimicked  and  laughed 
at  for  some  bad  habit  should  be  made  better  by 
it  .''  If  he  have  a  tone  or  a  trick  you  would  amend, 
do  not  treat  him  with  cruel  satire,  but,  if  it  be  neces- 
sary to  imitate  him,  that  he  may  see  his  fault,  let  it 
be  done  calmly  and  kindly.     A  child  feels  injured 


REASONABLE    EXPECTATIONS.  247 

by  a  bitter  ridicule  ;  it  only  kindles  in  him  resent- 
ment and  anger.  Whenever  you  advert  to  his  faults, 
let  love  be  in  your  heart ;  for  so  only  can  you  hope 
to  lead  him  even  to  attempt  the  reformation  of  his 
errors. 

We  would  fain  see  in  our  family  a  spirit  of  peace  ; 
we  desire  not  only  that  blows  should  be  avoided,  but 
harsh  words,  and  every  display  of  passion.  How  is 
this  great  end  .to  be  accomplished  .''  If  we  expect  it 
will  come  from  a  reign  of  violence  and  terror  on  our 
part,  we  shall  be  sadly  disappointed.  A  peaceful  tem- 
per is  never  promoted  by  strong  stimulants.  The  less 
stimulus  of  a  harsh  nature  we  daily  employ,  the  more 
true  peace  may  we  expect.  "  The  maxim,"  to  use 
the  words  of  another,  "  applies  as  well  to  the  mind 
as  to  the  body,  that  the  least  quantity  of  stimulus 
that  will  preserve  it  in  healthy  action  is  the  best." 
For  this  reason,  the  less  of  physical  force  or  men- 
acing language  we  use,  —  the  less,  to  take  an  expres- 
sive word,  we  scold  our  children,  —  the  more  order 
and  quiet  we  shall  commonly  secure.  I  have  seen  a 
family  where  a  single  word,  or  a  look  even,  would  al- 
lay a  rising  storm.  The  gentle  but  firm  method  is 
the  best  security  for  domestic  peace. 

Who  has  not  seen  famihes  in  which  violent  and  di- 
rect efforts  to  root  out  evil,  with  no  attempt  to  intro- 
duce good,  have  failed  of  their  end  .''  The  system 
was  to  "  break  the  natural  will,  cross  natural  inclina- 
tion, and  subdue  pride  by  constant  mortification." 


248  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

The  result  was,  that  tlie  children  grew  up  just  as  self- 
willed,  and  proud,  and  contentious,  as  they  were  in 
their  early  years.  It  is  only  a  feigned  submission, 
and  a  pretended  peacefulness,  that  we  can  achieve 
by  harsh  measures.  What  we  should  aim  at  and  la- 
bor for  is,  not  to  take  away  the  food,  but  to  destroy 
the  appetite  for  it.  It  is  not  enough  to  punish  every 
instance  of  contention  severely  ;  we  must  persevere 
until  the  quarrelsome  spirit  is  extinguished  ;  and 
mildness,  not  force,  will  lead  to  this  permanent 
good. 

There  is  a  stratagem  employed  in  military  tactics, 
by  which  the  attention  of  the  enemy  is  diverted,  and 
thus  opportunity  is  afforded  for  an  attack  in  an  unex- 
pected quarter.  I  have  thought  we  might  derive  a 
hint  from  this  fact  in  the  education  of  our  children. 
We  are  apt,  when  they  do  wrong,  to  approach  them 
in  direct  conflict.  Were  it  not  wiser,  especially 
with  those  very  young,  to  employ  some  diversion  ? 
A  little  child  utters  a  fretful  expression  ;  do  not  fret 
at  him,  but  utter  a  few  soothing  words,  take  him  in 
your  arms,  give  him  something  to  please  him.  You 
may  thus  check  in  the  bud  an  irritable  disposition, 
and  destroy  the  germs  of  anger,  disobedience,  and 
violence. 

A  sudden  and  severe  punishment,  on  the  other 
hand,  usually  excites,  instead  of  subduing,  the  tem- 
per. If  you  strike  a  child  hastily,  before  you  are 
sure  he  is  to  blame,  you  may  do  him  immeasurable 


REASONABLE    EXPECTATIONS.  249 

injury.  Suppose  you  have  commanded  him  to  do 
something.  Perhaps  he  does  not  know  whether  you 
are  really  in  earnest  ;  very  small  children  often  mis- 
take on  this  point.  He  looks  in  your  face  to  judge 
of  your  intentions  ;  if  you  mean  as  you  say,  and  he 
perceives  it,  you  should  exact  obedience.  Yet  let  it 
be  done  calmly,  with  gentleness  joined  to  decision  ; 
he  will  then  yield  to  your  authority,  and  at  the  same 
time  learn  from  you  an  invaluable  lesson  of  self-gov- 
ernment. By  patient  consideration,  and  by  a  delib- 
erate manner  of  discipline,  our  expectations  will  be 
moderated,  and  the  immediate  effects  of  our  efforts 
will  be  as  great  as  we  can  reasonably  anticipate. 


CHAPTER   XX. 


INCIDENTAL   EDUCATION. 


There  is  no  agency  in  which  man  is  concerned 
so  secret,  so  subtile  and  mysterious  in  its  influence, 
as  that  of  moral  and  religious  education.  I  know- 
it  is  not  commonly  so  thought  ;  we  imagine  that 
there  is  hardly  anything  we  understand  so  well 
as  the  means  and  effects  of  education.  Some  do 
not  like  to  hear  a  sermon  or  a  lecture  upon  this 
topic  ;  they  say,  "  It  is  dull  and  trite  ;  we  know 
everything  that  can  be  said  about  it  already.  The 
way  to  train  up  a  child  is  as  plain  as  the  noonday. 
Employ  a  certain  well-known  series  of  appliances, 
teachers,  books,  &c.,  and  you  are  sure  of  suc- 
cess." 

But  is  it  indeed  so  ?  Why,  then,  do  we  have 
characters  so  diametrically  opposite '  to  one  another, 
where  the  education  has  been  always  the  same  .'' 
Why  do  scholars  differ  so  entirely  in  their  progress 
in  the  same  school,  and  under  the  same  teacher  ? 
Nay,  why  do  children  born  and  bred  under  one  roof, 
and  by  the  same  two  parents,  prove  at  last  as  unlike 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  251 

as  light  and  darkness  ?  If  we  all  understand  educa- 
tion so  completely,  why  are  so  many  great  questions 
in  regard  to  it  still  mooted  ?  If  you  say  we  know 
all  that  can  be  known  concerning  it,  how  will  you 
account  for  the  controversies  still  going  on  in  regard 
to  the  comparative  value  of  an  education  at  home  and 
abroad,  in  regard  to  the  time  of  commencing,  the 
methods  of  carrying  forward,  and  even  the  results  to 
be  aimed  at  in  a  good  education  ?  If  we  have  fath- 
omed the  depths  of  this  matter,  why  are  the  world 
still  divided  on  that  most  important  point,  namely, 
What  can  education,  under  the  best  circumstances, 
accomplish  ?  It  is  not  yet  settled  how  much  is  due 
to  nature,  to  original  capacities,  and  how  much  in- 
stmction  can  supply.  We  cannot,  indeed,  but  con- 
fess our  profound  ignorance  of  the  heights  and  the 
depths  of  this  great  mystery.  We  know  not  every- 
thing, but  comparatively  nothing,  of  the  processes, 
the  means,  the  powers  and  influences,  that  go  to 
make  up  a  perfect  education,  whether  intellectual, 
moral,  or  religious. 

The  means  of  culture  in  general  may  be  divided 
into  two  classes,  the  direct  and  the  indirect.  What 
do  we  know  of  each  of  these  ? 

With  the  first,  it  is  true,  we  have  a  somewhat  ex- 
tended acquaintance.  Direct  and  designed  educa- 
tion includes  teachers,  books,  systems,  rules,  and 
all  the  aids  and  appliances  that  constitute  a  school. 
We  know,   in  the  main,  what  a  good  teacher  is  ; 


252  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

he  is  one  who  can  advance  his  pupils  in  knowledge, 
and  train  them  to  mental  discipline.  We  understand, 
it  may  be,  the  difference  between  manuals  of  educa- 
tion, the  good  and  the  bad.  We  comprehend  the 
influence  of  systems,  rules,  habits  of  study,  methods 
of  teaching  and  of  government. 

In  the  case  of  moral  and  rehgious  education,  we 
know  what  lessons  can  be  taught  at  the  fireside,  how 
hymns  may  be  learned,  and  catechisms  recited,  and 
the  Bible  read  or  repeated,  chapter  by  chapter. 
The  Sunday  school  is  to  us  no  mystery  ;  we  can 
tell  what  constitutes  a  good  Sunday  school,  how  one 
is  to  become  a  faithful  teacher,  and  what  interest  a 
child  should  take  in  the  school.  Perhaps  we  see 
and  know  our  own  duty  as  parents  in  relation  to  the 
school-room,  and  are  gaining  new  light,  from  year  to 
year,  by  performing  that  duty.  The  parent  sends 
his  children  punctually  to  school.  The  teacher  is 
always  in  his  or  her  place,  and  consequently  the  chil- 
dren are  delighted  to  go,  and  the  class  are  doing 
well.  And  yet,  important  as  are  all  these  outward 
instruments  and  helps,  I  venture  to  affirm,  that,  taken 
alone,  unsupported  by  another  set  of  agencies  and  in- 
fluences, they  are  almost  powerless  in  deciding  the 
final  character  and  the  ultimate  destiny  of  our  chil- 
dren. If  so,  they  constitute,  in  reahty,  but  a  sub- 
ordinate part  of  education. 

Why  do  we  say  this  ?  Because  the  indirect  and 
usually  unobserved  instrumentalities  of  Providence 


INCIDENTAL   EDUCATION.  253 

do  more  to  make  us  what  we  are  than  either  teach- 
ers, books,  lectures,  or  any  or  all  other  merely  ex- 
ternal, direct,  and  obvious  means  of  education. 
This  is  a  strong  statement,  but  is  it  not  true  ? 

No  one  can  have  failed  to  observe  the  effect  of  in- 
cidental circumstances  on  the  character  and  the  lot 
of  man.  A  single  event  will  sometimes  change  the 
fortunes  of  a  hfe.  The  reception  of  a  piece  of  news 
to-day  or  to-morrow  may  prove  a  turning-point  with 
us.  Sometimes  a  discourse  heard  apparently  by  ac- 
cident has  converted  a  sinner.  A  chance  word  has 
left  an  impression  on  the  mind  which  time  could  nev- 
er efface.  The  casual  meeting  of  a  particular  indi- 
vidual, under  peculiar  circumstances,  makes  or  mars 
our  whole  worldly  condition.  The  doing  or  the  not 
doing  one  simple  thing  is  decisive,  not  only  of  a  man's 
pecuniary  condition,  but  of  his  entire  course  of  life, 
it  may  be  of  his  conduct  and  character  for  ever. 

Now  these  incidental  and  indirect  agencies  exert  a 
momentous  influence  in  the  education  of  the  young. 
Robert  Nicoll,  one  of  the  sweetest  and  most  devout 
of  modern  Scotch  poets,  at  the  age  of  seventeen 
wrote  a  tale  for  a  child's  periodical,  which  was  unde- 
signedly sent  to  a  certain  popular  magazine.  Had 
it  been  rejected,  his  tender  heart  would  have  sunk  at 
the  blow  ;  its  acceptance  decided  him  to  become  an 
author.  The  gifted  Chatterton  was  indebted  for  his 
taste  for  English  antiquities  to  the  accidental  circum- 
stance of  certain  ancient  manuscripts  having  fallen 


254  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

into  the  hands  of  his  father,  who  was  a  teacher,  and 
who  used  the  old  papers  that  fell  in  his  way  to  cover 
the  writing-books  of  his  scholars.  To  this  trifling 
incident  was  owing  a  taste  that  shaped  the  whole 
history  of  that  unfortunate  youth.  Linnaeus  was 
.  made  one  of  the  greatest  of  botanists  by  the  circum- 
stance of  seeing  a  few  rare  plants  in  his  father's  gar- 
den. But  why  multiply  these  illustrations  ?  Who 
can  doubt  that  casual  influences  often  decide,  not  only 
the  occupation,  but  the  intellectual  and  moral  bias, 
the  religious  condition  and  the  entire  well-being,  of  a 
child  ?  His  being  born  and  educated  in  the  city 
makes  him  another  man  from  what  a  country  training 
would  have  made  him.  His  attendance  at  a  certain 
school,  or  his  living  in  a  particular  neighbourhood, 
and  falling  among  this  or  that  class  of  companions, 
his  intimacy  with  some  good  or  bad  boy,  —  all 
accidental  circumstances,  — rendered  him  just  what 
he  is. 

Who  has  not  seen  some  one  event  give  a  moral 
cast  lo  the  entire  life  ?  The  early  loss  of  a  father 
or  mother,  a  severe  sickness,  domestic  reverses,  the 
having  some  kind  friend  or  some  pernicious  associate 
for  years  at  our  fireside,  the  reading  of  a  particular 
book,  laid  on  our  table  by  another,  or  thrown  by 
mere  chance  in  our  way,  while  we  were  young,  — 
nay,  so  trivial  a  thing  as  the  suspension  of  a  striking 
engraving  or  painting  where  we  saw  ii  daily,  —  who 
can  tell  but  either  of  these  circumstances  threw  the 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  255 

one  decisive  grain  into  that  fearful  scale  which  turned 
in  our  childhood  for  our  weal  or  woe  ? 

Looking  at  the  mighty  agency  of  these  slight  mat- 
ters, I  have  often  felt  that  we  neglected  them  too 
much  in  our  estimate  of  the  means  of  education.  Is 
it  not  possible  that,  in  our  zeal  and  haste  as  educators, 
we  overlook  that  which  after  all  does  more  than  sys- 
tems and  mechanical  aids  and  outward  and  intended 
appliances,  however  multiplied,  in  making  our  chil- 
dren what  they  are  .''  Incidental  influences  are  going 
on  secretly  and  unseen,  and  yet,  like  imperceptible 
perspiration  to  the  body,  they  do  more  than  the  ob- 
vious organs  and  functions  toward  deciding  the  health 
of  our  inner,  immortal  man.  As  the  air  we  breathe 
depends  for  its  Hfe-giving  power  on  a  subtile  and  la- 
tent compound  of  diverse  qualities,  so  is  character 
formed  and  preserved  by  methods  as  mysterious  in 
their  blending  as  they  are  potent  and  decisive. 

And  now  what  is  the  great  fountain  of  the  influ- 
ence I  would  describe  .''  Whence  does  the  larger 
part  of  incidental  education  proceed  ?  Beyond 
question,  it  comes  from  the  fireside.  Much,  it  is 
true,  comes  from  society  ;  that  environs  us,  like  the 
atmosphere,  and  in  ways  we  know  not  afiects  our 
modes  of  thought,  our  habits  of  speech,  our  man- 
ners, and,  indeed,  everything  that  goes  to  make  up 
the  character.  Direct  instruction,  it  is  true,  exerts 
a  vast  influence,  especially  on  the  young  mind  ;  the 
books  we  read  do  much  to  mould  our  opinions  and 


256  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

feelings  ;  our  companions  and  friendships  contribute 
largely  to  the  great  whole.  But  beyond  them  all,  in 
this  respect,  is  our  home.  The  disposition,  the  tem- 
per, the  principles,  and  the  general  cast  of  the  ac- 
tions of  a  child,  depend  on  the  incidental  influences 
of  the  family  he  dwells  in,  to  a  degree  of  which  some 
of  us  have  never  yet  conceived.  Many  a  parent  is, 
on  this  account,  tearing  down  with  a  strong  right 
arm,  while  he  is  building  up  only  with  the  left ;  and 
his  set  lessons,  and  the  teachers  and  schools  he  pro- 
vides for  his  children,  will  therefore  prove  but  untem- 
pered  mortar  to  the  tottering  edifice. 

Observe  the  effect  of  the  common  conversation  of 
a  family.  The  child  hears  thousands  of  words  that 
drop  accidentally  through  the  day,  and  they  touch 
and  move  the  strongest  springs  of  his  character.  He 
notices  the  manner  in  which  the  inmates  address  one 
another,  and  he  silently  falls  into  it.  If  they  speak 
in  a  loud  and  harsh  tone,  so  does  he  ;  if  gentleness 
and  modesty  and  a  subdued  mode  of  speech  predom- 
inate with  them,  they  do  also  with  him.  And  what 
are  the  great  topics  of  conversation  .''  Are  they  the 
food  on  the  table,  —  the  faults  of  each  other,  or  of 
their  neighbours  ?  If  so,  the  children  think  these  are 
to  be  their  great  concern.  Perhaps  the  conversation 
all  turns  upon  business,  speculations,  losses  and  gains. 
Then  who  can  be  surprised,  if  the  sons  regard 
money  as  the  chief  good  of  life,  and  think  education 
has  no  higher  end  than  to  fit  one  to  accumulate  prop- 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  257 

erty  ?  Are  dress  and  the  fashions  of  the  day  the 
engrossing  topics  ?  Why  should  we  be  disappointed 
that  the  daughters  are  anxious  above  all  things  to 
know  what  they  shall  wear,  and  how  they  shall  make 
a  figure  in  society  ? 

But  let  the  great  subjects  of  conversation  be  of  a 
moral  complexion,  and  how  different  will  be  the 
character  of  the  children  !  They  hear  the  father 
speak  often  of  industry,  of  honesty,  and  of  philan- 
thropy, as  prime  virtues.  They  see  that  he  regards 
man  as  of  more  value  than  money  ;  that  he  loves  his 
country,  not  merely  as  a  place  favorable  to  com- 
merce or  manufactures  or  agriculture,  but  as.  a  land 
dedicated  to  liberty,  and  possessing  institutions  able 
to  produce  a  noble  race  of  men.  This  is  what  will 
make  the  son  a  true  patriot,  an  active  and  benev- 
olent citiz^.  Let  the  mother  speak  of  viftue  as 
the  most  precious  jewel  on  earth,  and  of  purity  and 
kindness  and  diligence  as  the  richest  of  robes,  and 
then  the  daughter,  emancipated  from  worldliness  and 
vanity  and  indolence,  will  grow  up  an  honor  to  her 
home  and  a  God's  token  to  the  world. 

The  indirect  effect  of  the  prevalent  subjects  of 
conversation  in  a  family  can  hardly  be  over-estimated. 
A  common  habit  is  to  talk  chiefly  about  other  per- 
sons. But  this  is  always  unsafe  ;  it  cherishes  an  un- 
charitable temper,  for  we  soon  come  upon  the  faults 
of  others  when  we  begin  to  say  much  concerning 
them.  And  these  faults  are  not  referred  to  with 
17 


258  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

sympathy  and  compassion,  as  they  should  be,  but 
too  often  with  bitterness,  or  in  derision  or  mere  sport. 
This  habit  almost  inevitably  degenerates  into  gossip, 
that  bane  of  all  intellectual  or  moral  excellence. 
Therefore  would  I  counsel  that  our  conversation  be 
mainly  upon  things,  not  persons  ;  upon  subjects 
which  we  know  to  be  safe,  useful,  enlarging  to  the 
mind,  and  improving  to  the  heart.  The  world  is 
full  of  such  topics  ;  it  needs  only  a  firm  determina- 
tion to  keep  them  uppermost  at  the  table  and  the 
fireside. 

I  do  not  counsel  that  long  and  set  lectures  be 
given  on  the  good  qualities  referred  to  ;  this  is  not 
incidental,  but  formal  instruction.  No  ;  what  is 
needed  are  words  fitly  spoken,  adapted  to  the  feel- 
ings of  the  child  at  the  time.  Our  Saviour  taught 
little  abstractly;  he  embraced  favorable* opportuni- 
ties. When  the  birds  passed  by,  he  drew  from  them 
a  lesson  on  trust  in  Providence.  If  he  came,  in 
his  walks  with  his  disciples,  to  the  lily,  he  made  it 
teach  them  the  care  of  God  for  all  his  works,  and 
the  sin  of  undue  anxiety.  When  the  sun  was  rising 
in  his  glory,  he  spoke  of  himself  as  "  the  hght  of  the 
world."  He  regarded,  too,  the  varying  moods  of  his 
hearers,  and  inculcated  love  to  God  or  love  to  man, 
as  the  passing  scene  might  suggest.  Train  up  your 
child  in  this  way,  and  as  the  hour  is  bright  or  shad- 
ed, as  he  is  calm  or  excited,  inquisitive  or  indiffer- 
eiU,  so  let  your  words  be  chosen.     Let  the  wax  be 


INCIDENTAL   EDUCATION.  259 

/ 

melted  and  pliant,  and  the  stamp  of  the  seal  will 
then  be  deep,  beautiful,  and  enduring. 

But  beyond  the  power  of  all  mere  language  is  the 
influence  of  our  own  character  and  example.  I  do 
not  allude  to  what  we  do  consciously  and  for  the 
sake  of  effect.  It  is  the  spirit  we  manifest,  and  the 
general  tone  of  our  conduct,  that  fall  most  effec- 
tively on  those  who  witness  them.  What  we  cus- 
tomarily do  in  the  presence  of  children  affects  them 
far  more  than  what  we  occasionally  say.  We  speak 
of  moral  as  far  greater  than  physical  force.  Do  we 
exhibit  this  power  ?  Is  there  a  vein  of  it  running 
through  our  every-day  deportment  ?  Are  we  pa- 
cific, free  from  the  war  spirit,  gentle,  forbearing,  and 
forgiving  .''  If  parents  respect  each  other,  the  sons 
are  more  likely  to  respect  them.  We  desire  our 
children  to  be  pious  and  reverent  ;  let  them  see  that 
we  are  so  ourselves.  There  is  a  tribe  of  Indians 
who  shave  the  head,  as  a  token  of  veneration  for  the 
Great  Spirit.  Their  litde  ones,  as  they  look  daily 
on  its  emblem,  must  insensibly  imbibe  that  virtue. 
The  mere  spectacle  speaks  louder  than  words.  We 
w^ish  our  children  to  love  the  Bible  ;  it  is  vain  to 
command  them  to  love  it.  But  if  they  observe  us 
to  read  and  prize  it,  they  will  naturally  incline  to  it 
themselves.  Yes,  who  can  tell  what  virtue  comes 
from  one  such  example.     Precious  book  !  — 

"  How  many  mothers,  by  their  infants'  bed, 
Thy  holy,  blessed,  pure,  child-saving  words  have  read." 


260  THE    CHRISTIAN    PAKENT. 

"  Thou  teachest  age  to  die, 
And  youth  in  truth  unsullied  up  to  grow  ! 
A  sunbeam  sent.from  God,  an  everlasting  bow  !  " 

Indirect  teaching  and  indirect  example,  who  can 
estimate  their  power  !  They  control  the  mental  and 
moral  destinies  of  the  race.  We  may  require  a 
child  to  do  an  act  for  the  sake  of  his  good  ;  but 
when  by  a  silent  influence  we  have  led  him  volun- 
tarily to  seek  and  pursue  that  good,  —  when  we  have 
led  him  to  love  goodness  for  itself  alone,  —  when  we 
have  brought  him  to -feel  that,  under  God,  he  must 
form  his  own  character  and  work  out  his  own  salva- 
tion, —  then  have  we  implanted  in  him  a  root  of  en- 
during excellence.  Ages  cannot  tell  his  obligations 
to  such  a  benefactor.  By  indirect  influences  and  an 
attractive  example  wake  up  a  child's  self-respect, 
and  place  him,  as  you  then  will,  in  the  path  of 
self-education,  and  you  give  him  an  impulse  for  life. 
It  is  as  dew  to  the  parched  earth,  or  as  the  summer 
shower,  calling  forth  an  unfading  verdure,  an  immor- 
tal beauty. 

In  the  great  work  of  education  we  see  a  vast  ar- 
ray of  outward  means,  instruments,  aids,  and  appli- 
ances. But  let  us  never  forget  that  there  is  one 
agency  mightier  than  them  all,,  which  we  do  not  see. 
It  is  secret,  subtile,  impalpable,  yet  ever  operating 
and  ever  influential.  It  is  the  power  of  example. 
What  we  teach  our  children  is  one  thing,  what  we 
do  in  their  presence  is  quite  another.      We  give 


INCIDENTAL    EDTTCATION.  261 

them  direct  and  formal  exhortations,  and  these  have 
their  weight  ;  but  far. more  is  there  in  the  remark  we 
let  fall  incidentally,  or  the  conversation  they  over- 
hear |jf  hen  we  least  imagine  it.  Nor  is  it  the  course 
we  recommend  by  words,  but  our  own  conduct,  which 
goes  deepest  into  their  hidden  being.  "  The  infant 
mimics  the  motion  of  your  hand,  or  the  expression 
of  your  countenance  ;  but  at  ten  years  he  adopts," 
not  the  outward,  but  the  inward  part  of  your  life  ;  he 
adopts  "  the  principles  of  your  conduct,  and  imbibes 
the  spirit  of  your  heart."  This  it  is  which  our  chil- 
dren daily  watch,  and  this  it  is  which,  more  than  all 
things  else,  will  form  their  opinions  and  decide  their 
character,  in  youth,  manhood,  and  through  their 
whole  future  existence. 

The  parent,  let  us  suppose,  professes  rehgion  ; 
but  to  what  purpose,  if  his  child  sees  him  as  worldly- 
minded,  as  avaricious,  as  fond  of  luxury,  display, 
and  fashion,  as  those  who  make  no  profession  .-' 
Why  should  we  laud  forgiveness,  if  we  are  our- 
selves implacable,  laying  up  injuries,  and  resenting 
them  by  our  coldness,  if  not  by  open  retaliation  ? 
Children  notice  every  inconsistency  of  this  kind  ; 
and  to  teach  with  our  lips  what  we  unteach  —  con- 
sciously and  continually,  perhaps,  too  —  by  our 
lives,  what  is  it  but  to  shake  their  confidence,  not 
only  in  ourselves,  but  in  the  reality  of  religion,  and 
even  in  the  very  foundation  of  good  morals  ? 

No  Jesuitry  can  succeed  with  a  child.     The  at- 


262  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

tempt  to  keep  up  good  appearances  with  him  will 
certainly  fail.  We  cannot  deceive  him  ;  he  pene- 
trates through  every  disguise,  discovers  each  attempt 
at  duplicity,  and  looks  straight  into  our  hearts. 
Therefore  must  we  be  —  not  try  to  seem,  but  be  — 
what  we  wish  our  children  to  become.  Just  as 
kind  and  amiable  as  we  desire  to  see  them,  and  just 
as  fretful,  impatient,  and  selfish  as  we  expect  them 
to  be,  must  we  be  ourselves.  What  we  do  sincere- 
ly, that  and  no  more  will  they  believe  in,  sympathize 
with,  and  permanently  imitate. 

Let  me  at  this  point  insert  a  caution  against  mis- 
apprehension. I  have  spoken  warmly  of  the  power 
of  incidental  means  and  undesigned  influences  in  de- 
ciding the  character.  Let  it  not  be  thought  I  would 
discontinue  or  disparage  the  direct  means  of  instruc- 
tion now  in  use.  No,  let  us  still  have  teachers,  and 
earnest  and  faithful  ones.  Better  teachers  and  bet- 
ter manuals  of  instruction  the  age  loudly  demands. 
Let  the  Sunday  school  be  prized  and  cherished  by 
parent,  teacher,  and  child.  But,  meantime,  let  us 
heed  well  the  great  work  going  on  out  of  all  schools. 
Society,  companions,  and,  above  all,  home, — to 
these  we  should  give  new  attention  and  untiring  care. 
Watch  events,  occasions,  and  circumstances  ;  they 
enfold  the  germs  of  many  a  flower  ;  for  weal  or  for 
woe,  they  shed  a  daily  influence  on  the  young. 
Through  them  we  may  instil  those  two  great  prin- 
ples,  —  the  pillars  of  all  true  excellence,  —  a  deep, 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  263 

sincere  piety,  and  a  steady  self-denial.  If  we  med- 
itate upon  our  God  and  Father  ourselves,  and  if  we 
show  that  his  will  is  the  law  of  our  own  lives,  we 
shall  do  much  to  make  our  children  remember  theii» 
Creator  in  the  days  of  their  youth.  Let  us  deny  ap- 
petite, worldly  propensities,  and  all  that  is  selfish, 
and  we  shall  need  few  words  to  win  the  all-observing 
child,  full  of  sympathy  and  prone  to  imitation,  to  en- 
ter himself  that  path  which  our  Saviour  once  trod, 
and  to  which  he  so  earnestly  calls  us. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

INCIDENTAL   EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

A  CHILD  who  is  surrounded  by  good  domestic  in- 
fluences grows  up  imperceptibly  in  the  likeness  of 
Jesus.  It  is  well  known  that  most  of  the  knowledge 
gained  in  our  earliest  years  is  poured  insensibly  upon 
the  mind.  The  eye  is  then  keen-sighted,  the  ear  is 
acute,  all  the  senses  are  in  full  vigor,  and  the  world 
is  one  uninterrupted  scene  of  novelties.  What 
amazing  progress  does  the  child  make,  independ- 
ently of  all  books,  teachers,  and  voluntary  applian- 
ces, in  the  first  six  years  of  his  life  !  What  floods 
of  original  ideas  spring  up  in  his  mind,  stimulated,  as 
it  constantly  is,  by  the  objects  around  it  ! 

In  the  same  manner  the  moral  nature  is  touched 
and  swayed  by  undesigned  influences  far  more  than 
by  all  direct  instrumentalities.  Therefore  it  is  that, 
in  the  words  of  another,  "  the  true  mode  of  instruc- 
tion in  morals  is,  by  example  more  than  by  pre- 
cept, to  train,  and  form  correct  habits,  rather  than  to 
lay  down  abstract  propositions.  In  this  way  a  good 
moral  tone  may  be  made  a  part  of  the  child's  nature, 


INCIDENTAL   EDUCATION.  265 

and  it  may  be  more  easy  for  him  to  do  right  than 
wrong."  That  child  who  sees  habitually  none  but 
correct  examples  has  little  disposition  to  do  other 
than  imitate  them.  As  he  inhales  the  air  insensibly, 
so  does  he  draw  in  virtuous  principles,  pure  thoughts, 
elevated  and  enlarged  feelings,  with  his  every  breath. 

On  the  other  hand,  it  requires  a  more  than  mortal 
power  to  lead  a  child  in  the  path  of  virtue  while 
we  are  walking  ourselves  in  the  opposite  direction. 
How  is  it  possible  to  awaken  and  sustain  a  fraternal 
spirit  in  a  family  of  children  where  the  parents  are 
partial,  unjust,  kind  to  one  and  unfeeling  toward 
another  ?  The  polluting  influence  of  this  spirit  is 
painfully  illustrated  in  the  history  of  Isaac  as  touch- 
ing his  sons  Jacob  and  Esau ;  and  still  further  in  the 
effect  of  Jacob's  partiality  to  Joseph.  What  ma- 
lignity do  we  sometimes  see  produced  by  family  fa- 
voritism !  In  the  distribution  of  property,  how  much 
domestic  misery  has  it  caused  !  Envy  and  jealousy 
are  the  inevitable  results  of  parental  partiality.  It 
not  seldom  embroils  the  father  and  mother,  arrays 
the  children  against  each  other,  and,  as  in  the  case 
of  Joseph,  combines  all  the  others  against  the  fa- 
vorite child. 

Vain,  therefore,  are  all  direct  attempts  to  cherish  a 
Christian  spirit  in  the  family  while  this  indirect  in- 
fluence is  inflaming  its  members  one  against  the  other. 
The  conscientious  parent  will  guard  against  partiality, 
as  a  corrupter  of  his  own  heart  and  as  the  bane  of 


266  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

domestic  peace.  If  he  find  himself  drawn  by  any 
good  quahty  toward  one  of  his  children,  he  will  at 
once  seek  for  some  equally  amiable  property  in  the 
others.  And  should  he  fail  to  discover  any  such, 
he  will  pity  the  errors  he  perceives,  pardon  his  chil- 
dren's infirmities,  and  pray  for  an  even-handed  jus- 
tice ;  and  soon  will  he  find  that  his  way  is  no  longer 
unequal. 

Few  things  are  more  important  in  the  education 
of  a  family  than  a  perfect  agreement  between  the 
husband  and  wife.  If  the  mother  feel  objections  to 
the  father's  modes  of  government,  she  should  not 
express  them  in  presence  of  their  children.  One 
parent  should  not  allow  a  child  to  do  what  the  other 
has  forbidden.  They  ought  to  make  suggestions 
to  each  other,  of  course,  with  freedom  and  mutual 
respect  and  affection.  But  let  this  be  done  when 
they  are  alone.  A  small  child  especially  should 
never  imagine  that  his  parents  differ  in  regard  to 
the  mode  of  his  education.  Before  he  is  old  enough 
to  understand  the  reasons  of  their  differences  of 
opinion,  it  can  only  do  him  harm  to  hear  their  dis- 
cussions. 

Little  children  should  believe  that  their  parents 
agree  as  to  what  is  best  for  them  ;  otherwise,  neither 
parent  can  expect  implicit  obedience.  If  a  child 
sees  his  father  and  mother  arrayed  against  each  other, 
he  does  not  know  which  to  obey,  he  loses  confidence 
in  both,  and  at  last  even  in  the  distinction  between 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  267 

right  and  wrong.  How  can  children  pespect  dieir 
parents,  when  they  hear  them  in  constant  altercation 
on  any  subject  whatever  ?  But  if  that  subject  be 
their  own  management  and  discipline,  they  will  soon 
lose  all  regard  for  the  judgment  of  either  of  their 
parents.  Or,  if  this  be  not  the  result,  they  will  take 
side^s  wuh  one  parent  and  against  the  other,  and  the 
house  will  be  divided  against  itself.  Let  Uiem, 
therefore,  reserve  the  discussion  of  their  different 
plans  of  education  to  a  private  hour  ;  and  never  let 
the  one  undo  the  work  of  the  other,  or  counteract 
his  or  her  commands  to  their  children. 

The  indirect  influence  of  so  slight  a  thing  as  the 
names  and  epithets  by  which  parents  and  children 
address  each  other  is  by  no  means  unimportant. 
Many  advise  that  children  should  speak  to  their  par- 
ents as  their  equals.  They  think  it  appears  stiff  in 
them  to  say  "  Sir  "  to  their  father  ;  they  approve  of 
a  greater  familiarity  of  address.  But  do  we  see  any 
improvement  in  the  character  and  manners  of  those 
children  who  adopt  this"  equalizing  tone  to  their  parents ! 
I  admire  intimacy  and  freedom  between  parent  and 
child  ;  but  when  all  restraint  is  destroyed,  and  the 
father  and  mother  are  treated  with  disrespect,  nay, 
as  we  often  now  see,  with  absolute  rudeness,  I  am 
led  to  ask  whether  the  old  was  not  the  better  mode 
of  addressing  parents.  If  your  child  does  not  ad- 
dress you,  his  guardian  and  guide,  with  as  much 
respect  even  as  you  do  your  neighbour  and  equal  in 


268  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

age  and  station,  pray  what  have  you  gained  by  al- 
V  lowing  him  to  lay  aside  that  little  word  "  Sir"  ? 
Still  more  objectionable  is  the  practice  on  the 
part  of  the  parent  of  applying  low  and  coarse  epi- 
thets to  his  child,  either  as  tokens  of  affection  or  in 
moments  of  passion.  "  The  little  toad  "  may  sound 
pleasantly  to  a  mother,  but  such  language  is  a  part 
of  the  great  means  by  which  the  taste  of  a  family 
becomes  depraved,  and  hence  their  morals  often 
corrupted.  Sure  I  am  that  none  can  apologize  in 
their  calmer  moments  for  the  use  of  such  phrases  as 
"you  villain,"  "  you  rascal,"  &c.,  which  phrases, 
and  others  equally  objectionable,  are  by  no  means 
uncommon  on  the  lips  of  parents  who  would  resent 
the  appellation  of  immoral  or  vulgar.  The  connec- 
tion between  low  language  and  a  low  character  is 
closer  than  most  of  us  imagine.  Let  the  parent, 
then,  resist  the  beginnings  of  this  evil. 

Nothing  contributes  more  to  the  work  of  incidental 
culture  than  a  habit  of  observation  in  the  child.  We 
are  surrounded  by  objects  with  whose  extent  and 
variety  the  longest  life  cannot  make  us  fully  acquaint- 
ed. There  lie  at  our  very  feet  treasures  of  knowl- 
edge which  the  utmost  application  on  our  part  will 
not  exhaust.  Within  the  present  century  what  re- 
searches have  been  made  in  the  physical  sciences, 
and  what  splendid  discoveries  in  every  department 
of  nature  do  we  constantly  witness  !  Reason  dare 
not  predict,  imagination  cannot  conceive,  that  any 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  269 

boundaries  will  ever  be  found  to  the  progress  of 
the  human  mind  in  the  realms  of  science  and  art. 

Now  this  is  the  scene  on  which  every  child 
enters  at  his  birth.  He  is  instantly  a  discoverer, 
placed  in  a  world  filled  with  objects  adapted  to  his 
powers  and  capacities,  as  they  shall  be  successively 
unfolded  from  infancy  onward  to  old  age.  And  his 
Creator  has  furnished  him  with  all  the  instruments 
and  helps  which  for  the  first  few  years  he  will  need 
to  prosecute  his  investigations.  How  simple,  yet 
how  almost  omnipotent,  are  these  few  bodily  senses  ! 
The  eye,  capable  of  grasping  myriads  of  objects  as 
they  pass  within  its  field  of  vision  !  The  ear,  suscep- 
tible to  the  countless  sounds  that  fill  and  enrich  the 
all-encompassing  atmosphere  !  Think  of  the  wealth 
within  the  reach  of  the  other  marvellous  organs  of 
sense,  and  you  at  once  perceive  that  one  thing  only 
is  needful  to  bring  stores  of  this  wealth  within  our 
personal  appropriation  ;  and  that  is  the  habit  of  ob- 
servation. 

Let  the  Httle  child  be  trained  to  see  and  hear 
every  thing  around  him,  and  he  is  made  heir  to  a 
fortune  which  no  acres  or  mines  could  have  bestowed 
on  him.  Leave  him  to  grow  up  without  this  habit, 
and,  though  in  the  midst  of  abundance,  he  is  poor  and 
miserable.  I  have  somewhere  read  an  account  of 
a  walk  taken  by  two  boys,  the  one  after  the  other, 
entitled  "  Eyes  and  no  Eyes,  or  the  Art  of  See- 
ing."    It  gives  an  admirable  illustration  of  the  dif- 


270  THE   CHRISTIAN   PAEENT. 

ferent  degrees  of  knowledge  gained  by  different  in- 
dividuals amid  the  same  scenes.  One  sees  some- 
thing new  every  step  he  takes,  the  other  sees  noth- 
ing ;  to  the  former  the  walk  was  full  of  interest,  and 
has  left  on  his  mind  delightful  recollections  ;  to  the 
latter  it  was  a  dull  scene  from  beginning  to  end,  and 
he  remembers  it  only  with  aversion  or  indifference. 

If,  then,  you  would  open  before  your  children 
springs  of  unfailing  happiness,  teach  them,  both  by 
precept  and  example,  never  to  pass,  without  seeing 
it,  any  object  which  may  afford  them  the  least  in- 
formation. There  is  little  hope  of  a  girl  who  always 
replies  to  your  question.  What  took  place  where 
you  were  ?  "  I  did  not  mind."  She  always  should 
mind  ;  for  heedlessness  is  the  root  of  manifold  evils. 
It  exposes  us  to  constant  dangers,  and  it  cuts  off 
many  an  opportunity  to  learn  something  useful. 

Montaigne,  in  his  remarks  on  the  education  of  a 
boy,  says,  "  Let  him  examine  every  man's  talent ; 
a  peasant,  a  bricklayer,  or  any  Casual  passenger  ;  a 
man  may  learn  something  from  every  one  of  these  in 
their  several  capacities,  and  something  will  be  picked 
out  of  their  discourse,  whereof  some  use  may  be 
made  at  one  time  or  another  ;  nay,  even  the  folly 
and  weakness  of  others  will  contribute  to  his  instruc- 
tion. Let  an  honest  curiosity  be  planted  in  him  to 
inquire  after  every  thing." 

It  is  to  this  habit  of  noticing  all  that  came  within 
their  view  that  we  owe  the  great  number  of  self- 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  271 

educated  men  who  have  adorned  the  history  of  our 
race.  We  can  supply,  to  a  large  extent,  the  defi- 
ciencies of  a  poor  education,  if  we  employ  earnestly, 
in  after  life,  all  our  faculties  of  observation.  While, 
on  the  other  hand,  no  amount  of  academical  instruc- 
tion, no  array  of  diplomas  and  degrees  can  render 
one  eminent  in  a  knowledge  of  the  outward  universe, 
who  having  eyes  seeth  not,  and  having  ears  heareth 
not. 

Strongly  as  I  have  recommended  in  this  volume 
the  culture  of  a  child's  moral  and  spiritual  nature,  I 
would  never  undervalue  an  education  that  prepares 
one  for  this  tangible  world.  Our  Creator  and  Father 
gave  us  this  world  no  less  than  that  which  is  invisi- 
ble. The  child  should  therefore  be  qualified  to  know 
and  appreciate  its  objects.  We  are  to  educate  his 
senses  as  well  as  his  spirit.  He  must  be  stored  with 
a  liberal  knowledge  of  external  things  ;  matters  of 
fact,  real  life,  the  world  just  as  it  is,  —  let  this  be  a 
careful  study  of  his  earlier  years.  Let  him  not  be 
left  ignorant  of  practical  affairs  ;  do  not  suffer  him, 
in  his  devotion  to  books,  nor  yet  to  business,  to 
dwindle  down  to  that  ludicrous  figure,  "  the  absent 
man." 

We  educate  our  children  indirectly  by  those  pe- 
culiarities in  which  we  allow  ourselves,  that  are  sub- 
ject to  their  observation.  You  desire  your  son  to 
notice  every  thing  which  occurs  in  his  presence  ; 
perhaps  you  teach  him  to  do  this.     Forget  not,  then. 


272  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

that  his  keen  eye  is  fixed  constantly  upon  you  ;  and 
remember  also  that  he  will  imitate  whatever  he  ob- 
serves. So  far,  indeed,  does  this  principle  extend, 
that  we  often  see  a  boy  incline  his  head  precisely 
like  his  father.  A  train  of  sons  shall  walk  up  the 
aisle  of  a  church,  each  having  the  same  hmp  with  the 
head  of  the  family.  Whatever  be  the  manners  prev- 
alent at  the  table,  the  children  carry  them  wherever 
they  dine.  The  daughters  are  erect  or  otherwise, 
modest  or  bold,  gentle  or  boisterous,  according  as 
the  mother  is  in  these  several  respects.  If  the  par- 
ents use  vulgar  language,  or  a  profusion  of  excla- 
mations and  epithets,  so  do  the  children.  Are  they 
refined  in  their  conversation,  and  subdued  and  guard- 
ed in  their  modes  of  expression,  so  are  the  sons  and 
daughters. 

Who,  then,  can  exaggerate  the  importance  of  care 
on  the  part  of  the  parents  in  regard  to  personal 
peculiarities  ?  What  a  motive  have  they  to  watch 
their  own  manners,  language,  and  tones,  and  their 
habits  in  every  particular.  Look  daily  at  your  chil- 
dren and  see  yourselves  as  in  a  mirror.  You  cannot 
look  there  too  earnestly;  for  it  will  lead  you  to 
amend  your  errors  of  deportment,  and  so  to  bear 
yourself  in  presence  of  your  family  that  you  will  not 
blush  to  see  your  own  image  reflected  all  around 
you. 

Incidental  education  leads  a  child,  not  only  to 
imitate  the  manners,  but  also  to  catch  the  mind,  the 


INCIDENTAL   EDXTCATION.  273 

principles,  and  the  inmost  feelings  of  his  parents. 
He  sees,  as  it  were,  their  naked  hearts,  and  no 
sooner  does  he  see  than  he  begins  to  transcribe  their 
features.  Whether  his  pattern  be  right  or  wrong,  he 
follows  it  implicitly.  The  parent  writes  down  some 
sentence  touching  immortal  interests.  Happy  if  it 
be  pure  truth  ;  but  be  it  truth  or  error,  it  is  borne 
away  at  once  by  his  child  and  committed  to  a  stereo- 
type plate.  With  what  care,  knowing  this  fearful 
fact,  should  he  record  each  sentence.  How  clearly 
does  it  now  appear  that  the  personal  virtue  of  the 
parent,  his  inward  purity,  expressed  by  love  to  man 
and  love  to  God,  and  by  the  strictest  obedience  to 
his  commands,  can  alone  save  his  child.  This  course 
alone  will  reveal  to  the  parent  the  way  of  duty,  and 
enable  him  to  be  a  safe  guide  therein.  So  is  it  that 
"  to  love  and  to  do  the  Holy  Will  is  the  ultimate 
way,  not  only  to  know  the  truth,  but  to  lead  others," 
and  emphatically  little  children,  "  to  know  it." 

The  view  here  presented  may  appear  to  some 
dark  and  depressing  ;  the  responsibility  seems  great- 
er than  can  be  borne.  But  there  is  one  considera- 
tion which  will  do  much  to  reconcile  us  to  this  con- 
dition. It  is  for  the  moral  good  of  the  parent  him- 
self to  be  subject  to  this  solemn  weight.  How  many 
fathers  and  mothers  would  have  neglected  their  own 
characters  perhaps  altogether,  had  not  the  parental 
relation  quickened  them  to  reflection  !  They  have 
been  brought  to  think  of  their  own  future  interests  in 
18 


274  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

meditating  upon  those  of  their  children.  "  The  con- 
sideration that  their  own  characters  would  be  com- 
municated to  those  whom  they  loved  more  than 
themselves,  that  their  children  would  receive  from 
them  principles,  habits,  and  feelings,  has  induced  a 
watchfulness,  a  regularity  of  speech  and  conduct, 
and  an  application  to  duty,  by  which  their  own  souls 
have  been  purified.  Children  are  inestimable  bless- 
ings by  calling  forth  the  consciences  of  their  parents. 
The  instructions  we  impart  come  back  upon  our- 
selves." 

~^  On  the  other  hand,  we  may  not  forget  that  paren- 
tal unfaithfulness  not  only  blights  the  character  of  the 
children,  but  reacts  with  a  terrible  force  on  the  par- 
ents themselves.  By  an  old  law  of  our  Puritan 
ancestors,  cursing  or  smiting  a  parent  by  a  child 
over  sixteen  years  of  age  was  a  capital  offence,  with 
three  saving  clauses,  one  of  which  w'as  the  child's 
having  been  "  unchristianly  neglected  in  its  educa- 
tion." This  w^as  a  reasonable  exception  ;  for  why 
should  the  whole  penalty  of  the  offence  be  laid  on 
the  child,  when  the  parent  contributed  so  largely  to 
occasion  it  ?  If  the  father  and  mother  consciously 
fail  in  the  discharge  of  their  duty,  on  them  should 
rest  the  retribution  of  that  failure. 

Under  all  laws  and'  in  every  condition  of  society, 
and  I  may  add,  amid  our  varying  modes  of  religious 
education,  this  will  hold  true,  that  the  parent  must 
reap  as  he  sows.     If  he  do  his  own  duty  faithfully, 


INCIDENTAL    EDUCATION.  275 

then,  even  though  his  child  prove  reprobate,  his 
reward  in  the  form  of  an  approving  conscience  and 
in  the  reflected  virtue  of  his  efforts  upon  his  own 
character  is  sure  as  the  heavens'  established  course. 
Let  him  neglect  his  duty,  and  it  is  equally  certain 
that  the  tares  he  has  sown,  when  they  spring  up  in 
the  debasement  of  his  offspring,  will  pierce  him  like 
the  poisoned  arrow,  and  destroy  his  peace,  h  not  his 
very  life. 


CHAPTER   XXII. 

INDIEECT    INFLUENCE    OF   THE   MOTHER. 

The  indirect  influence  of  the  mother  can  hardly 
be  exaggerated.  Her  conduct,  tone,  and  spirit  are 
a  vital  part  of  that  atmosphere  by  which  the  moral 
life  of  a  child  is  sustained.  She  should  act  as  the 
presiding  genius  of  the  family  in  this  respect.  Her 
air  and  manner  should  be  such  as  to  quell  the  waves 
of  domestic  discord.  Indeed,  her  power  is  such  that 
by  fidelity  to  her  nature  she  will  spread  the  sunshine 
of  joyous  hearts  and  loving  tempers  over  the  whole 
household. 

In  the  language  of  Ami^  Martin  we  see  that  "  in 
children  sentiment  precedes  intelligence  ;  the  first 
answer  to  the  maternal  smile  is  the  first  dawn  of 
intelligence  ;  the  first  sensation  is  the  responding 
caress.  Comprehension  begins  in  feeling  ;  hence, 
to  her  who  first  arouses  the  feelings,  who  first 
awakens  the  tenderness,  must  belong  the  happiest 
influences.  She  is  not,  however,  to  teach  virtue, 
but  to  inspire  it.  What  is  a  child  in  relation  to  a 
tutor  ?     An  ignorant  being  whom  he  is  called  upon 


INDIEECT   INFLUENCE    OF   THE    MOTHER.  277 

to  instruct.  What  is  a  child  in  relation  to  a  mother  ? 
An  immortal  being,  whose  soul  it  is  her  business  to 
train  for  immortality.  Good  schoolmasters  n}ake 
good  scholars,  —  good  mothers  make  good  men." 
Who,  then,  does  not  look  with  an  unquenchable  in- 
terest on  our  mothers  ?  Who  can  over-estimate  their 
share  in  the  work  of  incidental  education  ? 

The  relation  between  the  mother  and  her  chil- 
dren presents  constant  opportunities  for  the  kind  of 
influence  in  question.  There  are  two  points  toward 
which  her  attention  should  be  specially  directed. 
The  first  is  health  ;  during  the  period  of  infancy,  she 
cannot  be  too  watchful  in  laying  the  corner-stone  of 
a  sound  constitution.  She  will  consider  that  what- 
ever other  gifts  or  acquisitions  •  may  be  within  the 
reach  of  her  children,  if  they  are  sickly  and  feeble, 
these  things  can  be  of  little  value  to  them.  Let  the 
days  passed  in  the  cradle  be  marked  by  care  of  the 
health,  let  the  air  of  the  room  be  kept  pure,  the  first 
food  of  the  child  be  simple  and  wholesome,  and 
above  all,  let  the  system  of  drugging  be  avoided,  and 
there  is  good  hope  for  the  future. 

During  the  middle  period  of  childhood  the  chief 
points  must  be  to  continue  a  plain  but  abundant  diet, 
to  guard  the  child  against  the  changes  of  weather, 
and  to  secure  a  liberal  amount  of  physical  exercise. 
The  mother  may  do  much  to  make  household  pur- 
suits a  means  of  exercise  ;  but  her  daughters  need 
also  the  open  air.     Let  them  have  ample  time  to 


278  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

walk,  ride,  trundle  hoop  and  sport  with  their  com- 
panions. Give  them  the  time,  and  in  most  cases 
nothing  more  will  be  necessary.  They  have  at  this 
age  an  instinctive  love  of  being  abroad  and  engaging 
in  amusements  that  invigorate  while  they  gratify. 

But  the  period  which  follows  presents  a  difficulty 
on  the  subject  of  health.  The  daughter  becomes 
now  inactive  ;  she  is  less  and  less  disposed  to  take 
physical  exercise.  Perhaps  she  thinks  it  undignified, 
and  dreads  nothing  so  much  as  the  appellation  of  a 
romp.  No  more  may  she  join  in  the  frolicsome 
scenes  of  the  past.  She  must  move  about  the  house 
with  a  measured  step,  and  to  walk  in  the  streets  with 
any  other  than  a  staid  and  matronly  gait  would  haz- 
ard, perhaps  destroy,  her  reputation.  There  are 
exceptions  to  these  remarks  ;  some  girls  continue  so 
free  in  their  movements  as  to  need  a  caution  against 
being  rude.  But  in  general  what  I  have  said  is  true  ; 
and  it  requires  the  constant  care  of  the  mother  to  de- 
vise means  and  methods  of  physical  exercise  for  her 
daughters.  Unless  she  encourage  such  methods  as 
are  agreeable  in  themselves,  furnish  an  "  attractive 
industry,"  countenance  the  fireside  dance,  the  fre- 
quent walk  and  the  pleasant  ride,  she  must  not  be 
disappointed  if  she  see  tokens  of  a  decaying  health. 

This  suggestion  is  the  more  needed,  from  the  ten- 
dency in  our  age  to  increase  very  much  the  amount 
of  study  required  of  our  elder  daughters.  They  are 
in  some  schools  forced  along  with  such  speed,  that. 


INDIRECT    INFLUENCE    OF    THE    MOTHER.  279 

unless  we  augment  proportionally  their  opportunities 
for  exercise,  it  will  not  surprise  me  to  see  diseases 
of  the  spine,  pulmonary  complaints,  and  dyspepsy 
scattered  broadcast  among  this  class  of  scholars.  If, 
especially,  we  add  lessons  in  drawing  and  confine- 
ment to  the  piano,  hour  after  hour  in  the  day,  to  the 
tasks  of  the  school-room,  we  have  no  right  to  expect 
health  unless  we  add  still  further  abundant  means 
both  of  domestic  exercise  and  locomotive  recreation. 
It  rests  mainly  with  our  mothers  to  say  which  branch 
shall  be  taken  of  this  fearful  alternative. 

The  other  point  to  which  I  referred  is  this,  the 
strengthening  of  the  mind  and  the  culture  of  common 
sense.  We  see  many  mothers  anxious  for  the  school 
education  of  their  daughters,  and  desirous  of  their 
being  praised  as  fine  scholars,  who  feel  little  solici- 
tude apparently  for  the  expansion  of  their  judgment 
in  every-day  affairs.  They  do  not  put  forth  that 
indirect  influence  which  they  constantly  might,  to 
lead  them  to  think  and  talk  of  the  common  pursuits 
of  life.  Why  should  not  a  girl  know  the  prices  of 
the  various  articles  used  in  the  family,  and  where  and 
how  they  are  purchased  ?  Why  should  she  not  join 
in  the  conversation  upon  rents,  taxes,  laws,  and  to 
tome  extent  in  what  is  said  upon  politics  ?  Let  her 
know  something,  I  would  say,  of  her  father's  avoca- 
tion, and  of  all  the  various  employments,  arts,  trades, 
and  professions  in  the  world.  Let  her  not  grow  up 
a  nere  bookworm,  nor  yet  be  limited  to  the  little 
rouid  of  domestic  pursuits. 


280  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

Were  our  daughters  educated  in  this  manner,  they 
would  be  qualified  for  the  responsible  station  of  the 
head  of  a  family.  We  should  not  see  so  many  pos- 
sessed at  the  time  of  their  marriage  of  "  every  kind 
of  sense  but  common  sense."  We  give  our  sons  an 
invigorating  mental  culture  ;  why  should  not  daugh- 
ters have  the  same  ?  Let  their  minds  be  stored  with 
science,  and  their  intellectual  powers  be  trained  to 
the  utmost,  in  the  school-room.  But  do  not  leave 
them  here  ;  home  should  pursue  this  work  ;  fathers 
and  mothers  should  make  it  their  distinct  plan  and 
their  steady  effort  so  to  educate,  not  the  boy  only, 
but  the  girl  also,  that  with  all  their  "  gettings  they 
will  get  understanding."  Then  will  the  future  hus- 
band have  an  intelligent  companion,  —  one  for  whose 
mental  powers  he  will  never  blush.  Then  if,  by  a 
sad  providence,  the  wife  be  left  widowed,  the  sole 
head  of  her  household,  she  will  be  prepared  for  the 
exigency.  Nay,  to  look  no  farther,  in  justice  to  her 
nature,  and  in  obedience  to  the  claims  of  her  immor- 
tal capacities,  let  the  mind  of  the  girl  and  the  woman 
be  harmoniously  and  perfectly  developed, — a  true 
image,  like  that  of  man,  of  their  common  God  and, 
Father.  / 

An  important  part  of  indirect  education  consists 
in  surrounding  the  young  with  objects  which  elevate 
and  refine  the  taste.  Much  is  now  done  for  the 
intellect  in  our  schools,  and  on  the  Sabbath  we  hav^e 
a  system  of  moral  and  religious  culture  of  exceedng 


INDIRECT    INFLUENCE    OF    THE    MOTHER.  281 

value.  But  we  lack  corresponding  means  and  exer- 
tions for  the  purification  of  the  tastes  of  our  youth, 
and  the  improvement  of  the  social  influences  around 
them.  The  love  of  gain  is  becoming  more  and  more 
intense,  and  material  interests  are  fast  acquiring  the 
ascendency  among  our  aims  and  efforts.  Our  chil- 
dren drink  early  into  this  spirit.  The  boy  is  told 
that  he  goes  to  school  to  prepare  himself  to  transact 
business  and  accumulate  property  ;  and  the  girl  is 
promised  a  high  place  in  society  if  she  is  well  edu- 
cated. And  the  Sunday  school  too  often  makes 
success  in  this  life  the  ultimate  purpose  of  its  training. 

Success  is  important ;  let  us  amass  wealth  and 
develop  our  material  resources  ;  and  let  us  seek  an 
elevation  in  society,  if  we  do  it  by  honorable  and 
Christian  methods.  But  let  us  not  leave  our  chil- 
dren amid  the  low  and  comparatively  trivial  pursuits 
of  earth  and  time.  Let  not  self  be  the  centre  and 
circumference  of  their  aspirations.  Set  before  them 
still  higher  objects  ;  impress  on  them  a  sense  of 
the  beautiful ;  make  them  familiar  with  the  principles 
of  taste,  and  enrich  their  minds  with  the  treasures 
of  imagination. 

It  is  to  be  regretted  that  we  have  so  few  means 
as  yet  in  this  country  for  the  culture  of  these  noble 
faculties.  In  the  Old  World  there  are  galleries  of 
sculpture,  halls  of  paintings,  venerable  and  magnifi- 
cent cathedrals,  and  other  similar  attractions,  often 
open  to  the  people  free  of  expense.     When  shall  we 


282  THE   CHEISTIAN    PARENT. 

rival  the  Old  World  in  this  respect  ?  Time  must 
pass  first ;  but  we  have  many  elements  even  now  for 
a  generous  popular  education  in  the  appreciation  of 
works  of  taste.  We  are  beginning  to  have  exhi- 
bitions of  paintings,  art-unions,  and  associations  of 
architects.  Let  our  parents  and  teachers  encourage 
their  children  to  visit  as  many  works  of  art  as  pos- 
sible. 

A  coarse  taste  is  closely  connected  with  vice. 
As  a  moral  defence,  therefore,  of  the  young,  we 
should  familiarize  them  with  objects  and  scenes  that 
tend  to  refine  the  taste.  Let  there  be  collections 
of  pictures,  gatherings  of  flowers,  floral  proces- 
sions, water-works  and  fountains,  and  every  instru- 
mentality for  educating  the  eye,  and  through  that 
purifying  the  spirit.  Nor  let  the  ear  be  forgotten  ; 
music  is  a  spiritual  exercise  ;  in  its  best  uses  it  tends 
to  exalt  the  mind  and  amend  the  heart.  Where  the 
soul  is  preoccupied  with  a  love  of  good,  the  access 
of  what  is  low,  sensual,  and  debasing  is  made  slow 
and  difficult.  Take,  then,  your  children  to  the  con- 
cert-room ;  let  them  from  their  earliest  days  enjoy 
liberally  recreations  of  which  music  forms  at  least  a 
portion.  Purity,  piety,  and  benevolence  —  not  to 
mention  a  fund  of  inexhaustible  happiness  —  are  con- 
nected with  good  music.  Economize  in  other  re- 
spects, that  you  may  have  means  to  supply  your 
children  from  this  blessed  storehouse. 

Fill  your  home,  and  surround  it,  as  far  as  possi- 


INDIRECT    INFLUENCE    OF    THE    MOTHER.  283 

ble,  with  pure,  attractive,  and  impressive  objects- 
Were  a  child  encompassed  by  the  beautiful  forms 
and  the  harmonious  breathings  of  painting,  sculpture, 
architecture,  and  music,  and  did  he  at  the  same  time 
receive  a  corresponding  treatment  of  affection  and 
sympathy  from  parents,  friends,  relatives,  and  asso- 
ciates, terror  and  punishment,  together  with  the 
moral  evil  that  occasions  them,  would  disappear,  and 
love  and  beauty  would  become  the  guides  of  his 
actions,  the  rules  of  his  hfe,  and  their  own  exceeding 
recompense. 

I  am  led  here  to  name,  among  the  means  of  in- 
cidental education,  the  power  of  a  pleasant  voice. 
No  apology  will  be  necessary  for  the  repetition  in 
this  place  of  a  few  thoughts  I  have  elsewhere  given 
to  the  public.  It  is  usual  to  attempt  the  manage- 
ment of  children  either  by  corporal  punishment,  or 
by  rewards  addressed  to  the  senses,  or  by  words 
alone.  There  is  one  other  means  of  government, 
the  power  and  importance  of  which  are  seldom 
regarded.  I  refer  to  the  human  voice.  A  blow 
may  be  inflicted  on  a  child,  accompanied  by  words 
so  uttered  as  to  counteract  entirely  its  intended  effect. 
Or,  the  parent  may  use  language  in  the  correction  of 
her  child,  not  objectionable  in  itself,  yet  spoken  in  a 
tone  which  more  than  defeats  its  influence. 

We  are  by  no  means  aware  of  the  power  of  the 
voice  in  swaying  the  feelings  of  the  soul.  The  an- 
ecdote of  the  good  lady  in  regard  to  her  minister's 


284  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

sermon  is  to  the  point.  She  had  heard  a  discourse 
from  him  which  pleased  her  exceedingly.  She  ex- 
pressed to  a  friend  the  hope  that  he  would  preach  it 
again.  "Perhaps,"  said  her  friend  in  reply,  "he 
may  print  it."  "Ah,"  said  she,  "he  could  not 
print  that  holy  tone.''''  There  is  a  tone  in  the  pulpit 
which,  false  as  is  the  taste  from  which  it  proceeds, 
does  indeed  work  wonders.  So  is  there  a  tone  in 
our  intercourse  with  children  which  may  be  among 
the  most  efficient  aids  in  their  right  education. 

Let  any  one  endeavour  to  recall  the  image  of  a 
fond  mother  long  since  at  rest  in  heaven.  Her 
sweet  smile  and  ever  clear  countenance  are  brought 
vividly  to  recollection.  So  also  is  her  voice  ;  and 
blessed  is  that  parent  who  is  endowed  with  a  pleasing 
utterance.  What  is  it  which  lulls  the  infant  to  re- 
pose ?  It  is  no  array  of  mere  words.  There  is  no 
charm  to  the  untaught  one  in  letters,  syllables,  and 
sentences.  It  is  the  sound  which  strikes  its  little 
ear  that  soothes  and  composes  it  to  sleep.  A  few 
notes,  however  unskilfully  arranged,  if  uttered  in  a 
soft  tone,  are  found  to  possess  a  magic  influence. 
Think  we  that  this  influence  is  confined  to  the  cra- 
dle ?  No,  it  is  diffused  over  every  age,  and  ceases 
not  while  the  child  dwells  beneath  the  parental  roof. 
Is  the  boy  growing  rude  in  manner  and  boisterous 
in  speech  ?  I  know  of  no  instrument  so  sure  to 
control  these  tendencies  as  the  gentle  tones  of  a 
mother.     She  who  speaks  to  her  son  harshly  does 


INDIRECT   INFLUENCE   OF   THE    MOTHER.  285 

but  give  to  his  conduct  the  sanction  of  her  own 
example.    She  pours  oil  on  the  already  raging  flame. 

In  the  pressure  of  duty  we  are  liable  to  utter  our- 
selves hastily  to  our  children.  Perhaps  a  threat  is 
expressed  in  a  loud  and  irritating  tone.  Instead  of 
allaying  the  passions  of  the  child,  it  serves  directly  to 
increase  them.  Every  fretful  expression  awakens  in 
him  the  same  spirit  which  produced  it.  So  does  a 
pleasant  voice  call  up  agreeable  feelings.  Whatever 
disposition,  therefore,  we  would  encourage  in  a  child, 
the  same  should  be  manifested  in  the  tone  with  which 
we  address  him. 

There  is  nothing  more  desirable  in  a  daughter  than 
intelligence  joined  to  a  gentle  spirit.  The  mind  is 
fashioned  and  furnished,  in  the  main,  at  school.  But 
the  character  of  the  affections  is  derived  chiefly  from 
home.  How  inestimable  is  the  confidence  of  that 
mother  in  producing  kind  feelings  in  the  bosoms  of 
her  children,  who  never  permits  herself  to  speak  to 
them  with  a  loud  voice,  and  in  harsh,  unkind  tones  ! 

I  have  heard  of  a  father,  who,  when  his  children 
became  engaged  in  a  dispute,  would  at  once  require 
them  to  unite  in  a  song.  The  blending  of  their 
voices  in  harmony  was  soon  found  to  subdue  their 
angry  and  contentious  feelings.  There  is  a  native, 
spontaneous,  unsought  music.  It  consists  in  the 
tones  which  issue  from  her  who  is  overflowing  with 
Christian  love.  While,  then,  I  would  advise  the 
mother  to  the  culture  of  a  pleasant  voice,  and  warn 


286  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

her  of  the  evils  of  addressing  her  children  harshly,  I 
would  still  more  earnestly  counsel  her  to  discipline 
her  heart.  Out  of  a  kind  heart  come  naturally  kind 
tones.  She  who  would  train  up  her  family  in  the 
sweet  spirit  of  Christ  can  succeed  hest  and  most 
enduringly  of  all,  by  cherishing  such  sentiments  as 
shall  seek  their  own  unbidden  expression  in  gentle 
yet  all-powerful  tones. 

The  power  of  a  patient  and  forbearing  spirit  over 
the  disposition  of  a  child  is  too  important  to  pass 
unnoticed.  Many  things  occur  daily  to  irritate  the 
young  child.  He  is  suffering  from  some  pain  ;  he  is 
tired,  or  hungry^  or  thirsty,  or  has  lost  some  play- 
thing. These  appear  small  things,  perhaps,  to  the 
busy  mother  ;  she  cannot  lay  aside  her  work  to  at- 
tend to  them.  And  yet  the  neglect  to  do  this,  even 
for  a  few  minutes,  may  lay  the  foundation  in  her 
child  of  a  fretful  spirit  for  life.  Every  reasonable 
want  of  these  httle  ones  should  be  immediately  re- 
lieved. And  in  regard  to  what  we  think  their  un- 
reasonable wants,  they  are  real  ones  to  them,  and 
would  appear  so,  perhaps,  to  us,  were  we  httle  chil- 
dren ourselves. 

The  example  of  a  patient  mother  soon  spreads 
among  her  older  children.  When  they  see  her  wait 
on  the  infant,  and  toil  by  day  and  by  night  over  the 
sick  one  in  the  family,  and  when  they  observe  her 
calm  and  kind  with  her  domestics,  unrepining  in  her 
own  illness  or  fatigue,  always  active,  and   always 


INDIRECT    INFLUENCE    OF   THE    MOTHER.  287 

cheerful,  they  insensibly  imbibe  the  same  beautiful 
spirit  themselves.  The  father  is  perplexed  by  his 
business,  and  weary  with  labor  and  care.  Some- 
limes,  perhaps,  he  comes  home  excited  and  irritable. 
But  if  his  children  witness  in  him  constant  efforts  to 
be  mild,  even-tempered,  and  patient,  they  cannot 
but  learn  to  control  themselves. 

Amid  the  various  conditions  and  characters  of  a 
household  there  is  a  continual  demand  for  the  cul- 
ture of  mental  tranquillity  and  Christian  forbearance. 
One  of  the  children  meets  with  a  sudden  and  dan- 
gerous accident  ;  it  requires  great  self-possession  to 
do  promptly  and  with  good  judgment  what  ought  to 
be  done  for  him.  The  little  girl  has  torn  her  dress, 
perhaps  carelessly,  and  for  the  hundredth  time. 
The  mother  is  excited  by  it,  and,  unless  habitually 
patient,  she  may  do  or  say  that  of  which  she  will  af- 
terwards repent.  Here  is  a  boy  who  is  bedridden 
with  some  chronic  disease.  He  is  made  childish 
and  fretful  by  his  sufferings,  and  what  a  store  of  pa- 
tience does  the  mother  require  to  watch  over  him  by 
day  and  by  night,  to  give  up  the  pure  air  and  cheer- 
ful society  she  could  find  abroad,  and  sit  by  his  side 
and  adapt  herself  to  his  fitful  humors  ! 

It  is  said  that  the  love  of  the  mother  is  usually 
greatest  for  the  sick  or  the  deformed  one  of  her  chil- 
dren. A  beautiful  compensation  of  Providence  is 
this  !  But  it  will  require  an  almost  unearthly  forti- 
tude to  bear  such  a  lot  without  ever  repining  or  ever 


288  THE   CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

becoming  impatient.  She  who  bears  herself  firmly 
as  well  as  tenderly  through  a  long  trial  of  this  kind, 
earns  richly  that  crown  which  is  reserved  for  those 
who  "  endure  unto  the  end."  Her  example  sheds 
a  perpetual  light  tlirough  her  dwelling,  and  she  can- 
not fail  to  infuse  a  portion  of  her  divine  spirit  into 
the  breasts  of  her  children. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

PARENTAL    ANXIETIES. 

That  great  question  propounded  originally  in  the 
hill-country  of  Judea,  and  in  relation  to  him  who  in 
after  years  was  to  herald  the  Messiah,  is  always 
raised  in  the  heart  of  the  thoughtful  parent  when 
first  intrusted  with  the  care  of  a  mortal,  immortal 
being  :  —  "  What  manner  of  child  shall  this  be  ?  " 
The  Httle  one,  all  unaware  of  its  own  fearful  des- 
tinies, is  to  other  bosoms  an  object  of  untold  anx- 
ieties. There  are  two  spirits  watching  and  waiting 
round  it,  to  whom,  from  the  earliest  to  the  latest  mo- 
ment of  its  life,  it  is  henceforth  to  be  a  fountain 
either  of  joy  or  of  grief. 

First  comes  the  anxious  inquiry,  Are  the  organs 
and  functions  of  its  body,  that  workmanship  of  God, 
so  "  fearfully  and  wonderfully  made,"  all  perfect 
and  sound  ?  If  this  question  be  answered  affirma- 
tively, another  quickly  presses  on  its  footsteps,  Are 
the  powers  of  its  mind  sane  and  healthful  ?  Does 
it  show  signs  of  intelligence  ?  That  interrogatory 
cannot  be  answered  at  once.  But  if  the  months  and 
19 


290  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

years,  as  they  pass,  at  length  reheve  all  anxiety  on 
that  point,  yet  another  issue  comes  up.  How  shall 
this  our  child  be  established  in  the  world  ?  What 
is  to  be  his  calling  ?  And  what  will  help  him  to 
succeed  in  that  calling  ?  In  what  schools,  and 
how,  shall  he  best  be  trained  for  it  ?  This  daugh- 
ter,—  what  is  to  be  her  fortune  in  life  ?  O  for 
some  magic  power  to  reveal  to  us  her  future  condi- 
tion ! 

But  have  I  unrolled  the  entire  map,  and  shown 
all  the  regions  of  parental  anxiety  ?  Ah,  no  !  there  is 
one  more  yet,  and  great,  indeed,  it  is.  On  any  wise 
and  prudent  estimate  of  life,  how  insignificant  does 
every  other  solicitude  appear,  when  compared  with 
this  :  —  What  is  to  be  the  character  of  our  child  .'' 
Will  it  be  such  that  we  can  look  upon  it  with  satis- 
faction, and  hear  it  spoken  of  without  a  pang  or  a 
blush  ?  Have  we  here  before  us  one  who  will  re- 
flect the  smile  of  his  Father  in  heaven,  and  to  whom 
Christ  and  virtue  will  be  dear  ?  O,  if  this  question 
also  could  be  answered  as  we  wish,  peace  would  be 
on  our  pillow,  and  sunshine  on  our  path. 

It  seems  among  the  mysteries  of  Providence  that 
one  little  being  should  have  power  so  to  hold  in  its 
tiny  hand  that  balance  in  whose  scales  are  to  be 
placed,  through  all  their  coming  years,  the  chief 
joys  and  the  most  pungent  sorrows  of  two  other 
care-burdened  hearts.  Why  is  it  so  .''  Must  this 
be  of  necessity  ?     Have  we  no  retreat  from  so  per- 


PARENTAL    ANXIETIES.  291 

ilous  a  position  ?  Is  there  nothing  we  can  do  to  as- 
suage this  flood  of  anxieties  ? 

In  many  respects  God  is  a  sovereign  dealing  with 
us  as  it  seemeth  to  him  good.  Our  own  destiny  is 
to  a  large  extent  at  the  disposal  of  Providence.  So, 
also,  is  that  of  our  children.  Whether  they  shall 
possess  all  the  faculties  that  constitute  a  perfect 
child,  a  sound  mind  in  a  sound  body,  depends  en- 
tirely on  a  power  beyond  our  own.  To  what  He 
wills,  be  the  cup  bitter  as  it  may,  we  must  bow  with 
unquestioning  submission.  In  regard,  also,  to  the 
establishment  of  our  children  in  the  world,  and  to  all 
those  circumstances  which  in  a  secular  aspect  will 
prove  either  their  bane  or  their  blessing,  to  an  im- 
measurable degree,  their  lot  is  in  the  hand  of  the 
Lord,  and  with  him  is  the  disposing  thereof.  It  is 
comparatively  little  that  we  can  do,  if  we  desire  it, 
to  insure  them  an  affluent  fortune,  or  to  place  them 
in  elevated  and  honorable  stations.  There  is  a  finger 
that  guides  these  and  all  kindred  movements,  of 
which  we  know  nothing.  We  can  do  something  to 
shape  their  course  and  results,  but  after  all  our  best- 
laid  plans  may  be  frustrated,  and  all  the  hopes  that 
rested  on  them  driven  away  like  the  chaff  before  the 
wind. 

How  often  do  we  see  ambitious  men  toil  to  lay 
the  foundations  of  a  conspicuous  family  !  They 
heap  up  wealth,  they  seek  office  and  place  ;  perhaps 
they  intermarry  with  the  rich,  the  honored,  or  the  in- 


292  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

tellectually  great.  A  generation  passes,  and  their 
sons  squander  their  weahh,  become  addicted  to  vice, 
or  degenerate  in  mind,  and  the  aspirations  of  the  fa- 
ther prove  but  "  the  baseless  fabric  of  a  vision." 
Sometimes  a  similar  issue  is  consummated  by  dis- 
ease and  death.  Father  and  son,  mother  and  daugh- 
ter, are  successively  called  away  ;  and  the  fortune 
so  fondly  looked  upon  as  a  tower  of  family  pride  and 
strength  is  scattered  among  strangers. 

But,  as  respects  that  other  great  fountain  of  pa 
rental  anxieties,  the  character  of  their  children,  if 
that  be  made  the  supreme  concern,  God  has  given 
them  power  to  do  much  —  not,  indeed,  everything, 
but  very  much  —  toward  deciding  the  course  of 
its  waters.  When,  in  view  of  its  moral  and  relig- 
ious condition,  the  father  and  the  mother  inquire, 
"  What  manner  of  child  shall  this  be  ?  "  the  reply 
depends,  in  no  ordinary  degree,  upon  themselves. 

It  is  for  the  parent  to  decide  what  instructions  his 
child  shall  receive.  The  nursery  is  the  first  school- 
room, and  the  mother  the  primary  teacher.  It  de- 
pends on  her  tuition  what  conceptions  shall  be  earli- 
est given  to  the  little  one  of  this  mysterious  world. 
If  her  face  has  the  sweetness  of  maternal  virtue,  and 
her  tones  are  ever  gentle  and  soothing,  then  the  new- 
comer will  believe  himself  in  a  happy  world.  Alas 
for  him,  if  he  encounter  in  his  very  cradle  a  counte- 
nance marred  with  selfishness  and  sin  !  Pitiable  is 
his  lot,  terrible  must  earth  seem  to  him,  if  his  tender 


PARENTAL   ANXIETIES.  293 

ear  is  shocked  by  the  harsh  notes  of  an  unfeeling 
mother  ! 

The  character  of  the  child  will  receive  readily  the 
impress  of  piety  if  the  father  be  a  true  representative 
of  our  Father  in  heaven.  It  is  for  him  to  determine 
whether  the  earliest  idea  this  Httle  one  will  have  of 
that  Being  is,  that  he  is  wise  and  good,  full  of  all 
lovely  and  all  -venerable  attributes,  or  the  reverse 
of  this,  an  object  of  aversion,  if  not  of  positive 
terror. 

A  fundamental  part  of  the  character  consists  of 
conscience.  This  faculty,  it  is  true,  is  the  gift  of 
God.  But  its  development  and  its  integrity  de- 
pend mainly  on  parental  education.  Let  the  moth- 
er never  mislead  her  child  during  his  first  years  in 
regard  to  right  and  wrong,  and  his  moral  judgments 
in  after  years  will  seldom  be  erroneous.  The  father 
can  do  much  to  decide  whether  this  inward  guide 
shall  be  trustworthy,  leading  to  duty  and  life,  or  per- 
verted and  blind,  conducting  to  error  and  ruin.  The 
first  lessons  on  this  subject  always  sink  deepest  ;  the 
unworn  soil  produces  the  most  luxuriant  harvest. 

The  anxious  parent  must  watch  his  own  lips  ;  for 
out  of  his  mouth  are  the  issues  of  his  child's  life. 
The  language  of  a  mother  is  graven  as  with  the  point 
of  a  diamond  on  the  infant  mind.  Other  inmates  of 
the  family  are  uttering  many  words  in  the  young  ear, 
but  the  flowing  years  will  wash  them  for  the  most 
part  away.     Not  so  with  hers  ;  they  with  their  in  flu- 


294  THE    CHRISTIAN   PARENT. 

ence  will  abide.  The  father  is  dropping  casual  ex- 
pressions, unaware,  perhaps,  of  the  little  listener  at 
his  side,  who  is  drinking  them  greedily  in.  Yet 
think  of  the  power  of  these  expressions  !  The 
stream  now  rolls  quietly  along,  depositing  on  its 
banks  a  life-giving  sediment,  but  anon  it  flows  over, 
and  leaves  in  some  valley  stagnant  waters,  that  in 
summer  days  produce  miasma  and  death.  Who, 
then,  as  he  loves  and  fears  for  his  child,  will  ncft 
save  him,  so  far  as  his  own  example  goes,  from  the 
moral  peril  of  corrupt  communications  at  the  fire- 
side ?  ' 

We  are  anxious  that  the  future  man  should  be 
pure,  filled  with  good  principles,  and  established  in 
good  habits.  Let  us,  then,  fashion  the  child  accord- 
ingly. We  have  before  us  a  mind  that  is  pliant  and 
ductile  ;  now  is  the  time  to  give  it  its  true  direction. 
The  elm  in  the  nursery  can  be  bent,  by  a  slight  ef- 
fort, to  any  shape  we  desire  ;  let  it  grow  up  to  a 
tree,  and  no  force  can  bend  its  massive  trunk.  The 
germs  of  a  good  character  are  obedience,  truthful- 
ness, affection,  and  moral  independence.  Plant 
them  in  the  child,  and  you  need  not  fear  that  they 
will  be  wanting  in  the  man. 

A  great  source  of  parental  solicitude  is  the  com- 
panionships of  children.  Cowper  felt  the  dangers 
from  this  quarter  so  keenly,  that  he  wrote  against  a 
public  education.  Many  parents  would  secure  their 
children  by  shutting  them  out  from  society.     But  is 


PARENTAL   ANXIETIES.  295 

this  a  wise  course  ?  Were  it  not  better,  instead  of 
secluding  a  boy  from  the  world,  to  fortify  his  mind 
with  correct  principles,  and  confirm  him  in  good 
habits,  and  then,  imploring  for  him  the  shield  of 
God,  send  him  forth  thus  armed  to  resist  evil  coun- 
sels and  examples,  and  overcome  temptation  ?  Can 
one  by  a  life  spent  in  moral  hermitage  become  a 
strong  man  and  an  accomplished  Christian  ?  Trial 
alone,  we  know,  can  test  the  character.  Is  it,  then, 
wise  to  exclude  a  child  from  every  scene  and  situa- 
tion in  which  he  can  be  tried  ?  To  discriminate  on 
this  subject,  and  impose  none  but  healthful  restraints, 
is  no  easy  task,  it  is  true.  But  wisdom,  I  think, 
forbids  all  extremes  ;  let,  then,  our  anxiety  shun  ex- 
tremity in  this  respect.  "  Guarded  exposure  "  is 
probably  the  best  position  to  form  a  child's  char- 
acter. 

We  are  anxious  that  our  children  should  have  a 
religious  faith ;  it  would  shock  us  to  think  they  might 
become  infidels  or  skeptics.  Most  of  us  desire 
them  to  embrace  the  tenets  of  our  peculiar  denom- 
ination of  Christians.  But  let  us  not  forget  that  we 
have  no  security  for  their  believing  according  to  our 
heart  unless  we  give  them  full  and  distinct  religious 
instruction.  If  we  neglect  to  do  this,  they  will 
probably  either  have  no  definite  opinions  on  the 
subject,  or  believe  according  to  what  they  may  hap- 
pen to  hear  in  casual  conversation  among  their  com- 
panions, or  what  is  instilled  into  their  minds  either 


296  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

by  the  scoffing  unbeliever  or  the  proselyting  bigot. 
Some  views,  of  one  kind  or  another,  in  regard  to 
God,  the  Bible,  and  the  nature,  duty,  and  destiny  of 
man,  they  will  undoubtedly  have.  If,  as  a  parent, 
you  care  at  all  what  they  are  to  be,  perform  now  the 
great  share  you  can  to  decide  their  complexion. 

In  regard  both  to  the  instructions  and  the  habits 
of  a  child,  it  is  not  possible,  I  think,  to  keep  him 
from  being  exposed  to  evil  persuasions  and  evil  ex- 
amples. We  should  set  it  down,  that  poisonous  in- 
fluences, sooner  or  later,  will  distil  error  into  his  ear. 
If  we  do  this,  we  shall  prepare  him  for  the  danger  ; 
our  good  lessons  will  then  pour  themselves  in  at  the 
time  of  need  like  a  healing  balm.  So  in  respect  to 
our  children's  moral  habits  ;  they  will  see  and  hear 
much  adapted  to  pollute  their  characters.  Shall  we 
leave  them  unarmed,  unprotected,  in  the  conflict 
with  sin  .-'  The  seasons  are  passing  swiftly  on,  and 
as  sure  as  they  live  they  will  reap  a  spiritual  harvest 
of  some  kind  from  seeds  sown  in  society.  It  is  for 
us  to  determine  whether  such  seeds  shall  be  plenti- 
fully intermingled  as  will  prevent  a  crop  of  unsightly 
weeds,  and  insure  fair  flowers  and  rich  fruits. 

An  alarming  feature  of  this  age  is  the  increase  of 
juvenile  depravity.  Our  houses  of  correction  and 
reform  schools  are  crowded  with  the  young.  "  I 
have  seen  them,"  says  an  eyewitness,  "  gathered 
at  the  bar  of  justice,  mere  boys  and  girls,  on  whose 
young  faces  sin  had  but  commenced  the  work  of 


PARENTAL    ANXIETIES.  297 

disfigurement.  The  image  of  God  was  tarnished, 
but  by  no  means  as  yet  effaced.  To  save  these  and 
such  as  these,"  he  adds,  "  all  the  legal  measures  in 
the  world  would  be  unavailing.  —  Reformation  must 
come  from  within^  outwards.  It  must  commence 
with  the  soul.^^ 

And  now  who  is  to  begin  this  great  work  ?  You 
have  only  to  look  at  the  origin  of  most  of  this  juve- 
nile crime  for  a  reply  to  this  question.  These  chil- 
dren are  usually  convicted  of  "stubbornness."  And 
why  are  they  stubborn  ?  Because  they  have  been 
neglected  at  home.  They  have  not  been  governed, 
instructed,  and  trained  by  their  parents.  What  par- 
ent can  tell  whether  the  dearest  child  of  his  own,  if 
thus  culpably  neglected,  may  not  yet  be  arraigned 
before  some  court  of  justice  ?  Certain  it  is,  that  if 
we  allow  our  children  to  disobey  us,  and  leave  them 
unrestrained  and  morally  uneducated  at  the  fireside, 
we  contribute  a  share  toward  that  melancholy  degen- 
eracy which  is  crowding  our  courts  and  prisons  with 
juvenile  offenders. 

The  burden  of  parental  anxieties  is  much  increased 
by  the  multitude  of  influences  which  are  more  and 
more  taking  our  children  and  youth  away  from  their 
homes.  They  soon  think  themselves  men  and 
women,  and  many  of  them,  impatient  of  being  con- 
fined to  their  native  spot,  roam  abroad  in  search  of 
gain  and  preferment.  Some  parents  partake  in  this 
spirit,  and  consent  readily  to  part  with  their  children. 


298  "  THE   CHRISTIAN   PAEENT. 

Not  a  few  send  them  away  to  some  boarding-school, 
without  a  thought  of  the  evil  consequences.  Let  it 
be  that  some  immediate  advantages  come  from  this 
course.  Doubtless  a  boy  learns  better  to  take  care 
of  his  clothing  and  personal  effects  when  he  has  no 
mother  to  lean  upon  at  his  side.  His  manners,  also, 
are  likely  to  be  improved  by  the  change.  But  these 
are  all  external  things  ;  the  internal  welfare  of  the 
child  must  suffer  more  or  less  by  his  being  removed 
from  home. 

Teachers  constantly  tell  us  that  they  need  the  co- 
operation of  parents.  They  want  them  to  look  to 
daily  for  support  in  their  plans  of  instruction  and 
government.  They  wish  to  refer  their  scholars  fre- 
quently to  their  example  and  influence.  We  are 
assured  by  them  that,  as  a  general  principle,  their 
best  scholars,  and  those  whose  deportment  is  most 
commendable,  come  every  day  from  the  home  influ- 
ence of  father  and  mother,  brothers  and  sisters.  No 
stranger,  however  kind  and  faithful,  can  supply  this 
domestic  influence  ;  let  a  child  grow  up  without  it, 
and  there  is  a  certain  gentle,  humanized  tone  of 
character  which  you  miss  in  him.  We  see  this  of- 
ten in  those  unfortunate  individuals  who  were  bereft 
in  their  boyhood  of  a  mother  by  death.  Nothing 
can  ever  atone  for  that  loss. 

One  of  the  evils  of  college  life  is,  that  it  takes  the 
student  away  from  the  softening,  sanctifying  environ- 
ments of  home.     It  deprives  him  of  those  genial 


PARENTAL    ANXIETIES.  299 

fireside  influences  which  are  most  of  all  needed  at 
that  period  of  life  when  the  intellect  is  expanding 
and  the  character  is  receiving  a  permanent  impress. 
The  wise  parent  will  retain  his  son  in  the  bosom  of 
his  family,  at  almost  any  sacrifice,  until  his  prepara- 
tory education  is  completed.  He  will  relieve  him- 
self of  that  fearful  anxiety  which  every  conscientious 
parent  must  feel  when  compelled  early  to  part  from 
his  child. 

Home  influence  is  needed,  among  its  other  offices, 
to  form  in  the  young  correct  habits  of  conversation. 
No  circle  is  so  favorable  to  this  work  as  that  of  an 
exemplary  family.  The  parent  may  well  think  with 
solicitude  of  the  daily  influence  of  his  manner  of  con- 
versation. If  he  is  careless  in  his  modes  of  expres- 
sion, or  vulgar,  so  will  his  child  be  ;  let  him  be 
guarded  and  grammatical,  his  example  is  imitated. 
I  once  knew  a  father  who  had  never  learned  a  line 
of  grammar,  yet,  through  observation  and  watchful- 
ness, so  correct  was  he  in  his  use  of  language,  that 
he  often  criticized  the  expressions  of  his  children, 
school-bred  though  they  all,  and  college-bred  tliough 
some  of  them,  had  been.  Let  the  parent,  then,  be 
a  pattern  in  this  respect.  As  he  dislikes  affectation, 
and  would  preserve  his  children  from  it,  let  him  cul- 
tivate simplicity  of  speech,  and  utter  himself  only  in 
the  unadulterated  tongue  of  his  native  land.  To 
protect  his  children  against  vulgarisms  in  conversa- 
tion, let  him  not  rely  upon  books  and  teachers  alone, 
nor  yet  upon  cultivated  society  abroad,  —  important 


300  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

as  all  these  are  in  iheir  places,  —  let  him  depend 
mainly  on  the  steady  influence  of  the  pure  language  of 
father  and  mother,  brothers  and  sisters,  at  the  fireside. 

A  sense  of  our  own  defects  and  incapacities  as 
guides  and  models  sometimes  oppresses  us.  But  it 
is  a  merciful  appointment  of  Providence,  that,  be- 
neath the  pressure  of  parental  anxieties,  the  father 
usually  cherishes  the  hope,  that  in  the  end  his  son 
will  supply  his  own  deficiencies,  and,  though  he 
should  fail  for  a  time,  yet  at  last  will  become  better 
than  himself.  Amid  the  shifting  prospects  of  the  fu- 
ture, the  heavens,  he  trusts,  will  at  length  settle,  the 
clouds  roll  off,  and  the  bright  sun  shine  steadily  on. 
If  it  is  not  so  with  us,  if  we  find  gloom  and  despond- 
ency, for  any  cause  whatever,  coming  upon  us  as 
parents,  let  them  not  abide  in  our  hearts.  It  is  the 
part  both  of  wisdom  and  piety,  as  on  all  other  sub- 
jects, so  on  this  of  the  welfare  of  our  children,  to 
trust  in  God.  Doubt  and  fear,  in  their  excess,  al- 
ways enfeeble  the  spirit,  and  disqualify  us  for  the 
work  in  hand.  The  father  and  mother  are  unfitted 
by  them  for  a  patient  and  persevering  culture.  They 
thus  tend  to  fulfil  that  dark  prophecy  in  which  we 
sometimes  morbidly  indulge  ourselves.  "  Hope  on, 
hope  ever,"  should  be  the  motto  of  the  parent. 

Even  though  we  can  see  little  promise  at  this  mo- 
ment in  our  children,  yet  let  tis  not  forget  that  they 
are  still  young,  and  susceptible  of  improvement. 
Often  we  see  a  change  come  over  the  character  of  a 
child  where  it  was  least  anticipated.     The  reckless 


PARENTAL   ANXIETIES.  301 

one  becomes  thoughtful,  the  idle  one  industrious  ; 
the  sensual  turns  to  spiritual  things  ;  the  mind  un- 
folds, and  the  whole  character  is  consolidated  ;  and  it 
is  now  stable,  progressive,  instinct  with  a  new  force 
and  a  new  life.  Never,  indeed,  does  a  human  being 
sink  so  low  that  he  cannot  still  rise.  To  the  latest 
hour,  then,  let  the  anguished  heart  which  sees  a 
dear  child  gone  astray  hope  and  pray  and  strive 
for  his  return  to  virtue  and  peace,  and  remember 
that,  in  the  high  dealings  of  our  benignant  Father, 
"  all  things  are  possible." 

The  lot  we  stand  in,  let  us  look  at  either  or  all  of 
our  children,  must,  it  is  true,  be  one  of  greater  or  less 
apprehensions.  From  the  birth  of  these  young  beings 
up  to  this  present  hour,  we  have  held  their  destiny 
in  our  hands  ;  to  us  their  immortal  well-being  has 
been  intrusted.  And  so  it  will  be  in  all  coming 
time.  Whether  we  dread  and  would  shun,  or 
whether  we  welcome  the  office,  we  must  continue  to 
hold  it.  How  shall  it  be  filled  ?  Here  is  a  father  ; 
what  will  he  say  and  do  for  his  children  ?  He  must 
train  them  to  something.  Will  he  by  word  and  by 
deed  educate  them  in  the  love  of  God,  in  purity  of 
heart,  in  righteousness,  temperance,  charity,  and  the 
love  of  their  whole  race  ?  Or  will  he  breathe  over 
their  tender  spirits  the  moral  poison  of  worldliness 
and  irreligion,  of  servitude  to  appetite  and  self  and 
sin  ?  That  mother,  will  she  bless  her  babe  in  its 
cradle  .''  Will  her  face  beam  with  piety,  and  the  lit- 
tle one  through  her  drink  into  the  gentleness  and 


302  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

fidelity,  the  meekness  and  self-sacrifice,  of  Christ  ? 
Will  husband  and  wife  talk  to  each  other  of  the  char- 
acter of  these  their  children,  and  hand  in  hand  unite 
in  training  them  up  for  usefulness  and  honor  ?  What 
issues  are  connected  with  the  replies  to  these  few 
questions  ! 

No  wise  parent  can  bring  such  issues  before  his 
mind  without  at  once  saying  within  himself.  Are 
such  destinies  committed  to  my  hands  ?  Then  will 
I  give  myself  now,  while  the  years  are  rushing  by, 
and  before  the  opportunity  be  lost,  even  now,  to  im- 
planting good  principles  and  forming  good  habits  in 
my  children.  Let  me  do  this,  and  then  the  time  will 
surely  come,  when  youth  and  passion  are  over,  in 
which  they  will  give  thanks  that  my  commands  were 
ever  upon  them,  and  that  both  by  precept  and  ex- 
ample I  guided  them  aright.  Then,  if  not  before, 
my  reward  is  sure.  Yes,  even  though  for  a  time  my 
efforts  should  seem  to  fail,  yet  at  last,  when  they 
come  to  feel  the  need  of  power  to  resist  the  tempta- 
tions and  to  bear  the  trials  of  Hfe,  they  will  rejoice 
that  parental  fidelity  was  not  sacrificed  to  a  misguid- 
ed indulgence.  And  when  I  have  gone  to  my  rest, 
they  will  prize  the  precious  inheritance  I  left  them  ; 
and  for  evermore  they  will  venerate  the  image  and 
bless  the  memory  of  that  anxious  being  who  prayer- 
fully and  devotedly  trained  them  up  in  that  good  way 
from  which  they  have  never  been  left  by  their  Divine 
Parent  to  depart. 

Impressed  with  these  and  similar  considerations, 


PARENTAL   ANXIETIES.  303 

and  led  by  conviction  no  less  than  instinct,  what 
true  parent  does  not  live  more  and  more  in  and  for 
his  children  ?  The  father  may  be  an  unbeliever ;  but 
he  finds  no  support  in  temptation,  and  no  comfort  in 
trouble,  from  his  unbelief,  and  he  loves  his  son  too 
well  to  see  him  follow  in  his  own  steps.  He  desires 
him  to  believe  in  God  and  Christ  and  heaven,  and 
to  live  according  to  his  faith.  How  little  does  the 
good  parent  think  or  care  for  anything  personal  to 
himself,  compared  with  his  interest  in  the  condition 
of  his  children  !  Let  them  be  well  provided  for,  let 
thern  be  in  good  situations,  and  all  doing  well,  ap- 
proved by  their  employers,  or  successful  in  their 
studies,  and  let  their  characters  be  daily  improving, 
he  asks  no  more.  He  must  decrease  ;  happy  is  he 
if  they  meantime  increase. 

The  true  mother  is  absorbed  in  her  children.  She 
gives  up  the  apparel  she  desires,  that  they  may  be 
better  clad  ;  she  takes  the  plain  food,  and  gives 
them  the  choicer ;  she  foregoes  society,  many  a  priv- 
ilege, many  a  comfort  and  pleasure,  for  their  sakes 
alone.  If  her  daughters  are  coming  forward  with 
promise,  their  minds  well  cultivated,  their  disposi- 
tions gentle  and  bland,  full  of  love  to  others  and  of 
disinterested  acts,  then,  it  matters  little  what  is  her 
own  lot,  she  is  content.  And  if  the  Father  visits 
with  severe  sickness  her  who  has  a  circle  of  helpless 
ones  leaning  upon  her,  and  her  case  at  length  be- 
comes critical,  we  hear  her  breathe  the  low  prayer, 
—  "For  myself,  O  Father,  I  am  resigned  to  thy 


304  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

will,  and  ready  to  depart  ;  but,  for  the  sake  of  my 
poor  children,  I  could  wish  to  be  spared."  So  is  it 
that  of  the  parent  we  may  say  emphatically,  Whether 
he  live,  or  whether  he  die,  it  is  not  unto  himself. 

And  now,  what  should  be  the  supreme  anxiety  of 
the  parent  ?  He  may  feel  solicitous  in  regard  to  the 
life  and  health  of  his  children  ;  their  worldly  condi- 
tion may  occupy  many  of  his  thoughts.  His  spirit 
may,  and  sometimes  must,  be  troubled  as  he  thinks 
of  their  present  and  future  characters,  and  their  stand- 
ing in  society.  But  his  supreme  anxiety  should  be 
that  he  may  do  his  own  duty  in  regard  to  them. 
'*  For  their  sakes,"  he  should  say,  "  I  will  sanctify 
myself."  If  I  can  only  be  what  I  ought  to  be  as  a 
moral  and  religious  being,  and  if  I  can  but  do  for 
them  all  I  am  bound  to  do  as  their  parent,  I  may 
leave  the  rest  in  the  hands  of  their  Divine  Parent.  Be 
this,  then,  our  great  care,  our  chief  study  and  labor. 

Father,  mother,  you  are  daily  engraving  a  plate 
whose  impressions  these  little  ones  will  take  for  the 
untold  ages  that  lie  before  them.  You  are  writing 
a  record,  not  only  for  yourself,  but  for  these  c)iil- 
dren,  each  of  which  is  a  second  self.     Then 

"  Guard  thy  heart's  album.     Of  its  slightest  trace 
Who  knoweth  the  full  import?     It  may  help 
To  fashion  motive,  and  to  color  fate  ; 
Nor  canst  thou  tell  how  strong  a  thread  it  weaves 
Into  the  web  of  deathless  destiny, 
Till  at  that  solemn  audit  thou  dost  stand 
Where  deed  and  thought  shall  find  their  perfect  weight, 
And  just  reward." 


CHAPTER    XXIV. 

EDUCATE   JOINTLY    FOR   BOTH   WORLDS. 

We  are  accustomed,  in  considering  the  welfare  of 
our  children,  to  separate  too  much  in  our  thoughts 
the  present  from  the  future  world.  We  esteem  one 
mode  of  education  as  suited  to  qualify  them  for  busi- 
ness and  action  in  this  life,  and  another  as  demanded 
in  the  preparation  for  the  Hfe  to  come. 

But  is  there  indeed  a  great  gulf  that  thus  divides 
the  two  worlds  ?  The  New  Testament  teaches  us 
otherwise  ;  our  Saviour  constantly  united  the  mortal 
and  the  immortal,  earth  and  heaven.  "  I  am  the  res- 
urrection and  the  life,"  said  he,  "and  whosoever  liv- 
eth  and  beheveth  in  me  shall  never  die."  How  in- 
timate must  be  the  connection  between  the  present 
and  the  future  life,  if  this  language  be  true  !  The 
employment  of  the  saints  above  must  be,  not  a  new, 
untried,  and  inconceivable  work,  but  the  continuance 
and  perfection  of  what  they  commenced  below. 
That  child  who  is  being  well  trained  for  the  labors 
and  duties  of  this  world,  is  receiving  the  best  pos- 
sible education  for  the  world  of  spirits.  If  we  would 
20 


306  ,  THE   CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

have  the  branches  outspread  and  loaded  with  fruit  in 
the  celestial  garden,  the  tree  must  be  reared  amid 
.the  nurseries  of  earth. 

To  educate  for  both  worlds,  we  must  give  the 
body  its  due  care,  no  less  than  the  spirit.  It  is  not 
enough  to  set  before  ourselves  exclusively  the  train- 
ing a  child's  soul  for  heaven  ;  nor  yet  to  give  him 
a  good  intellectual  and  moral  preparation  for  earth. 
Th^se  things  are  the  end,  but  they  do  not  include  all 
the  means,  of  education.  Those  embrace  the  care 
of  the  physical,  as  much  as  they  do  that  of  the  spir- 
itual nature. 

The  more  perfect,  indeed,  the  mental  and  moral 
education  we  propose  to  give  our  children,  the  great- 
er is  the  demand  for  the  preservation  and  improve- 
ment of  their  physical  system.  As  your  daughter 
advances  from  one  grade  of  schools  to  another,  in- 
stead of  diminishing  her  amount  of  healthful  exer- 
cise, as  is  so  often  done,  she  should  increase  it. 
If  her  mind  is  unusually  interested  m  any  subject 
whatever,  be  it  sacred  or  secular,  now  is  the  time  to 
watch  well  her  health.  The  principle  on  which  this 
new  care  is  required  is  simply  this,  —  that  we  must 
always  keep  up  the  balance  between  the  action  of  our 
nervous  and  our  muscular  energies.  If  the  mind  for 
any  reason  is  severely  tasked,  the  body  must  have  an 
extraordinary  amount  of  exercise.  To  disregard 
this  rule  in  the  child,  when  the  brain  is,  as  we  know, 
peculiarly  tried  by  study,  is  fatal  to  his  future  well- 
being. 


EDUCATE   JOINTLY    FOR   BOTH   WORLDS.  307 

Nor  is  this  all.  If  you  aim  only  to  give  your  child 
the  best  possible  mental  or  spiritual  education,  you 
cannot  do  this  except  his  health  be  good.  How  can 
he  study  to  advantage  under  the  burden  of  a  nervous 
headache,  or  the  depression  of  dyspepsy  ?  What 
progress  can  your  daughter  make  in  her  school  tasks, 
while  a  spinal  pain  and  distortion  are  daily  growing 
upon  her  ?  Little  can  she  accomplish  under  that 
lassitude  which  proceeds  from  the  neglect  of  bodily 
exercise.  It  is  equally  difficult  at  any  period  of  life 
to  possess  cheerful  and  true  views  of  religion  and 
heaven  and  duty,  while  borne  down  by  some  insid- 
ious disease. 

For  the  sake,  then,  of  the  mind  and  the  soul, 
for  the  interests  both  of  time  and  etertiity,  we  should 
guard  well  a  child's  physical  nature.  Let  there  be 
walks  in  the  open  air,  the  use  of  the  dumb-bells  to 
expand  and  strengthen  the  chest,  and  liberal  exercise 
for  every  part  of  the  body.  The  diet  should  be 
plain,  but  abundant,  and  let  us  never  stint  the  access 
of  our  children  to  cold  water.  If  they  are  accus- 
tomed to  that  alone  as  a  beverage,  they  will  desire 
no  other.  Tea  and  coffee,  those  subtile  poisons  to 
many  consthutions,  will  never  tempt  them  as  they  do 
most  of  us  ;  they  will  drink  of  choice  that  pure  ele- 
ment provided  so  liberally  by  our  beneficent  Crea- 
tor. Let  them  early  learn  the  external  use  of  water ; 
every  child  should  bathe  daily  in  water,  cold  or 
tepid,  according  to  the  season.     As  a  purifier  of  the 


308  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

skin,  and  as  a  tonic  to  the  whole  system,  its  value 
can  hardly  be  exaggerated.  "  Cleanliness  is~next  to 
godliness  "  ;  physical  and  mental  purity  usually  go 
hand  in  hand.  See,  also,  that  your  child  has  pure 
air  in  the  room  where  he  studies,  and  in  the  chamber 
where  he  sleeps.  Many  a  fever  might  be  traced 
to  the  foul  atmosphere  of  our  sleeping-apartments. 
The  Christian  parent  will  pardon  my  going  thus  far 
into  a  subject,  whose  moral  and  religious  aspects 
are  hardly  less  important  than  those  exclusively 
physical.  We  should  glorify  God  in  our  bodies  no 
less  than  our  spirits. 

It  is  of  vital  importance  to  a  sound  education  of 
our  children,  that  they  should  be  taught  on  one  all- 
comprehensive  plan.  It  should  be  a  plan  not  con- 
tracted to  this  life  alone,  nor  yet  to  the  future  life 
alone.  Nor,  again,  must  we  think  to  form  the  young 
only  for  manhood  and  its  active,  responsible  stations. 
They  are  first  to  be  children  ;  and  it  is  to  make 
them  better  children  that  our  great  aim  and  endeav- 
ours should  tend. 

If  we  seek  to  prepare  a  child  for  heaven  alone, 
and  not  for  earth  also,  we  wrong  an  essential  part  of 
his  nature.  It  is  not  merely  for  conversion  to  God, 
a  single,  insulated  event,  that  we  were  placed  in  this 
world.  Conversion  is  indeed  needful  for  the  sinner  ; 
but  to  turn  from  our  sins  at  some  one  moment  of  life 
is  not  the  whole,  nor  the  chief,  purpose  of  our  be- 
ing.    No,  man  was  made  for  the  formation  of  char- 


EDUCATE    JOINTLY   FOR   BOTH   WORLDS.  309 

acter,  to  reach,  through  trial  and  temptation,  a  state 
of  holiness  and  perfection.  Whatever  plans  of  ed- 
ucation stop  short  of  this  great  object  are  to  be  dis- 
countenanced, as  inadequate  to  the  demands  of  hu- 
man nature.  Whatever,  on  the  other  hand,  leads 
upward  and  onward,  a  life  of  progress,  be  it  through 
childhood  or  maturity,  through  life  or  death,  in  heav- 
en or  on  earth, — every  such  course,  and  all  such  in- 
fluences, should  be  welcomed  by  the  parent.  The 
only  true  and  living  faith  is  that  which 

"  elevates  the  just 
Before  and  when  they  die  ; 
And  makes  each  soul  a  separate  heaven, 
A  court  of  Deity." 

The  language  just  quoted  is  indeed  poetry,  but  it 
IS  also  truth.  Why,  but  to  join  the  two  worlds,  did 
Jesus  Christ  take  little  children  in  his  arms,  and  say, 
"  Of  such  is  the  kingdom  of  heaven  "  ?  If  we  are 
to  believe  him,  our  work  with  the  young  is  to  retain 
their  infantile  purity,  and  to  retrace  those  sacred 
lines  which  the  world  so  soon  and  so  sadly  effaces 
from  their  hearts.  We  must  labor,  not  to  separate, 
but  to  keep  together,  what  God  hath  joined  in  them, 
—  childhood  and  youth,  the  young  with  the  old  man, 
time  with  eternity. 

There  seems  to  be  a  prevalent  misapprehension 
on  this  subject.  1  once  heard  an  intelligent  individ- 
ual and  an  exemplary  Christian  remark  of  a  candi- 
date for  the  ministry  who  had  died  in  the  morning  of 


810  THE   CHRISTIAN    PABENT. 

his  life,  "  What  a  pity  that  so  much  time  and  ex- 
pense have  been  bestowed  on  his  education  !  "  As 
if  intellectual  instruction  and  moral  culture  could  ever . 
be  wasted  on  an  immortal  being  !  If  we  believe  the 
soul  lives  on  for  ever,  and  starts  in  the  future  life 
where  it  ended  its  course  here,  why  should  we  la- 
ment having  given  a  son  a  liberal  education,  even 
tliough  he  was  at  once  removed  by  death  ?  Nothing, . 
nothing  whatever,  that  is  pure,  and  elevating,  and  ex- 
pansive in  its  influence,  can  be  lost  on  the  undying 
spirit.  Everything  which  prepares  one  for  honor- 
able success  and  true  usefulness  on  earth  is  a  part 
of  that  infinite  training  which  stretches  through  eter- 
nity. 

Let  me  not  be  thought  to  say,  that  an  education  in- 
tended merely  for  this  world  includes  all  that  is  need- 
ful for  human  salvation.  This  is  my  view  :  —  I 
would  connect  by  indissoluble  bonds  the  entire  ex- 
perience of  man  and  the  whole  circle  of  his  duties. 
There  should  be  no  high  wall  of  which  it  could  be 
said,  on  this  side  all  is  good,  and  on  that  side  all  is 
evil,  while  both,  it  is  said  in  the  same  breath,  must 
be  recognized  as  parts  of  education.  The  true  sys- 
tem of  training  embraces,  on  the  contrary,  broad  prin- 
ciples, covering  all  periods  of  life,  and  every  part  of 
tlie  character. 

Teach  the  child,  first,  to  love  his  Father  in  heav- 
en. '  Teach  him  next,  nay,  if  he  feel  habitually  this 
holy  afiection,  he  will  be  self-taught,  to    "  do  all 


EDUCATE   JOINTLY    FOE   BOTH   WORLDS.  311 

things  to  the  glory  of  God."  That  disposition  will 
sanctify  whatever  occupies  his  mind  or  his  hands. 
It  will  make  study  and  recreation,  labor  and  rest, 
alike  acceptable  to  Him  whose  laws  extend  over 
every  hour  of  our  lives,  and  every  act,  word,  and 
thought. 

Instruct  your  child  to  reverence  and  obey  his  con- 
science, and  let  him  make  everything  in  which  right 
and  wrong  are  involved  —  however  insignificant  oth- 
ers may  regard  this  or  that  particular  act  —  a  con- 
cern of  conscience.  Lead  him  to  form  all  his  opin- 
ions on  the  broadest  ground  he  can  take,  and  in 
conformity  to  everlasting  truth.  Do  all  you  can  to 
give  4iim  elevated  and  enlarged  associations  with  his 
domestic  relations.  Connect  as  many  ties  as  possi- 
ble with  the  world  of  spirits.  Has  he  lost  some 
dear  relative  or  interesting  companion  .''  Point  him 
to  the  departed  one  as  still  living,  as  being  now  and 
having  been  always  joined  to  him  by  spiritual  bonds. 
Do  not  leave  his  imagination  to  dwell  on  the  body, 
but  direct  it  to  the  soul.  Speak  of  the  lost  one  as 
looking  down  upon  him  from  his  new  home  with  an 
unquenchable  love,  and  desiring  nothing  so  much  as 
that  he  may  be  pure  and  good  enough  to  join  him  in 
bis  pleasant  abode. 

To  unite  the  two  worlds  closely,  we  should  place 
our  children  under  those  holiest  of  teacliers,  the 
dead.  How  would  they  be  redeemed  from  evil, 
how,  indeed,  kept  for  ever  from  its  paths,  could 


312  THE    CHRISTIAN    PAEENT. 

they  be  impressed  with  an  abiding  belief  that  the  fa- 
ther, the  mother,  the  brother  or  sister,  they  had  lost, 
was  in  no  important  sense  dead,  but  rather  enjoying 
a  truer  hfe  !  Death  so  associated,  instead  of  being 
"  the  king  of  terrors,"  would  be  to  them  a  messen- 
ger of  love.  The  early  called  would  seem  to  thera 
intrusted  with  new  privileges,  elevated  to  the  high 
office  of  watching  round  their  path  below,  and  wait- 
ing to  accompany  thera  at  last  up  to  their  dear  Fa- 
ther in  heaven. 

But  it  is  no  light  task  to  render  these  views  famil- 
iar and  operative  in  the  minds  of  the  young.  If  we 
would  have  all  events  and  influences  combine  to  this 
end,  we  must  inculcate  and  reiterate  in  their  hearing, 
and  by  our  own  conduct  also,  that  truth  which  Jesus 
laid  as  the  comer-stone  of  his  religion,  that  "  the 
kingdom  of  God  is  within  "us.  It  must  be  imbed- 
ded in  the  child's  heart,  that  his  good  or  ill  for  every 
stage  of  his  existence  will  depend  on  his  inward  con- 
dition. Nothing  is  more  difficult  than  to  make  a 
child  realize  this  ;  he  believes,  and  clings  with  deter- 
mination to  the  belief,  that,  if  he  can  only  gain  all  he 
desires  of  outward  possessions,  he  shall  want  no 
more.  All  his  troubles,  he  is  sure,  proceed  from 
abroad.  He  will  break  his  toy,  charging  that  with 
being  the  cause  of  those  sufferings  which  spring  only 
from  his  own  uncontrolled  passions. 

Now,  we  can  do  litde  on  the  plan  just  proposed, 
until  we  have  first  eradicated  these  false  ideas  of  the 


EDUCATE   JOINTLY   FOR   BOTH   WORLDS.  313 

source  of  happiness.  A  child  must  be  convinced, 
by  some  means,  that,  if  he  is  happy,  the  secret  of  it 
lies  in  his  own  breast  ;  let  him  see  distinctly  that 
nothing  whatever  can  satisfy  an  unhappy  disposition. 
When  he  is  peevish,  impatient,  dissatisfied  with 
every  person  and  every  thing  about  him,  turn  his 
thoughts  in  to  the  fountain  of  his  disquietude,  make 
all  his  experience  reveal  himself  to  himself,  and  con- 
vince him,  as  you  thus  can,  that  to  cultivate  peace 
within  is  to  bring  heaven  down  to  earth. 

I  cannot  forbear  adverting  once  more  to  the  im 
portance  of  inspiring  the  young  with  a  habit  of  oelf- 
culture  and  self-trust,  from  its  bearings  both  on  their 
temporal  and  spiritual  good.  Many  children  p;row 
jp  leaning  on  their  family  connections.  They  think 
it  enough  for  them  that  their  father  has  wealth,  or 
intellect,  or  office.  This  is  to  be  their  passport 
through  life  ;  wherever  it  is  known  from  what  family 
they  come,  they  will  be  sure  of  honor  and  success. 
They  are  proud  of  their  name,  perhaps  puffed  up  by 
their  ancestry.  But  how  vain  is  every  such  depend- 
ence !  Under  monarchical  governments  a  family 
name  and  rank  and  titles  secure  favor  and  success  ; 
but  in  this  land  they  avail,  at  most,  very  little. 

Every  boy  should  be  taught  that  he  must  have  a 
root  in  himself,  that  he  must  work  with  his  own 
hands  or  his  own  brain,  and  determine,  under  God, 
by  his  personal  efforts,  what  he  will  be.  In  his  spir- 
ilual  condition  and   destiny,  your  child  must  stand 


314  THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

alone.  He  is  a  responsible  being,  to  answer  for  him- 
self at  the  bar  of  Heaven.  Your  piety  will  not  be 
transferred  to  his  account  ;  he  cannot  pass,  on  the 
strength  of  your  character,  the  fearful  ordeals  of  the 
present  and  the  future.  Why,  then,  let  him  think  to 
make  a  pillar  of  you  in  his  secular  affairs  ?  Better 
you  were  the  poorest  of  the  poor,  so  that  he  knew  he 
could  not  depend  on  you  for  the  least  pecuniary  sup- 
port, than  that  he  trust  in  your  wealth,  and  grow  up 
feeble  in  mind  and  body,  a  mere  shadow  of  yourself. 
Help  him  liberally,  but  only  on  condition  that  he  will 
also  help  himself.  Teach  him  that  he  must  be  a  moral 
architect,  build  his  own  fortune,  start  where  you  did, 
work  as  you  have,  and  be  himself  a  master  in  busi- 
ness, qualified  to  be  the  independent  head  of  a  new 
and  honored  family. 

In  approaching  the  conclusion  of  this  volume,  I 
will  say  a  few  words  in  reply  to  an  objection  to  its 
views  and  plans  which  has  occurred,  undoubtedly,  to 
many  parents  as  they  have  read  its  several  chapters. 
*'  How  can  we  possibly  find  time  to  do  so  much 
personally  for  the  education  of  our  children  as  you 
would  require  ?  We  must  provide  for  the  outward 
wants  of  our  family  ;  and  to  do  this  we  must  labor 
constantly  in  the  workshop,  on  the  soil,  in  the  count- 
ing-room, or  wherever  our  occupation  calls  us.  We 
must  have,"  says  the  mother,  "  proper  food  and 
apparel  for  our  children,  and  suitable  furniture  and 
order  and  cleanliness  in  all  the  apartments  of  our 


EDUCATE   JOINTLY    FOR   BOTH   WORLDS.  315 

house.  These  things  we  must  secure,  and  when  we 
have  done  that,  we  find  we  have  httle  time  left  to  at- 
tend to  the  minds  and  morals  and  manners  of  our 
children." 

Alas  !  here  are  the  shoals  and  rocks  on  which  we 
wreck  our  vessel.  We  invert  the  order  of  Prov- 
idence ;  we  place  that  last  which  God  ranks  first. 
According  to  his  arrangement,  home  is  to  be  a 
means,  but  never  the  end,  of  life.  Its  duties  were 
intended,  not  to  overlay  and  stifle  the  inner  man,  but 
to  call  forth  its  powers,  to  perfect  it  in  virtue,  to 
qualify  it  for  heaven.  It  was  not  intended  that  we 
should  sacrifice  the  spirit  to  the  body  ;  both  the  out- 
ward and  the  inward  have  a  rightful  place  ;  the  two 
worlds  were  to  meet  at  the  fireside. 

I  do  not  believe  that  our  duties  ever  come  into  an 
unavoidable  conflict.  We  have  time  for  all  that  is 
required  of  us.  We  can  do  everything  necessary 
for  the  subsistence  and  comfort  of  our  families,  and 
still  form  in  ourselves  and  our  children  the  Christian 
character.  Were  this,  however,  untrue,  did  exigen- 
cies arise  in  which  either  the  outward  or  the  inward 
must  suffer  from  want  or  neglect,  no  sane  mind 
can  doubt  which  should  have  the  first  place  in  our 
care.  If  cases  do  actually  arise  in  which  we  must 
neglect  either  the  body  or  the  soul  of  a  child,  the 
gratification  of  his  palate  or  the  training  of  his  mind, 
his  clothing  or  his  character,  I  think  no  conscien- 
tious parent  will  hesitate  which  to  choose.     He  will 


\. 


316  »         THE    CHRISTIAN    PARENT. 

say  within  himself,  "  Plain  bread  and  water  from  the 
spring  shall  be  on  our  table,  and  the  coarsest  raiment 
in  our  wardrobe,  if  I  can  provide  nothing  better 
without  being  knowingly  unfaithful  to  the  moral  and 
spiritual  improvement  of  my  children." 

Some  things,  indeed,  in  regard  to  our  children,  we 
may  neglect  with  impunity.  We  are  anxious  to  lay 
up  property  for  their  sakes  ;  and  if  we  can  do  it 
without  detriment  to  their  characters,  let  it  be  done. 
But  we  can  leave  this  undone,  and,  in  the  prov- 
idence of  God,  it  may  prove  in  the  end  better  for 
them  than  the  largest  estate.  It  may  impress  on 
them  the  need  of  self-dependence,  and  compel  them 
to  work  with  their  own  hands,  and  thus  form  habits 
of  industry,  economy,  and  temperance.  We  desire, 
perhaps,  to  raise  them  in  the  social  scale,  and  to 
bring  them  into  the  circle  of  the  rich,  the  learned, 
and  the  distinguished.  We  have  ambitious  views  in 
regard  to  their  occupation  and  their  elevation  to 
places  of  honor  and  trust.  But  what  though  we  fail 
in  all  these  aspirations  ?  We  have  lost  only  what 
pertains  to  earth  and  to  the  perishable  man.  But, 
ah  !  if  we  fail  to  provide  for  their  immortal  interests 
and  their  spiritual  elevation,  —  if,  either  to  indulge 
them  or  to  spare  ourselves  labor,  we  leave  their 
minds  all  barren  of  divine  knowledge,  and  their 
hearts  frivolous  or  worldly,  —  if  we  permit  ease  or 
pride  or  lust  to  canker  their  souls,  —  then,  so  far  as 
they  are  concerned,  we  have  sacrificed  the  gold  for 


EDUCATE   JOINTLY    FOR   BOTH   WORLDS.  317 

the  sake  of  the  dross.  We  have  not  only  prepared 
a  bitter  cup  for  our  own  lips,  but  have  laid  up  a  for- 
tune for  them  that  will  turn  into  ashes. 

I  have  thus  far  admitted  that  the  right  education 
of  a  child  costs  his  parent  more  labor  and  hardship 
than  it  would  to  leave  him  to  himself.  But  I  will 
now  say,  —  and  observation  and  experience  confirm 
the  position,  —  that,  taking  the  whole  period  of  the 
child's  pupilage  into  the  account,  it  costs  less  labor 
and  hardship  to  train  him  up  in  the  right  than  in  the 
wrong  way. 

Obedience  has  been  set  forth  prominently  through- 
out this  volume,  as  a  pillar  in  the  temple  of  educa- 
tion. But  who  has  not  seen  that  those  children  who 
obey  their  parents  implicitly  are  managed  with  far 
more  ease  than  those  who  constantly  resist  parental 
authority  .''  It  requires,  I  admit,  some  decision  and 
energy  to  establish  one's  authority  firmly  over  a 
child  ;  it  cannot  be  done  with  most  children,  except 
by  persevering  labor.  But  when  it  is  done  once, 
it  is  done  for  ever.  Then  blows  are  not  needed, 
nor  are  many  words,  to  secure  uniform  obedience 
and  all  the  blessed  results  that  flow  from  it. 

Take,  on  the  other  hand,  a  child  who  has  never 
yielded  to  the  command  of  his  parent,  as  a  com- 
mand, and  what  is  more  difficult  than  to  educate 
him  aright  ?  The  mother  will  talk  incessantly  to  her 
intractable  little  boy  ;  she  will  now  coax  him,  and 
now  pursue  him  with  scoldings  ;  she  will  try  to  hire 


318  THE    CHKISTIAN    PARENT, 

him  by  cakes  and  toys  to  do  what  she  wishes  ;  she 
threatens  to  punish  him  ;  she  holds  up  the  authority 
of  the  father  in  terror  before  him  ;  she  tells  him 
wBat  trouble  he  gives  her,  and  appeals  alternately  to 
his  hopes  and  his  fears,  to  his  gratitude  and  his  sense 
of  respect.  By  every  device  and  plan  and  effort 
she  labors,  until  often  she  is  exhausted  and  discour- 
aged, to  induce  him  to  a  commendable  deportment. 
And  after  all  she  fails  ;  he  grows  up  disrespectful, 
selfish,  indolent,  the  very  reverse  of  what  her  heart 
desires.  She  permits  her  daughter,  until  she  be- 
comes a  young  woman,  to  cling  to  her  pillow  in  the 
morning,  not  having  the  energy  to  arouse  her  at  the 
proper  hour.  By  a  little  effort,  comparatively,  she 
might  have  made  her  an  early  riser.  But  now  she  is 
a  slave  to  this  child.  She  must  be  summoned  again 
and  again,  every  motive  appealed  to,  method  after 
method  tried,  to  induce  her  to  rise.  And  all  with- 
out success  ;  "A  little  more  sleep,  a  little  more 
slumber,"  is  the  daily  reply  to  her  calls.  The  pa- 
tience of  the  mother  is  wearied  out  ;  the  whole  fam- 
ily must  wait  for  the  over-indulged  daughter,  or  the 
table  stand  hours  for  her  convenience,  and  the  do- 
mestic arrangements  of  the  entire  morning  be  dis- 
turbed by  her  slothfulness. 

Now  all  this  labor  and  trouble  would  have  been 
spared  by  securing  in  the  infancy  of  her  children  a 
habit  of  obedience.  That  done,  a  word,  a  look 
even,  would  have  usually  sufficed  to  control  them. 


EDUCATE   JOINTLY   FOR   BOTH   WORLDS.  319 

The  first  steps  taken  right,  all  the  rest  had  been 
comparatively  easy.  For  the  sake,  then,  of  econ- 
omy, to  save  time  and  save  labor,  we  should  do  our 
work  with  a  child  faithfully.  If  we  teach  him  all  we 
think  he  ought  to  be  taught,  train  him  as  our  con- 
science dictates,  require  of  him  prompt  obedience, 
and  lead  him  to  self-government  from  the  very 
cradle,  we  shall  spare  ourselves  untold  labors  and 
anxieties,  and  at  the  same  time  lay  a  good  foundation 
for  him  in  this  world  and  the  world  to  come. 

Let  us  now  settle  well  in  our  minds  the  great  pur- 
pose of  this  life,  —  intellectual  advancement  and 
moral  and  religious  progress.  Never  may  we  forget 
that,  by  the  appointment  of  God,  they  are  to  be  made 
one,  inseparably  and  for  ever.  Life  and  death,  — 
united  by  Him,  let  them  not  be  disjoined  by  us  in 
our  efforts  to  educate  the  young.  Christ  calls  to  his 
arms  the  lambs  which  our  Father  hath  given  us. 
Why  should  we,  by  our  remissness,  forbid  them  to 
approach  him  ?  What  better  can  we  do  for  them, 
either  in  a  temporal  or  a  spiritual  regard,  than  to 
commit  them  to  his  charge  ?  As  we  would  prepare 
them  for  a  secular  avocation,  and  should  consider  it 
a  culpable  negligence  not  to  do  this,  so  let  us  train 
them  for  their  heavenly  calling.  God  has  done 
his  part  nobly  in  tl^e  nature  he  has  given  them  ; 
he  places  a  crown  of  glory  on  the  brow  of  each  of 
our  children  at  its  birth.  But  they  need  cherubims 
and  a  flaming  sword  turning  every  way  to  keep  for 


320  THE    CHKISTIAN   PARENT. 

them  the  tree  of  hfe.  Blessed  are  we  if  He  commit 
this  office  to  us  and  we  fill  it  with  fidelity.  Happy- 
shall  we  be  if,  when  they  go  forth  from  our  charge, 
whether  it  be  to  the  cares  and  toils  of  this  eventful 
world,  or,  among  the  early  called,  go  up  to  a  home 
in  unseen  and  spiritual  mansions,  we  can  give  them 
up  with  the  consciousness  of  having  done,  not  what 
we  desired,  but  what  we  could,  to  fit  them  for  the 
future.  And  then,  whether  on  that  high  course  they 
precede  or  follow  us,  sustained  by  this  inward  testi- 
mony we  can  endure  calmly  the  final  parting  ;  — 

"  If  orphans  they  are  left  behind, 
God's  guardian  care  we  trust ; 
That  care  shall  heal  our  bleeding  hearts, 
If  weeping  o'er  their  dust." 


THE  END. 


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